Night-Time

This late night time used to be mine. The quietness. The friends to hang with. The worry free stuff. I used to love being up late, whether it was alone or with friends. But what happened? Now I resent it. I hate being up past 1 or 2 cause I know it'll just get me to thinking. About bad stuff. My self esteem issues, my lack of friends (the non-existent amount of girlfriends), the fact I'll never be good enough, hell even at times about ending it all. I try to mask these thoughts with shows on Netflix, movies, video games and streams. Sometimes it works I guess other times it just turns into background noise. Is it really that hard to be happy. I used to think I was a pretty happy guy. Life swung my way for the most part. I still love the night though. Especially if I happen to get out on a drive or shoot hoops or something. It's so silent. Peaceful. In Texas throw in that it's cooler as well. The darkness conceals. The scum the badness, the uncouth of the world. The darkness consumes. It consumes the intentions of the good people and turns them into a black hole. I love both aspects of the dark and night. The goodness it brings as well as the evil it releases. Now you're probably wondering why I'm writing this dark/light blog post. And to be quite honest, I don't even know. It just hit me that these hours used to me my time. My time to exercise my emotions in a useful way. My time to "be me" if you will. Now it's the time where I beat myself up and wish that everything was different and I don't think or want the things I can't have. Now for me it's alone. It's the time where I get to practice what I always will be I guess. Is this an "emo post"? Yes. Could this be a sad post? Of course it is. But it's all good. I'm starting to accept that I'll probably end up being alone. In the daytime and at night.

KiD CuDi- "Solo Dolo (Nightmare)" from Man on the Moon: The End of Day

"(Yawn)

Listen Good

I don't have nobody

But what I might feel all the sounds of sanity

Hoping what I hear, loops itself continuously

Then I won't be afraid

No No

[Chorus:]

Oh woah woah woah

Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right

Oh woah woah woah

Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes

I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo

Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh

Look at me

You tell me

Just what you see

Am I, someone whom, you may love, or enemy

Am I speaken for, you and yours, or someone else

I need some answers

Yeah Yeah

[Chorus:]

Oh woah woah woah

Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right

Oh woah woah woah

Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes

I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo

Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh

My world turns

Flippin the bird

To the ones who figure, me

Outkast no not the duo

Back at Shaker Heights

When they knew

Though little brother was a strange one

Boo hoo

Cry me a river

Hater look who

Traveled out an igloo

Cold cold world wasn't fit for me at, oh

Look at where I stand at

Tall, Clutchin my kid cudi bizalls

Mute mutha fuckas back home

Quick pause

Gargle on my mayo

Look at me I bet I'm the one you think the fail

Floatin in my mind

No Sail

Ahoy

Ahoy

Listen Good

I don't need nobody

This is what you feel all the sounds of insanity

Hopin what I hear loops itself to finish me

No I won't be afraid

Hey Hey

[Chorus:]

Oh woh woah woah

Why must it feel so wrong when I try and do right, do right

Oh woah woah woah

Soaring through paradise when I'm closing my eyes

I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo

Why must it feel so right when I know that it's wrong, it's wrong

When will I ever learn from the words from my songs

I'm, Mr. Solo Dolo."