La de da de da nothing clever to say except SummerSlam is looking quite lackluster to me, at least on paper. Maybe a promo where Cena yells at us can get me excited. Got a pm telling me WWE said that JR is the GM. He's not, Stone Cold isn't, Piper isn't, it Abe Washington. Get over it. Anywho on that sour note by me, let's lay down the Raw.
We start out with Cena cutting a basic face promo about how The Super Friends will win at Summerfest and how he has a photoshopped picture of The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman costume. He would. Jericho comes out and calls us "paracitic hypocrites" and says this is his name. John Cena gives the team to Jericho and says it's not about them, it's about the business. Quite a leap, I guess it's still real to him, dammit! Jericho them says after Summerfest, he's gonna turn to the other thing killing the WWE, The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman outfit...err I mean John Cena. They get in each others face on que we have an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @ 8:15 CDT! The The Super Friends vs The Legion of Doom at Summerfest will be an elimination style match, and that Cena/Jericho will be in a tag match later tonight against opponents of his choosing. And if your not down that, we've got two words for ya. OMG IT MUST BE DX AS THE GM GfeghrehrehfhtwrHFrehfEs!
Randy Orton vs Jay Uso in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
"The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus, comes out to scout and do commentary. Before he can even get there, the voices told Orton to come out and make glare at him. I QUOTE @8:23 CDT! Haha The Usos are already jobbing. End match Jay covers Orton for a two. He puts him in a head lock and Orton fights up. They trade blows, and Orton delivers two clothelines and a SNAP POWERSLAM (Cole is mentally ill). He takes out Jimmy on the apron and DDTs Jay off the ropes. Randy the beats the mat and then delivers the RKO for the win. Afterward Jimmy Uso beats down Orton. Orton throws Jimmy out and RKO's Sheamus outta nowhere. The Miz comes running down with a ref looking to cash in his Money in the Bank contract. As Sheamus was getting up, before the bell rang, Orton RKO'd The Miz and yet again Miz can't cash in. I like how they're doing MitB with Miz, it keeps me excited that he could cash in at any time.
Edge can't wait for Summerslam, and wishes Teddy was on the team instead of Kalhi, cause he's clumsy, uncoordinated and stupid. Maryse is looking pretty and is yet again wearing a very non-PG dress. Ted says he's gonna beat Morrison later tonight, and Edge says if Cena doesn't see the error in his way he'll have to take out Kalhi himself.
The Miz and Sheamus are arguing in the ring, when the email sends a GM..oh wait that's how Cole screws it up. Anywho, AND I QUOTE (for a third time!!!) @8:36 CDT!, and The Miz/Sheamus will face Cena/Jericho later tonight.
Edge is on the phone when "Wonder Kalhi" storms in like a rat out of India, saying blah de blah blah blah and that Edge is a ninconpoop. He challenges Edge to a match and Edge accepts saying that if Kalhi loses (God forbid, he the future of the WWE) he;s out of The Super Friends.
Edge vs The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" in a singles match: NR
Cole is alone on commentary? My God it's like letting a mentally challenged drive a car down the LA Expressway. Cole stop calling them Team WWE, that's lamer than you babbling on commentary. End of what the Raw Writing Team calls a match, Kalhi missed a leg drop and The Nexus storms the ring. Edge high tails it, and they surround Kalhi in the ring. But they let him leave, God I wish they'd take Cole out already. I mean hell, this time he was alone!
Nexus stays in the ring as their 7 man tag is next against Team Raw. They are; Lawler, Goldust, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Bourne, The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya's Boobs. My Lord it's like they shipped straight from the Island of Misfit Toys.
Team Raw vs The Nexus in a 7-on-7 Elimination Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Screw trying to do a play by play, so Imma be different and just list out the eliminations as they happen. God I'm lazy.
1. Yoshi Tatsu eliminated by Michael Tarver after a Inverted Snap Powerslam
Vintage @8:55 CDT!
2. Jerry "The King" Lawler eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag
3. David Hart Smith eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag (Man Dolf might be getting a push)
4. Goldust eliminated by David Otunga after his spine buster
5. Mark Henry eliminated by Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield after his running clothesline
6. Tyson Kidd eliminated by Darren Young after the full Nelson into a flapjack
7. Evan Bourne eliminated by Wade Barret after the fireman's carrying into the dump over the front
Afterward they took out Bourne with Sheffield's clothesline and Gabriel's cool 450 Splash. Wade says afterward that Cenas...err Jericho's team isn't unified and that the cracks already showing in the team. Skip then says that The Super Friends are only looking out for themselves, while The Legion of Doom is willing to sacrifice for each other. Tarver closes by saying they are going to tear into the meat that is Team WWE. I'd much rather say that the WWE team is meat and that Nexus is gonna beat it. Hehe, I went there.
Sheamus and Miz are in the back and Sheamus tells Miz that now he's tried to cash in twice now. But it didn't happen and he tells Miz to name the time and place. Miz says maybe he'll cash in after he wins their tag match. After he throws Sheamus back in and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on him and Jericho slaps on the Walls. And Sheamus is yelling how he wants to quit. Fella x2 @9:12 CDT!! Sheamus hits the briefcase out of Miz's hand and they get in each others face as we go to commercial.
Alica Fox (Divas Champion) beat Brie "Whore #1" Bella w/Nikki "Whore #2" Bella in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Haha they haven't been on Raw in like weeks so now they get thrown into a match with the champ to make her look stronger. WWE can't fire them (The Bellas) either cause the Raw will be lacking Divas. The Bella try to pull a switcheroo but Jillan (WTF?) stops them from doing it. Brie trys to roll Alica up, but only get's a two. Alica them hits the scissors kick to Brie (on the back again...) for the 1-2-3. Then Jillian wants to sing for her, but Alica gets the scissors kick (for a third time in a row) to the back. Good job, give her a move she can to right.
Ted DiBise w/Maryse beat John Morrison in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
R-Truth comes out and does his terrible rapping and yelling "What's Up." He's on commentary. This match was set up after Morrison came out and saved the ref after the blown call during the Maryse/Eve match last week. Shut up please! It's like 3 toddlers arguing about finger paints in kindergarten. End match Morrison hits a back heel kick, and the a Pele kick in the corner on DiBiase. Maryse distracts Morrison, Truth distracts Ted, who drop toe holds Morrison into Truth. Then DiBiase rolls him up for the three count. Afterward I think we might have a heel turn by Morrison and they're both arguing all the way up the ramp. Cena is watching in the back and he's melting like the Wicked Witch of the East after water is thrown on her. Haha.
Recap of the recap they showed earlier on what happened when The Super Friends were formed last week. God we know, why waste time with these f***ing things when Ted/Morrison (great workers) get a 3 minute match. You baffle and piss me off Raw Writing Team.
Cole and King put on their concerned voices at how The Super Friends were busting at the seams. LMFAO Josh "Goofy Smile Matthews' "very special guest" is 'The Viper' Randy Orton. God Cole it's an interview not a Goddamn Red Carpet at the Oscars. Orton says that his message was that whoever he faced at Summerslam would lose to the RKO.
Sheamus (WWE Champion)/The Miz (Money in the Bank/United States Champion) beat John Cena/Chris Jericho in a tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Really Raw and Summerslam are sponsored by 7-11, God I never would've guessed. The Miz out first, and next out is his partner Sheamus. Third out is the best in the world at what he does and the emperor of the WWE, Chris Jericho himself. Of course Cena is out last. Never mind he's not MitB winner or a current champion, he sells a lot of t-shirts and gets a good pop. Miz starts with Cena, too bad his cheap shot didn't work. A third "Y2J" chant erupts from the crowd after he's tagged in. Jericho sends Sheamus over the top rope and chases Miz off the apron as we cut to yet another freaking commercial. There has been waaayyy to many tonight. AND I QUOTE @9:56 CDT! A 4th time in one night, I'm over loading! End match Jericho fights out of a submission by Sheamus but gets The Blarney Stone instead. It only gets Sheamus a two. Shemaus and Jericho start dropping bombs, but Sheamus makes the tag to Miz. Miz works over Jericho. Jericho kicks Miz in the chin and this hit a missile dropkick on Miz. Y2J doesn't make it to Cena due to Sheamus coming in off the tag. Sheamus puts him in a submission, but Jericho fights up, but Sheamus drags him to his corner and tags Miz in. Miz stomps and punches Jericho in the corner and misses his clothesline into the corner. Y2J tags in Cena and miz tags on Sheamus. Cena with the shoulder blocks and the back suplex into the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Vintage Cena @10:01 CDT! Sheamus distracts the ref afterward and the outta nowhere Jericho give Cena a Codebreaker and Miz covers him for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Jericho slaps the Wall of Jericho on Cena. Cena reverses it into the STF onto Jericho. Kalhi comes out to mediate but gets speared by Edge. Morrison and Truth come out now. Kalhi then axe handles Truth and Morrison to close out Raw.
Raw rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'll keep this short. I liked Nexus dominating, I liked Orton cause he's on fire, I like all the Miz/Sheamus interactions, Jericho as always, and the crowd was hot. Everything else was crap! Coles more retarded than ever, there was like 20 commercial breaks, the matches were all short, bad, or unentertaining. And bah God after Cena takes the Codebreaker, loses the match and has the Wall of Jericho slapped on him he still has to Superman up (he doesn't tap at all) and reverse it into the STF and Jericho taps within seconds. Maye it just me being pissy but this Raw was on par with last week, some good that was really good, but the rest was bad. Not the worst ever, but far far from the best.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 7/19/10
RAW is war...or not anymore. But it is one night after a solid money in the Bank PPV, Kane is the new World Champ on Smackdown, The Miz is Raw's Mr. Money in the Bank, and Sheamus is still WWE Champ! all in all it was a good PPV, and judging from Henry/Barret later tonight this could be the best Raw ever!
Randy Orton beat Edge/Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Can I just say..YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Imma bask in the glory of this awesomeness. Viper @8:06 CDT! Nice double DDT by Orton, that's a cool spot. Vintage @8:10 CDT! I should stop now and give Raw a 10/10 for Cole saying "Vintage" in the first ten minutes. We get ASK HIM from Jericho with Orton in a chin lock. Orton fights up and hits a powerslam for a long to. Orton then works on Edge and hits his inverted backbreaker on Edge for another two. Orton goes for the DDT on Jericho and he counters into the walls. Edge breaks it up after a long time and hits Edgecution for a long two. Edge sets up for the spear, but Y2J ducks it and turns it into Wall, but Edge gets to the ropes and sends Jericho outside. Orton goes for the RKO but gets the Edge-O-Matic for a two. Edge goes for a spear but Y2J intercepts it. Orton rolls up Y2J for a two, then Edge rolls up Orton for a two. Everyone hits a clothesline on each other, and Edge gets thrown out of the ring. Orton goes for the RKO on Jericho, but it countered and Jericho goes for a Lionsault but Orton moves. Jericho landed on his feet, but gets RKO'd then Edge bum rushes in and gets RKO'd as he does. Orton covers Edge, gets the 1-2-3 and becomes No.1 contender for Sheamus' title at Summerfest!
Edge is going berserk in the ring calling for Chris Jercho cause he wants to end the "thing" they've had going for the last 11 years. And they both claim that their the reason why Nexus has gone this far. Que Nexus and they circled Edge and said they could take him out for good, before they took him out. They then turn on Jericho as well. I wonder if all the heels are still on their side.
Barret has an interview where he yells "Bloody" and makes Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews piss himself and John Cena is sick of The Nexus beating everyone and says no one can beat them, and that later in the ring he wants them to talk with him. He closes by saying "If you can't beat 'em."
Eve Torres beat Maryse in a singles match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww my sweet summer's Eve, and I'm sad her push may be over. But it's not! An inept ref lets Eve become the No.1 Contender for the Divas title! Yeah!
Ted gets in and trys to get him to reverse the call to no avail. He should've paid him off. Morrison came out to the ring, shirtless for no reason, and took out Teddy as they go to commercial.
Ah, the good old Pale White Yonder, our WWE Champion Seamus wants to talk and we all shall listen. He says he's been Cena three times now, and it's dominance, and that he looked Barret in the eye and kissed him on the mouth.....I mean made a truce with Nexus. The Miz comes out and says he can cash it in against him or Orton or whoever, wherever and wherever he wants. "And I quote" @9:04 CDT! The GM said Miz needs to stay close to ringside cause Bourne has a match with Sheamus now.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) vs Evan Bourne in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Vintage someone not being ready for a match. End match Sheamus works on Evan in the corner and wraps him around the ring-post. Sheamus then takes Evan to the middle of the ring and rags on him, but Bourne fights up. Evan throws a kick but then gets hit with a massive powerslam only giving Sheamus a two. Sheamus goes back to the potential submission but Evan fights up again. He get out and kicks Sheamus in the hamstrings, but gets thrown in the corner and Bourne starts throwing kicks and knees. Evan then rolls him up for a long two. Sheamus is in position for for the Shooting Star Press but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. He kicks Evan as he was getting in the ring and gave him the Blarney Boot @9:17 CDT for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Miz takes Sheamus out and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the briefcase and wants to cash it in, but Sheamus never got to his feet. While Sheamus was laid out R-Truth came out and Miz bailed, and since the match never started he still has Money in the Bank.
Miz and "Goofy Smile" is in the back and he's pissed that R-Truth came out and ruined his title shot, but that he'll have till July 17, 2011 to cash in.
Sheamus is walking in the back and decides to yell and random jobber Divas, before he runs into Orton saying at Summerfest Sheamus will have a bullzeye for his RKO to find. But not like an arrow or bullet. Not like those.
Sheamus/Vladimir Kozlof beat William Regal/Zack Ryder in a a tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
All that needs to be said it that Santino gets the win off Zack after The People Headbutt, and yes I'm so calling ti that from now on.
Wade "The Botanist" Barret beat Mark Henry in singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
The Kool-Aid is cherry flavored tonight, DON'T SPILL IT! End match Herny hits a powerslam on Wade for a looonng two. Henry drags him to the side and goes to the second rope. Nexus walks up onto the stage and Henry got distracted. Barret kicked him the face and then hit The Planter Box (it was impressive to me) for the 1-2-3.
Nexus is in the ring and Tarver tells Cena that resistance is futile. Cena comes out and says he's only had two (he's had three) WWE Championship matches that Nexus has cost him. Barret says he's not interested in have a truce with Cena but he wants him to join them. Cena, surprisingly, says no. Barret says that now, he can either leave with his tail between his legs, or get the worst beating yet. But wait! Cena has formed the Justice Friend, that consists of himself, Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Kahli, Chris Jericho, and Bret Hart. Amazing the Punjabi Jobber, a 50+ year old Legend, and the Injured R-Truth...The Super Friends will beat The Legion of Doom for the sole fact that Cena and Hart are on the team. Once again WWE has stabbed me in the gut, twisted the knife and raised the blade in my gut.
Raw Rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I didn't write a lot cause I spent for time cracking jokes and trying to tell my friend who thinks all heels are bad and all faces are great, that all of it's fake, and WWE like wrestlers and that if they go heel or face or do whatever they do is ok'd by WWE and is actually in the best interests of everyone or for storyline. He's been a fan for about as long as me -_-. Anywho, the triple threat to start the show was great, and then it was all a meh blur until the end which showed promise until Cena formed the Super Friends to counteract Barrets Legion of Doom. That's right, someone spilt the Kool Aid. WHAT IS THEIR MALFUNCTION?!?!
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Randy Orton beat Edge/Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Can I just say..YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Imma bask in the glory of this awesomeness. Viper @8:06 CDT! Nice double DDT by Orton, that's a cool spot. Vintage @8:10 CDT! I should stop now and give Raw a 10/10 for Cole saying "Vintage" in the first ten minutes. We get ASK HIM from Jericho with Orton in a chin lock. Orton fights up and hits a powerslam for a long to. Orton then works on Edge and hits his inverted backbreaker on Edge for another two. Orton goes for the DDT on Jericho and he counters into the walls. Edge breaks it up after a long time and hits Edgecution for a long two. Edge sets up for the spear, but Y2J ducks it and turns it into Wall, but Edge gets to the ropes and sends Jericho outside. Orton goes for the RKO but gets the Edge-O-Matic for a two. Edge goes for a spear but Y2J intercepts it. Orton rolls up Y2J for a two, then Edge rolls up Orton for a two. Everyone hits a clothesline on each other, and Edge gets thrown out of the ring. Orton goes for the RKO on Jericho, but it countered and Jericho goes for a Lionsault but Orton moves. Jericho landed on his feet, but gets RKO'd then Edge bum rushes in and gets RKO'd as he does. Orton covers Edge, gets the 1-2-3 and becomes No.1 contender for Sheamus' title at Summerfest!
Edge is going berserk in the ring calling for Chris Jercho cause he wants to end the "thing" they've had going for the last 11 years. And they both claim that their the reason why Nexus has gone this far. Que Nexus and they circled Edge and said they could take him out for good, before they took him out. They then turn on Jericho as well. I wonder if all the heels are still on their side.
Barret has an interview where he yells "Bloody" and makes Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews piss himself and John Cena is sick of The Nexus beating everyone and says no one can beat them, and that later in the ring he wants them to talk with him. He closes by saying "If you can't beat 'em."
Eve Torres beat Maryse in a singles match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww my sweet summer's Eve, and I'm sad her push may be over. But it's not! An inept ref lets Eve become the No.1 Contender for the Divas title! Yeah!
Ted gets in and trys to get him to reverse the call to no avail. He should've paid him off. Morrison came out to the ring, shirtless for no reason, and took out Teddy as they go to commercial.
Ah, the good old Pale White Yonder, our WWE Champion Seamus wants to talk and we all shall listen. He says he's been Cena three times now, and it's dominance, and that he looked Barret in the eye and kissed him on the mouth.....I mean made a truce with Nexus. The Miz comes out and says he can cash it in against him or Orton or whoever, wherever and wherever he wants. "And I quote" @9:04 CDT! The GM said Miz needs to stay close to ringside cause Bourne has a match with Sheamus now.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) vs Evan Bourne in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Vintage someone not being ready for a match. End match Sheamus works on Evan in the corner and wraps him around the ring-post. Sheamus then takes Evan to the middle of the ring and rags on him, but Bourne fights up. Evan throws a kick but then gets hit with a massive powerslam only giving Sheamus a two. Sheamus goes back to the potential submission but Evan fights up again. He get out and kicks Sheamus in the hamstrings, but gets thrown in the corner and Bourne starts throwing kicks and knees. Evan then rolls him up for a long two. Sheamus is in position for for the Shooting Star Press but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. He kicks Evan as he was getting in the ring and gave him the Blarney Boot @9:17 CDT for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Miz takes Sheamus out and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the briefcase and wants to cash it in, but Sheamus never got to his feet. While Sheamus was laid out R-Truth came out and Miz bailed, and since the match never started he still has Money in the Bank.
Miz and "Goofy Smile" is in the back and he's pissed that R-Truth came out and ruined his title shot, but that he'll have till July 17, 2011 to cash in.
Sheamus is walking in the back and decides to yell and random jobber Divas, before he runs into Orton saying at Summerfest Sheamus will have a bullzeye for his RKO to find. But not like an arrow or bullet. Not like those.
Sheamus/Vladimir Kozlof beat William Regal/Zack Ryder in a a tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
All that needs to be said it that Santino gets the win off Zack after The People Headbutt, and yes I'm so calling ti that from now on.
Wade "The Botanist" Barret beat Mark Henry in singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
The Kool-Aid is cherry flavored tonight, DON'T SPILL IT! End match Herny hits a powerslam on Wade for a looonng two. Henry drags him to the side and goes to the second rope. Nexus walks up onto the stage and Henry got distracted. Barret kicked him the face and then hit The Planter Box (it was impressive to me) for the 1-2-3.
Nexus is in the ring and Tarver tells Cena that resistance is futile. Cena comes out and says he's only had two (he's had three) WWE Championship matches that Nexus has cost him. Barret says he's not interested in have a truce with Cena but he wants him to join them. Cena, surprisingly, says no. Barret says that now, he can either leave with his tail between his legs, or get the worst beating yet. But wait! Cena has formed the Justice Friend, that consists of himself, Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Kahli, Chris Jericho, and Bret Hart. Amazing the Punjabi Jobber, a 50+ year old Legend, and the Injured R-Truth...The Super Friends will beat The Legion of Doom for the sole fact that Cena and Hart are on the team. Once again WWE has stabbed me in the gut, twisted the knife and raised the blade in my gut.
Raw Rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I didn't write a lot cause I spent for time cracking jokes and trying to tell my friend who thinks all heels are bad and all faces are great, that all of it's fake, and WWE like wrestlers and that if they go heel or face or do whatever they do is ok'd by WWE and is actually in the best interests of everyone or for storyline. He's been a fan for about as long as me -_-. Anywho, the triple threat to start the show was great, and then it was all a meh blur until the end which showed promise until Cena formed the Super Friends to counteract Barrets Legion of Doom. That's right, someone spilt the Kool Aid. WHAT IS THEIR MALFUNCTION?!?!
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown! 7/16/2010
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack, and Fat Jesus is itching to do the Lowdown, and my predictions for Money in the Bank this Sunday! I've got a new laptop, it's running faster than the Divas from Batista, and the Nexus and their awesome shirt I want are reeking awesomeness havoc all over everything. Anywho here comes the review of Smackdown that has only been ok the past month or so. Anywho, without further adieu, lets us Smacketh down the lowdown!
We open with the new opening with them now saying Classlie Freddie Blassie, and Jericho pics. Along with Vince replacing Good Old JR with Michael "I Wanna Rip My Ears Off" Cole. All cause JR was on-camera at UFC116 when Lesnar made that great comeback against Carwin to win the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship. Vince is going a tad senile in my mind, I and wouldn't mind if someone who was more lenient and aware of the trends would take over.
We get a recap of Big Show and Swagger last week, where Big Show was gonna avenge Rey, like Kane is trying to do Undertaker? I smell a tag team forming. Swagger was beat up to the stage when he kicked Show in the knee, and the did a Knee DDT to close out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)beat "Lisping" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via DQ: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I really like the mirror thing they have Cody doing when he comes out. And when he hung Cody up and kciked him before the commercial looked nasty. End match Cody hits a second rope bulldog that gets only a two. Cody charges the corner but takes a boot. They go to the top where it looks like Cody is gonna superplex Kofi. Kofi knocks Cody off and hits a huge high crossbody on Rhodes.
Then all hell breaks loose cause Kane bum rushes the ring and takes out Rhodes and Kingstion. He yells that there's gonna be a bludgeoning tonight and that there will be VENGEANCE @7:17 CDT!
We get a package of Swagger taking out Rey's knee over the past weeks, leading into Rey getting his ankle taped up by the trainer. Rey said he's gonna go out later tonight and forfeit the title to Jack......not (Vintage Borat). He said that the title and the fans are what's gonna give him the strength and blah blah blah LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP! Anywho cut to Swagger who obviously on the phone with his dad who's on his way to the arena to help Swagger with his alibi. "Traffic, in Kentucky? They don't have anywhere to go" <-Swagger has come up with some pretty great one liners.
Drew "Mr. Chosen Himself" McIntyre beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Drew entrance theme is still awesome BTW. Holy crap fast and furious star, a really nice back and forth-fest till Drew took over. A "Let's Go Christian" chant breaks out. Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Drew pushes him off the top rope and it looked like Christian took a hard spill going down as we cut to commercial break. End match Christan hits said tornado DDT, but it only get's a two count. He works over Drew, Drew catches him, but Christan turns it into and inverted DDT for a two. Christan then hits a missile dropkick which gets yet another two. Christan then goes to the well one to many times and gets booted in the gut going for a crossbody. Drew only gets a two out of it. Christan goes for the sunset flip off the ropes, but he;s stopped and Drew goes for a second rope German, but Christan hits the sunset flip for the two. Christan then hits a flying upper-cut, and sets up for the Killswitch, but Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, it's countered into the Killswitch, but Drew gets to the ropes. While the ref is breaking it up, Drew throws a thumb to the eye and slung Christan into the ropes allowing him to hit the Future Shock for the pinfall.
Albertio Del Rio is the man who doesn't lie and he's a scholar too. He tells us he didn't squander his education away like all of us, and apparently his butler, did. He didn't talk with his hands this week, if he doesn't in his next promo Imma riot.
Yes! The Straight Edge Savior, The Pastor of Purity, El Luchador de Savoir is in the ring and he wants to preach to us. He tells us that despite all the rumors there is no cracks or real crack in the ranks of the SES. Que the Big Show and he does a promo on how how SES is boring to him and puts America alseep. CM Punk says he wants to see his 450lbs babble down off a ladder to the center of the earth and Big Show asks why he's gotta be hurtful. Big Show breaks a couple of ladders trying to climb them, he then brings out the cuedegra of ladder, that is dipped in gold and can support 2000 lbs. CM Punk says if he were in the match he'd win for a third time. Then The Masked Avenger and Gallows take Show down and Punks climbs the stairway to heaven. But Show gets up and throws Gallows/Avenger outta the ring and the climbs up and unmasks CM Punk allowing the sweet glare of the lights off his head. It's not a shock to me cause they put a video of Punk bald on the Over the Limit dvd and I've already seen him bald. Not a bad promo at all, I laughed probably too much haha.
Sidenote: I got the Satan's Prison: Elimination Chamber Anthology dvd set and there's a mini-movie poster of Big Show's movie coming out in the fall, "Knucklehead" and I wanna see it.
Another nice one liner by Swagger as he said there's only two roads in Kentucky, how'd they get lost. He also needs to call JG Wentworth, cause he wants his evidence and he wants it now.
Kelly Kelly/Chris "Titty Dance" Masters beat Layla (Womens Champion)/Trent Baretta w/Caylen Croft in a mixed tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Wow it was short match noone got tagged, Rosa came out and inadvertently distracted The Dudebusters and Layla. Masters took them out on the outside, allowing Kelly to hit her K2 (Like the F5?) for the win.
They ran down the main card for the Money in the Bank PPV this Sunday. God Raw MitB match looked so good until they added Mark Henry.
Dolf "The Emo Magnet" Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero "The Emo Whale" beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As Matt walks down to the ring, he says if he wins, he gonna cash it that night on whoever is World Heavyweight Champ and he'll walk out of Money in the Ban as "Matt Hardy, World Heavyweight Champion". That is much too much cleveage from Vickie to boot, it's like looking down into a endless pit. We go to commercial with everyone but the ref outside the ring. And that's exactly how you go to commercial. End match
Dolf hits a blcokbuster, that get's him a two count. Haha "Dolfins". Dolf chokes Matt in the ropes and walks all over him ,but Hardy fights back, and hits clothelines into a flapjack on Ziggler for a two. Matt drops the elbow which gets a two. Ziggler blocks the side effect, but Matt hits a huge powerbomb for a long two. But Matt missed the moonsault crashing nad burning. Dolf rolls him up for another uber long two count. Hardy finally hits the Side Effect but Dolf gets two fingers on the bottom rope. Dolf slapped on the sleeper outta nowhere, but Matt Hardy slung him into to the turnbuckles. Vickie gets on the apron at this point as Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Dolf almost pushes him into Vickie allowing, Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Hardy for the 1-2-3.
(Happened right before the Ziggler/Hardy match started)Alberto Del Rio with another promo, god dammit man TALK WITH YOUR HANDS! YES! You haven't failed me you statue talking to, spitting in the eyes Truthman! Alberto, you have been hurt, you have been hurt, who did this, who did this?
Swagger's dad gets here with his alibi, and they head out to the ring so Jack doesn't get raped in the red room by Kane. AWWW YEAH, I gotcha where I want ya....I'm bored, don't judge. He says being on a pedestal, lets you forget that you have friends, family, etc. But he focused on getting back he title. Exhibit A, you're a workout junkie. Exhibit B, your fish for sport in your spare time...awesome. Exhibit C, he went Kobiashi, redneck style. And Kane is sick of all the exhibits and such apparently. Big surprise, Kane doesn't believe a word Swagger said and goes to chokeslam him. He hits Kane with the mic and slaps on the ankle lock for awhile. Rey saves the day and Kane has both Swagger read for a choke slam. Jack gets out but Kane chokeslams Father Swagger and then tombstones the 70+ year old man. If Vince were awake he'd be pissed.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
It was amazing, but it wasn't great. The Big Show/CM Punk promo was good and the Swagger Family one at the end was ok. The Rhodes, Hardy and Christian matches were also good watches, so it was pleases. Money in the Bank looks to be a solid PPV and Smackdown did a good job promoting it and getting us ready for it. Bravo.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We open with the new opening with them now saying Classlie Freddie Blassie, and Jericho pics. Along with Vince replacing Good Old JR with Michael "I Wanna Rip My Ears Off" Cole. All cause JR was on-camera at UFC116 when Lesnar made that great comeback against Carwin to win the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship. Vince is going a tad senile in my mind, I and wouldn't mind if someone who was more lenient and aware of the trends would take over.
We get a recap of Big Show and Swagger last week, where Big Show was gonna avenge Rey, like Kane is trying to do Undertaker? I smell a tag team forming. Swagger was beat up to the stage when he kicked Show in the knee, and the did a Knee DDT to close out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)beat "Lisping" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via DQ: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I really like the mirror thing they have Cody doing when he comes out. And when he hung Cody up and kciked him before the commercial looked nasty. End match Cody hits a second rope bulldog that gets only a two. Cody charges the corner but takes a boot. They go to the top where it looks like Cody is gonna superplex Kofi. Kofi knocks Cody off and hits a huge high crossbody on Rhodes.
Then all hell breaks loose cause Kane bum rushes the ring and takes out Rhodes and Kingstion. He yells that there's gonna be a bludgeoning tonight and that there will be VENGEANCE @7:17 CDT!
We get a package of Swagger taking out Rey's knee over the past weeks, leading into Rey getting his ankle taped up by the trainer. Rey said he's gonna go out later tonight and forfeit the title to Jack......not (Vintage Borat). He said that the title and the fans are what's gonna give him the strength and blah blah blah LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP! Anywho cut to Swagger who obviously on the phone with his dad who's on his way to the arena to help Swagger with his alibi. "Traffic, in Kentucky? They don't have anywhere to go" <-Swagger has come up with some pretty great one liners.
Drew "Mr. Chosen Himself" McIntyre beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Drew entrance theme is still awesome BTW. Holy crap fast and furious star, a really nice back and forth-fest till Drew took over. A "Let's Go Christian" chant breaks out. Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Drew pushes him off the top rope and it looked like Christian took a hard spill going down as we cut to commercial break. End match Christan hits said tornado DDT, but it only get's a two count. He works over Drew, Drew catches him, but Christan turns it into and inverted DDT for a two. Christan then hits a missile dropkick which gets yet another two. Christan then goes to the well one to many times and gets booted in the gut going for a crossbody. Drew only gets a two out of it. Christan goes for the sunset flip off the ropes, but he;s stopped and Drew goes for a second rope German, but Christan hits the sunset flip for the two. Christan then hits a flying upper-cut, and sets up for the Killswitch, but Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, it's countered into the Killswitch, but Drew gets to the ropes. While the ref is breaking it up, Drew throws a thumb to the eye and slung Christan into the ropes allowing him to hit the Future Shock for the pinfall.
Albertio Del Rio is the man who doesn't lie and he's a scholar too. He tells us he didn't squander his education away like all of us, and apparently his butler, did. He didn't talk with his hands this week, if he doesn't in his next promo Imma riot.
Yes! The Straight Edge Savior, The Pastor of Purity, El Luchador de Savoir is in the ring and he wants to preach to us. He tells us that despite all the rumors there is no cracks or real crack in the ranks of the SES. Que the Big Show and he does a promo on how how SES is boring to him and puts America alseep. CM Punk says he wants to see his 450lbs babble down off a ladder to the center of the earth and Big Show asks why he's gotta be hurtful. Big Show breaks a couple of ladders trying to climb them, he then brings out the cuedegra of ladder, that is dipped in gold and can support 2000 lbs. CM Punk says if he were in the match he'd win for a third time. Then The Masked Avenger and Gallows take Show down and Punks climbs the stairway to heaven. But Show gets up and throws Gallows/Avenger outta the ring and the climbs up and unmasks CM Punk allowing the sweet glare of the lights off his head. It's not a shock to me cause they put a video of Punk bald on the Over the Limit dvd and I've already seen him bald. Not a bad promo at all, I laughed probably too much haha.
Sidenote: I got the Satan's Prison: Elimination Chamber Anthology dvd set and there's a mini-movie poster of Big Show's movie coming out in the fall, "Knucklehead" and I wanna see it.
Another nice one liner by Swagger as he said there's only two roads in Kentucky, how'd they get lost. He also needs to call JG Wentworth, cause he wants his evidence and he wants it now.
Kelly Kelly/Chris "Titty Dance" Masters beat Layla (Womens Champion)/Trent Baretta w/Caylen Croft in a mixed tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Wow it was short match noone got tagged, Rosa came out and inadvertently distracted The Dudebusters and Layla. Masters took them out on the outside, allowing Kelly to hit her K2 (Like the F5?) for the win.
They ran down the main card for the Money in the Bank PPV this Sunday. God Raw MitB match looked so good until they added Mark Henry.
Dolf "The Emo Magnet" Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero "The Emo Whale" beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As Matt walks down to the ring, he says if he wins, he gonna cash it that night on whoever is World Heavyweight Champ and he'll walk out of Money in the Ban as "Matt Hardy, World Heavyweight Champion". That is much too much cleveage from Vickie to boot, it's like looking down into a endless pit. We go to commercial with everyone but the ref outside the ring. And that's exactly how you go to commercial. End match
Dolf hits a blcokbuster, that get's him a two count. Haha "Dolfins". Dolf chokes Matt in the ropes and walks all over him ,but Hardy fights back, and hits clothelines into a flapjack on Ziggler for a two. Matt drops the elbow which gets a two. Ziggler blocks the side effect, but Matt hits a huge powerbomb for a long two. But Matt missed the moonsault crashing nad burning. Dolf rolls him up for another uber long two count. Hardy finally hits the Side Effect but Dolf gets two fingers on the bottom rope. Dolf slapped on the sleeper outta nowhere, but Matt Hardy slung him into to the turnbuckles. Vickie gets on the apron at this point as Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Dolf almost pushes him into Vickie allowing, Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Hardy for the 1-2-3.
(Happened right before the Ziggler/Hardy match started)Alberto Del Rio with another promo, god dammit man TALK WITH YOUR HANDS! YES! You haven't failed me you statue talking to, spitting in the eyes Truthman! Alberto, you have been hurt, you have been hurt, who did this, who did this?
Swagger's dad gets here with his alibi, and they head out to the ring so Jack doesn't get raped in the red room by Kane. AWWW YEAH, I gotcha where I want ya....I'm bored, don't judge. He says being on a pedestal, lets you forget that you have friends, family, etc. But he focused on getting back he title. Exhibit A, you're a workout junkie. Exhibit B, your fish for sport in your spare time...awesome. Exhibit C, he went Kobiashi, redneck style. And Kane is sick of all the exhibits and such apparently. Big surprise, Kane doesn't believe a word Swagger said and goes to chokeslam him. He hits Kane with the mic and slaps on the ankle lock for awhile. Rey saves the day and Kane has both Swagger read for a choke slam. Jack gets out but Kane chokeslams Father Swagger and then tombstones the 70+ year old man. If Vince were awake he'd be pissed.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
It was amazing, but it wasn't great. The Big Show/CM Punk promo was good and the Swagger Family one at the end was ok. The Rhodes, Hardy and Christian matches were also good watches, so it was pleases. Money in the Bank looks to be a solid PPV and Smackdown did a good job promoting it and getting us ready for it. Bravo.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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