Alberto Dellllllllllllll Rioooooooooooo has won the 2011 WWE Royal Rumble! The Essence of Exquisiteness has achieved part one of his two part destiny plan. Part 2? Going on to beat the World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemaina 27. But will it be Edge? Or could it be perhaps Ziggler winning the title tonight in the mixed tag with Lay-Cool vs Edge and Kelly Kelly? Either way they still have to get through Elimination Chamber and tonight's edition of giving you the lowdown on Smackdown!
Booker T is here and he's the new Smackdown announcer! Now can you dig that suckas! Spin-a-Rooni at 7:03CDT! Out comes Vickie and Dolph Ziggler to the ring. Vickie tells us that there will be qualifying matches for the Smackdown Elimination Chambers. Then she tells us about the Main Event Handicap Match for the World Title. She calls the dumb blone to the ring, they gabble about clothes and makeup. Dolph starts yelling at Kelly for costing him is title at the Royal Rumble and tells her to vamoosh. Kelly slapped Dolph and pushed Vickie down. Lay-Cool runs down an corners Kelly. Then Edge runs down and punches McCool in the face...err that was Dolph. Kelly and Edge go up the ramp while Lay-Cool and Vickie are on the outside of the ring.
Did you that Flozell Adams runs faster than Matt Hardy?
Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater beat Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlof w/Tamina vs in a tag team match via pinfall: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Team Cobra FTW! Why is Teddy Long reffing this match? End match Gabriel throws Santino out,the Vlad returns the favor to Gabriel. Heath kicks Vlad in the back of the knee and follows up with a sit back neck-breaker. He tags in Gabriel who hits the 450 Splash for the pinfall. Solid but short match. I generally like everyone in this and if they got 7-9 minutes it could be alright.
Drew McIntyre beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) in Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match #1: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
As we go to commercial Kofi gets dropped on his guy on the steel steps on the outside. It should be noted Booker T is a face commentator and is already calling Cole out on his bullshit. End match Kofi hits a counter DDT on Drew for a long two. They slug it out and Kofi has Drew reeling in the corer and follows up with the leaping clothesline in to the Boom Drop. He sets up for Trouble in Paradise and misses cause Drew gets to the ropes. Then outta nowhere Del Rio comes on the tron and winks at the distracted Kingston. Drew kicks Kofi in the knee and hits the Future Shock DDT for the pinfall and the spot in the Elimination Chamber.
The trench coat man in the rain walking into a dilapidated house. 2-21-11, the night after Elimination Chamber. It's either Undertaker or the rumored to be singed with the WWE, Sting.
Rey Mysterio vs "The All American American American American" Jack Swagger Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match #2: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Swagger's back to push-ups! This is a momentous occasion. End match, Swagger hits the Vader Bomb on Rey for a long two. He follows up with a leg lock grounding Rey. Rey tries to fight back but gets pinned for another two. Swagger hip-locks Rey across the ring and goes for Vader Bomb #2 and misses. Rey goes ot the second rope, he dives on Swagger who catches him, but counters into a DDT for a long two again. Swagger charges Rey and gets drop toe held into the ropes. But Swagger catches the 619 and slaps on the Ankle Lock. Rey counters out and sends Swagger into the corner, and kicks Swagger in the face ending with a roll-up for the win.
Edge and Kelly are in the back. Edge says he doesn't want his title reign to end like this. Kelly says that Edge doesn't have faith in her (Yes), and that him and McIntyre are the same (No) and storms off to use her tampons.
The Jobber Diva, Rosa, now with black hair, and the little green midget Hornswoggle are handing trinkets out when Del Rio is scheduled to have his Royal Rumble party. He tells us it was his destiny to win the Rumble, and go on to main event 'Mania. Del Rio says that the Pinata hanging about the ring is for Horny. Del Rio forgets the name of the where they're at and covers 'Swoggles face and spins him around. Hornswoggle missed about 30 times before Del Rio lowers it. Hornswoggle starts swinging and hit's Del Rio, who returns the favor by kicking Hornswoggle in the face. Kofi runs out to save the day and clotheslines over Del Rio. Kofi checks on Hornswoggle and gets attack from behind from Del Rio. He hits Kofi three or four times with the kindo stick and slaps on the cross armbreaker and the refs have to come out and break it up. Booker's pissed and Cole's loving it all.
Kane beat Chavo Guerrero in Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match #3 via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Chavo hangs up Kane, Chavo goes for Frog Splash, Chavo gets caught by Kane, Kane hit's massive chokeslam, Kane gets the 1-2-3, Kane is the third qualifier for Smackdown's Elimination Chamber.
They run The Chaperone trailer. Meeeehhhhhhhhhhh.
Wade Barrett w/Ezekiel Jackson/Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater beat The Big Show in Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match #4 via pinfall: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
The rest of Corre surrounds the ring as the match starts. About two minutes in the ref gets taken out. Big Zeke plasters Show but he kicks out. Barrett hits a DDT to finish him off and take the last spot in Smackdown's Elimination Chamber. Big Show gets pissed afterward and starts throwing the Corre, until Ezekiel Jackson dominates and takes him out for good.
Edge/Kelly Kelly beat Dolph Ziggler/Layla/Michelle McCool in a 2-on-3 Handicap match for the World Heavyweight Championship: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Ohhh Layla is looks STUNNING as always as Team Ziglacool get ready to face Team Awesome Bimbo. Not working? Didn't think so. Kelly Kelly is defending the World title..holy God, she's the best stripper turned exhibitionist, turned terrible diva EVER! End match, Kelly tags in Edge, but the ref doesn't see it. All hell breaks loose, Kelly and Lay-Cool go at it in the ring while Edge and Ziggler are on the outside. Edge takes out Ziggler. And McCool accidentally kicks Layla. Kelly throws out McCool. Edge calls for the tag, but Kelly spears Layla for the pinfall.
After the match Vickie Guerrero gets in the ring and FIRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Kelly Kelly. I'm cheering at this point. Kelly immediately starts crying and walks up the ramp.It's truly an Oscar-worthy performance...ya know if The Oscars had a slut category. Vickie then turns to Edge and tells him he's going to lose his title next week in a match against Ziggler. And the special guest referee would be Vickie herself. Dolph sneaks in and hits the Zig-Zag as we go off the air.
Smackdown Rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
A notch below last week cause of match quality, but Booker T is back (and great on the mic), and we have both Elimination Chamber matches set for two weeks from Sunday. Kelly Kelly getting fired is another plus, but still the match quality was below average. Almost no promo time, but Alberto Del Rio kicking Hornswoggle bumped it up half a star. Pretty underwhelming night from a usually average to good show each week. Now can you dig this? SUCKA!
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day, thanks for reading Fat Jesus disciples!
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