This is the chill song
Take a load off
This is the chill song
Take off them socks
This is the chill song
Crack open a cold one
This is the chill song
We goin' mellow out son
This is the chill song
Yeah, I keep it chill twenty four seven
Like 7-11, you can thank the heavens
Or just grab a Slurpee
Avoid prostitutes cause they got herpes
A wealth of common sense is what I am
Like Sam I Am, I'd like green eggs and ham
Reverse this, Shlomi Vince is Wowsham
The first shot to the hooker sounded like BAM!
Oh hitting women if off limits
It's ok, Eminem already did it
In a song people, too laid back to diss
Sit on toilets cause I'm too lazy to stand n piss
Hopefully you get this jist
But no need to get pissed
Act like you just got kissed, no homo
Need a replay of that in super slow-mo
This is the chill song
Take a load off
This is the chill song
Take off them socks
This is the chill song
Crack open a cold one
This is the chill song
We goin' mellow out son
This is the chill song
Verse 2, in case you lost track
Of what's been going on on this track
I try to never talk smack
Cause my talking smack usually lacks
But I do keep my facts
Straight, like a man in a room full of racks
Like schools are full of back packs
Or a mom's purse is filled with snacks
My lines and flow never relax
I never make errors, don't call me syntax
I don't have a gun, so I don't shoot up
And I don't shoot up, cause I'm not on crack
Means if I had a gun I'd shoot up crack
Most of ya'll thinking these lines is whack
I'd be lyin if I said "I'm countin' them stacks"
But this is the chill song so just chillax
This is the chill song
Take a load off
This is the chill song
Take off them socks
This is the chill song
Crack open a cold one
This is the chill song
We goin' mellow out son
This is the chill song
One more verse for the ladies slow dancing
And all the people out there romancing
Even if you hot I'll never be glancing
Cause every other time they said stop harassing
That's a joke so I hope you're all laughing
Hopefully you'll never catch me bragging
Or catch me drunk and staggering
And in the tabloid magazine
Cause I was causing a scene
But I digress, I'm calming down
So upside down you can turn that frown
This song is for ridin' around in town
But don't pack yourselves in one car like a clown
Uncovered in the flat, watch me score that touchdown
The crowd cheering for me like ya'll cheerin' for me now
Imma end this last verse by just saying ciao
This is the chill song
Take a load off
This is the chill song
Take off them socks
This is the chill song
Crack open a cold one
This is the chill song
We goin' mellow out son
This is the chill song
This is the chill song
Take a load off
This is the chill song
Take off them socks
This is the chill song
Crack open a cold one
This is the chill song
We goin' mellow out son
This is the chill song
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown 10/22/10
It's time, it's time, IT'S FAT JESUS TIME! And the Smackdown Lowdown is back after a month hiatus. Smackdown has gone from MyNettwork TV to SyFy, we've lost Christan to injury, and Matt Hardy to schizophrenia. But all is well as Smackdown is heading into Bragging Rights with a huge head of steam after RAW Monday. Will Smackdown keep the momentum, with Cole be a dick, will Vickie take her top off? All the questions will be answered and more on Smackdown, and I'll be there to recap it below. Now let's get the lowdown on Smackdown!
We start Smackdown with Team RAW, Team Smackdown, and "Buckle Up" Teddy in the ring. He informs us that Teddy won't be making the matches, but the superstars will. The Miz says that team RAW is giving Smackdown a rating boost just by being there. Miz goes onto say it will be The Miz, "The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus, and my man Ezekiel Jackson on a six man tag match against Big Show, "Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston, and Rey Mysterio. Edge then says he wants onoe one one match with CM Punk. Morrison then grabs the mic and says he wants the former Menuto member, Alberto Del Rio. Finally Jack Swagger says he wants the uni-brow toting him self Santino. Why is Tyler Reks not in a match? Oh yeah, R-Truth is banned from Canada.
Big Show/Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio beat The Miz/Sheamus/Ezekiel Jackson in a 3-on-3 tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Before the match Cole is pissed about not being introduced, I'm pissed Cole was ever born. I love how Kofi Kingston is wearing all red...I thought he was on Team Smackdown. I'm thinking again. In our first obligated, "out to the floor let's have a commercial break," Rey gives Sheamus a seated senton. Do the announcers call it? Naw they're bickering about Fantasy Football. Haha a "Vickie Guerrero ate my sign" sign. End match Kofi gets the hot tag to Big Show. He takes out Miz and Sheamus with backbody drops. Big Zeke tries to take out Rey, but Big Show stops him with a big boot. Miz rushes Big Show and gets a chokeslam for his troubles. Rey gets tagged in and he lets Rey do a splash of his shoulders onto Miz for the 1-2-3. After the match Cole bitches, we get a "Controlled Frenzy" from Cole @7:17 CDT and Smackdown rejoices.
They plug the Champion vs Champion match later tonight between Randy Orton and Kane. Should be a technical free for all.
Did I know? Cena was the first to join Michael Jordan at the top of Make a Wish? No, but nor do I care either.
They give us a flashback package to Hell in a Cell where Husky/Miglicutty (The hell if I know how to spell his name) cost Cena the match and Cole has a brain aneurysm at Cena joining Nexus. And I quote @7:25 CDT! They then show flashbacks of the last couple RAW were Barrett has been yelling at Cena, taunting him, and making him do his bidding, etc. They cut to last week where Orton/Cena won and afterward Barrett ordered Cena out of the ring and Nexus gave a beat down to poor old Orton. I cried...no I didn't.
"Goofy Smile" Josh Matthews is in the back with special guests, but there's no need to label them special, the Intercontinental Champ Dolph Ziggler and "The Emo Whale" Vickie Guerrero. They show what happened on RAW where Daniel Bryan, the United States Champion, challenged Dolph to the IC champ vs US champ match, aka The LeBelle Lock vs The Sleeper. Then Ziggler has some bad sports analogy saying he's gonna crush Bryan at the end.
Jack Swagger "The First Ever Lisp World Champ" w/The Swagger Soaring Eagle beat Santino in a singles match via tapout: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Oh baby! We got a show now, cause The All American American American American American Jack Swagger and the Swagger Soaring Eagle are here! Hey look Teddy Longs reffing this match, double duty tonight I see. Santino badly goes for a waist-lock takedown and Swagger owns him with a belly to belly take down. Hornswoggle comes out and hinders his own team from cheating...there's logic again. The Cobra hits the Eagle, then a tadpole splash! End match in the ring Santino hits a series of punches and a hip toss and hits Swagger with The People's Headbutt for a two count. Santino gets drop toe held into the Swagger Lock and Santino taps out. Afterward Hornswoggle scares Cole and Swagger makes sure the Swagger Soaring Eagle ok.
OH OHHHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! Grooming tips time with "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. This week he's sick of dry, cracked lips. Cody shows us how to put lip balm on and even goes as far to put lip gloss on over night to help the process. This man is a prodigy.
Alberto Del Rio beat John Morrison in a singles match via tapout: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
The personal ring announcer, exquisite cars, the fireworks, the smile, and the in-ring talent. Alberto Delllllll Rio is one helluva pick up by WWE. I love this guy. And Morrison is no slouch either, but his move over to RAW killed every ounce of awesomeness of his 2009 JoMo run on Smackdown. End match Cole calls a back heel kick a flash kick that Morrison hits on Del Rio for a two. Cole's a dumbass. Del Rio gets a quick two on Morrison. Del Rio then misses a step-up insiguri in the corner and Morrison goes for Starship pain. Del Rio get's his knees up and Morrison landed on his arm. Del Rio get's up and slaps on the corkscrew into the arm bar, and Morrison taps out. Decent match, wish Morrison was on Smackdown still so we could have more of this.
WWE Rewind is Big Show and Edge winning the impromptu battle royal Monday on RAW.
Edge beat CM Punk in singles match via DQ: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
These two are probably my two favorite stars in the WWE now, now that Shawn is retired, and Jericho is on hiatus. It could be a great match if they get 10 minutes. Cole you moron, you don't even know that that's a waist-lock takedown *rubs eyes* Mid-way through Edge hits a jawbreaker on Punk. Then Edge follows up with a big boot and calls for the spear. Punk ducks it and Edge bounces of the ropes, and Punk gets a two count off it. Both men take their time, and Punk throws a shoulder block. He then stomps on Edges hand and covers him for another two. Edge countered another shoulder block into a swinging neckbreaker. Punk takes control by hanging Edge up on the top rope. Edge falls to the floor, and low and behold we fall to commercial. We're back and Punk has Edge in a waist lock. Edge fights out with elbows, but takes two hard kicks from Punk. Punk hits a gutbuster on Edge for a two count. Punk goes for a springboard clotheslines and Edge counters it into a powerslam! Both men up and they're throwing bombs. Punk starts throwing kicks, Edge then hits a modified bulldog for a long two. Edge goes for Edgecution, Punk counters into the GTS, and Edge counters the counter into the Edge-O-Matic for a two. Punk takes down Edge for a two. Punk then with the running knee lift in the corner, Punk goes for the bulldog but it's countered by Edge into the Edgecution for a long two. Edge goes to the top rope, but Punk cuts him off and Edge landed on his stomach. Punk throws chops and tries a superplex and Edge counters into a facebuster. Edge is sick of this match and sets up for the spear. But Alex Riley and Miz pull Edge out and throws him into the barricade for the DQ
Afterward it's Finisher-fest. Kofi takes out CM Punk with Trouble in Paradise. Miz hits Kofi with the Skull Crushing Finale. Tyler Reks takes out Miz with a torture rack into a DDT. Morrison took out Reks with an around the world DDT. Del Rio takes out Morrison with a step up insiguri in the corner. Big Zeke takes out Del Rio with his spinebuster. Swagger takes out Santino and Big Zeke. Sheamus hits Swagger with the Blarney boot. Big Show takes out Big Zeke with a chokeslam, and Sheamus takes out Big Show with the Blarney Boot. Rey takes out Sheamus with the 619. CM Punk takes out Rey with the GTS and finally Edge wins the Finisher-fest for Smackdown with a spear on CM Punk.
Natalya/Kelly Kelly beat Natalya/Britta Hart in a Divas tag match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
We come back and Lay-Cool is dressed up as Natayla/Jim and Bret Hart. Striker says McCool looks like Otto from the Simpsons haha. Oh no, Kelly Kelly, the fear is now in the hearts of Lay-Cool. End match Natalya hits a one woman STO on Natalya and then hits a double underhook suplex on Natalya for a two. Natalya then takes out Natalya and slaps on the sharpshooter and Natalya taps out. Kelly Kelly did nothing but stand there and wear her semen covered clothes.
Did I know again! ...I don't care this time to even say something witty.
I'm not standing up for WWE. I'll be more than happy to stage a sit-in for those of us in the WWE Universe that don't want to stand up. Also 78% of us are over 18, only 22%, nowhere near majority are under 18. They side with the way smaller 22% and make it PG. Logic abounds!
Randy Orton (WWE Champion) beat Kane (World Heavyweight Champion) w/Paul Bearer in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Cole wants to thank all the men and woman in the armed forces. 6 million women, according to WWE, watch a week. And all of the armed forces only has one woman watching. Amazing. It's not the eve of Bragging Rights either you shit Cole, Saturday is the eve, today is just the Friday before Bragging Rights..oh God. Orton never hits the RKO after he beats his hands on the mat, and the proofs in the tape. Look Kane's playing Pong with Orton's body as we go into commercial! We come back and Orton's in a bear hug from Kane. Orton fights out, but gets blasted by Kane for a long two. Kane throws Orton in the corner and wails on him. Kane ends the onslaught with a hard Irish Whip into the corner. Orton fights back but Kane takes him down again. Kane the drags Orton to the outside and throws Orton into the steel steps. Kane the kicks Orton as he lays over the ring apron. All that gets a two count as Orton kicks out. Kane goes back to the bear hug and Orton fights out again. But after an Irish Whip Orton takes a huge backbreaker from Kane. Kane flys off the top rope and hit the clothesline on Orton for another long two count. And Kane's sick of this match, Orton fights outta the chokeslam and hits Kane with a back elbow in the corner. Orton then hit Kane with two clotheslines and a snap powerslam. Orton then hits a VINTAGE (@8:56 CDT) second rope DDT. Orton calls for the RKO again, but takes a big boot. Kane is about to hit Orton with the chokeslam when the bell tolls and the lights go out. When they come back on, Orton is stalking him and hits the RKO for the win.
After the match Kane stalks ring side looking for Undertaker. The lights go out and the bells tolls. Suddenly outta nowhere Undertaker pops out from hell and drags a struggling Kane down with him! We end Smackdown with Kane and Undertaker down in the black pits of hell!
Smackdown Rating: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: N/R
I really liked Smackdown this week. A lot of in-ring action. I know it's a lot to ask for on a wrestling show, but somehow Smackdown manages to do it. They kept the promos limited, but with the Finisher-fest and the flashbacks to RAW and promos for the buried alive match kept us in tune with what's going on on Sunday. Edge and Punk had a GREAT match, Finisher-fest was awesome, Morrison and Del Rio was decent as was Orton and Kane to end the show. The ending though with Undertaker dragging Kane under the ring, I presume to hell was lame and funny as hell. So all in all good Smackdown and good show leading in the PPV, Bragging Rights, this Sunday.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
http://www.twitter.com/_FatJesus_
I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Cyhi Da Prynce- Royal Flush (Official Mixtape) [A Fat Jesus Album Review]
Cyhi Da Prynce is new on the 2010 scene, but has been around for awhile. He signed with Kanye West's GOOD Music label and caught my attention from Kanye's GOOD Friday track "So Appalled", and since last Friday, "Take One For the Team." So when I got confirmation that Royal Flush was official I had to get it.
To start off Cyhi's got good flow, good lines/choruses, almost has a KiD CuDi vibe going, and has a good enough singing voice for choruses and such. First track, "Ring Bellz", he samples MLK and then goes into a 3ish minute bar-fest which is good. This is easily the best on the mixtape. The problem throughout the rest of the mixtape is nothing really stands out. It's not bad, like I said he has good lines and choruses, just jumps out at my ears. He goes from slow jam beats, to club beats, to southern beats, etc. He needs to stick to one style IMO. Sure it's a mixtape and he's experimenting with what works best, but this is also why mixtapes can't be rated high and such, or considered masterpieces. It's a good listen regardless, even though a lot of the early going to the middle tracks run together.
Best Tracks:
Ring Bellz
Sideways
So Original
Hero
Chance to Explain
Top of the World
So Appalled (Kanye West ft. Cyhi Da Prynce, Jay-Z, RZA, Pusha T, and Swizz Beatz)
Line of the album, from "Ring Bellz":
"Haters wanna ride on me like Yoshi, cause I got their girl running routes like Stokely"
Runner up, from "Hero":
"9 times outta 10 we die by assassination, so catch a bullet like Patrick Crayton"
Cyhi Da Prynce, under the tutelage now of Kanye, Common, and Pusha T will undoubtedly improve from now onward, and hopefully his first album release will be more cohesive and focused. Also as an FYI I don't rate mixtapes over 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars, so this is one of the mixtapes I really like.
Fat Jesus' Rating for Cyhi Da Prynce- Royal Flush: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Commentfest 10/19/10
RIP The Grand Festival of Comments 2009-2010. A moment of silence to an old friend...........how long's it been? (Not yet my friend!)
We all know at the end both teams are gonna come out and beat the crap out of each other...very predictable (He got the beginning right)
Commentfest has been released from TheJohnReport.net. We wish it the best of luck in it's future endeavors. (Insert Matt Hardy joke)
Does that make Fozzie the Vince Russo of Commentfest? (Yes it does)
With apologies to Bill Goldberg, YOU DA MAN, MFJD!!! (Flattery always works on Fat Jesus)
No more commentfest? This makes me as sad as when Cena lost to Barret. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! (Then cut to them crying on screen please)
AND I QUOTE @8:02 CDT!
Michael Cole-1 Commentfest-0 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (More like Commentfest- 857,976|Cole- 1)
Shouldn't Teddy just throw out that piece of paper?
No Swagger Soaring Eagle? This is pure BULLSHIT. (It's the reason we all watch Smackdown)
TEDDY AUTO STAR OF THE NIGHT SHUTTING OFF THE GM
MIZ gets a star for naming all the smurfs
Sweet Son of Shit. Did Cole just warn viewers that the following video would be "disturbing"? God, I want to toss him into a vat of acid. (Creative Cole killing is always amazing)
Are we forgetting that Cole's supposed to be able to get GM emails on his phone? Just checking. (Yes sir.)
So, A-RY replaced R-Truth? (Nope Truth wasn't allowed in Canada, literally...I'm not kidding)
King called Long a "waste of skin." Apparently Michael Hayes has some influence on RAW's announce team as well. (Vintage racism)
I'd trim Natalya's beard...heh heh heh. (Sexual innuendos always make it)
Was that Big Show/Miz promo a commercial for the Cena/Nexus promo? (Shameless pandering at Fat Jesus from Fat Jesus)
John Cena got that water fast than when Chris Benoit took a pee and drank some coffee (Who is this Chris Benoit?)
Ouch.. Hulk Cena you don't wanna fuck with him. I heard one time he kicked out of a 3 count and the person on top fell on the Spanish announcers table. fact or fiction?
Fact, it was at small show down in Tijuana. No one has pictures, but a whole crowd saw it.
"Bret screwed Bret" sign in Calgary. Nice. (We needs a "Vince screwed Linda" sign in Hartford now, works of multiple levels)
Vintage @ 8:58 CDT!
If I was Wade Barret, I'd make Cena do the hokey-pokey in the middle of the ring. Just for lulz. And to prove that that would get more ratings than anything TNA did.
We know why Cena can't help him. But why can't anyone else? Sorry, I've been thinking again. (You are forgiven)
Wendy Slater just gave Orton the "Baconator"!
I thought Cole liked Vickie...wait there he goes. From face to heel in the span of three seconds. Dumb fuck.
LANCE STORM catchphrase FTW!!!
Wow it looks like a hooker convention in the ring (Only thing missing was Ron Jeremy)
Oh no! Watch out, Natalya! You have to face the undefined Diva's champion!
VINTAGE @9:30 CDT!
VINTAGE
DUDEBUSTERS.....FTW......chris master WTF
Wasn't Vince suppose to be out here tonight? (Bret was supposed to be there too. Oh WWE.com you silly goose)
The Flame sighting! LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP!
I miss Bra and panties matches. There, I said it.
"20 WWE books have reached the NY Times best-seller list" ...with 17 of those being written by Mick Foley.
Cena would no sell that driving off the grand canyon like Junior Seau no sold that driving off a cliff earlier today (Haha)
I thought Gary Coleman died?? (He sells better than Cena in the ring)
PRIMO SIGHTING 10:47 EASTERN
Is Mark Henry still a huge threat even though he's not there? What am I saying? Of course he is.
Is Hornswoggle trying to kiss Cantonia's ass? Cause it's working!
Hornswoggle is better than Mike Tenay
There goes Fesuts...wonder when Matt Hardy's gonna come out to save the da...oh.
Damn.. WWE over.. now to delete 300 emails of fb updates. (We end Commentfest like we started it, saying "Damn"...thanks for posting Ron Simmons)
_____________________________________
It would help if there were more than 4 people posting and we get about 1000 comments like normal. Haha. We only got 400ish tonight, so it was slim pickens for good stuff. So Commentfest lives! Post every one, and I'll get it to John for The Raw Deal Tuesday's.
That's it for this Commentfest. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. I'm trying to get back in the habit of doing Smackdown on Friday and RAW on Monday if you wanna stay at my blog and read those. I do movie, tv, and music reviews occasionally as well. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
http://www.twitter.com/_FatJesus_
I'm Matt "Fat Jesus" Day, and thanks for reading Cantonites and my disciples!
We all know at the end both teams are gonna come out and beat the crap out of each other...very predictable (He got the beginning right)
Commentfest has been released from TheJohnReport.net. We wish it the best of luck in it's future endeavors. (Insert Matt Hardy joke)
Does that make Fozzie the Vince Russo of Commentfest? (Yes it does)
With apologies to Bill Goldberg, YOU DA MAN, MFJD!!! (Flattery always works on Fat Jesus)
No more commentfest? This makes me as sad as when Cena lost to Barret. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! (Then cut to them crying on screen please)
AND I QUOTE @8:02 CDT!
Michael Cole-1 Commentfest-0 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (More like Commentfest- 857,976|Cole- 1)
Shouldn't Teddy just throw out that piece of paper?
No Swagger Soaring Eagle? This is pure BULLSHIT. (It's the reason we all watch Smackdown)
TEDDY AUTO STAR OF THE NIGHT SHUTTING OFF THE GM
MIZ gets a star for naming all the smurfs
Sweet Son of Shit. Did Cole just warn viewers that the following video would be "disturbing"? God, I want to toss him into a vat of acid. (Creative Cole killing is always amazing)
Are we forgetting that Cole's supposed to be able to get GM emails on his phone? Just checking. (Yes sir.)
So, A-RY replaced R-Truth? (Nope Truth wasn't allowed in Canada, literally...I'm not kidding)
King called Long a "waste of skin." Apparently Michael Hayes has some influence on RAW's announce team as well. (Vintage racism)
I'd trim Natalya's beard...heh heh heh. (Sexual innuendos always make it)
Was that Big Show/Miz promo a commercial for the Cena/Nexus promo? (Shameless pandering at Fat Jesus from Fat Jesus)
John Cena got that water fast than when Chris Benoit took a pee and drank some coffee (Who is this Chris Benoit?)
Ouch.. Hulk Cena you don't wanna fuck with him. I heard one time he kicked out of a 3 count and the person on top fell on the Spanish announcers table. fact or fiction?
Fact, it was at small show down in Tijuana. No one has pictures, but a whole crowd saw it.
"Bret screwed Bret" sign in Calgary. Nice. (We needs a "Vince screwed Linda" sign in Hartford now, works of multiple levels)
Vintage @ 8:58 CDT!
If I was Wade Barret, I'd make Cena do the hokey-pokey in the middle of the ring. Just for lulz. And to prove that that would get more ratings than anything TNA did.
We know why Cena can't help him. But why can't anyone else? Sorry, I've been thinking again. (You are forgiven)
Wendy Slater just gave Orton the "Baconator"!
I thought Cole liked Vickie...wait there he goes. From face to heel in the span of three seconds. Dumb fuck.
LANCE STORM catchphrase FTW!!!
Wow it looks like a hooker convention in the ring (Only thing missing was Ron Jeremy)
Oh no! Watch out, Natalya! You have to face the undefined Diva's champion!
VINTAGE @9:30 CDT!
VINTAGE
DUDEBUSTERS.....FTW......chris master WTF
Wasn't Vince suppose to be out here tonight? (Bret was supposed to be there too. Oh WWE.com you silly goose)
The Flame sighting! LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP!
I miss Bra and panties matches. There, I said it.
"20 WWE books have reached the NY Times best-seller list" ...with 17 of those being written by Mick Foley.
Cena would no sell that driving off the grand canyon like Junior Seau no sold that driving off a cliff earlier today (Haha)
I thought Gary Coleman died?? (He sells better than Cena in the ring)
PRIMO SIGHTING 10:47 EASTERN
Is Mark Henry still a huge threat even though he's not there? What am I saying? Of course he is.
Is Hornswoggle trying to kiss Cantonia's ass? Cause it's working!
Hornswoggle is better than Mike Tenay
There goes Fesuts...wonder when Matt Hardy's gonna come out to save the da...oh.
Damn.. WWE over.. now to delete 300 emails of fb updates. (We end Commentfest like we started it, saying "Damn"...thanks for posting Ron Simmons)
_____________________________________
It would help if there were more than 4 people posting and we get about 1000 comments like normal. Haha. We only got 400ish tonight, so it was slim pickens for good stuff. So Commentfest lives! Post every one, and I'll get it to John for The Raw Deal Tuesday's.
That's it for this Commentfest. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. I'm trying to get back in the habit of doing Smackdown on Friday and RAW on Monday if you wanna stay at my blog and read those. I do movie, tv, and music reviews occasionally as well. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
http://www.twitter.com/_FatJesus_
I'm Matt "Fat Jesus" Day, and thanks for reading Cantonites and my disciples!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Fat Jesus Books TNAs Main Event Scene
Fat Jesus is about to drop a booking bomb for TNA in regards with Jeff being heel, "They", Anderson and Angle. This is how it should've gone down IMO.
Should've had Jeff win underhandedly without "They" interfering at BFG. Kept "They" secret during Jeff's title run, what two maybe three months, ending with Angle winning it. All the while "They" is on Jeff's side. We know "They" is there, we just don't know who they are. Next Impact they have a No.1 Contenders match between Jeff/Anderson. Anderson will lose to Jeff due to interference. Leading to an immediate rematch, maybe the next Impact, better at the PPV. Angle retains. "They" reveal themselves and turn on Jeff. Anderson helps cause he's sick of playing third fiddle to Hardy/Angle. Anderson's heel. And BAM, Jeff's face again. "They" go on and tag Angle/Jeff in matches with heels sent out by "They", handicap matches, 3 on 1 matches, etc. Anderson beats jobbers and such, and wins a BS tourney or over the top rope battle royal, not even involving Jeff cause someone took him out beforehand. Of course it was Anderson and "They". Jeff still comes out, but is the last to be eliminated by Anderson. Now Anderson gets title match against Angle at the next PPV. He wins, probably in a heel way, and the Asshole Army rejoices.
That's it for this random blog. Been awhile, but who cares no one reads it haha. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
http://www.twitter.com/_FatJesus_
Should've had Jeff win underhandedly without "They" interfering at BFG. Kept "They" secret during Jeff's title run, what two maybe three months, ending with Angle winning it. All the while "They" is on Jeff's side. We know "They" is there, we just don't know who they are. Next Impact they have a No.1 Contenders match between Jeff/Anderson. Anderson will lose to Jeff due to interference. Leading to an immediate rematch, maybe the next Impact, better at the PPV. Angle retains. "They" reveal themselves and turn on Jeff. Anderson helps cause he's sick of playing third fiddle to Hardy/Angle. Anderson's heel. And BAM, Jeff's face again. "They" go on and tag Angle/Jeff in matches with heels sent out by "They", handicap matches, 3 on 1 matches, etc. Anderson beats jobbers and such, and wins a BS tourney or over the top rope battle royal, not even involving Jeff cause someone took him out beforehand. Of course it was Anderson and "They". Jeff still comes out, but is the last to be eliminated by Anderson. Now Anderson gets title match against Angle at the next PPV. He wins, probably in a heel way, and the Asshole Army rejoices.
That's it for this random blog. Been awhile, but who cares no one reads it haha. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
http://www.twitter.com/_FatJesus_
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown 9/3/10
Coming off a terrible, truly horrible 900th RAW we have the best WWE show, Smackdown! In on month it's going to SyFy. For now it's still on networks and killing RAW in every aspect, even with the crappy Undertaker/Kane feud starting. Anywho let's get on with the lowdown on Smackdown.
We open with the recap of the story so far..aka the The Undertaker/Kane fued. They had a formal debate last week on if the Devil likes either of them more.
We start out with Alberto Delllllllllllllllllllllllllll Rio and a huge party is going on in the ring. It's probably to celebrate that he took out Rey last week. Oh look! A nifty recap of last week. He says he proved that Mysterio is weak and a bad model of all Mexicans. He said to him, Rey is like an animal, like a donkey pinata. Del Rio then hits the pinata and a bunch of poor Mexican kids bum rush the ring. Del Rio then demands a glass of champagne and flaunts his riches. Cue Christian to interrupt. He says he wants to introduce himself. He calls him Juan Charles Layfield (I CALLED HIM THIS!) and compared him to Enrique Iglesias. Christian says he didn't come out to eat his s***ty food and marvel his cars. He says he's pissed that he took out Rey, and that he can hit all the pinata's he wants, but it's not the same as taking out Rey. Juan says that Christan wants to end up like Rey. Christian says that he thinks he challenging him to a fight. They circle each other, and then Del Rio backs down. He says they'll be another time and place and that Christian will pay for this. As Del Rio is going up the ramps Drew McIntyre hits Christian from behind and throws him outta the ring, to be taunted by Del Rio.
Christian beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We see that Drew took out Christian during the break. The ref is asking him if he wants to still fights. He says yes, gets in the ring, and the match starts. End match Drew comes off the top rope and gets to boots from Christian. Christian throws bombs, and kicks. But nice from Drew to catch Drew with one arm and still give him the backbreaker for a long two. On the outside Drew gets leg swept onto the announce table. Christan goes for the Killswitch, but Drew counters it with a nice gut buster. Finally Drew get's taken down into a jack-knife cover for the pinfall!
Michelle McCool (Co-Womens Champion) w/Layla (Co-Womens Champion) beat Kelly Kelly in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Aw God...literally I said that when her music hit. Nice to see she got the sperm out of her hair. All I know is Layla sounds so cute on the mic and McCool got the 1-2-3 off the Styles Cla-err Faith Breaker on Kelly Kelly.
We get the same goddamn video package of them going to China, idgaf. Haha they showed Eve monkey-flipping Alicia Fox. So racist..and hilarious.
Jesus God, the divas match into the stupid video package, into that goddamn 24-year old midget acting like a retarded monkey having sex with a tree. This is f**king brutal. Electroshock therapy, then a black man with a midget running from a crime scene where an old man is being killed. Vintage stupidity.
Dolf Ziggler (Intercontinental Champion) w/Vickie Guerrero beat Chris Masters in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We come back to the Titty Dancer himself, Chris Masters, in the ring and we even get some heel heat from Vickie Guerrero towards your Intercontinental Champion, Dolf Ziggler. Vince would be busting a nut over that press slam by Masters...if he were awake. End match Masters keeps himself from locking in The Masterlock. It looked very cheeseball Dolf pushes off the top rope and lands on Masters. Ziggler then hits the Zig Zag on Masters for the win.
The Big Show beat CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/Joseph Mercury in a 2-on-1 handicap match via submission: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Big Show comes out, the Straight Edge Society comes out blah blah. Wonder where that Serena chick went? The recap of the great Punk promo, oh wait they showed none of the good parts. They showed Big Show Hulking up...and rofl that Grisham and Striker can't say Hogan's name. Props to Striker for calling that The Vulcan Nerve Pinch! Basically it's a big game of cat and mouse on the outside. End match Show clotheslines Gallows three times. Then splashes him in the corner and steamrolls him with a shoulder knock down. He hits CM Punk off the apron and the hits an inverted powerbomb on Gallows. Then Show slaps on the Colossal Clutch and Gallows taps out. Afterward CM Punk gives Gallows the GTS and walks out. Solid match, sad they're breaking up SES though.
We have The VIP Lounge with Jack Swagger and his old, screwed up father. Really still in a neckbreak and wheelchair from a chokeslam from like 2 months ago? Really? The Jack Swagger Senior Invitational is a brilliant name btw. "The current Perry, Ok. senior citizen arm wrestling champion", hahahahaha. Swagger introduces his dad and tells him before he's interrupted this is his moment. Swagger senior says he's been proud of Swagger ever since he was 9 and broke the Oklahoma consecutive push-up record. Swagger Sr. starts counting while Swagger does push ups, riveting television. MVP comes out and says that he's turned The VIP Lounge into a lame kiss-ass-fest. Haha at Swagger using his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. Swagger launches his dad into MVP. Swagger then charges MVP and goes over the top rope. MVP plays to the crowd and hits the Ballin' Elbow on Swagger Sr. while Swagger escapes up the ramp.
"Dashing" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
If the steel step thing happened to Cena he'd be sprinting to the ring the next night. OH OHHHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! "Dashing" walks down to the ring and calls Matt Hardy face ugly, full of facial hair crop circles and that he carries around two spare tires when he's traveling. He tell us that Matt Hardy isn't version 1 anymore, he's version done. Great, great promo. ROFLMFAO WWE so totally spoiled that it'll be Randy Orton v Sheamus in a Hell in a Cell match at Hell in a Cell in Dallas next month. Haha. End match Cody moves out of the way from Matt's elbow drop from the ropes. Then Cody drops a knee from the second rope on Matts injured ankle and the hits Cross Rhodes for the win.
Kanes comes out...err on the tron and he has a huge announcement. Maybe we'll get the second part of his and 'Takers debate from last week. Then'll we'll vote in November on who really is The Devil's right hand man. He says that the Apocalypse is upon us is The Undertaker finally being crushed at Night of Champions. This is so dumb. Kane has wanted Undertakers powers, more than he'll ever know. I guess that mean he wants McCool in an SnM bondage position in the middle of a pentagram? The druids wheel a casket out to the ring (FREAKING SLOWLY) as Kane heckles on the tron. My screen has a seizure and Kane popped out of the casket...still heckling. Kane says he wishes he could see his brothers face when he realizes that he now walks in Kane's shadow. No longer, he says, that he is the number two brother. Now all he sees when he looks at Undertaker is weakness. Kane then shows when Barret hits the Wasteland and Gabriel hits the 450 Splash on Undertaker on RAW. He says he knew the whole time that Undertaker is a little bitch and that Kane took all his powers. And then when this long boring saga is over the phenom will be no more. Kane then starts scream that there is nothing Undertaker can do to stop him. The bell tolls and the lights go out, cuing the Undertaker to walk out to the ring...again FREAKING SLOWLY! And he looks kind-of pissed. Probably about the SnM fantasy Kane has towards Michelle. As 'Taker storms the ring the lights go out and Kane is gone. Undertaker slows approaches the casket, ready to attack Kane. But he's not in there. Kane then comes on the tron and says that they used to be called The Brothers of Destruction. But after Night of Champions he'll only be knows as the brother he destroyed.
Smackdown Rating: 6.5/10 or 3.25/5 Stars
Last Week: N/R
It was a very solid Smackdown. The matches were all pretty good, and all the promos were done well. Especially Christian/Del Rio, Swagger/Swagger Sr. (before MVP came out) and "Dashing" Cody's promo on Hardy. Even the Kane/Undertaker is alright, albeit BORING. I was gonna give it 7/10, but the stretch from the Divas match till the damned Hornswoggle/"Buckle Up" Teddy s*** was...well s***. Still a fairly good show and about a million times better than RAWs 900th-ish episode on Monday.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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We open with the recap of the story so far..aka the The Undertaker/Kane fued. They had a formal debate last week on if the Devil likes either of them more.
We start out with Alberto Delllllllllllllllllllllllllll Rio and a huge party is going on in the ring. It's probably to celebrate that he took out Rey last week. Oh look! A nifty recap of last week. He says he proved that Mysterio is weak and a bad model of all Mexicans. He said to him, Rey is like an animal, like a donkey pinata. Del Rio then hits the pinata and a bunch of poor Mexican kids bum rush the ring. Del Rio then demands a glass of champagne and flaunts his riches. Cue Christian to interrupt. He says he wants to introduce himself. He calls him Juan Charles Layfield (I CALLED HIM THIS!) and compared him to Enrique Iglesias. Christian says he didn't come out to eat his s***ty food and marvel his cars. He says he's pissed that he took out Rey, and that he can hit all the pinata's he wants, but it's not the same as taking out Rey. Juan says that Christan wants to end up like Rey. Christian says that he thinks he challenging him to a fight. They circle each other, and then Del Rio backs down. He says they'll be another time and place and that Christian will pay for this. As Del Rio is going up the ramps Drew McIntyre hits Christian from behind and throws him outta the ring, to be taunted by Del Rio.
Christian beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We see that Drew took out Christian during the break. The ref is asking him if he wants to still fights. He says yes, gets in the ring, and the match starts. End match Drew comes off the top rope and gets to boots from Christian. Christian throws bombs, and kicks. But nice from Drew to catch Drew with one arm and still give him the backbreaker for a long two. On the outside Drew gets leg swept onto the announce table. Christan goes for the Killswitch, but Drew counters it with a nice gut buster. Finally Drew get's taken down into a jack-knife cover for the pinfall!
Michelle McCool (Co-Womens Champion) w/Layla (Co-Womens Champion) beat Kelly Kelly in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Aw God...literally I said that when her music hit. Nice to see she got the sperm out of her hair. All I know is Layla sounds so cute on the mic and McCool got the 1-2-3 off the Styles Cla-err Faith Breaker on Kelly Kelly.
We get the same goddamn video package of them going to China, idgaf. Haha they showed Eve monkey-flipping Alicia Fox. So racist..and hilarious.
Jesus God, the divas match into the stupid video package, into that goddamn 24-year old midget acting like a retarded monkey having sex with a tree. This is f**king brutal. Electroshock therapy, then a black man with a midget running from a crime scene where an old man is being killed. Vintage stupidity.
Dolf Ziggler (Intercontinental Champion) w/Vickie Guerrero beat Chris Masters in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We come back to the Titty Dancer himself, Chris Masters, in the ring and we even get some heel heat from Vickie Guerrero towards your Intercontinental Champion, Dolf Ziggler. Vince would be busting a nut over that press slam by Masters...if he were awake. End match Masters keeps himself from locking in The Masterlock. It looked very cheeseball Dolf pushes off the top rope and lands on Masters. Ziggler then hits the Zig Zag on Masters for the win.
The Big Show beat CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/Joseph Mercury in a 2-on-1 handicap match via submission: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Big Show comes out, the Straight Edge Society comes out blah blah. Wonder where that Serena chick went? The recap of the great Punk promo, oh wait they showed none of the good parts. They showed Big Show Hulking up...and rofl that Grisham and Striker can't say Hogan's name. Props to Striker for calling that The Vulcan Nerve Pinch! Basically it's a big game of cat and mouse on the outside. End match Show clotheslines Gallows three times. Then splashes him in the corner and steamrolls him with a shoulder knock down. He hits CM Punk off the apron and the hits an inverted powerbomb on Gallows. Then Show slaps on the Colossal Clutch and Gallows taps out. Afterward CM Punk gives Gallows the GTS and walks out. Solid match, sad they're breaking up SES though.
We have The VIP Lounge with Jack Swagger and his old, screwed up father. Really still in a neckbreak and wheelchair from a chokeslam from like 2 months ago? Really? The Jack Swagger Senior Invitational is a brilliant name btw. "The current Perry, Ok. senior citizen arm wrestling champion", hahahahaha. Swagger introduces his dad and tells him before he's interrupted this is his moment. Swagger senior says he's been proud of Swagger ever since he was 9 and broke the Oklahoma consecutive push-up record. Swagger Sr. starts counting while Swagger does push ups, riveting television. MVP comes out and says that he's turned The VIP Lounge into a lame kiss-ass-fest. Haha at Swagger using his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. Swagger launches his dad into MVP. Swagger then charges MVP and goes over the top rope. MVP plays to the crowd and hits the Ballin' Elbow on Swagger Sr. while Swagger escapes up the ramp.
"Dashing" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
If the steel step thing happened to Cena he'd be sprinting to the ring the next night. OH OHHHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! "Dashing" walks down to the ring and calls Matt Hardy face ugly, full of facial hair crop circles and that he carries around two spare tires when he's traveling. He tell us that Matt Hardy isn't version 1 anymore, he's version done. Great, great promo. ROFLMFAO WWE so totally spoiled that it'll be Randy Orton v Sheamus in a Hell in a Cell match at Hell in a Cell in Dallas next month. Haha. End match Cody moves out of the way from Matt's elbow drop from the ropes. Then Cody drops a knee from the second rope on Matts injured ankle and the hits Cross Rhodes for the win.
Kanes comes out...err on the tron and he has a huge announcement. Maybe we'll get the second part of his and 'Takers debate from last week. Then'll we'll vote in November on who really is The Devil's right hand man. He says that the Apocalypse is upon us is The Undertaker finally being crushed at Night of Champions. This is so dumb. Kane has wanted Undertakers powers, more than he'll ever know. I guess that mean he wants McCool in an SnM bondage position in the middle of a pentagram? The druids wheel a casket out to the ring (FREAKING SLOWLY) as Kane heckles on the tron. My screen has a seizure and Kane popped out of the casket...still heckling. Kane says he wishes he could see his brothers face when he realizes that he now walks in Kane's shadow. No longer, he says, that he is the number two brother. Now all he sees when he looks at Undertaker is weakness. Kane then shows when Barret hits the Wasteland and Gabriel hits the 450 Splash on Undertaker on RAW. He says he knew the whole time that Undertaker is a little bitch and that Kane took all his powers. And then when this long boring saga is over the phenom will be no more. Kane then starts scream that there is nothing Undertaker can do to stop him. The bell tolls and the lights go out, cuing the Undertaker to walk out to the ring...again FREAKING SLOWLY! And he looks kind-of pissed. Probably about the SnM fantasy Kane has towards Michelle. As 'Taker storms the ring the lights go out and Kane is gone. Undertaker slows approaches the casket, ready to attack Kane. But he's not in there. Kane then comes on the tron and says that they used to be called The Brothers of Destruction. But after Night of Champions he'll only be knows as the brother he destroyed.
Smackdown Rating: 6.5/10 or 3.25/5 Stars
Last Week: N/R
It was a very solid Smackdown. The matches were all pretty good, and all the promos were done well. Especially Christian/Del Rio, Swagger/Swagger Sr. (before MVP came out) and "Dashing" Cody's promo on Hardy. Even the Kane/Undertaker is alright, albeit BORING. I was gonna give it 7/10, but the stretch from the Divas match till the damned Hornswoggle/"Buckle Up" Teddy s*** was...well s***. Still a fairly good show and about a million times better than RAWs 900th-ish episode on Monday.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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Monday, August 30, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 8/30/10 [Record Breaking 900th Episide Cementing it as the Longest Running Weekly Episodic Television Show in History]
Ah 900 episodes, even if WWE hasn't done 900, hell they've might be over 900s, it's still a feat. Get ready to hear Cole say "record breaking", and "longest running weekly episodic television show in history" like 900 times. I'll note every time he says one of the phrases with a "[x]". Anywho, enough of this..and I quote, let's lay down the Raw.
[1] Wow we start off the promos with one. God help us all. [2] King busts his nut over the mian event later tonight, and Bret Hart's music hits. I'd be excited if it were January..alas it isn't. [3] He talks about how 17 years ago RAW debuts, and he wondered if it would be a hit. He says it's cause of us it's still going terrible...I mean good. He says himself and HBK..er Undertaker were the only two left on the roster was on the first RAW. Kanes, the World Heavyweight Champion, music hits and maybe we'll hear a live debate on who the devil likes more. Kane says that there is no more Undertaker, and he's no longer a "Phenom". Kane says all he is now is broken down old pussy. Haha I wish, he just called him a man. Kane then compares the Hitman to 'Taker as weak, feeble, over the hill, and a pussy. Haha, again I wish. He said that the last time he was any good, was when he sent Shawn Michaels into retirement. bret says that he can't wait for Kane to get beat by Undertaker, as usual. Kane says all he's ever wanted to do is be out of Undertakers penis shadow. Is this catching on? Kane says he's gonna take out Bret like 'Taker did Shawn. The Hart Dynasty comes out to save Bret, but do nothing. The lights go out and the crowd goes nuts. Undertaker is in the ring and him and Kane have a lovers stare down. Kane leaves, as the GM IMs "The Great Dumbass" Cole. AND I QUOTE @8:11 CDT! He/she/it/they inform us that tonight they're will be an historic match for the historic RAW. Undertaker vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart. I'll bet anyone $500 it ends in a DQ.
We get clips from episodes of RAW. The debut, and the great Austin Zamboni attack.
The Miz (Mr. Money in the Bank/United States Champion)/Alex Riley beat Kaval/Daniel Bryan and Kofi Kingston/Joe Hennig Jr. in a triple threat tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stas
OMFG I'm have a great f***ing wrestler tagging in a match-gasm. Too bad they won't win. Haha Cole's bitching, it's the best part of RAW and NXT tbh. Cause God knows he doesn't call moves right and sucks on the shtick. Haha Miz can't tag himself in, but good try. End match Migilcutty (the hell if I know how to spell his stupid ring-name) rolls up Kaval for a two. Kaval kicks Migilcutty and then hits The Warrior's Way. Miz then comes in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall.
Afterward, Bryan throws Riley out of the ring, while Cole busts a nut, and Miz hits Bryan with the Money in the Bank briefcase. [4]
We have recap of Melina beating Jillian and ay-Cool telling them they have something FLAWLESS planned for tonight.
Team Lay-Cool (The Co-Womens Champions) vs Melina (Divas Champion)/Eve Torres in a divas tag team match: 0.1/10 or PoS/5 Stars
Cole thing Lay-Cool calling Melina "Lady Wawa", oh s***t the match is over...in to minutes...off a roll-up..and everyone didn't get tagged it. I hate RAW.
REAL TALK though! They challenge Melina, this is shocking really, to a unification match. Melina says she's prepared, God this is brutal. Melina says it'll be a Lumberjack match. Lumberjill you dumb whore. Lay-Cool accepts. And then the divas roster comes out. The Bellas, Jillian, Rosa, and Fox all blow. Literally, in the back whoever they can find. REAL TALK, I don't give a f***. God I'm flawless.
They show another flashback of when Nexus was awesome and they first took out Cena and Bryan got kicked out for chocking someone with tie. Ahh good ranting times. They then cut to Nexus and Tarver says people are calling them weak cause Young is gone and Skip broke is ankle. Barrett says that tonight they'll do something we'll never forget. [6]
They flashback to when Barker hosted RAW and called Jericho "Mr. happy Boy". It was a good RAW. "Let's do it!" is one of the best quotes ever.
Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is in the back with the best in the world at what he does, Chris Jericho. He's sick of all us and says that if he doesn't win the WWE title at Night of Champions in three weeks. Josh says he thinks he joke, but he calls him a liar, us all hypocrites, and says he has something planned for Nexus later.
The Good and the Bad (John Morrison/"Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth) and "Dashing" Cody Rhodes/"The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre were both DQ'd in a tag team match to be the No.1 Contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championships: NR
[7] I'm loving Cole ragging on R-Truth's theme, cause frankly I agree with him..it sucks bung.
I feel sorry for Boston having to listen to Truth's theme for 5 minutes. OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! Yeah whata surprise, maybe some grooming tips tonight. Nice even Drew's abbreviated theme is awesome. PUPPIES @8:50 CDT! Whata gip, this is why I hate RAW, the ref threw the match out in less than a minute. They brawl and I don't care. Whata waste.
Another flashback...to earlier this year..when Bret and HBK made up. It was a great moment. But how about older clips?
The "Phenom is in Vegetative State" Undertaker vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart in a singes match: Never Started
If Triple H was here we could have the ultimate triple threat match. Seeing who takes the longest getting to the ring out of Triple H, Undertaker, and Randy Orton. I do love King and Cole listing off shows that 70% of the audience don't even know about. [8] YES! Wade Barrett has saved the day! Thank God almighty! VINTAGE UNDERTAKER @9:02 CDT! Cause only Undertaker uses the big boot as a move. The lights go out. Kane comes out and a slugs it out with Undertaker. The lights go out again and Nexus comes out. Undertaker fights them off and Undertaker goes for a chokeslam on Barrett. The lights go out again, and Undertaker is on Barrett's shoulder and he hits the Barret Bomb on Undertaker, the Gabriel hit's the 450 Splash. Undertaker is trying to sit up, Kane is laughing his ass off, and I'm banging my head against the wall. Least Nexus is still going over, but we all know it's over in a month and a half.
"Lispy" Jack Swagger beat Evan Bourne in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Swagger says that he's a returning countertenor and that Boston sucks. I'll bet this doesn't go three minutes. Oh look two minutes in Alberto Del Rio, "Truthman" himself comes out in his fancy car, and does the Mexican JBL gimmick. Cole busted a huge nut over him too. I do like him, but I want wresting. Wow about 4 minutes in, the match kept going, and Swagger won with the Ankle Lock.
Alberto Del Rio says that he's sorry the RAW viewers couldn't see him take out Rey Mysterio on Smackdown, yeah cause the people at RAW only watch RAW, so he'll take Evan Bourne. He slaps on the cross arm breaker on Bourne and tries to do what he did to Rey Friday. Outta nowhere we get out thirst's quenched as The Kool-Aid Man bum rushed ringside and punches a chair. Riveting.
As Cole cleans up by changing pants, they show a package of the Superstars thoughts on preforming for the first time in China. I'll give them props, it is a pretty cool achievement.
We have another flashback, and finally it's not one from the past year. It's a great promo too, Mankind doing The Rock's "It's Your Life".
CM Punk, Joseph, Luke, and Serena come out for a 900th episode straight edge talk. Wait what Sernea got fired? Haha whoops. Too soon? CM Punk says that he's better than The Rock and his stupid Toothfairy movie. He asked Boston if they wanted to see The Rock. They cheered as usual. YES, PUNK WITH A KATIE VICK REFERENCE! He shows clips of people destroying property, throwing people in bodies of water, trespassing, and excessive use of beer. Actually all pretty good flashback clips. CM Punk said he'd never throw someone in a body of water, it's unsportsmanlike haha. Punk said it's just like us to cheer for someone like Stone Cold and would love for him to come down and give a beer bath. Stone Cold's music hits and the crowd goes nuts. CM Punk is laughing in the ring and mocks Boston for falling for it. He shows the clip of Lesnar superplexing Big Show and breaking the ring. Punk says he forgot who was superplexing him haha. Big Show comes out and Punk asked why he always gets interrupted. Big Show asks why Punk with a fat joke. Big Shows says that those aren't embarrassing, embarrassing is when Eddie gave him a tainted burrito. And Eddie chant erupts. Big Show takes a shot at Hogan and TNA, and CM Punk says "no one likes him and he's not funny". Big Show got pissed and hit Punk and took out Gallows as we got to commercial. God I love Punk, and him and Show made this worth watching.
As we come back we get another flashback of Triple H coming back to an amazing ovation on the 450th episode of RAW.
Matthews in on the stage and has a very special guest, the WWE Champion. Sheamus, The Pale White Yonder, says that he's sorry Triple H isn't here and it's not fair that he has to defend his title and team with the rest of the people in his six-pack challenge. Edge comes out. FELLA @9:46 CDT! Edge says that ever since his debut on the 236th episode. He tells Sheamus that he's gonna take his title and add it to all the accolades he acrewed on RAW over the years. He makes a Beaker joke mememememememeemememe and runs to the ring for the main event next.
The Nexus, Wade Barret/David Otunga/Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater beat Sheamus (WWE Champion)/Edge/Chris Jericho/Randy Orton/John Cena in a 5-on-5 elimination tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Yay a rematch from Summerfest. Too bad it won't go 40 minutes and will suck. As the 900th episode draws to a close, the voices told Orton to come out, and of course he obliges them. Ya know Cena started acting like a Marine when he was doing that movie. Maybe he since he's starring in a wrestling movie he could actually wrestle. NEXT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It's 56 after in the second hour, God this show is S***fest 2010. I'll just put down the how all the eliminations happen, cause I'm lazy and I don't care. [9]
Elimination #1. Well Jericho eliminates himself by walking out. Haha
Elimination #2. Well Edge eliminates himself too by getting DQ'd by pushing the ref. Hahaha
Elimination #3. Heath Slater eliminates the WWE Champion Sheamus off the Zig Zag (Thanks for posting Ziggler)
Elimination #4. John Cena eliminates Heat Slater off the Attitude Adjustment
VINTAGE Nexus @10:09 CDT!
Elimination #5. John Cena eliminates David Otunga via the STF
Elimination #6. Justin Gabriel eliminates John Cena off the 405 Splash
Elinination #7. Randy Orton eliminates Justin Gabriel off the RKO
Elimination #8. Randy Orton eliminates Michael Tarver off the RKO
Elimination #9. Wade Barrett eliminates Randy Orton off The Wasteland
RAW Rating: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Last Week: 6.5/10 or 3.25/5 Stars
One star for CM Punk and one star for Wade Barrett. Wade Barret getting over everyone is nice and Punk's promo was godly. But the rest of this show was garbage. Ok promos by Edge and Y2J. Terrible matches. The flashbacks were lame. The announcing was terrible. The storylines right now are all lame. The show went 15 minutes over. Etc, etc. Need I say more? This is the first time since HBK left that I've wanted him to come back. I hate Raw. BTW, I didn't care to edit this much, cause WWE didn't care to put on much of a show.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
[1] Wow we start off the promos with one. God help us all. [2] King busts his nut over the mian event later tonight, and Bret Hart's music hits. I'd be excited if it were January..alas it isn't. [3] He talks about how 17 years ago RAW debuts, and he wondered if it would be a hit. He says it's cause of us it's still going terrible...I mean good. He says himself and HBK..er Undertaker were the only two left on the roster was on the first RAW. Kanes, the World Heavyweight Champion, music hits and maybe we'll hear a live debate on who the devil likes more. Kane says that there is no more Undertaker, and he's no longer a "Phenom". Kane says all he is now is broken down old pussy. Haha I wish, he just called him a man. Kane then compares the Hitman to 'Taker as weak, feeble, over the hill, and a pussy. Haha, again I wish. He said that the last time he was any good, was when he sent Shawn Michaels into retirement. bret says that he can't wait for Kane to get beat by Undertaker, as usual. Kane says all he's ever wanted to do is be out of Undertakers penis shadow. Is this catching on? Kane says he's gonna take out Bret like 'Taker did Shawn. The Hart Dynasty comes out to save Bret, but do nothing. The lights go out and the crowd goes nuts. Undertaker is in the ring and him and Kane have a lovers stare down. Kane leaves, as the GM IMs "The Great Dumbass" Cole. AND I QUOTE @8:11 CDT! He/she/it/they inform us that tonight they're will be an historic match for the historic RAW. Undertaker vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart. I'll bet anyone $500 it ends in a DQ.
We get clips from episodes of RAW. The debut, and the great Austin Zamboni attack.
The Miz (Mr. Money in the Bank/United States Champion)/Alex Riley beat Kaval/Daniel Bryan and Kofi Kingston/Joe Hennig Jr. in a triple threat tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stas
OMFG I'm have a great f***ing wrestler tagging in a match-gasm. Too bad they won't win. Haha Cole's bitching, it's the best part of RAW and NXT tbh. Cause God knows he doesn't call moves right and sucks on the shtick. Haha Miz can't tag himself in, but good try. End match Migilcutty (the hell if I know how to spell his stupid ring-name) rolls up Kaval for a two. Kaval kicks Migilcutty and then hits The Warrior's Way. Miz then comes in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall.
Afterward, Bryan throws Riley out of the ring, while Cole busts a nut, and Miz hits Bryan with the Money in the Bank briefcase. [4]
We have recap of Melina beating Jillian and ay-Cool telling them they have something FLAWLESS planned for tonight.
Team Lay-Cool (The Co-Womens Champions) vs Melina (Divas Champion)/Eve Torres in a divas tag team match: 0.1/10 or PoS/5 Stars
Cole thing Lay-Cool calling Melina "Lady Wawa", oh s***t the match is over...in to minutes...off a roll-up..and everyone didn't get tagged it. I hate RAW.
REAL TALK though! They challenge Melina, this is shocking really, to a unification match. Melina says she's prepared, God this is brutal. Melina says it'll be a Lumberjack match. Lumberjill you dumb whore. Lay-Cool accepts. And then the divas roster comes out. The Bellas, Jillian, Rosa, and Fox all blow. Literally, in the back whoever they can find. REAL TALK, I don't give a f***. God I'm flawless.
They show another flashback of when Nexus was awesome and they first took out Cena and Bryan got kicked out for chocking someone with tie. Ahh good ranting times. They then cut to Nexus and Tarver says people are calling them weak cause Young is gone and Skip broke is ankle. Barrett says that tonight they'll do something we'll never forget. [6]
They flashback to when Barker hosted RAW and called Jericho "Mr. happy Boy". It was a good RAW. "Let's do it!" is one of the best quotes ever.
Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is in the back with the best in the world at what he does, Chris Jericho. He's sick of all us and says that if he doesn't win the WWE title at Night of Champions in three weeks. Josh says he thinks he joke, but he calls him a liar, us all hypocrites, and says he has something planned for Nexus later.
The Good and the Bad (John Morrison/"Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth) and "Dashing" Cody Rhodes/"The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre were both DQ'd in a tag team match to be the No.1 Contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championships: NR
[7] I'm loving Cole ragging on R-Truth's theme, cause frankly I agree with him..it sucks bung.
I feel sorry for Boston having to listen to Truth's theme for 5 minutes. OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! Yeah whata surprise, maybe some grooming tips tonight. Nice even Drew's abbreviated theme is awesome. PUPPIES @8:50 CDT! Whata gip, this is why I hate RAW, the ref threw the match out in less than a minute. They brawl and I don't care. Whata waste.
Another flashback...to earlier this year..when Bret and HBK made up. It was a great moment. But how about older clips?
The "Phenom is in Vegetative State" Undertaker vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart in a singes match: Never Started
If Triple H was here we could have the ultimate triple threat match. Seeing who takes the longest getting to the ring out of Triple H, Undertaker, and Randy Orton. I do love King and Cole listing off shows that 70% of the audience don't even know about. [8] YES! Wade Barrett has saved the day! Thank God almighty! VINTAGE UNDERTAKER @9:02 CDT! Cause only Undertaker uses the big boot as a move. The lights go out. Kane comes out and a slugs it out with Undertaker. The lights go out again and Nexus comes out. Undertaker fights them off and Undertaker goes for a chokeslam on Barrett. The lights go out again, and Undertaker is on Barrett's shoulder and he hits the Barret Bomb on Undertaker, the Gabriel hit's the 450 Splash. Undertaker is trying to sit up, Kane is laughing his ass off, and I'm banging my head against the wall. Least Nexus is still going over, but we all know it's over in a month and a half.
"Lispy" Jack Swagger beat Evan Bourne in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Swagger says that he's a returning countertenor and that Boston sucks. I'll bet this doesn't go three minutes. Oh look two minutes in Alberto Del Rio, "Truthman" himself comes out in his fancy car, and does the Mexican JBL gimmick. Cole busted a huge nut over him too. I do like him, but I want wresting. Wow about 4 minutes in, the match kept going, and Swagger won with the Ankle Lock.
Alberto Del Rio says that he's sorry the RAW viewers couldn't see him take out Rey Mysterio on Smackdown, yeah cause the people at RAW only watch RAW, so he'll take Evan Bourne. He slaps on the cross arm breaker on Bourne and tries to do what he did to Rey Friday. Outta nowhere we get out thirst's quenched as The Kool-Aid Man bum rushed ringside and punches a chair. Riveting.
As Cole cleans up by changing pants, they show a package of the Superstars thoughts on preforming for the first time in China. I'll give them props, it is a pretty cool achievement.
We have another flashback, and finally it's not one from the past year. It's a great promo too, Mankind doing The Rock's "It's Your Life".
CM Punk, Joseph, Luke, and Serena come out for a 900th episode straight edge talk. Wait what Sernea got fired? Haha whoops. Too soon? CM Punk says that he's better than The Rock and his stupid Toothfairy movie. He asked Boston if they wanted to see The Rock. They cheered as usual. YES, PUNK WITH A KATIE VICK REFERENCE! He shows clips of people destroying property, throwing people in bodies of water, trespassing, and excessive use of beer. Actually all pretty good flashback clips. CM Punk said he'd never throw someone in a body of water, it's unsportsmanlike haha. Punk said it's just like us to cheer for someone like Stone Cold and would love for him to come down and give a beer bath. Stone Cold's music hits and the crowd goes nuts. CM Punk is laughing in the ring and mocks Boston for falling for it. He shows the clip of Lesnar superplexing Big Show and breaking the ring. Punk says he forgot who was superplexing him haha. Big Show comes out and Punk asked why he always gets interrupted. Big Show asks why Punk with a fat joke. Big Shows says that those aren't embarrassing, embarrassing is when Eddie gave him a tainted burrito. And Eddie chant erupts. Big Show takes a shot at Hogan and TNA, and CM Punk says "no one likes him and he's not funny". Big Show got pissed and hit Punk and took out Gallows as we got to commercial. God I love Punk, and him and Show made this worth watching.
As we come back we get another flashback of Triple H coming back to an amazing ovation on the 450th episode of RAW.
Matthews in on the stage and has a very special guest, the WWE Champion. Sheamus, The Pale White Yonder, says that he's sorry Triple H isn't here and it's not fair that he has to defend his title and team with the rest of the people in his six-pack challenge. Edge comes out. FELLA @9:46 CDT! Edge says that ever since his debut on the 236th episode. He tells Sheamus that he's gonna take his title and add it to all the accolades he acrewed on RAW over the years. He makes a Beaker joke mememememememeemememe and runs to the ring for the main event next.
The Nexus, Wade Barret/David Otunga/Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater beat Sheamus (WWE Champion)/Edge/Chris Jericho/Randy Orton/John Cena in a 5-on-5 elimination tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Yay a rematch from Summerfest. Too bad it won't go 40 minutes and will suck. As the 900th episode draws to a close, the voices told Orton to come out, and of course he obliges them. Ya know Cena started acting like a Marine when he was doing that movie. Maybe he since he's starring in a wrestling movie he could actually wrestle. NEXT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It's 56 after in the second hour, God this show is S***fest 2010. I'll just put down the how all the eliminations happen, cause I'm lazy and I don't care. [9]
Elimination #1. Well Jericho eliminates himself by walking out. Haha
Elimination #2. Well Edge eliminates himself too by getting DQ'd by pushing the ref. Hahaha
Elimination #3. Heath Slater eliminates the WWE Champion Sheamus off the Zig Zag (Thanks for posting Ziggler)
Elimination #4. John Cena eliminates Heat Slater off the Attitude Adjustment
VINTAGE Nexus @10:09 CDT!
Elimination #5. John Cena eliminates David Otunga via the STF
Elimination #6. Justin Gabriel eliminates John Cena off the 405 Splash
Elinination #7. Randy Orton eliminates Justin Gabriel off the RKO
Elimination #8. Randy Orton eliminates Michael Tarver off the RKO
Elimination #9. Wade Barrett eliminates Randy Orton off The Wasteland
RAW Rating: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Last Week: 6.5/10 or 3.25/5 Stars
One star for CM Punk and one star for Wade Barrett. Wade Barret getting over everyone is nice and Punk's promo was godly. But the rest of this show was garbage. Ok promos by Edge and Y2J. Terrible matches. The flashbacks were lame. The announcing was terrible. The storylines right now are all lame. The show went 15 minutes over. Etc, etc. Need I say more? This is the first time since HBK left that I've wanted him to come back. I hate Raw. BTW, I didn't care to edit this much, cause WWE didn't care to put on much of a show.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
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