This late night time used to be mine. The quietness. The friends to hang with. The worry free stuff. I used to love being up late, whether it was alone or with friends. But what happened? Now I resent it. I hate being up past 1 or 2 cause I know it'll just get me to thinking. About bad stuff. My self esteem issues, my lack of friends (the non-existent amount of girlfriends), the fact I'll never be good enough, hell even at times about ending it all. I try to mask these thoughts with shows on Netflix, movies, video games and streams. Sometimes it works I guess other times it just turns into background noise. Is it really that hard to be happy. I used to think I was a pretty happy guy. Life swung my way for the most part. I still love the night though. Especially if I happen to get out on a drive or shoot hoops or something. It's so silent. Peaceful. In Texas throw in that it's cooler as well. The darkness conceals. The scum the badness, the uncouth of the world. The darkness consumes. It consumes the intentions of the good people and turns them into a black hole. I love both aspects of the dark and night. The goodness it brings as well as the evil it releases. Now you're probably wondering why I'm writing this dark/light blog post. And to be quite honest, I don't even know. It just hit me that these hours used to me my time. My time to exercise my emotions in a useful way. My time to "be me" if you will. Now it's the time where I beat myself up and wish that everything was different and I don't think or want the things I can't have. Now for me it's alone. It's the time where I get to practice what I always will be I guess. Is this an "emo post"? Yes. Could this be a sad post? Of course it is. But it's all good. I'm starting to accept that I'll probably end up being alone. In the daytime and at night.
KiD CuDi- "Solo Dolo (Nightmare)" from Man on the Moon: The End of Day
"(Yawn)
Listen Good
I don't have nobody
But what I might feel all the sounds of sanity
Hoping what I hear, loops itself continuously
Then I won't be afraid
No No
[Chorus:]
Oh woah woah woah
Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right
Oh woah woah woah
Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes
I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo
Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Look at me
You tell me
Just what you see
Am I, someone whom, you may love, or enemy
Am I speaken for, you and yours, or someone else
I need some answers
Yeah Yeah
[Chorus:]
Oh woah woah woah
Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right
Oh woah woah woah
Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes
I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo
Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh
My world turns
Flippin the bird
To the ones who figure, me
Outkast no not the duo
Back at Shaker Heights
When they knew
Though little brother was a strange one
Boo hoo
Cry me a river
Hater look who
Traveled out an igloo
Cold cold world wasn't fit for me at, oh
Look at where I stand at
Tall, Clutchin my kid cudi bizalls
Mute mutha fuckas back home
Quick pause
Gargle on my mayo
Look at me I bet I'm the one you think the fail
Floatin in my mind
No Sail
Ahoy
Ahoy
Listen Good
I don't need nobody
This is what you feel all the sounds of insanity
Hopin what I hear loops itself to finish me
No I won't be afraid
Hey Hey
[Chorus:]
Oh woh woah woah
Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right
Oh woah woah woah
Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes
I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo
Why must it feel so right when I know that it's wrong, it's wrong
When will I ever learn from the words from my songs
It's quite true. I'm the "friend" or person someone goes to once they're friends are busy or after they're done with their plans and days. Tac this onto the "Realizations" post from last night. And yes this'll probably be another emo post. It's never let's plan do stuff with me. Or hey let's get together with ole Matt and do something. I'm the last call guy if you will. Then a lot of the times people just ignore me end the end and I end up alone. I used "end" too many times there I'm sure. This is just another thing to add to my plate I guess. I'm not going to go into a huge paragraph like last night, but it just hurts to be alone you know. It hurts to be the last call or the last resort for people. Short thought, short post.
Quite frankly, suck. This is easily the second time this has hit me in the face I should take a cue and listen to it. This won't be long. It'll be full of me saying low self esteem-y things though. Even if you're the nicest person self esteem issues can cripple you. I know a lot people that are down on them selves, and even lately (A TON) it hits me in the gut. Everyone I know has had "the time of their" lives, even if it was only fleeting. Yup here comes the whiny rant. The one girl, the flings, the one boy, etc. Me, nah. Not for lack of trying, I've been rejected more times than I care to count. I've gotten some, but never anything substantial. It sours me. It sours me when people don't see how awesome they are. When they constantly have guys or girls all over them or wanting and they still think nothing of themselves. It might be a vanity issue, but Jesus you people are liked enough by people to have them go all out for you. Me? That's never happened to. I get to sit listen to it and sulk because that's what I do. You go off about that one girl or guy and I go into a tail spin because it's never happened with me. Maybe it's the girls I chose, maybe it's me. Hell, it's probably me. I'm lazy, fay, ugly, and fucking stutter my ass off around girls and get shy. Who would want me, and so far, and it will probably stay, no one. I wish I didn't fall for girls, I wish the ones I did happen to like would've given me the time of day and wish that I could just get over some instead of beating myself up emotionally over hat's most likely never gonna happen. But I won't get over it, I probably never will either. So I'll just go on, content in the fact that girls will never "want me" and I guess that's fine. Sad, sure, but I guess I gotta accept it. Meh, /end emo rant about being forever alone.
I was hungry today. I wanted to make something new. I think I nailed it. Enjoy if you make this yourself. I already have additions and substitutions I wanna try out too. Oh baby. Side note, don't try to cook eggs on a Foreman, doesn't work. Haha.
Ingredients
2 Linder's Plain bagels
4 strips of Hormel Bacon
4 Jimmy Dean sausage patties
2 Eggs
2 Slices of Cheese
Cream Cheese
Olive Oil
Simply Orange orange juice
1 George Foreman Grill
1 Four Slot toaster
1 Skillet
1 Spatula
1 Tongs
How to make
Cook the bacon on the Foreman for about 10 minutes and then let dry in a paper towel
Take your 4 sausage patties and combine 2 of them so you now have 2 bigger patties
Place on Foreman grill for about 5-6 minutes
Now take your 2 eggs and baste in the olive oil and flip them on your skillet
Once done put them in a paper towel
Cut open two Lender's bagels and place them in the toaster
Once done toasting set them up on a plate
Put half of each cheese slice on the bottom of the bagel for layers one and two
Then for layer three, put your eggs on
Layer four you take two slices of bacon, tear them in half, and place them in a X shape
Layer five you put a sausage patty on each sandwich
For layer six you put the other half of the cheese slices on the sausage
For layers seven and eight it's putting the cream cheese on the top on the bagel half and completing the sammich
Pour yourself a cup of OJ and enjoy this masterpiece
Hormel Bacon on the Foreman
Bacon done with sausage about to go on Foreman
Dem Jimmy Dean sausage patties done
One of the two basted eggs
Two cut open Linder's bagels
Bagels in the toaster
Layer 1 bagel, layer 2 cheese, layer 3 eggs
All of this about to be put together
Layer 4, a bacon strip torn in half, placed in an X shape
Layer 5, the sausage patties
Layer 6, more cheese
Layer 7 and 8, cream cheese and obviously the bagel top
Complete product with cup of OJ in the back and extra bacon
This came on the radio today and just looked back and this was my song of the day back in December. Haha whod've thunk it? Solid song still. It was between this and Third Eye Blind with "Jumper." You're welcome.
Christina Perri- "A Thousand Years" from lovestrong
Welp here's another month and another WWE PPV. This time it's Over the Limit. Can Money in the Bank or Summerslam or In Your House get here already? At least this one isn't gimmickfied. There's potential in all announced matches and one could easily be match of the year worthy. Anywho let's dive into some wrasslin predictions!
"People Power" Battle Royal with the winner facing Santino for the United States Championship or Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Championship
This is really only for filler. If a heel wins they'd probably face Santino for the United States Championship and if a face wins they'd challenge Rhodes for the Intercontinental Championship. In either case I don't think the title would change hands. But it would be a little more likely if the person who won challenged Santino. Could be a decent match either way though I guess.
Winner (And Still United States or Intercontinental Champion): Santino or Cody Rhodes
Zack Ryder vs Kane in a singles match
I honestly have no clue why they're doing this match and of people even still remember that they at one point had a feud. Either way its in the pre-show and no ones going to remember it anyway. I expect a promo from Ryder or something before he gets killed by Kane in 10 minutes.
Winner: Kane
Layla (Diva's Champion) vs Beth Phoenix in a singles match for the WWE Diva's Championship
I love both these divas. Beth is easily the most talented diva on the roster and before Layla's injury last year she was easily the most improved. There was a good divas match at (Elimination Chamber I believe) involving Beth and Tamina. This could be another worthy match in what is usually an awful Divas division. Winner (And Still Divas Champion): Layla
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger in a tag team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship
I don't know why WWE likes to throw tag teams together and give them the belts rather than just having one of the few tag teams they have atm win the belts. Kofi is now thrown with R-Truth (before with Evan Bourne) to forever be mid-card and be a place holder champion. At least I think. While this will be a great match as all 4 men are extremely talented, I've been saying that Ziggler, Swagger or both need titles. This is their out.
Winners (And New WWE Tag Team Champions): Zig-Swag
Sheamus (World Heavyweight Champion) vs Alberto Del Rio vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton in a Fatal Four Way match for the World Heavyweight Champion
The build-up for this has wholly been between Sheamus and Randy Orton, with some Jericho hitting finishers and Del Rio taking finishers sprinkled in. This should be a very good Fatal Four Way. All the competitors are hard workers with good styles that can mesh. Sheamus the power house, Orton the methodical wrestler, Del Rio the technician, and Jericho is all around-er. Of course it will turn into a finisher-fest by the end but hopefully they get a long match and then it will be very entertaining.
Winner (And Still World Heavyweight Champion): Sheamus
CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs Daniel Bryan in a singles match for the WWE Championship
YES YES YES! This match is gonna be AWESOME. It's no secret that I love both of these guys! Both are phenomenal in the ring and on the mic. While Punk has the WWE experience that Bryan doesn't they both grew up on the indy circuit. They honed their craft and now they're fighting for what's arguably the biggest and well known title in sports entertainment. I hope they get 30 minutes and if they do this will probably rival any match from this or last year.
Winner (And New WWE Champion): Daniel Bryan
John Cena vs John Laurinaitis in a singles match (If Laurinaitis loses he is fired from the WWE)
For some reason this is gonna be the main event over a fatal four way and a mega singles match for both companies world titles. Well I guess story-line wise it's for control of the company and if the face of the company can over come. I get it, but don't make this the main event. It's yet another gimmick or "big time" match that is overshadowing all the real talent (and there is a TON of potential good matches) on the card. In short the "fired" Big Show interferes, Cena loses and Laurinaitis keeps his job. PEOPLE POWER! Winner: John Laurinaitis
Winners Kane Santino or Cody Rhodes Layla Zig-Swag Sheamus Daniel Bryan John Laurinaitis
I love this series and I love the full and shortened theme for Community. This show never fails to make me laugh and feel good whenever I watch an episode.
The 88- "At Least It Was Here" from Community: Music From The Original TV Series
Feeling bad and caring for people. It's that simple. Full on rant incoming. Lately I've been trying to get off of the "let's not give a shit" bandwagon and it's gotten me nowhere. Its gotten me anxietal feelings I haven't had in months over the past week. And holy God I've done nothing wrong. I cast (I beat BioShock 2 yesterday and it was AMAZING), I watch TV, I watch casts, I watch some movies, talk to friends on Skype and I play video games online with friends. Hell, Binding of Isaac and Mario Kart 7 are riots playing with friends. I love it. And that's literally all I do. I'm lazy, fat, ugly, I have no job, and I'm not going back to school till the fall. I have no girlfriend or any interest in any girls right now. My life is awful. YET SOMEHOW, when I try to be nice, hang out with people who are lonely/alone/bored, do the right thing, whatever, it's either shrugged off or I'm ignored. Well Jesus Christ I'm sick of it. TO TOP IT ALL OFF, my family that hardly ever comes around cause my uncle's wife practically hated us for years, comes by this week and tell me I'm depressed and I'm never going to amount to anything here in the US so I should move to China with them and work in a factory to "better myself." DHGfedgwedBVDShgb. I'm losing it. I'm a failure, all I do is disappoint people, all I do is ruin peoples lives and relationships, all the right things I do are wrong. AND FOR WHAT. Apart from posts like this, some emo Tweets/updates or watching wrestling and Twit spamming, I keep to myself. I hate it all, I'm sick of being nice, caring and understanding and being hated for it, scorned for it or ignored altogether. I'm done with it. Quit making me feel bad or just get out of my life. Cause God knows I don't have to balls to do anything about it.
Childish Gambino- "Fuck It All" from Culdesac
"[Hook:]
I ain't gonna be around for ever, so fuck it all
Seein' all this pussy, I'm a fuck it all
Fly around the world, eatin' good, drinkin' alcohol
You ain't nothing like me, nigga, not at all
I ain't gonna be around for ever, so fuck it all
Seein' all this pussy, I'm a fuck it all
Fly around the world, eatin' good, drinkin' alcohol
You ain't nothing like me, nigga, not at all
[Verse 1:]
Tell em what it is, I'm takin' great strides
Hood niggas, hipsters, I ain't trying to take sides
Ex-Girlfriend on my mind, she really fucked me up
Doing shots of whiskey 'till my friends are saying that's enough
I really really miss her, sometimes I wanna fuck it all
Mix some warm Guinness with 20 tablets of Tylenol
Call em while I'm drifting off, tell her that I love her so
Parents crying harder cause I didn't even leave a note
Saying that I'm selfish and I'm sorry that I left
But it hurts so much to wake up and I left you guys a check
Cause I ain't fucking happy, you don't know shit about me
I think it started when she said she happier without me
I really can't blame her cause I'm happier without me
I don't see what girls are seeing when they say their all about me
I'm scared they wanna trap me, these all hoes are all liars
I double bag my shit and never cum while I'm inside her
I used to be a sweet dude, now I'm so angry
Look at what these girls and these fake niggas made me
Cry when I'm writing, I don't really know why
I think it's cause I can't really see myself an old guy
And that scares me, I wanna be around a while
But I feel my purpose goes beyond having raised a child
Bright lights, they tend to burn out fast
So I shine bright, But I'm scared that it won't last
[Hook]
[Verse 2:]
I'm just about the pop, the industry just noticed it
People watching me, I feel like Amber Rose's tits
Friends of mine are over it, people say I changed
And I tell them that I'm glad, cause I don't wanna stay the same
Cause I used to be poor, I used to be unconfident
I used to hate these haters, now it's just the opposite
Not only have I changed, I'm becoming something better
And revenge is for the weak, so I have settled my vendettas
With all of the kids who made my early life a living hell
And I hope you're doing well and feeling better 'bout yourself
Don't know if you can tell, but change is usually for the better
I used to like these bitches but couldn't afford to get em
But now I'll take your girl, yeah player pay homage
That's why I fuck these bad mamas, Kate Gosselin
I'm trying to tell the world I'm nothing to be trifled with
Donald Glover staying hotter than some rifle spit
They only wanna fuck with you after you made your way
But when you started out you couldn't pay em to stay
But now I got em lined up in the lobby door
It makes me wonder what this rapping shits a hobby for
Oh that's right, because I'm gifted in another field, and another field, and another field
They say my public persona don't have enough appeal
I take a lesson from Kanye and give em something real
I'm getting all this attention I wanna do it right
That's why I'm performing for you like every single night
To all my fans who's saying Donald Glover about to blow
Just give me six months so you can say I told you so
Okay so it is Mothers Day, for the next couple of hours at the very least, and there is a top five of songs related to moms that I listen to on a semi-regular basis. Most are rap (oh man whata HUGE surprise), a couple are comedy, and my honorable mention is kinda outta nowhere and may leave you wondering why I own and/or even listen to the song haha.
Honorable Mention
Danzig- "Mother" from Danzig
5. The Lonely Island- "Mama" from Turtleneck & Chain
4. Jay-Z- "Blueprint (Mama Loves Me)" from The Blueprint
3. The Lonely Island- "Motherlover" from Turtleneck & Chain
