Ahh the first Raw in May and the first Raw in 2010 after the draft. Raw is stacked with JoMo, Edge, and Chris Jericho joining Cena, Orton, Sheamus and Batista on whats now a super-studded Raw. Now we also have The Cutting Edge with special guest the snake-like, voice hearing man himself Randy Orton, now live-taped from Jacksonville, Florida it's time to la down the Raw.
We start out with a recap of the triple threat match that Batista won last Monday to become the No.1 Contender for Cena's WWE Champion. It was a nice chaotic end to the match which even saw Edge spear Orton allowing Batista and Phil to pick up the win.
We open with Batista, his nose-ring Phil and the infamous spotlight, I'll call it Joe. Joe has gotten big as of late hasn't he? He tells us how he won last week, and should be WWE champion. He then asks if we know what a Last Man Standing match is. I'm stumped, good thing he's gonna tell us. It's where you beat your opponent so severely he can't stand up, what Cena did though was the most embarrassing moment of Cenas career, no life. Duck tape, really? That's a Hornswoggle move. (Touche Batista) Ad apparently there a beat the clock challenge to pick the stipulation and Over the Limit. Batista's opponent is The Miz and he wants to destroy him quick. Cue the newly crowned barbaric, Sheamus. He calls Batista a loser and fella like 5 times and asks for a match with Batista tonight. If Sheamus wins he'll get his WWEC match, and if he loses he'll walk away like this never happened. Too bad Batista know Sheamus lost, calls him fella, and wants him outta his ring. Sheamus turns tail and runs, but say this is far from over.
Batista beat Daniel Bryan w/The Miz (United States Champion) in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Match Stipulation at Over the Limit: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Miz come out to the ring, but not in his wrestling attire. He says he'd like to prove why he's the USC and to give Batista the match of his career. But he has a doctor note and he sicks Daniel Bryan on him, as Batista roars in laughter. End match Bryan slaps on a arm-bar with his legs and the cross face, but Batista gets to the ropes. Bryan gets up and gets kicked in the knee. Allowing Batista to hit a spear, then the Batista Bomb for the win at 5:06. After the match Bryan gets killed after two more Batista Bombs.
We also find out that John Cena has to face the best in the world at what he does Chris Jericho in his Beat the Clock Match later tonight. Awesome.
Eve Torres-Day is in the back in a very scantily clad outfit and her title, when Wayne Brady comes up and tells her he's a big fan and congrats on the Divas title. Then Jillian comes up and asks if she can sing his theme song. Wayne chokes the bitch out and then OUTTA NOWHERE Maryse blasts Eve with her Divas title.
John Morrison beat Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match via count-out: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
They show last week when "Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth slapped Teddy and said the epic line "Truth don't play that" He also says Truth is a terrible wannabe rapper with one terrible song. I agree. Springboard 450 Splash which was amazing by Morrison got a "This is awesome" chant from the crowd. But DiBiase is sick of this match and leaves. But this isn't how the Monday Night Delight wants to debut on Raw. So to get DiBiase back we're having another match, but this time, if Morrison loses he'll become Teddys virgil.
John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match. If Morrison loses he has to become DiBiase's Virgil: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match JoMo hits hte Pele kick OUTTA NOWHERE. He works over DiBiase with forearms and clotheslines. He goes for the flying Chuck but gets his leg swept. It got him a two. DiBiase goes for Dream Street and Morrison arm drags him out but takes a POWERSLAM (FU COLE) for a two. DiBiase then follows Morrison into a clothesline for a two. DiBiase go for Dream Streets again but Morrison uses the turnbuckle and flips over DiBiase into the pinfall for the three count. Afterward DiBiase rags on JoMo until Truth comes out to save the day. Apparently Truth don't play that either.
John Cena (WWE Champion) vs Chris Jericho in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Stipulation at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Cena has to beat the time of 5:06 in order to win, and I have a good feeling that he will. Chris comes out in a suit, and I have a feeling Chris might get out of the match. He's pulling himself out (that's what she said) of the match cause Cena bores him. He found another opponent for him to face in front of this PARASITIC TROGLODYTES @9:02 CDT. He then called the crowd hypocrites and sicks Wade "The Botanist" Barret on Cena. Yes, Jericho is even yelling ASK HIM when he's on the apron, epicness! End match Barret hits a backbreaker for a two. A Minute left and Barret is working over Cena. At 40 seconds, Cena Supermans-Up and slaps the STF on Barret and he taps quickly. Cena is about to tell the stipulation when Sheamus comes at him and hits the BLARNEY BOOT @9:09 CDT!
Maryse beat Nikki Bella "Whore #1" w/Brie Bella "Whore #2" in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Boy is Maryse looking good with that attire, and it's a miracle that one of the Bella Whores is actually wrestling, rather than arm candy for Wayne Brady. Nikkie throws a shoulder block on Maryse and climbs to the top rope. Maryse gets there and throws her down and hits the French Kiss DDT for the 1-2-3. Maryse then shows her new sexy photo-shoot with the knocked out Eve Torres (Insert rape joke, yeah I went there). Eve comes down to the ring and the luckiest ref in the world keeps her at bay while Maryse high tails it.
Mark Henry "Kool Aid Man" vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Zack is single and ready to mingle, King wrote down that line cause he's too old to remember it's a 20 year old line. End match Ryder hits the Rough Rider, a leg lariat, and then gets careened until Henry hits The Worlds Strongest Slam for the win. Then Henry leaves with a tall black woman and a tiny Asian. Kinky.
Jericho and Miz are in the back (Freaking yes) talking about how they carried the Big Show for 16 months, how they hated his snoring and country music, and finally a plan on how they can get back at him even though he's on Smackdown.
Cue Kozlof with a MacGruber reference. The Santino comes on dressed as Mike Brady, and Wayne says there's about a hundred reasons why they can't be apart of The Brady Bunch and they all star with 'their not white.' (Haha) Enter Regal calling Santino a bumbling nincompoop which leads to Santino calling Wayne Landou Calrizian (Hahaha). After Regal and Kozlof leave Santino stomps out "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne" and storms off. Random Goldust dressed as Alice freaks us all out to close the promo. Hit a miss, but the hits were AMAZING.
The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya (Unified Tag Team Champions) vs William Regal/Vadimir Kozlof in a Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Chris Jericho and Miz are on commentary and they are both owning Cole. Lmfao as Jericho calls Cole a Jackass for bringing up Twitter, freaking awesome. End match Regal misses the Knee Trembler and DH Smith slaps on the Sharpshooter on Regal for the tapout. Alright match and epic commentary. Afterward DH Smith takes a Codebreaker and Skull Crushing Finale. Nice, if they get together as a tag team it shall be awesome.
Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav is hosting next week. Awesome hip-hop pioneer and all around cool guy.
The Cutting Edge with Special Guest Randy Orton
Cue Edge, and his pyro and he's gonna bring Rated-R back to the WWE, and do whatever he wants out here. Edge proclaims himself the most controversial superstar ever as he comes back to Raw. We don't deserve to hear why he did what he did last week, but he's a nice enough guy to tell us anyway. He was mad and wanted to take his anger out on someone and that happened to be Orton. So cue....Wayne Brady, who doesn't have pyro, haha. Wayne is i front of millions of people and he wants to walk in the footsteps of a superstar. He then rips Cheech and/or Chong and says hes Bob Darker (Yes!) The voices have had enough waiting and Orton comes out mid-promo. WAYNE GOT RKO'D! He's freaking dead! Edge says he won't RKO cause he'd have done the same thing in Ortons shoes, and asks him to remember what happened last time he was one TCE. Well the last time they got together and formed Rated RKO and dominated all. He came back and played the crowd and they were never fully behind him. While old selfish Orton doesn't change and yet the fans chant his name. Right now nothing in fair for Edge and it's eating him up inside. He says Orton will join him or he'll spear him week after week until he's an afterthought on Raw. Randy goes for the RKO but Edge pushes him off and give him a big boot. Edge sets up for the spear but Orton counters it and RKOs Edge mid-spear. Viper @10:08 CDT to close out the show yeah!
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I liked Raw again, mostly due to promo work (Batista, Edge, Orton, Wayne, Santino, Jericho, and Miz), and the matches between JoMo and DiBiase put together were good. I'm looking forward to Batista/Cena, and where they'll throw Sheamus has yet to be decided. The promos were good, the matches were what they needed to be and the comedy was decent to good all night. Good job Raw, a decent run of shows you have going in my humble opinion.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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