Donkey Kong Country Returns [A Fat Jesus Video Game Review]

Oh man, Donkey Kong Country Returns. If you know me, you know I love the original trilogy and that DKC and DKC2 are two of my all-time favorite games. This is one of those games that I've wanted to play since I heard about it's inception and then release on the Wii back in 2010. Unfortunately I didn't have a Wii until about this time last year and this game was (and still is) pretty expensive to buy. Like most newer Nintendo franchise games they never go down in price. But this griping is for another time. One of my best friends got me this for my birthday about a month ago now. Can't thank her enough. Being a fairly avid Donkey Kong Country player (on and off my cast) I knew I had to platform my way through this. For the most part, this barrage of newness of DK and Diddy on a modern console was a pleasure to go through.

We open Donkey Kong Country Returns on Donkey Kong Island. After a volcanic explosion the Tiki Tak Tribe, an evil group of tikis, arrive on the island and hypnotize all the animals to make them help steal all of DK and Diddy Kong's bananas. Since DK and Diddy are impervious to the hypnotic effects of the tiki's it's up to them to trek through the eight worlds on the island. They must defeat the Tiki Tak Tribe's leaders and reclaim the bananas (and island) that is rightfully theirs.

I was impressed with this game from the get-go. Controls we easy enough to get a hang of and even in the early part of the game you could tell there was gonna be a learning curve and this would be a challenging game. If you're playing one-player (which I kinda had to) you control DK and when you have Diddy with you he is perched on your back. When jumping with Diddy, he allows DK to float (with his jet-pack) for a period of time. I always thought of it as being kinda like Dixie Kong in DKC2 and DKC3. Without Diddy this game could be hell mode and with Diddy the levels were a bit easier, hard still in the end. 

Like every other good DKC platformer the levels looked great and they were challenging to boot. Maybe I'm just a newb at the game, but even something a simple as vine swinging (and even just jumping gaps) took me a bit to get used to. Still having to collect "KONG"  in each level was a nice touch as well. There are also a varying number of hidden puzzle pieces in each level you can collect for design bonuses and extras like that.  

Speaking of levels and worlds, there are a ton in this game. I would always be disappointed at the originals because the games felt short to me. Not this one. There's eight worlds and with at least five stages per world, it makes this game plenty long. If you're nuts like me there's "after the story levels" you can only unlock by collecting KONG in each level of a world. These levels, at least the ones I've done, are pure platforming and pure hard. I love it and it makes me wanna get better at the game and 200% it. Yes that's right, you can 200% this game. 

Can we touch on the art style as well? We can? Okay good. I loved the look of this game. Felt like updated Nintendo but still kept the old-school DK charm and feel. The colors are vibrant and visual appealing. The jungle levels really looked like their old school counter-parts while getting the ole once-over. Levels like the mine cart ones were the most fun to me. While they kept the same look and gameplay, they added enough into them make them new and different. Even the "LIMBO"-esque stages sprinkled in had me in awe because they did such a good job with them. Finally the music in this game is perfect. I love the original soundtracks for the original games. I think they're some of the best ever composed. This game uses THAT music, and only tweaks it enough to make me go, "Wow I like this cause it sounds like the original, but is updated for the Wii."

With the good comes the bad though. I would describe myself as a VERY easy to please gamer and by no means do I like to nitpick over minute details, glitches, etc. One minor thing, to me, was not having Kremlins or a "Krool" to look forward. It was a bit of a letdown, but probably for the best since Rare is dead (on Ninteno). But there were a couple of bigger things that had me frustrated beyond words that I want to write in this article.

First off in the one player mode, while I like having Diddy for the jet-pack usage (it can really save your ass in levels), not being able to switch between characters could be very annoying. There are some side scrolling and faster paced stages where I'd have loved to be Diddy and just tear through them. But nope, I have to be slow, clunky ole DK. I had a few people come in and say (I streamed my play-through of this live) that this was a pretty easy game. Then proceed to follow up with, "I did it on two-player with a buddy." Well I'm glad you had an easier time, but this game is hella hard with the monkey (literally) stuck to my back. This could be the nostalgia talking, but I kinda missed being able to switch between two characters. Not a huge deal once I got used to it all, but it just felt like the option in one player could've been included.

The other gripe I have with this game, and this is my big one, is the rocket levels. To me they serve no purpose in this game. You don't use the Wii motion in these levels, all you do it tap the a button to jet upwards or let up to drop. On top-down levels, you tap a to speed up via boosts. The problem with these levels is that the boosting is limited and can be sporadic. Only having one hit on these levels can be quite annoying as well when you're blowing lives and seemingly getting nowhere. Also the level leading to the final boss is one of these levels. A super hard sporadic top down rocket level. Leading to one of the hardest and most precise final bosses ever. While I don't have a problem with the boss, if you game over, then you have to do the level again and again. I just think this final level is bad design and that rocket levels in this game are pointless.

Aside from the gripes this is an amazing game. As I've already gushed about throughout this I love the original series and I really do think this game lives up to the original games that Rare put out on the SNES. DK and Diddy have been updated, but are still who I grew up with. The island is still the DK island I've grown to love (and at times curse to hell). The music and design are impeccable and look good on an HD screen. Finally the platforming is nuts and once you've gotten though the toughest parts you feel a fantastic sense of accomplishment. Donkey Kong Country Returns lives up to the name that it's predecessors set and hopefully sets up for more Donkey Kong games in the future!

Fat Jesus Jumps Into Platforming

Ah platforming, a video game genre in which many claim to be hell. I on the other hand, or foot if you will, embrace it for every mis-jump and defeated boss. I truly love the genre and have always played it. I'v never considered myself a good platformer. I'm quick, reckless and usually never 100% a game past the last boss. But nonetheless, I've beaten quite a few of these games over the years. And most of them are some of the hardest games I've ever played.

 If you don't know the logistics, platforming is jumping through stages in a video game to complete levels. Usually there's a set number of levels in each area of the game with a boss at the end. You can land on the ground (if there is any), enemies, suspended platforms, boxes, barrels, etc. Your goal is to finish the level, usually without getting hit more than twice, and move onto the next level that's just as hard if not harder. 

In some series like Mario, you are given a plethora of power-ups to help along the way. While in other series like Donkey Kong or Sonic, you get far less power ups and have to rely on not getting hit. Even as far as one hit deaths in the madness that is Super Meat Boy. You can also collect suspended items as well. Sonic has rings (losing all will kills you if you get hit), Mario has golden coins and Donkey Kong has bananas (both of which get you a life after collecting 100). In games like Banjo-Kazooie there's a more mission-like feel where you do tasks to gain puzzle pieces and new moves while in LittleBIGPlanet you collect as many orbs as fast as you can for bonus score multiplier.

There are many different types of platformers. Some easier than others and some just plain insanely hard. Which is partly why I'm doing this post. I've compiled a huge list of platforming games that I've played. I've beaten most all of them or at the very least played or remember playing them at some point in my life. I've also listed off a Top 10 of platformers that I truly love. I can tell you that 2D platformers from the 90s are some of my favorite games ever. From the new to the retro, from 2D to 3D, I think it's all here. So jump into bed or slide into your chair. Here what I consider to be the best of the best in platform gaming!

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I spent about thirty minutes racking my brain, looking at my collection and compiling a list of twenty-eight games that I've played over the years. This runner up list is eighteen games that are the "leftover" of what I consider great. While some may be considered critically better, or something of the sort, these games aren't the best of the best in my eyes. While I enjoyed, beat, or even just played them, there was just something missing for me or maybe a predecessor or sequel out-shined it. Also "sorry" for not including games like Super Mario Galaxy 1/2. While I want to play them (BADLY), and they look amazing, I haven't had a Wii until recently and haven't gotten them yet.

Want To Play
LittleBIGPlanet 2 (PS3)
Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)

Currently Playing
Sonic Generations (PS3)
The Basement Collection (PC)

Runners Up
Banjo-Kazooie (N64)

Banjo-Tooie (N64)

Commander Keen (DOS)

Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble (SNES)

Kirby's Adventure (NES)

Kirby's Superstar (SNES)

Megaman X (SNES)

Megaman 2 (NES)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis)

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Genesis)

Sonic & Knuckles (Genesis)

Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast)

[New] Super Mario Bros Wii (Wii)

Super Mario Bros (NES)

Super Mario 64 (N64)

Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube)

Super Smash Bros. (N64)
Super Mario 3D Land (3DS)

10. Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii)

Now there was a change in my mind on this list as I was playing though this game. Donkey Kong Country Returns is this first, new, platforming game in the series since Donkey Kong Country 3. And boy did they make it bigger. Tiki masks invade the island and hypnotize all the animals and they take all of DK and Diddy's bananas. DK and Diddy must brave this madness island once again to save it in this new adventure in the new millennium. This is the first challenging Wii platformer I've played, I'll get to Galaxy 1/2 soon enough, I hear two player is a lot easier as well, but I played through on one player. The platforming is hard, there is a difficult learning curve and it's a long game. There are a few drawbacks, but I won't get into those here. I had fun throughout and it definitely lives up to the Donkey Kong name. Whata fitting way to start this top ten.

9. LittleBIGPlanet (PS3)

LittleBIGPlanet is one of the newest games to grace the top of this list. You control your completely customized Sackboy in a world of dreams. Each world, if you will, has a theme, from the Mexican deserts to Japanese gardens. You jump over pits of fire that will scourge Sackboy or hang onto objects to carry you up higher into the level. All while collecting dream orbs and stickers to add to your collection and point multiplier. The draw of this game for me is the endless supply of levels. LBP was put out for the users and the users make it what it is. There are thousands of customized levels built and you can even do most, if not all, of the story mode and these levels in co-op. Some of these levels are very challenging as well. Not only platforming-wise but puzzle-wise too. This game sounds great, looks great, and plays great. I have no problem in saying this is one of the best 3D platformers.

8. Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube)

This is quite literally the epitome of platforming. Since that's all you have. Fall off of it and you lose. If you're unfamiliar with Super Smash Bros. it is a game, now series, that pits famous Nintendo charters such as Mario, DK, Link and anyone else you can think of in hand to hand combat. There is the new story mode, vs mode, and anything else you can think of. Now I love the original game for the Nintendo 64, but Melee expands upon it tenfold. The graphics are updated and look way better. There a massive amount of trophies to collect. I like having things to collect, something to strive for in a game. Most of the items from the first game are still there, there are new ones added and some do an expanded amount of things. The character roster has also been expanded upon and there are even more people spanning the Nintendo franchises. Same with the levels, both new and updated, there is a ton more content in this game. If you're like me, and you like fighting, Nintendo and platforming, this game is for you.

7. Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)

For most people this would be the end all, be all of platformers. I can agree with that. Once again Bowser had kidnapped Peach and turned all of the surrounding kingdom's rulers into beasts. Mario must traverse this world, filled with new items and enemies, to save the world and Peach from the evil Bowser. For an NES game you can tell it is very updated from the first game. New enemies and the tanooki suit are introduced in what is considered one of the best Mario games ever made. The levels are challenging and only get harder as the game progresses. The design looks great and the music in the levels is almost iconic. There's really not much more I can say about this classic. If you like Mario, and/or platformers, this game is for you.

6. Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (Genesis)

SEEEEEEEEGA! You all know the load up screens when you turned on these Sonic games on you Genesis. And Sonic 3 is probably one of the best games on the Genesis and you guessed it, another platformer. After Sonic beats Robotnik at the end of Sonic 2, this space station crashes onto a mysterious island. It turns out it's Angel Island where the last echidna, Knuckles lives and guards the Master Emerald. Robotnik tricks Knuckles into thinking Sonic (and Tails) are the enemies. Now they must get past Knuckles and defeat Robotnik yet again to save Knuckles and Angel Island! The best Sonic platformer by far. The levels look good, they get more challenging as the game progresses, and the music in this game is phenomenal. The story is simple yet it's spurred back-story for Sonic games to this day. This is a fantastic game.

5. Super Mario World (SNES)

It could be blasphemy to list this above SMB3, but I honestly like this game more. While I had both growing up, my SNES was my favorite system and I sunk a ton of hours into this games as a kid. This game felt brighter, smoother and more engaging to me. The thing is, it still does! In Super Mario World, big shocker here, Bowser kidnaps Peach, and Mario must save her. Along the way we meet Yoshi, more new enemies, updated graphics, new power-ups, and what can be challenging as hell platforming and nostalgic as hell music. I like this game because even today I can still pick it up, play it and have fun. Never having the same run to Bowser's Castle twice. That's the mark of a good game to me. No matter how much I play it, I still have fun. And most all of these games in the top 5 fall under this category.

4. Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

This is the second Donkey Kong game on this list and Rare did the original SNES games right in my eyes. This is the first one. We start off by finding out DK and Diddy's banana stash is stolen by King R. Krool and the island is overcome with Kremlins. DK and Diddy now must traverse the island, defeat Krools minions, defeat King R. Krool himself and get their banana collection back! For the first game in a series it already feels complete whenever I run through it. The levels can be unbearable at times, but once you get used to them, they are amazingly fun. This as well a designed game as you can get. Controls are simple, level design is great, and the music (at least for me) is some of the best ever composed. This is platforming done right.

3. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (SNES)

I don't know why, but the follow up to Super Mario World, Yoshi's Island, has always granted me more fun than the original. I play this far less, but when I do I always improve, find new secrets (at least new to me) and improve my overall playing of the game. Yoshi's Island follows the story of Baby Mario and Baby Luigi. As the stork carrying them to their parents house is "hijacked" mid delivery, Baby Luigi is stolen and Baby Mario falls onto Yoshi's Island. The Yoshi's living on the island decide to help  Baby Mario reunite with his brother despite revamped enemies, a new world, egg slinging and Kamek and Baby Bowser. The game is plenty hard adding in a semi-shooter system with egg throwing to the already hard platforming. Plus grabbing Mario once he starts crying so you don't pull your ears off is another challenge in itself. New levels, enemies, and new (amazing) music make this one of my favorite platformers ever.

2. Super Meat Boy (PC/XBLA)

SUUUUUUPPPPPER MEAT BOY! This is easily one of the most challenging, if not the most challenging video game I've ever played. Fast paced and essentially endless, you can choose to die 30,000 times and you'll never lose..though you'll never win. Super Meat Boy follows the story of Meatboy. Dr. Fetus has kidnapped Meatboy's girlfriend Bandage Girl because nobody loves him and  he wants to exact revenge on the guy that has it all. Can Meatboy over come the evil fetus and save his girlfriend? Play this and you'll be able to find out! Simply put you guide Meat Boy through levels filled with needles, saws, lasers, fans, lava and at the end of each area a nefarious boss designed to put you through hell. You can collect well placed bandages throughout the levels to unlock characters and find WARP ZOOOOOONES to unlock even more levels and characters. The catch is with each level, if you die you start over. Makes for entertaining rageful moments, but if you get really good, awe inspiring runs. Edmund McMillen is one of my favorite people in the video game industry and over the past couple years this has been one of the my top games I've played. If you want a challenge this game is for you.

1. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (SNES)

This is the number one platforming game in my opinion. We're finally here, the peak of this fine blog post. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest! This is the third DKC game in my top 10 and all four of the platforming DKC games have made my top twenty-eight. I stick by the reasoning that DK64 is horse-shit. Shortly after Donkey Kong Country, Captain R. Krool kidnaps DK and Diddy Kong enlists the help of Dixie Kong to go help rescue him. Like the rest of the DKC games you're guiding Diddy (with Dixie this time) around the island filled with Kremlins to reach Captain R Krool and save DK from the clutches of evil. This game, at least for me is HARD. Jumps have to be (more) precise, you have to be quick, scrolling levels are incorporated, being able to float/fly with Dixie is introduced, new enemies are around, new music, and even more challenging levels than the first game. Hell more challenging than any other platformers. If you want a challenging game, with good music and a fun storyline, you really can't do worse than this game. It has everything a gamer, or platformer would want. To me it's as close to perfect platforming as one can get.