He'sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss back! You've all been waiting waiting for him. I'm the wrestling tool you all wanna be. Blocked by Mickie James and Kelly Kelly on Twitter for calling them whores, sluts, bitches, etc. Hehe, they're two of my proudest moments. If you didn't know I've been watching wrestling since Wrestlemania 20ish and just started blogging Raw and Smackdown's a year ago. Edge is World Champ, my man Ziggles is No.1 Contender, Kofi "Identity Confused" Kingston is Intercontinental Champion, the leader of Team Cobra, Santino, and Vladimir Kozlof are the Penny Tag Champs and "Ms. Yawn" Natalya is Divas champion. I'm bored and pissed at everything in wrestling right now. So I'm warning you now. Anywho It's Friday, I have no life, so let's get to it. Time to give ya the lowdown on Smackdown.
We open with a back story on Wade Barrett and Nexus and how he's angered The Big Slow (is that still funny?) and if it'll be his first and last match on Smackdown.
As Smackdown starts, Matthews and Striker inform us that Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero will be on The Cutting Edge.
Cut to the ring where Chimel let's Rodriguez introduce the Excellence of Exquisiteness, Alberto Dellllll Rioooooooooooooo! Pimpin' Jaguar as well. His name is Alberto Del Rio, but we already know that. He insults us southern folk and says it's not his fault he's the only one of a kind wrestler on Smackdown. It's fate people, you can't beat fate. Oh God in heaven, R-Piece of Shit-Truth. At least I know we're in Birmingham now. Thanks, I guess. Truth starts with a pun, and then a racist slur against Del Rio. Teaching kids how to be a good guy. Good job Truth. Did Truth just say "buddy"? *Rubs eyes* I'm not going to paraphrase what he says, cause it's blather. OH OHHHHHHHHHH YOU"RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS TONIGHT! "Dashing" Cody Rhodes comes out and informs us Dashing is in and everything else is out. The undashing lifestyles shall not prevail in the Royal Rumble. Cody's is the face that will MAin Even Wrestlemania 27. Que Rey Mysterio, cause there has to be one veteran, and it might as well be on the that never puts anyone over on Smackdown....I mean *Eek!* It's Mysterio, I'm forced to like him! Goddamn right Cody, Rey is out of style. Truth says something stupid, as usual, and starts the brawl. Of course the black man starts it. (Hey Truth was racist first). Cue "Buckle Up" Teddy Long to inform us that we're going to have a tag team match (Shocker) and it's gonna happen next.
Rey "So 2006" Mysterio and "Mr. Narcissist" R-Truth beat "Dashing" Cody Rhodes and Alberto Del Rio in a tag team match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As we go to commercial, Rey hits a flying cross-body on Rhodes. They're both down and both men tag in their partners. Del Rio and Truth go at it. Truth hits a face-first suplex for a two count. Truth throws Del Rio and back drops Rhodes out. Rey then hits an asai moonsualt on them both on the outside. End match, Rhodes slaps a rear naked armbar choke on Truth. Truth fights out and hits the electric chair. Truth tags Rey who hits a seated senton from the top rope on Rhodes then a springboard cross-body for two. Rey whipped into the and by Rhodes, but gets his boot up. Rey victory rolls Rhodes, but it's countered into a cover, which is countered by Rey into another nearfall. Truth comes in and throws out Del Rio. Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam, but Rey counters it and head scissors him into the ropes. Rey hits the 619 and botches the splash into Rhodes for the 1-2-3.
Here's a did you know? The Big Show runs faster than Matt Hardy. Matt Facts are fun, eh?
Bringing the Hood to You? WTF is this nonsense? JTG is still employed? Husky Harris is Rusty Harris? Dolph's giving Vickie all the power and it's killing JTG? Please then, keep doing it.
They recap Wade Barret bumrushing the ring last week and beating down the Big Show and "costing" him the No.1 Contender match. Hey look Grisham is in the back with yet another special guest that we see every week. It's Barret. Barrett says that on Raw he was Julius Cesar, and Big Show should see the attack as a sign of respect. He ends by saying he'll win tonight and everyone will hail Cesar. Little Cesar's? Pizza pizza! Love that stuff. $8 for a pizza and crazy bread with marinara sauce. There's my plug for the night. Even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the show.
Ezekiel Jackson package! I love this guy. Don't judge, I'm excited about something and Imma run with it.
Trent Baretta beat Drew McIntyre is a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Trent Baretta? He's still employed too? Oh wait, Drew McIntryre needs jobbers to decimated. Here's to you Kaval..I mean Low-Ki. Too soon? Still love Drewy Mac's theme too. Hey look! Teddy Long's reffing this match. Guess he needs overtime. The brawl quickly spills to the outside and Drew backhands the shit out of Baretta. He throws him back in the ring and wails on him. He hits a short-arm clothesline and a pretty dropkick on Baretta for a two. Drew slaps on an armbar to wear down the jobber in this pointless match. Drew goes for a release German and Baretta lands on his feet. and ends the flurry with a big boot on Drew for a two. Drew suplexed Baretta into the corner. Drew goes for a press slam, Baretta slips out the back into a rollup for three. Wait what, the jobber Baretta beat McIntyre. Neat little match though.
Trent Baretta gets attacked by Drew in the back and Kelly Kelly walks up and looks bad. Here comes acting. She thought he was a decent person, Drew is built to destroy, Kelly can't be around people who like beating people up. (Then why is she in wrestling?) My god this is like As The World Turns. I think the Bella Whores would have an easier time quitting being whores than Kelly Kelly does of being a good actor. That was terrible, can we combine Kelly Kelly's acting and the Bella's whoreness and make a WWE Porno?
The Big Show beat Wade Barrett via DQ in a singles match: NR
Big Show hasn't been relevant in years and announcers still wonder why people pick on him? He's big and if you beat the big guy Vince get's a boner for you. Like how I mixed reality and WWE into that explanation. End match Show goes for a chokeslam, Barrett get's out and Shows goes right back to it. Barrett gives Show a thumb to the eye and then hell breaks loose. Slater and Gabriel hit the ring and my man Ezekiel Jackson is on the apron. Big Show is still fighting and takes out Barrett, Slater and Gabriel. But Zeke hits thunderous clothesline, Slater hits Paydirt (thanks for posting Shelton Benjamin), and then Ezekiel Jackson man handles Big Show with a powerslam, ending with a 450 Splash by Gabriel. Nexus on Smackdown? Sexus on Raw. The Heel stables shall rule!
The announcers bust out their concerned voices and they go over what happened. As Lay-Cool come out.
Beth Phoenix beat Michelle McCool in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I love these two. Who cares of McCool boned 'Taker to the top? Cause Layla, my lovely British buttercup, is a part of it. Sorry Eve, you've been replaced. Haha Beth tried to get the dead crowd into it. Haha Striker with the cheap shot at the Jets. End match McCool chop blocks the leg, but gets rolled up for a two count. After another shot McCool gets a two count on Beth and continues to work over Beth's knee. Beth powers McCool out of the ring. She gets back in and get's Slingshot Suplexed by Beth for a long two. Beth goes for the Glamslam, McCool rolls though into a roll up and Beth counters the roll up into one of her own for the pinfall. Nice ending there.
We get the video package of Shawn Michaels, in my biased opinion the best wrestler ever, going into the WWE Hall of Fame this year. Great package, the people who put them together should get bonuses when they put one together like this. Getting a little teary eyed haha.
Vickie Guerrero and Teddy are arguing about the actions of last week. Ziggler says that their relationship is stronger than anything Edge can put in between them. More As the World Turns storylines I see. Blah blah blah.
Did you know? Big Daddy V and Mark Henry tied together still run faster than Matt Hardy?
Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) beat Jack Swagger in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Hey look everyone! Is the fizzled out, Identity Confused, Intercontinental Champion, Kobe Johnson...err Kofi Kingston. He's gonna cut a promo? Sheeeeeeet. Haha he said "hard and long". Yes, I'm as mature as a 5 year old Thank God, The All American American American American American American, Jack Swaggah! 2011 is the year of The American, Jacks and the top of the bar, and invites everyone to try and join him. Kofi like a 6 years old says shut up and fight. Hey look another black guy starting a fight. End match Swagger hits the Swagger Bomb on Kofi for a two. Swagger works over Kofis are and them stomps on him. AND I QUOTE @8:40CDT as Swagger fails at his second Swagger bomb. Swagger manhandles Kofi who slips out the back into a roll up for a long two. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench but Kofi gets out and Swagger ducks the Trouble in paradise and hits a belly to belly suplex for a two. Kofi botches his SOS and somehow still get's the pinfall for the win.
Oh baby, it's not Smackdown until Chimel's voice cracks during Edge's introduction. He is our World Heavyweight Champion. He welcomes us to the Cutting Edge. He tells us how no one thought he;d come out of his Last Man Standing match on one piece. And that he goes from one monster last week to Vickie Guerrero this week. *Rim shot* Cue Ziggles and Vickie to hit the ring. Are we allowed to remember Vickie and Edge were married? Edge wants to keeps controversy out of this, and Vickie says that there wasn't even any controversy last week. She was young and naive when she was with Edge (I guess we're allowed to remember), haha that got a chuckle out of me. Dolph says that Vickie resuscitated Edge's career and at the Royal Rumble he's gonna pull the plug. Vintage Alicia Fox as the wedding planner! How'd that turn out for ya? Hey look, the fat whore that can't wrestle Kaitlyn. Ziggler gets taken out by Edge after a fight, Vickie slaps Edge twice. Edge is contemplating a spear Vickie. Ziggler takes him out from behind and slings him into the steel barricade and throws Edge neck first into the steel steps. We close Smackdown with Ziggler and Guerrero making out over Edge.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: NR
Solid Smackdown. The tag match to start was alright, Kelly Kelly "acting" was golden. Ezekiel Jackson is back. A good, by WWE standards, divas match and Kofi/Swagger can do better. Wanna see how Nexus Version Smackdown pans out and I'm loving a young guy in Dolph Ziggler getting the chance to shine in the upper card. I liked Smackdown tonight and have since 2009, still the best WWE show. Sorry if there's typos...I don't really care, you're not my English teacher and I just plain ignore bitching.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples
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