Well sorry for no Smackdown Lowdown this week, I was at Iron Man 2 with my mom as her mothers day gift. Awesome, I know. Not it's time for the better than 2009 version of Raw, with one of the rap genres pioneer, the clock wearin', Flava Flav hosts 6 days before Over the Limit. From let's lay down the Raw!
We have a recap of lasts weeks Cutting Edge where Edge reaffirms himself as the most controversial superstar in the WWE, Wayne Brady called himself 'Bob Darker' and took a RKO, and Orton hits a mid-spear RKO to close out the very nice segment.
Well the voices in Randy head told him to kick off Raw, and of course, as always, he obliged them. Well he says Edge really only wants to keep him under raps, as he sees him as a threat on Monday Night Raw. And cue Flava Fl....boy Flav got white and fat over the years. Meatloaf says he has a new theme for Randy and then rambles for about 3 minutes sounding like an old moron in the nursing home and takes a RKO. Cue Edge, now it's really Edge, and he doesn't like the celebrity guest hosts either. So he called WWE Global about it and they tweeted him back that the guest hosts will no longer have real authority on Raw. Also he has them appoint a permanent GM for Raw, and it's The Rock! Just kidding it's "Miss Excuse Me" Vickie Guerrero, and she's (and the WWE higher ups) are sick of Orton taking out celebs. So as a disciplinary measure, Edge and a partner of his choosing will face Orton later tonight in a Handicap match.
Chris Jericho beat David Hart Smith w/Natayla in a singles match, If Y2J wins Mizicho gets a Unifited Tag Team Title match at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
DH Smith starts with a delayed vertical on Jericho in homage to Davy Boy, I'm glad he has that in the move-set. ASK HIM @8:23 CDT! IT'S NOT A GODDAMN SCOOPSLAM YOU INCOMPETENT MORON COLE! IT'S A POWERSLAM! End match Jericho gets out of the sharpshooter. While the ref isn't looking he gives DH a thumb to the eye and the a Codebreaker for the win. Now Mizicho gets a Unified Tag Team Championship match at Over the Limit against The Hart Dynasty.
To the utter shock of the dumbass Cole, Edge is talking to Batista in the back, and the fact that they could be partners gives him the willies. Also Flava Flav is gonna be on a Raw next. I predict Regal, Goldust, Eve, Maryse, or other talent that should be used in the ring, but won't be.
Yeaaaaaaah Boyyyyyyyyyy @8:31 CDT! Of course he comes out with "Mr. Narcissistic" R-truth. I guess, it's hard to tell after all there years, but I think he plugged his show, had the crowd say his name and "Yeah Boy". Truth's match goes awry early as Regal bails as Carltio and Primo aka "The Asses", jump Truth to Flavs disapproval. Flav would jump in if her were 4lbs. heavier. F***ing epic. As it turns out, DiBiase gave them that money money, yeah yeah...wait they broke up.
We come back to a perfect package highlighting Eve Torres-Day, and then a package showing Maryse training and looking good doing it. Apparently she wasn't trying hard enough. So she slapped and kicked her trainer. Cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he asks Orton if he worried about Edge and his mystery partner. He says no, cause there's nothing he can do about it anyway. But, he does want Vickie down at ringside for the match.
Evan Bourne vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We have Zack Ryder, he talks, likes dark meat, and says his catchphrase. End match Zack hits a leg lariat, and neckbreaker for two two counts. He then hits with a kick in the corner, and then knees to the jaw. Even climbs the ropes for Air Bourne, but Alicia Fox tires to get involved. Gail stopped her, and Evan hits the SSP for the 1-2-3. After the match We have an Asian with a white guy, and a African American with a white guy. They'd better be glad this isn't the 60s.
John Cena reveals the stipulation for his WWE Championship match with Batista at Over the Limit with Batista, Phil and Bob in the ring. Well halfway through I realize that my first sentnce was written prematurely. God forbid me thinking whats on the graphic is what's gonna happen. Cena blahs on about advantage, and how hes no a coward. So he makes the stipulation an "I Quit" match. FELLA @9:03 CDT! He calls the Pale White Yonder, and him, and look Batista finally made it, take out Cena with a spear, Blarney Stone, and the BLARNEY BOOT @9:06 CDT! And as Batista is going for the Batista Bomb, Mark Henry hits the ring like he hits the buffet line and takes everything out in sight.
We have Edge and a whale in the back. He begs the mammal to come out to ringside. The whale says it'd be crazy. Edge said it'd be ok, cause the nasty blubber poacher Randy Orton will be beaten down by none other than himself. The whale blew water out of it's blow-hole to show it's happiness as we go to commercial.
Tyson Kidd w/Natayla vs The Miz (United States Champion) in a singles match, if Miz loses....opp it's already done as Kidd wins by a roll-up in homage to Owen Hart. But, he's not facing Tyson Kidd, the baby Bulldog, or Sweet Innocent Nattie. He's facing none other than The Hitman himself, Bret Hart, next week on Raw commercial free episode.
We get another interview with Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthew in the back with Batista. He asks him his thoughts on facing the Kool-Aid Man later tonight and his "I Quit" match with Cena. He said he'll make Cena scream for ice cream, I mean 'I quit', and if you don't believe him, watch what he's gonna do to Henry.
8 NXT Rookies vs 4 Raw Superstars in a handicap tag match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Actually this match is getting at least an extra star for Santinos trumpet in slow motion. End match, JoMo goes for Starship Pain on Slater (Who looked horrible in-ring), but he get's his knees up and tag Daniel Bryan in, as JoMo tags Sntino in. Bryan amps up and catches Santino with an inside cradle for the win.
Oh look it's Flava Flav and The Bella Whores in the back. In comes Vladimir and Santino. Santnio busts a "Don't Believe the Hype" reference, Vlad drops a "Bust a Move" ref, and Regal spits a kickin' rhyme which provokes a Yeeaaaaahhhhh Booyyy from Flava Flav. VINTAGE @9:39 CDT!
Batista vs Mark "Kool-Aid Man" Henry in a singles match never gets going as Batista ambushes him as he gets in the ring, wails on his shoulder with the steel chair, and slaps the Regal Stretch on Henry for like a minute, as the announcers finish the segment in their serious voices. VIPER @9:51 CDT! As they go over how the Edge/Mystery Partner v Orton match came about earlier tonight.
Edge/Ted DiBiase w/Vickie Guerrero vs Randy Orton i a 2-on-1 Handicap match:
for the second time tonight, the voices demand Orton to go out to the ring, and this time they prepare him for a handicap match on the way down. Apparently Teedy got a sizable trust fund that will never run out, since he had his first Wrestlemania match back at 26. VINTAGE ORTON @10:03 CDT! End match Orton goes for the RKO, and DiBiase pushes off and then gets back dropped outta the ring. R-Truth rushes Teddy back into the ring and he gets a RKO for the win. Afterward Orton sees Vickie and the fact Edge is still out on the floor. Vickie pleads with Orton, screams and then resigns. Well that was short lived, and just like that guests hosts are back in control of Raw. Edge takes an RKO, and Vickie runs to the back to be first in line for taco night.
Raw: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars....I just don't care about finishing this week. It's been sitting here since Monday night. It was what it was.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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