I'm back in school, WWE is in full swing to the Royal Rumble, and Maria blocked me on Twitter. Huzzah! What will happen with Dolph Ziggler Vickie Guerrero and World Heavyweight Champion Edge. Will My British buttercup Layla make an appearance? Will Ezekiel Jackson own all? Will Kelly Kelly be a whore and try to act? All the questions and more will be answered when I give ya'll the lowdown on Smackdown!
We get a flashback to last week when Slater and Gabriel arrived and Big Zeke owned The Big Show. As Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel form their alliance on Smackdown.
We start out with them. Wade says that Big Show won't be here tonight and everyone's gonna introduce themselves. Where's Dolph Ziggler, am I allowed to remember that? Wade's up, and he calls them all The Core. Next up is Ezekiel Jackson, then Heath "The Token Ginger" Slater, and finally "Mr. Flamboyant" Justin Gabriel. Wade says that what Nexus did will pale in comparison to The Core. Oh snap! It's "Buckle Up" Teddy Long! He says he's the GM and he's in charge. Obviously. And if they cross Teddy, they'll have a problem and in turn The Core has a problem. Wade says that they have no problem with him and respect him. And that at the Royal Rumble they'll be representing Smackdown. Teddy says that he's not going to have any of the Nexus nonsense on Raw, here, and that last week was strike one. Ending by saying they can like Smackdown or leave it! Alberto Del Rio, The Excellence of Exquisiteness! But we already know that. He tells The Core that this is his show and that he's going to win the Rumble. Why? Cause it's his destiny.
Alberto Del Rio beat R-"Mr. Narcissistic"-Truth in a singles match via submission: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
"Whats up? Whats up? Whats up? Whats up? Enough already!" I concur fully Cole. Teddy's dead! Michael Tarver randomly around! And Truth sends Del Rio over the top as we cut to commercial break. Cut to the back for more random Tarverness on Teddy watch 2011. End match Truth hits a dropkick on Del Rio followed by a face first suplex for a long tow count. He went for it again but Del Rio counters and slaps the shit of Truth in the corner for a two. Truth powers Del Rio into the corner and hits a hip toss. Truth goes off the ropes and tripped up by Rodriguez. Del Rio jumps over the top rope and hangs Truth's shoulder up. He then slaps on the cross armbreaker as Truth taps out.
Look at all the random jobbers watching the EMTs load Teddy into the ambulance. It was almost as many as Henry threw out on Raw Monday.
We come back to Ziggles and Vickie walking into, now their, office. The Core is there and assures Vickie they did nothing to Teddy. She tells them that one of them will be facing Edge later tonight.
They run the nifty Royal Rumble by the Numbers promo. I love this thing.
Did you know? Winston Churchill runs faster than Matt Hardy.
"Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs "The Mini Squasher" Rey Mysterio set for later tonight.
Beth Phoenix beat Layla w/Michelle McCool in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Woo! Layla! My British Buttercup! *Swoons* Haha nice giant swing by Beth. And nice shoulder breaker from Layla and it gets a two. Wow impressive modified keylock by Layla and here comes power of Beth with the electric chair. End match Beth hits a sling shot suplex for a long two. She whips Layla in the corner. Who counters and goes for a fujuwara armbar that Beth counters into a backbreaker leading to the Glamslam. VERY good divas match. Best in a long while. I used "impressive" and "nice" a lot in that recap. It's cause women usually have terrible matches and don't know the same stuff as the men. Yes, I'm sexist. Sue me.
Rey Mysterio beat "Dashing" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
I called Number 34 as the number that will win the Royal Rumble. End match Rey missed a shining Wizard but hits a dropkick for for a long two. Cody then gets drop toe held into the ropes, Rey hits the 619 and climbs to the top rope and hits a shitty splash for the win. This match sucked to be honest. Quit killing the young talent you dick Rey.
Teddy watch 2011! He was taken to a hospital. That's it? Well, OK. A-Ry interrupts Grisham cause he's drunk. Miz is there and says he can do what he wants. Whats the point? Gotta love logic.
NO! "Dashing" Cody Rhodes' nose is broken! THE HORROR!
Jack Swagger beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) 10-9 in The All American American Amateur Wrestling Challenge: NR
Yes! I like real wrestling amidst fake wrestling! Quick wait lock take down by Swagger. 2-0. 4-1 Swagger after the front facelock and waist lock. Another frontface lock takedown for Swagger making it 6-3. Kofi goes nowhere with the single leg takedown and gets taken down again 8-4. Swagger with a single leg takedown making it 10-5. Kofi gets a single leg and keeps on top of Swagger making it 9-10 at the end.
Afterward Kofi gets pushed down. Then Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise and a High Crossbody on Swagger. Too far. Maybe. Boring. Very.
They show what happened during the Cutting Edge last week before they cut to commercial. Edge booted Zigs. Vickie slaps Edge. Dolph saves Vickie and kills Edge. Dolph and Vickie makeout. Like a Superhero movie where the Villain wins.
Drew McIntyre beat Trent Baretta in a singles match via pinfall: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Look the jobber than managed to pull his way from obscurity last week! Still love Drew's theme. YES! Kelly Kelly's Oscar winning promo! Best of the year if not the decade! He's not a jobber anymore, the counter powerbomb is ineffective! End match Drew goes Kurt Angle and hits a hip toss from the top rope for the one 1-2-3.
Afterward Drew goes to shake Trent's hand, but Trent punches him in the face. Drew get's back int the ring and wails on him. Kelly Kelly comes out and stops Drew from hitting the Future Shock DDT on Trent. Wait Trent started it, Drew was defending himself. God they book Kelly Kelly like a dumb slut.
Did you know? 1990s Kristie Alley runs faster than Matt Hardy.
Hey look, the WWE Champion Miz, for absolutely no reason. If only to introduce the clips of him and a-Ry decimating Randy Orton on Raw. Edge, thank God, I thought it was gonna be Orton. He's sick of the Raw rejects coming to Smackdown and wasting our time. Miz says he has worse in store for Edge. Edge says Miz is #32 on his to do list and to go away. A-Ry stormed Edge and gets the alcohol speared right out of him. Edge and Miz have a Champion vs Champion homoerotic stare down before Miz backs of and we go to commercial.
Justin Gabriel w/Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson/Heath Slater beat Edge (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
First off, "Corre," what the fuck? Vickie comes out and introduces Dolph Ziggler as a special guest commentator for the match. Yes, I like this. Gabriel is probably the most well rounded in-ring out of the group. End match Gabriel hits a one man STO on Edge, and goes for a splash but Edge counters into a dropkick. Edge hits a one man flapjack on Gabriel and more down time. Edge blocks a kic and hits a Hangman on Gabriel and throws Gabriel back into the ring. Edge gets kicked while on the top rope and goes for a superplex, but Edge fights out and hits a flying crossbody for a long two. Edge is sick of this and calls for the Spear. He hits Barrett instead, and spears Heath on the apron, as Big Zeke kills him behind the refs back. Gabriel crawls over and picks up the scraps to get the pinfall.
Edge is surrounded and tried to fight out but gets careened by Jackson, the Paydirt from Slater (Thanks for posting Shelton Benjamin), The Wasteland from Barrett, ending with the 450 Splash from Gabriel. They leave and we close Smackdown with the Number 1 Contender standing over Edge in the ring.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Another solid week. A solid opening promo for the newly formed Corre and Gabriel/Edge had a nice match and the ending was ok. The announcers were good this show. Nothing crazy from Cole, except for when Miz was out there and were bearable. I also liked The All American American Amateur Challenge between Swagger and Kofi as well as the wayyyy better than normal Divas match between Beth and Layla. I'm not gonna lie, Kelly Kelly's character is a complete dumbass, and I'm sick of Rey fucking over the young talent. Cody's been having GREAT matches as of late, then Rey doesn't let him do anything and lose. Del Rio's talent is being wasted to on R-Truth. I'm sick of that guy too. All in all it was still a solid Smackdown like last week.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples!
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