The Smackdown Lowdown 1/28/11

It's Smackdown time! 3 days before the Royal Rumble. Who will win, who will go onto...ah you know the rest. My pick is for whoever comes in at #34. If it's Cena, Del Rio, Punk, or Morrison I think I'll have a good shot. Anywho hopefully we'll have another good Divas match. Beth and Layla had a grand one last week, and that the Rated RKO reunion vs The Miz and Ziggler goes well. I'm sure other stuff's gonna happen, and that's why I'm giving you this (That's what she said), the lowdown on Smackdown!

We open with a recap of last week when The Corre arrive, then Teddy Long was found in his office, and taken away in an ambulance, The Corre telling Vickie that it wasn't them and finally The Corre helping Gabriel best the World Heavyweight champ Edge.

We open Smackdown with acting GM of Smackdown Vickie Guerrero.She wishes Teddy Long a speedy recovery and as she's moving on Randy Boreton interrupts her. Here comes some boring promo time. Orton tells Vickie to relax and he's here to show his appreciation for being invited to Smackdown. He goes on to say that he doesn't know her very well and flops at a joke, saying you'll have to excuse him for what he's gonna do tonight and Sunday. Orton says he likes Vickie's hair, homo. Oh look, another pun. *Yawns* WOW! They make leather hoodies now? Anywho Ziggler hits the ring and yells at Orton about talking to authority with disrespect. Ziggler says that Orton will show himself and Vickie respect. Ziggler says that on Sunday that when he wins the title Orton will respect him. Orton says what everyone says...you gotta earn it and blah blah, RKO outta nowhere as we go to commercial.

Lay-Cool (Layla/Michelle McCool) beat Kaitlyn/Kelly Kelly in a Divas tag team match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
My lovely, flawless British buttercup, Layla, and Michelle McCool get ambushed on the way down the ramp. It helps sneak attacks when you can throw your weight around, eh Kaitlyn. FYI, I hate her more than Kelly Kelly. That should tell you something. McCool gets the win in about a minute after a straight kick to the face. From Layla/Phoenix last week to this? SMH at WWE.

Drew McIntyre beat JTG in a singles match via pinfall: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Fuck me, I love Drew's entrance still. What is yours now is minnnnnnnnne, and I'll dream broken dreams, and make them come true *Guitar* Hey look! I spot JobberTG! And what is Kelly so mad for? Is it her time of the month? Cole owning Kelly Kelly, I am cheering! Oh there's a match going on. Noone cares. Oh comeon JTG, sell the moves you fucker. End match JTG goes for a backslide, Drew rolls through and keeps JTG's arms back right into the Future Shock DDT for the 1-2-3.

Afterward Kelly Kelly got in the ring, while Drew took the quick exit. I think Kelly Kelly's jealous of Drew's hair. Don't worry Drew, I'd wanna get out of the vicinity of Kelly Kelly too. I don't need herpes or gonorrhea or AIDS.

We get a recap of Rey hitting Cody in the face with his knee brace, breaking his nose. Cody's in the back with Grisham and they have an interview with his back to the camera. Saying his dreams of headlining Wrestlemania are over and that he's not "Dashing" anymore.

Who the fuck is this interviewing Edge? Edge hasn't forgot about DJ Gabriel and the One Band guy, haha. He says he's not concerned with The Corre, and his more concerted with his tag match later tonight.

Hey look! It's Alberto Del Rio! But we already know that, talking with creepy Tarver on his way to his Benz. Tarver asked to be his chauffeur, but since he's black, Del Rio declined.

Did you know that 1990s Jared Fogel runs faster than Matt Hardy?

Alberto Del Rio vs 39 Superstars in a Royal Rumble Exhibition match: NR
The Essence of Exquisiteness, Alberto Delllll Rioooooooooooooo! Tonight he's gonna prove it's his destiny to win the Royal Rumble. Seth Allen is the first of 38 other jobber Del Rio will beat. #2 is Mike Stevens, he's world renounced. #3 is Kane, wait he's not a jobber. This is blasphemy. #4 Kofi Kingston and he takes out Kane and Del Rio. #5 is Rey Mysterio. And here comes Vickie to make a tag match, *yawns* predictable. Wait where's the other 34? I've been gipped!

Rey Mysterio/Kofi Kingston beat Alberto Del Rio/Kane in a tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
This is boring about 8 minutes in. This is boring *clap clap clap clapclap* It's the same rules dumbass Cole, there's just 10 more people. *rubs eyes* Going into commerical, Rey gets a two count on Kane. Rey jumps onto the apron and goes to jump back over and takes a big boot from Kane. End match, Del Rio hits a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker for a two on Kingston. No one to tag for Del Rio. Kofi hits a flying crossbody for a long two count. Del Rio doesn't like that Kane broke it up. Kane slugs Del Rio and leaves. Del Rio is yelling at Kane. He gets 619'd into the Trouble in Paradise for the pinfall.

Recap of Raw where Edge got Zig Zagged, Orton hit the ring, A-Ry was drunk, Ziggler took an RKO, A-Ry took an RKO and Miz hit Orton with the briefcase and ran. Riveting.

The Big Show beat Heath Slater in singles match via pinfall: NR
I'm glad Big Show is happy in the WWE again. Too bad he always bores me. He explains when The Corre took him out, cause he's a target, and that's what happens to targets in pro wrestling. He goes on to say the Corre made him angry, and reminded him how it's gonna be in the Rumble. Hey here's The Corre and their horreble shirts. He calls out everyone in the Corre and he still thinks there's a leader. Heath jumps in and we have a match. End match Big Show butt splashes Slater in the corner, gives him the giant shoulder knockdown, and the chokeslam for the win.

Afterward Corre jumped the ring and Ezekiel Jackson owns Big Show again. The rest of Smackdow and Raw rush out and Zeke takes out everyone until they get on the same page. Hey Daniel Bryan's not even a Smackdown superstar. The Corre retreats as the Raw/Smackdown stars stand in the ring.

Here's the Royal Rumble by the numbers again. It's getting tiresome TBH. Still well put together. BTW Shawn Michaels has 41 eliminations, not 39.

Rated RKO [Edge (World Heavyweight Champion)/Randy Orton] beat The Miz (WWE Champion)/Dolph Ziggler w/Alex Riley in a tag team match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Miz tells us about Harry S Trueman and asks us what it has to do with the Royal Rumble Sunday. Nothing. Randy Orton coming out and RKO'ing Ziggler means? Nothing. He could RKO everyone in the area and on Sunday it means absolutely nothing. The Miz says the only voice Orton's gonna hear Sunday is, "I'm the Miz, and I'm still WWE Champion."

Did you know pre-plastic surgery Star Jones runs faster than Matt Hardy?

Why doesn't Edge and Orton come out to the Rated RKO theme? What's up with that? (Thanks for posting Keenan Thompson)Going into commercial Orton has a clotheslinefest 2011 against The Miz ending with the snap powerslam. End match, Edge hits a flapjack on Ziggler, and sets up for the spear. A-Ry jumps on the apron, Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic on Ziggler for a two. Orton takes out Riley. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge hangs onto the ropes. While Ziggler's regrouping he takes the spear from Edge for the pinfall.

Afterward Vickie informs us that until further notice, the spear is banned. And if Edge uses it at the Royal Rumble he will be disqualified and lose the World title. Ziggler takes a spear on the apron and then another one the floor and a third on the floor for good measure.

Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Another solid week. I'm feeling lazy. Divas match? Worthless due to Kaitlyn/Kelly. Rey/Kofi v Del Rio/Kane? Boring start, alright finish. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes? Awesome. Big Show and Corre? Meh. Rated RKO v Miz/Ziggler? Soild tag team match. Also good promos all around tonight. Smackdown's been solid so far this yea, nothing terrible, nothing grand. I like Smackdown.

That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples!

The Smackdown Lowdown 1/21/11

I'm back in school, WWE is in full swing to the Royal Rumble, and Maria blocked me on Twitter. Huzzah! What will happen with Dolph Ziggler Vickie Guerrero and World Heavyweight Champion Edge. Will My British buttercup Layla make an appearance? Will Ezekiel Jackson own all? Will Kelly Kelly be a whore and try to act? All the questions and more will be answered when I give ya'll the lowdown on Smackdown!

We get a flashback to last week when Slater and Gabriel arrived and Big Zeke owned The Big Show. As Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel form their alliance on Smackdown.

We start out with them. Wade says that Big Show won't be here tonight and everyone's gonna introduce themselves. Where's Dolph Ziggler, am I allowed to remember that? Wade's up, and he calls them all The Core. Next up is Ezekiel Jackson, then Heath "The Token Ginger" Slater, and finally "Mr. Flamboyant" Justin Gabriel. Wade says that what Nexus did will pale in comparison to The Core. Oh snap! It's "Buckle Up" Teddy Long! He says he's the GM and he's in charge. Obviously. And if they cross Teddy, they'll have a problem and in turn The Core has a problem. Wade says that they have no problem with him and respect him. And that at the Royal Rumble they'll be representing Smackdown. Teddy says that he's not going to have any of the Nexus nonsense on Raw, here, and that last week was strike one. Ending by saying they can like Smackdown or leave it! Alberto Del Rio, The Excellence of Exquisiteness! But we already know that. He tells The Core that this is his show and that he's going to win the Rumble. Why? Cause it's his destiny.

Alberto Del Rio beat R-"Mr. Narcissistic"-Truth in a singles match via submission: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
"Whats up? Whats up? Whats up? Whats up? Enough already!" I concur fully Cole. Teddy's dead! Michael Tarver randomly around! And Truth sends Del Rio over the top as we cut to commercial break. Cut to the back for more random Tarverness on Teddy watch 2011. End match Truth hits a dropkick on Del Rio followed by a face first suplex for a long tow count. He went for it again but Del Rio counters and slaps the shit of Truth in the corner for a two. Truth powers Del Rio into the corner and hits a hip toss. Truth goes off the ropes and tripped up by Rodriguez. Del Rio jumps over the top rope and hangs Truth's shoulder up. He then slaps on the cross armbreaker as Truth taps out.

Look at all the random jobbers watching the EMTs load Teddy into the ambulance. It was almost as many as Henry threw out on Raw Monday.

We come back to Ziggles and Vickie walking into, now their, office. The Core is there and assures Vickie they did nothing to Teddy. She tells them that one of them will be facing Edge later tonight.

They run the nifty Royal Rumble by the Numbers promo. I love this thing.

Did you know? Winston Churchill runs faster than Matt Hardy.

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs "The Mini Squasher" Rey Mysterio set for later tonight.

Beth Phoenix beat Layla w/Michelle McCool in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Woo! Layla! My British Buttercup! *Swoons* Haha nice giant swing by Beth. And nice shoulder breaker from Layla and it gets a two. Wow impressive modified keylock by Layla and here comes power of Beth with the electric chair. End match Beth hits a sling shot suplex for a long two. She whips Layla in the corner. Who counters and goes for a fujuwara armbar that Beth counters into a backbreaker leading to the Glamslam. VERY good divas match. Best in a long while. I used "impressive" and "nice" a lot in that recap. It's cause women usually have terrible matches and don't know the same stuff as the men. Yes, I'm sexist. Sue me.

Rey Mysterio beat "Dashing" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
I called Number 34 as the number that will win the Royal Rumble. End match Rey missed a shining Wizard but hits a dropkick for for a long two. Cody then gets drop toe held into the ropes, Rey hits the 619 and climbs to the top rope and hits a shitty splash for the win. This match sucked to be honest. Quit killing the young talent you dick Rey.

Teddy watch 2011! He was taken to a hospital. That's it? Well, OK. A-Ry interrupts Grisham cause he's drunk. Miz is there and says he can do what he wants. Whats the point? Gotta love logic.

NO! "Dashing" Cody Rhodes' nose is broken! THE HORROR!

Jack Swagger beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) 10-9 in The All American American Amateur Wrestling Challenge: NR
Yes! I like real wrestling amidst fake wrestling! Quick wait lock take down by Swagger. 2-0. 4-1 Swagger after the front facelock and waist lock. Another frontface lock takedown for Swagger making it 6-3. Kofi goes nowhere with the single leg takedown and gets taken down again 8-4. Swagger with a single leg takedown making it 10-5. Kofi gets a single leg and keeps on top of Swagger making it 9-10 at the end.

Afterward Kofi gets pushed down. Then Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise and a High Crossbody on Swagger. Too far. Maybe. Boring. Very.

They show what happened during the Cutting Edge last week before they cut to commercial. Edge booted Zigs. Vickie slaps Edge. Dolph saves Vickie and kills Edge. Dolph and Vickie makeout. Like a Superhero movie where the Villain wins.

Drew McIntyre beat Trent Baretta in a singles match via pinfall: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Look the jobber than managed to pull his way from obscurity last week! Still love Drew's theme. YES! Kelly Kelly's Oscar winning promo! Best of the year if not the decade! He's not a jobber anymore, the counter powerbomb is ineffective! End match Drew goes Kurt Angle and hits a hip toss from the top rope for the one 1-2-3.

Afterward Drew goes to shake Trent's hand, but Trent punches him in the face. Drew get's back int the ring and wails on him. Kelly Kelly comes out and stops Drew from hitting the Future Shock DDT on Trent. Wait Trent started it, Drew was defending himself. God they book Kelly Kelly like a dumb slut.

Did you know? 1990s Kristie Alley runs faster than Matt Hardy.

Hey look, the WWE Champion Miz, for absolutely no reason. If only to introduce the clips of him and a-Ry decimating Randy Orton on Raw. Edge, thank God, I thought it was gonna be Orton. He's sick of the Raw rejects coming to Smackdown and wasting our time. Miz says he has worse in store for Edge. Edge says Miz is #32 on his to do list and to go away. A-Ry stormed Edge and gets the alcohol speared right out of him. Edge and Miz have a Champion vs Champion homoerotic stare down before Miz backs of and we go to commercial.
Justin Gabriel w/Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson/Heath Slater beat Edge (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
First off, "Corre," what the fuck? Vickie comes out and introduces Dolph Ziggler as a special guest commentator for the match. Yes, I like this. Gabriel is probably the most well rounded in-ring out of the group. End match Gabriel hits a one man STO on Edge, and goes for a splash but Edge counters into a dropkick. Edge hits a one man flapjack on Gabriel and more down time. Edge blocks a kic and hits a Hangman on Gabriel and throws Gabriel back into the ring. Edge gets kicked while on the top rope and goes for a superplex, but Edge fights out and hits a flying crossbody for a long two. Edge is sick of this and calls for the Spear. He hits Barrett instead, and spears Heath on the apron, as Big Zeke kills him behind the refs back. Gabriel crawls over and picks up the scraps to get the pinfall.

Edge is surrounded and tried to fight out but gets careened by Jackson, the Paydirt from Slater (Thanks for posting Shelton Benjamin), The Wasteland from Barrett, ending with the 450 Splash from Gabriel. They leave and we close Smackdown with the Number 1 Contender standing over Edge in the ring.

Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Another solid week. A solid opening promo for the newly formed Corre and Gabriel/Edge had a nice match and the ending was ok. The announcers were good this show. Nothing crazy from Cole, except for when Miz was out there and were bearable. I also liked The All American American Amateur Challenge between Swagger and Kofi as well as the wayyyy better than normal Divas match between Beth and Layla. I'm not gonna lie, Kelly Kelly's character is a complete dumbass, and I'm sick of Rey fucking over the young talent. Cody's been having GREAT matches as of late, then Rey doesn't let him do anything and lose. Del Rio's talent is being wasted to on R-Truth. I'm sick of that guy too. All in all it was still a solid Smackdown like last week.

That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples!

The Smackdown Lowdown 1/14/11

He'sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss back! You've all been waiting waiting for him. I'm the wrestling tool you all wanna be. Blocked by Mickie James and Kelly Kelly on Twitter for calling them whores, sluts, bitches, etc. Hehe, they're two of my proudest moments. If you didn't know I've been watching wrestling since Wrestlemania 20ish and just started blogging Raw and Smackdown's a year ago. Edge is World Champ, my man Ziggles is No.1 Contender, Kofi "Identity Confused" Kingston is Intercontinental Champion, the leader of Team Cobra, Santino, and Vladimir Kozlof are the Penny Tag Champs and "Ms. Yawn" Natalya is Divas champion. I'm bored and pissed at everything in wrestling right now. So I'm warning you now. Anywho It's Friday, I have no life, so let's get to it. Time to give ya the lowdown on Smackdown.

We open with a back story on Wade Barrett and Nexus and how he's angered The Big Slow (is that still funny?) and if it'll be his first and last match on Smackdown.

As Smackdown starts, Matthews and Striker inform us that Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero will be on The Cutting Edge.

Cut to the ring where Chimel let's Rodriguez introduce the Excellence of Exquisiteness, Alberto Dellllll Rioooooooooooooo! Pimpin' Jaguar as well. His name is Alberto Del Rio, but we already know that. He insults us southern folk and says it's not his fault he's the only one of a kind wrestler on Smackdown. It's fate people, you can't beat fate. Oh God in heaven, R-Piece of Shit-Truth. At least I know we're in Birmingham now. Thanks, I guess. Truth starts with a pun, and then a racist slur against Del Rio. Teaching kids how to be a good guy. Good job Truth. Did Truth just say "buddy"? *Rubs eyes* I'm not going to paraphrase what he says, cause it's blather. OH OHHHHHHHHHH YOU"RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS TONIGHT! "Dashing" Cody Rhodes comes out and informs us Dashing is in and everything else is out. The undashing lifestyles shall not prevail in the Royal Rumble. Cody's is the face that will MAin Even Wrestlemania 27. Que Rey Mysterio, cause there has to be one veteran, and it might as well be on the that never puts anyone over on Smackdown....I mean *Eek!* It's Mysterio, I'm forced to like him! Goddamn right Cody, Rey is out of style. Truth says something stupid, as usual, and starts the brawl. Of course the black man starts it. (Hey Truth was racist first). Cue "Buckle Up" Teddy Long to inform us that we're going to have a tag team match (Shocker) and it's gonna happen next.

Rey "So 2006" Mysterio and "Mr. Narcissist" R-Truth beat "Dashing" Cody Rhodes and Alberto Del Rio in a tag team match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As we go to commercial, Rey hits a flying cross-body on Rhodes. They're both down and both men tag in their partners. Del Rio and Truth go at it. Truth hits a face-first suplex for a two count. Truth throws Del Rio and back drops Rhodes out. Rey then hits an asai moonsualt on them both on the outside. End match, Rhodes slaps a rear naked armbar choke on Truth. Truth fights out and hits the electric chair. Truth tags Rey who hits a seated senton from the top rope on Rhodes then a springboard cross-body for two. Rey whipped into the and by Rhodes, but gets his boot up. Rey victory rolls Rhodes, but it's countered into a cover, which is countered by Rey into another nearfall. Truth comes in and throws out Del Rio. Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam, but Rey counters it and head scissors him into the ropes. Rey hits the 619 and botches the splash into Rhodes for the 1-2-3.

Here's a did you know? The Big Show runs faster than Matt Hardy. Matt Facts are fun, eh?

Bringing the Hood to You? WTF is this nonsense? JTG is still employed? Husky Harris is Rusty Harris? Dolph's giving Vickie all the power and it's killing JTG? Please then, keep doing it.

They recap Wade Barret bumrushing the ring last week and beating down the Big Show and "costing" him the No.1 Contender match. Hey look Grisham is in the back with yet another special guest that we see every week. It's Barret. Barrett says that on Raw he was Julius Cesar, and Big Show should see the attack as a sign of respect. He ends by saying he'll win tonight and everyone will hail Cesar. Little Cesar's? Pizza pizza! Love that stuff. $8 for a pizza and crazy bread with marinara sauce. There's my plug for the night. Even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the show.

Ezekiel Jackson package! I love this guy. Don't judge, I'm excited about something and Imma run with it.

Trent Baretta beat Drew McIntyre is a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Trent Baretta? He's still employed too? Oh wait, Drew McIntryre needs jobbers to decimated. Here's to you Kaval..I mean Low-Ki. Too soon? Still love Drewy Mac's theme too. Hey look! Teddy Long's reffing this match. Guess he needs overtime. The brawl quickly spills to the outside and Drew backhands the shit out of Baretta. He throws him back in the ring and wails on him. He hits a short-arm clothesline and a pretty dropkick on Baretta for a two. Drew slaps on an armbar to wear down the jobber in this pointless match. Drew goes for a release German and Baretta lands on his feet. and ends the flurry with a big boot on Drew for a two. Drew suplexed Baretta into the corner. Drew goes for a press slam, Baretta slips out the back into a rollup for three. Wait what, the jobber Baretta beat McIntyre. Neat little match though.

Trent Baretta gets attacked by Drew in the back and Kelly Kelly walks up and looks bad. Here comes acting. She thought he was a decent person, Drew is built to destroy, Kelly can't be around people who like beating people up. (Then why is she in wrestling?) My god this is like As The World Turns. I think the Bella Whores would have an easier time quitting being whores than Kelly Kelly does of being a good actor. That was terrible, can we combine Kelly Kelly's acting and the Bella's whoreness and make a WWE Porno?

The Big Show beat Wade Barrett via DQ in a singles match: NR
Big Show hasn't been relevant in years and announcers still wonder why people pick on him? He's big and if you beat the big guy Vince get's a boner for you. Like how I mixed reality and WWE into that explanation. End match Show goes for a chokeslam, Barrett get's out and Shows goes right back to it. Barrett gives Show a thumb to the eye and then hell breaks loose. Slater and Gabriel hit the ring and my man Ezekiel Jackson is on the apron. Big Show is still fighting and takes out Barrett, Slater and Gabriel. But Zeke hits thunderous clothesline, Slater hits Paydirt (thanks for posting Shelton Benjamin), and then Ezekiel Jackson man handles Big Show with a powerslam, ending with a 450 Splash by Gabriel. Nexus on Smackdown? Sexus on Raw. The Heel stables shall rule!

The announcers bust out their concerned voices and they go over what happened. As Lay-Cool come out.

Beth Phoenix beat Michelle McCool in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I love these two. Who cares of McCool boned 'Taker to the top? Cause Layla, my lovely British buttercup, is a part of it. Sorry Eve, you've been replaced. Haha Beth tried to get the dead crowd into it. Haha Striker with the cheap shot at the Jets. End match McCool chop blocks the leg, but gets rolled up for a two count. After another shot McCool gets a two count on Beth and continues to work over Beth's knee. Beth powers McCool out of the ring. She gets back in and get's Slingshot Suplexed by Beth for a long two. Beth goes for the Glamslam, McCool rolls though into a roll up and Beth counters the roll up into one of her own for the pinfall. Nice ending there.

We get the video package of Shawn Michaels, in my biased opinion the best wrestler ever, going into the WWE Hall of Fame this year. Great package, the people who put them together should get bonuses when they put one together like this. Getting a little teary eyed haha.

Vickie Guerrero and Teddy are arguing about the actions of last week. Ziggler says that their relationship is stronger than anything Edge can put in between them. More As the World Turns storylines I see. Blah blah blah.

Did you know? Big Daddy V and Mark Henry tied together still run faster than Matt Hardy?

Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) beat Jack Swagger in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Hey look everyone! Is the fizzled out, Identity Confused, Intercontinental Champion, Kobe Johnson...err Kofi Kingston. He's gonna cut a promo? Sheeeeeeet. Haha he said "hard and long". Yes, I'm as mature as a 5 year old Thank God, The All American American American American American American, Jack Swaggah! 2011 is the year of The American, Jacks and the top of the bar, and invites everyone to try and join him. Kofi like a 6 years old says shut up and fight. Hey look another black guy starting a fight. End match Swagger hits the Swagger Bomb on Kofi for a two. Swagger works over Kofis are and them stomps on him. AND I QUOTE @8:40CDT as Swagger fails at his second Swagger bomb. Swagger manhandles Kofi who slips out the back into a roll up for a long two. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench but Kofi gets out and Swagger ducks the Trouble in paradise and hits a belly to belly suplex for a two. Kofi botches his SOS and somehow still get's the pinfall for the win.

Oh baby, it's not Smackdown until Chimel's voice cracks during Edge's introduction. He is our World Heavyweight Champion. He welcomes us to the Cutting Edge. He tells us how no one thought he;d come out of his Last Man Standing match on one piece. And that he goes from one monster last week to Vickie Guerrero this week. *Rim shot* Cue Ziggles and Vickie to hit the ring. Are we allowed to remember Vickie and Edge were married? Edge wants to keeps controversy out of this, and Vickie says that there wasn't even any controversy last week. She was young and naive when she was with Edge (I guess we're allowed to remember), haha that got a chuckle out of me. Dolph says that Vickie resuscitated Edge's career and at the Royal Rumble he's gonna pull the plug. Vintage Alicia Fox as the wedding planner! How'd that turn out for ya? Hey look, the fat whore that can't wrestle Kaitlyn. Ziggler gets taken out by Edge after a fight, Vickie slaps Edge twice. Edge is contemplating a spear Vickie. Ziggler takes him out from behind and slings him into the steel barricade and throws Edge neck first into the steel steps. We close Smackdown with Ziggler and Guerrero making out over Edge.

Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: NR
Solid Smackdown. The tag match to start was alright, Kelly Kelly "acting" was golden. Ezekiel Jackson is back. A good, by WWE standards, divas match and Kofi/Swagger can do better. Wanna see how Nexus Version Smackdown pans out and I'm loving a young guy in Dolph Ziggler getting the chance to shine in the upper card. I liked Smackdown tonight and have since 2009, still the best WWE show. Sorry if there's typos...I don't really care, you're not my English teacher and I just plain ignore bitching.

That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/fatjesus2606
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples