I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack, and Fat Jesus is itching to do the Lowdown, and my predictions for Money in the Bank this Sunday! I've got a new laptop, it's running faster than the Divas from Batista, and the Nexus and their awesome shirt I want are reeking awesomeness havoc all over everything. Anywho here comes the review of Smackdown that has only been ok the past month or so. Anywho, without further adieu, lets us Smacketh down the lowdown!
We open with the new opening with them now saying Classlie Freddie Blassie, and Jericho pics. Along with Vince replacing Good Old JR with Michael "I Wanna Rip My Ears Off" Cole. All cause JR was on-camera at UFC116 when Lesnar made that great comeback against Carwin to win the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship. Vince is going a tad senile in my mind, I and wouldn't mind if someone who was more lenient and aware of the trends would take over.
We get a recap of Big Show and Swagger last week, where Big Show was gonna avenge Rey, like Kane is trying to do Undertaker? I smell a tag team forming. Swagger was beat up to the stage when he kicked Show in the knee, and the did a Knee DDT to close out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)beat "Lisping" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via DQ: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I really like the mirror thing they have Cody doing when he comes out. And when he hung Cody up and kciked him before the commercial looked nasty. End match Cody hits a second rope bulldog that gets only a two. Cody charges the corner but takes a boot. They go to the top where it looks like Cody is gonna superplex Kofi. Kofi knocks Cody off and hits a huge high crossbody on Rhodes.
Then all hell breaks loose cause Kane bum rushes the ring and takes out Rhodes and Kingstion. He yells that there's gonna be a bludgeoning tonight and that there will be VENGEANCE @7:17 CDT!
We get a package of Swagger taking out Rey's knee over the past weeks, leading into Rey getting his ankle taped up by the trainer. Rey said he's gonna go out later tonight and forfeit the title to Jack......not (Vintage Borat). He said that the title and the fans are what's gonna give him the strength and blah blah blah LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP! Anywho cut to Swagger who obviously on the phone with his dad who's on his way to the arena to help Swagger with his alibi. "Traffic, in Kentucky? They don't have anywhere to go" <-Swagger has come up with some pretty great one liners.
Drew "Mr. Chosen Himself" McIntyre beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Drew entrance theme is still awesome BTW. Holy crap fast and furious star, a really nice back and forth-fest till Drew took over. A "Let's Go Christian" chant breaks out. Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Drew pushes him off the top rope and it looked like Christian took a hard spill going down as we cut to commercial break. End match Christan hits said tornado DDT, but it only get's a two count. He works over Drew, Drew catches him, but Christan turns it into and inverted DDT for a two. Christan then hits a missile dropkick which gets yet another two. Christan then goes to the well one to many times and gets booted in the gut going for a crossbody. Drew only gets a two out of it. Christan goes for the sunset flip off the ropes, but he;s stopped and Drew goes for a second rope German, but Christan hits the sunset flip for the two. Christan then hits a flying upper-cut, and sets up for the Killswitch, but Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, it's countered into the Killswitch, but Drew gets to the ropes. While the ref is breaking it up, Drew throws a thumb to the eye and slung Christan into the ropes allowing him to hit the Future Shock for the pinfall.
Albertio Del Rio is the man who doesn't lie and he's a scholar too. He tells us he didn't squander his education away like all of us, and apparently his butler, did. He didn't talk with his hands this week, if he doesn't in his next promo Imma riot.
Yes! The Straight Edge Savior, The Pastor of Purity, El Luchador de Savoir is in the ring and he wants to preach to us. He tells us that despite all the rumors there is no cracks or real crack in the ranks of the SES. Que the Big Show and he does a promo on how how SES is boring to him and puts America alseep. CM Punk says he wants to see his 450lbs babble down off a ladder to the center of the earth and Big Show asks why he's gotta be hurtful. Big Show breaks a couple of ladders trying to climb them, he then brings out the cuedegra of ladder, that is dipped in gold and can support 2000 lbs. CM Punk says if he were in the match he'd win for a third time. Then The Masked Avenger and Gallows take Show down and Punks climbs the stairway to heaven. But Show gets up and throws Gallows/Avenger outta the ring and the climbs up and unmasks CM Punk allowing the sweet glare of the lights off his head. It's not a shock to me cause they put a video of Punk bald on the Over the Limit dvd and I've already seen him bald. Not a bad promo at all, I laughed probably too much haha.
Sidenote: I got the Satan's Prison: Elimination Chamber Anthology dvd set and there's a mini-movie poster of Big Show's movie coming out in the fall, "Knucklehead" and I wanna see it.
Another nice one liner by Swagger as he said there's only two roads in Kentucky, how'd they get lost. He also needs to call JG Wentworth, cause he wants his evidence and he wants it now.
Kelly Kelly/Chris "Titty Dance" Masters beat Layla (Womens Champion)/Trent Baretta w/Caylen Croft in a mixed tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Wow it was short match noone got tagged, Rosa came out and inadvertently distracted The Dudebusters and Layla. Masters took them out on the outside, allowing Kelly to hit her K2 (Like the F5?) for the win.
They ran down the main card for the Money in the Bank PPV this Sunday. God Raw MitB match looked so good until they added Mark Henry.
Dolf "The Emo Magnet" Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero "The Emo Whale" beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As Matt walks down to the ring, he says if he wins, he gonna cash it that night on whoever is World Heavyweight Champ and he'll walk out of Money in the Ban as "Matt Hardy, World Heavyweight Champion". That is much too much cleveage from Vickie to boot, it's like looking down into a endless pit. We go to commercial with everyone but the ref outside the ring. And that's exactly how you go to commercial. End match
Dolf hits a blcokbuster, that get's him a two count. Haha "Dolfins". Dolf chokes Matt in the ropes and walks all over him ,but Hardy fights back, and hits clothelines into a flapjack on Ziggler for a two. Matt drops the elbow which gets a two. Ziggler blocks the side effect, but Matt hits a huge powerbomb for a long two. But Matt missed the moonsault crashing nad burning. Dolf rolls him up for another uber long two count. Hardy finally hits the Side Effect but Dolf gets two fingers on the bottom rope. Dolf slapped on the sleeper outta nowhere, but Matt Hardy slung him into to the turnbuckles. Vickie gets on the apron at this point as Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Dolf almost pushes him into Vickie allowing, Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Hardy for the 1-2-3.
(Happened right before the Ziggler/Hardy match started)Alberto Del Rio with another promo, god dammit man TALK WITH YOUR HANDS! YES! You haven't failed me you statue talking to, spitting in the eyes Truthman! Alberto, you have been hurt, you have been hurt, who did this, who did this?
Swagger's dad gets here with his alibi, and they head out to the ring so Jack doesn't get raped in the red room by Kane. AWWW YEAH, I gotcha where I want ya....I'm bored, don't judge. He says being on a pedestal, lets you forget that you have friends, family, etc. But he focused on getting back he title. Exhibit A, you're a workout junkie. Exhibit B, your fish for sport in your spare time...awesome. Exhibit C, he went Kobiashi, redneck style. And Kane is sick of all the exhibits and such apparently. Big surprise, Kane doesn't believe a word Swagger said and goes to chokeslam him. He hits Kane with the mic and slaps on the ankle lock for awhile. Rey saves the day and Kane has both Swagger read for a choke slam. Jack gets out but Kane chokeslams Father Swagger and then tombstones the 70+ year old man. If Vince were awake he'd be pissed.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
It was amazing, but it wasn't great. The Big Show/CM Punk promo was good and the Swagger Family one at the end was ok. The Rhodes, Hardy and Christian matches were also good watches, so it was pleases. Money in the Bank looks to be a solid PPV and Smackdown did a good job promoting it and getting us ready for it. Bravo.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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