Coming off a terrible, truly horrible 900th RAW we have the best WWE show, Smackdown! In on month it's going to SyFy. For now it's still on networks and killing RAW in every aspect, even with the crappy Undertaker/Kane feud starting. Anywho let's get on with the lowdown on Smackdown.
We open with the recap of the story so far..aka the The Undertaker/Kane fued. They had a formal debate last week on if the Devil likes either of them more.
We start out with Alberto Delllllllllllllllllllllllllll Rio and a huge party is going on in the ring. It's probably to celebrate that he took out Rey last week. Oh look! A nifty recap of last week. He says he proved that Mysterio is weak and a bad model of all Mexicans. He said to him, Rey is like an animal, like a donkey pinata. Del Rio then hits the pinata and a bunch of poor Mexican kids bum rush the ring. Del Rio then demands a glass of champagne and flaunts his riches. Cue Christian to interrupt. He says he wants to introduce himself. He calls him Juan Charles Layfield (I CALLED HIM THIS!) and compared him to Enrique Iglesias. Christian says he didn't come out to eat his s***ty food and marvel his cars. He says he's pissed that he took out Rey, and that he can hit all the pinata's he wants, but it's not the same as taking out Rey. Juan says that Christan wants to end up like Rey. Christian says that he thinks he challenging him to a fight. They circle each other, and then Del Rio backs down. He says they'll be another time and place and that Christian will pay for this. As Del Rio is going up the ramps Drew McIntyre hits Christian from behind and throws him outta the ring, to be taunted by Del Rio.
Christian beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We see that Drew took out Christian during the break. The ref is asking him if he wants to still fights. He says yes, gets in the ring, and the match starts. End match Drew comes off the top rope and gets to boots from Christian. Christian throws bombs, and kicks. But nice from Drew to catch Drew with one arm and still give him the backbreaker for a long two. On the outside Drew gets leg swept onto the announce table. Christan goes for the Killswitch, but Drew counters it with a nice gut buster. Finally Drew get's taken down into a jack-knife cover for the pinfall!
Michelle McCool (Co-Womens Champion) w/Layla (Co-Womens Champion) beat Kelly Kelly in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Aw God...literally I said that when her music hit. Nice to see she got the sperm out of her hair. All I know is Layla sounds so cute on the mic and McCool got the 1-2-3 off the Styles Cla-err Faith Breaker on Kelly Kelly.
We get the same goddamn video package of them going to China, idgaf. Haha they showed Eve monkey-flipping Alicia Fox. So racist..and hilarious.
Jesus God, the divas match into the stupid video package, into that goddamn 24-year old midget acting like a retarded monkey having sex with a tree. This is f**king brutal. Electroshock therapy, then a black man with a midget running from a crime scene where an old man is being killed. Vintage stupidity.
Dolf Ziggler (Intercontinental Champion) w/Vickie Guerrero beat Chris Masters in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We come back to the Titty Dancer himself, Chris Masters, in the ring and we even get some heel heat from Vickie Guerrero towards your Intercontinental Champion, Dolf Ziggler. Vince would be busting a nut over that press slam by Masters...if he were awake. End match Masters keeps himself from locking in The Masterlock. It looked very cheeseball Dolf pushes off the top rope and lands on Masters. Ziggler then hits the Zig Zag on Masters for the win.
The Big Show beat CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/Joseph Mercury in a 2-on-1 handicap match via submission: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Big Show comes out, the Straight Edge Society comes out blah blah. Wonder where that Serena chick went? The recap of the great Punk promo, oh wait they showed none of the good parts. They showed Big Show Hulking up...and rofl that Grisham and Striker can't say Hogan's name. Props to Striker for calling that The Vulcan Nerve Pinch! Basically it's a big game of cat and mouse on the outside. End match Show clotheslines Gallows three times. Then splashes him in the corner and steamrolls him with a shoulder knock down. He hits CM Punk off the apron and the hits an inverted powerbomb on Gallows. Then Show slaps on the Colossal Clutch and Gallows taps out. Afterward CM Punk gives Gallows the GTS and walks out. Solid match, sad they're breaking up SES though.
We have The VIP Lounge with Jack Swagger and his old, screwed up father. Really still in a neckbreak and wheelchair from a chokeslam from like 2 months ago? Really? The Jack Swagger Senior Invitational is a brilliant name btw. "The current Perry, Ok. senior citizen arm wrestling champion", hahahahaha. Swagger introduces his dad and tells him before he's interrupted this is his moment. Swagger senior says he's been proud of Swagger ever since he was 9 and broke the Oklahoma consecutive push-up record. Swagger Sr. starts counting while Swagger does push ups, riveting television. MVP comes out and says that he's turned The VIP Lounge into a lame kiss-ass-fest. Haha at Swagger using his dad in a wheelchair as a shield. Swagger launches his dad into MVP. Swagger then charges MVP and goes over the top rope. MVP plays to the crowd and hits the Ballin' Elbow on Swagger Sr. while Swagger escapes up the ramp.
"Dashing" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
If the steel step thing happened to Cena he'd be sprinting to the ring the next night. OH OHHHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! "Dashing" walks down to the ring and calls Matt Hardy face ugly, full of facial hair crop circles and that he carries around two spare tires when he's traveling. He tell us that Matt Hardy isn't version 1 anymore, he's version done. Great, great promo. ROFLMFAO WWE so totally spoiled that it'll be Randy Orton v Sheamus in a Hell in a Cell match at Hell in a Cell in Dallas next month. Haha. End match Cody moves out of the way from Matt's elbow drop from the ropes. Then Cody drops a knee from the second rope on Matts injured ankle and the hits Cross Rhodes for the win.
Kanes comes out...err on the tron and he has a huge announcement. Maybe we'll get the second part of his and 'Takers debate from last week. Then'll we'll vote in November on who really is The Devil's right hand man. He says that the Apocalypse is upon us is The Undertaker finally being crushed at Night of Champions. This is so dumb. Kane has wanted Undertakers powers, more than he'll ever know. I guess that mean he wants McCool in an SnM bondage position in the middle of a pentagram? The druids wheel a casket out to the ring (FREAKING SLOWLY) as Kane heckles on the tron. My screen has a seizure and Kane popped out of the casket...still heckling. Kane says he wishes he could see his brothers face when he realizes that he now walks in Kane's shadow. No longer, he says, that he is the number two brother. Now all he sees when he looks at Undertaker is weakness. Kane then shows when Barret hits the Wasteland and Gabriel hits the 450 Splash on Undertaker on RAW. He says he knew the whole time that Undertaker is a little bitch and that Kane took all his powers. And then when this long boring saga is over the phenom will be no more. Kane then starts scream that there is nothing Undertaker can do to stop him. The bell tolls and the lights go out, cuing the Undertaker to walk out to the ring...again FREAKING SLOWLY! And he looks kind-of pissed. Probably about the SnM fantasy Kane has towards Michelle. As 'Taker storms the ring the lights go out and Kane is gone. Undertaker slows approaches the casket, ready to attack Kane. But he's not in there. Kane then comes on the tron and says that they used to be called The Brothers of Destruction. But after Night of Champions he'll only be knows as the brother he destroyed.
Smackdown Rating: 6.5/10 or 3.25/5 Stars
Last Week: N/R
It was a very solid Smackdown. The matches were all pretty good, and all the promos were done well. Especially Christian/Del Rio, Swagger/Swagger Sr. (before MVP came out) and "Dashing" Cody's promo on Hardy. Even the Kane/Undertaker is alright, albeit BORING. I was gonna give it 7/10, but the stretch from the Divas match till the damned Hornswoggle/"Buckle Up" Teddy s*** was...well s***. Still a fairly good show and about a million times better than RAWs 900th-ish episode on Monday.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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