No intro this week. Cause just like Batista does in the opening segment, it gave up on me this week. Let's lay down some mortar, and make a Raw brick wall.
We start with a recap of the "I Quit" between Super-Cena and Bothchtistariod last night where Cena Supermaned up after almost getting hit by car and then made Crippledtista say "I Quit." He says he's gonna sue Cena, WWE, and all the Cena-fans. Epic. Vintage Jonn Lena reference! CURVE BALL! Bret is the new GM of Raw! Canada is going nuts right now! He tells Batista has a match against Orton for a spot in the Fatal Four Way match. Batista refuses and Bret declares the injured Orton is the winner. Batista then flips out, quits, and more Vintage PG-WWE Censorship hits as Batista yells kiss his ass as he's wheeled up the ramp.
Sheamus vs Mark Henry in a WWE Championship Match Qualifier for the Fatal Four Way PPV: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We have the Kool-Aid Man vs The Pale White Yonder in whats sure to be a contender for match of the year. End match sheamus runs into a wall. Mark Henry then splashes him for a two. Sheamus sidesteps a Stinger Splash and climbs to the top rope. Mark Henry looks like he's gonna press slam him, but he shoulder gives out. But Sheamus hits a Blarney Boot @ 8:26 CDT for the win! My Lord Sheamus made it, who would've though it after the end of last night.
We have Jon Lovitz in the back trying to get 10% of the company from Vince when Maryse "This Cleveage Shouldn't Be Happening in PG-WWE" and they have a little banter. Lovitz is teaching Santino 'The Fast Freak Fiber Twitch Jugular Pinch.' They go on for a bit more and we cut to Bret and Edge. Edge says he should get a 1-on-1 match cause he deserves it. Jericho comes in and says the same thing. Bret makes a triple threat between Edge/Y2J/Cena. If one of the two wins their in, but if Cena wins their both out. Edge says he's a better Canadian and champ than the two. Y2J then tells Bret not to get on his bad side as GM.
Maryse/Alicia "The Black One" Fox vs Eve Torres-Day/Gail Kim in a divas tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
End match Eve hit/misses two dropkicks, and hits that nice standing moonsault. A. Fox breaks it up at two, and then gives Eve a huge boot, and Maryse hits the French Kiss DDT for the 1-2-3. All the while Gail standing on her side of the ring. So much for the divas being "Sexy. SMART. And Powerful."
One half of the infamous team Jiz, The Miz is in a match with the master of US Cities, "Mr. Narcissistic", R-Truth are in a singles match for the United States Championship? Really? Truth? Why not DiBiase? Oh wait WWE fears heel v heel no matter how good the match could be. How about Evan Bourne/Miz. No that can't happen cause he's still a Raw jobber.
R-Truth beat The Miz in a singles match for the vacant United States Championship: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
We're in Toledo, Ohio tonight, thanks for telling me Truth. The Miz comes out and tells R-Truth his version of the Truth. After a roll-up for a two by Truth, Miz rolls out to ringside as we cut to commercial. Haha Truth botched a plancha over the top rope during the commercial. End match Truth hits an inverted Russian leg sweep in Miz for a two. Truth goes for a flying cross-body but rolls through and Miz gets a two. Miz hits a neck breaker and Truth puts on a backslide for a two. Another rolls up that Miz kicks out of. Then Truth goes for a Scissors Kick, Miz pushes off, and Truth hits the Lie Detector (OUTTA NOWHERE), and we have a new, new United States Champion.
We have a promo, which is chalk full of "What?" and a gradual normal talking to yelling, where Cena tells his "C-Nation" (Yay you got a Twitter, we know) that he will take out anyone that even looks like a threat. ARGHHHH!
We have Jon Loviz come out with King making bad jokes, and a Bella Whoe on each arm. My Lord what would we do without the Bella Twins. Haha their judges now? Now they're superstars, whores, body guards, and now judges. We have Kaluber and Rujin-w/e sang something horrid out first. Cue a bad Rosie O'Donnell joke. Jillian gets the "Meg" treatment. Oh look it's Random Joe, and he can mutilate his body....I guess this is Jackass errr Jackbutt. Lame fake eye thing from the dude, and DiBiase and Virgil come out and stop the madness/want to buy the eye. Santino comes out and says Vigill and DiBisake need to stop. He takes out Virigl with the Jugular Pinch, but it didn't work on DiBisake as he gives him the Dream Street as we go to commercial.
The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya's Breasts (Unified Tag Team Champions) vs William Regal/Vladimir Kozlof in a tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
You typical 2-minute special on Raw. THD got the pin on Regal after the Heart Attack a bit into the match. But two dudes and a gal came out, blasted THD, and then gave a triple frog splash to the champs. For once I don't know what the f***s going on.
We have Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is with the NXT rookies and they pick whose going to go. They all pick Heath Slater and I gotta concur. They cut to Cole who already looks pissy, and King shows us the Bryan/Cole interaction for last week. It's still epic. Cole is even more pissy when they go live. He says he's suffered physical and mental trauma (HAHA), and that he and his attorneys have been meeting. So tomorrow night, he'll call Daniel Bryan out to publicly apologize to him. If he refuses, then Cole will sue him for all he's worth. They are keeping me interested in the waining weeks of NXT. Cut to Edge/Y2J in the back and Edge says he might not even pin Cena, he might just go for Y2J!
Edge beat Chris Jericho/John Cena (WWE Champion) in a triple Threat match for the last spot in the WWE Championship Fatal Four Way Match: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
No big surprise that Cenas not even selling the fact that he was in that grueling "I Quit" match last night. Edge comes out to a decent pop, and Y2J gets his great heel heat as usual. Cena throws both of them out of the ring within two minutes at we go to commercial with Cena looking fresh as a daisy. SELL MOVES AND MATCHES MY GOD! VINTAGE Cena @9:58 CDT! End match we have Cena with an STF on Edge while the Walls are on Cena. Edge gets out, and the gets the wall on him. Cena breaks it up and tried for an Attitude Adjustment on Y2J, but got speared by Edge the Codebreaker'd by Y2J. Then Edge speared Y2J to take the last spot. Sheamus came out and everyone stared gayly at each other. Viper at @10:02 CDT! Then the voice wanted to stare into the fray and told Orton to go out. As usual Randy obliges them and they all have a starefest to close out Raw.
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars (Unofficial Fat Jesus Rating)
Not a bad, Raw. Not a great one like last week, but I didn't feel bored or dragged down. Even with the hit and miss Lovitz segment. Cena/Edge/Y2J to close the show was actually given time and was good. Truth/Miz was about 10 minutes and didn't even include Truth's cartwheel and had nice back and forth action. Cole is still annoying a hell on the mic, but his segment tomorrow on NXT should be gold. The rest of you matches was whats on a normal Raw. Not great, not terrible, good promos, and enjoyment of The B-Show as of late by me. Oh yeah, DUCT TAPE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Farewell 2010 heel Batista, you were GREAT on the mic.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
WWE Over the Limit 2010 Picks
It's almost time for the new WWE PPV, thank God it's not concept, called Over the Limit! Where the obvious thing is that all the people in matches will be taken to the limits and we'll get the best matches possible. I don't know what city it's in, hopefully R-Truth will remind me, but it should be an ok show. Here's all of Fat Jesus' predictions.
Jericho/Miz vs The Hart Dynasty in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships
Winners: The Hart Dynasty
I do want Mizicho to have the titles, but I want THD to have a run with it, and I want to see more singles matches between the four of them. Tyson/Miz or Tyson/Jericho, and Jericho/DH Smith would be grand matches. Also having the four work with Jericho/Bret Hart will definitely help them in-ring and on the mic. Anywho, let DH/Tyson have a good run with the titles, maybe a back and forth with Mizicho over the summer. They can have good matches. Viva La Tag Teams!
Ted DiBiase WITH VIRGIL vs R-Truth in a singles match
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Well this has got to be a filler match. They've interacted like 3 times on Raw in the last month. "Truth don't play that", then The Butt Brothers attack "Mr. Narcissistic" and whatever else happened between them. Anywho with Brett tearing his ACL down in FCW "The Fortunate Sons" stable is put on hold, but I still believe they're push DiBiase. R-Truth is good if they let him wrestle, but they don't, except for the cartwheel > splits > back heel kick > Lie Detector. Meh, DiBiase is the clear choice.
Randy Orton vs Edge in a singles match
Winner: Edge
I like the little build for this match and hope they keep this feud going the whole summer. Anywho the Cutting Edge was a nice start, with Edge calling out Orton and getting RKO'd in the end. (A sick one BTW) The next week Orton beating Edge/DiBiase, scaring the s*** out of Vickie and RKO'ing Edge on the outside was alright. And the pick your poison matches Edge/Christian then Undertaker and Orton/Swagger were a nice way of moving this along with Edge getting the spear on Orton. Like I said I want this to continue, I think the only way is to have Edge win. Next month I assume they'll both qualify for the WWEC at Fatal Four Way. Then Randy will ultimately win out over Edge at Money in the Bank, and they'll end it all at Summerslam. But all know that most likely won't happen, for now, Edge be my pick.
Drew McIntyre vs Kofi Kingston in a singles match for Intercontinental Championship.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Yeah he's a little boring in the ring, and sure he may need to defend the title more and have some good matches. BUT I like Drew and his amazing entrance. Obviously so does McMahon. I think this will get a good 10 minutes, and Drewy Mac will use some underhanded way to win. Do I like Kofi? Yeah I like him in-ring and he has a unique moves in his set. Do I see him winning the ICC at a PPV yet no? Go on Chosen One, kicketh the ass of Mr. Identity Confused!
CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio in a singles match. If Rey loses he must join the Straight Edge Society/If CM Punk loes he must shave his head
Winner: CM Punk
I think this has slipped to the second best feud Smackdown has going, but boy do I still like it. I also think they need to still have that epic 15+ minute match to make the feud stick. Sure their matches at 'Mania/Extreme Rules were good, but they we're great. I also think that, despite Rey being SD's biggest face draw, is that he'll lose. Sure if Rey wins everyone will have a jolly good time that night and maybe on Smackdown. But if Rey loses we'll see him forced to become heelish and have to struggle with having to be bossed around by CM Punk and that to me is more gratifying. Also get Joey Mercury aka The Hooded Avenger, out of that stupid getup already, it's like an evil Batman is running around. Get some this Sunday Punk.
Eve vs Maryse in a singles match for Diva's Championship
Winner: Who else? Eve Torres-Day
Do I think it'll be good? I hope so. Were the diva matches at the PPVs any good? No (But the one at ER was ok). If they give them time will these two put on a good match? Yes. Eve, if you didn't know (You'd better call somebody!), is my favorite current diva. She been steadily improving in-ring since Smackdown last year, and hasn't really been given the time to work a 7-8 minute WWE Divas special. I also like Maryse, and aside from Gail Kim (who WWEs done NOTHING with) their the two best workers on Raw. And even though Maryse is a diva, I like how a smash-mouth cocky style exudes from her. Anywho let Eve hit a dropkick (hopefully), her moonsault would be a nice spot, and give her the win with that arm-bar. Divas can use submissions too. Go darling!
Jack Swagger vs Big Show in a singles match for World Heavyweight Championship
Winner: Jack Swagger
This has been a good build, and Swagger is getting much much better on the mic. Does he need matches every week, no cause we know he can wrestle, Smackdown lets superstars do that. TWe had Swagger fact night and they also gave the champ two weeks in a row, the middle of the show to talk for 10-20 minutes, and cut him off with a commercial both times. Thought it was funny how they did that a came back and he was still going. He can wrestle, he's starting to get good on the mic, and Big Show has embarrassed him 3 weeks in a row, Swagger is keeping the title, underhandedly I presume. Not taking away anything from Big Show, I think this is the best time he had wrestling in awhile. He's happy, he's cracking jokes (and heads hurhurhur), and looks like he enjoying the ride. Good for him, I'd like to see a monster title run from him, but right now Swagger is doing just fine. Don't forget to get your Swaggies, they taste like freedom.
John Cena vs Batista in an "I Quit" Match for WWE Championship.
Winner: John Cena
Boy Batista must've done something wrong. He finally got the title back, and is having a great heel turn/run (best I've liked him in years), then loses at two straight PPVs and he's gonna have to utter "I Quit" from Super Cena himself as a send off for awhile. He doesn't even have the movie role anymore cause they pulled him and gave it to Batista. Anywho I hope Batista get's rested up, maybe get an acting job in, and them come back to his heel role that he's doing so well in. See I didn't even mention the moronicy of the Last Man Standing match or the fact that Cenas character and in-ring moves are stale/terrible (Crap I just did). Cenas even said that this is a different WWE and that heel rapper Cena can never come back. Can you at least turn heel? And farewell Batista, the divas locker room should be safe till you return.
That's it for my Over the Limit picks. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Jericho/Miz vs The Hart Dynasty in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships
Winners: The Hart Dynasty
I do want Mizicho to have the titles, but I want THD to have a run with it, and I want to see more singles matches between the four of them. Tyson/Miz or Tyson/Jericho, and Jericho/DH Smith would be grand matches. Also having the four work with Jericho/Bret Hart will definitely help them in-ring and on the mic. Anywho, let DH/Tyson have a good run with the titles, maybe a back and forth with Mizicho over the summer. They can have good matches. Viva La Tag Teams!
Ted DiBiase WITH VIRGIL vs R-Truth in a singles match
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Well this has got to be a filler match. They've interacted like 3 times on Raw in the last month. "Truth don't play that", then The Butt Brothers attack "Mr. Narcissistic" and whatever else happened between them. Anywho with Brett tearing his ACL down in FCW "The Fortunate Sons" stable is put on hold, but I still believe they're push DiBiase. R-Truth is good if they let him wrestle, but they don't, except for the cartwheel > splits > back heel kick > Lie Detector. Meh, DiBiase is the clear choice.
Randy Orton vs Edge in a singles match
Winner: Edge
I like the little build for this match and hope they keep this feud going the whole summer. Anywho the Cutting Edge was a nice start, with Edge calling out Orton and getting RKO'd in the end. (A sick one BTW) The next week Orton beating Edge/DiBiase, scaring the s*** out of Vickie and RKO'ing Edge on the outside was alright. And the pick your poison matches Edge/Christian then Undertaker and Orton/Swagger were a nice way of moving this along with Edge getting the spear on Orton. Like I said I want this to continue, I think the only way is to have Edge win. Next month I assume they'll both qualify for the WWEC at Fatal Four Way. Then Randy will ultimately win out over Edge at Money in the Bank, and they'll end it all at Summerslam. But all know that most likely won't happen, for now, Edge be my pick.
Drew McIntyre vs Kofi Kingston in a singles match for Intercontinental Championship.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Yeah he's a little boring in the ring, and sure he may need to defend the title more and have some good matches. BUT I like Drew and his amazing entrance. Obviously so does McMahon. I think this will get a good 10 minutes, and Drewy Mac will use some underhanded way to win. Do I like Kofi? Yeah I like him in-ring and he has a unique moves in his set. Do I see him winning the ICC at a PPV yet no? Go on Chosen One, kicketh the ass of Mr. Identity Confused!
CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio in a singles match. If Rey loses he must join the Straight Edge Society/If CM Punk loes he must shave his head
Winner: CM Punk
I think this has slipped to the second best feud Smackdown has going, but boy do I still like it. I also think they need to still have that epic 15+ minute match to make the feud stick. Sure their matches at 'Mania/Extreme Rules were good, but they we're great. I also think that, despite Rey being SD's biggest face draw, is that he'll lose. Sure if Rey wins everyone will have a jolly good time that night and maybe on Smackdown. But if Rey loses we'll see him forced to become heelish and have to struggle with having to be bossed around by CM Punk and that to me is more gratifying. Also get Joey Mercury aka The Hooded Avenger, out of that stupid getup already, it's like an evil Batman is running around. Get some this Sunday Punk.
Eve vs Maryse in a singles match for Diva's Championship
Winner: Who else? Eve Torres-Day
Do I think it'll be good? I hope so. Were the diva matches at the PPVs any good? No (But the one at ER was ok). If they give them time will these two put on a good match? Yes. Eve, if you didn't know (You'd better call somebody!), is my favorite current diva. She been steadily improving in-ring since Smackdown last year, and hasn't really been given the time to work a 7-8 minute WWE Divas special. I also like Maryse, and aside from Gail Kim (who WWEs done NOTHING with) their the two best workers on Raw. And even though Maryse is a diva, I like how a smash-mouth cocky style exudes from her. Anywho let Eve hit a dropkick (hopefully), her moonsault would be a nice spot, and give her the win with that arm-bar. Divas can use submissions too. Go darling!
Jack Swagger vs Big Show in a singles match for World Heavyweight Championship
Winner: Jack Swagger
This has been a good build, and Swagger is getting much much better on the mic. Does he need matches every week, no cause we know he can wrestle, Smackdown lets superstars do that. TWe had Swagger fact night and they also gave the champ two weeks in a row, the middle of the show to talk for 10-20 minutes, and cut him off with a commercial both times. Thought it was funny how they did that a came back and he was still going. He can wrestle, he's starting to get good on the mic, and Big Show has embarrassed him 3 weeks in a row, Swagger is keeping the title, underhandedly I presume. Not taking away anything from Big Show, I think this is the best time he had wrestling in awhile. He's happy, he's cracking jokes (and heads hurhurhur), and looks like he enjoying the ride. Good for him, I'd like to see a monster title run from him, but right now Swagger is doing just fine. Don't forget to get your Swaggies, they taste like freedom.
John Cena vs Batista in an "I Quit" Match for WWE Championship.
Winner: John Cena
Boy Batista must've done something wrong. He finally got the title back, and is having a great heel turn/run (best I've liked him in years), then loses at two straight PPVs and he's gonna have to utter "I Quit" from Super Cena himself as a send off for awhile. He doesn't even have the movie role anymore cause they pulled him and gave it to Batista. Anywho I hope Batista get's rested up, maybe get an acting job in, and them come back to his heel role that he's doing so well in. See I didn't even mention the moronicy of the Last Man Standing match or the fact that Cenas character and in-ring moves are stale/terrible (Crap I just did). Cenas even said that this is a different WWE and that heel rapper Cena can never come back. Can you at least turn heel? And farewell Batista, the divas locker room should be safe till you return.
That's it for my Over the Limit picks. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown! 5/14/10
Smackdown has been owning RAW since June of last year and the trend continues. Though Beth may have torn her ACL, but we get to crown a new Intercontinental Champion and hopefully Smackdown will put on a great show filled with good promos and a lot of in-ring action. So taped from Buffalo, New York, here's the lowdown on Smackdown.
We have the recap we've been seeing all week where Drew kicks the hell outta Matt Hardy and got suspended/stripped/fired. What no will the tyrant Teddy Long do this week?
Kofi Kingston beat Christian in a singles match for the vacant Intercontinental Championship via: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
We start with "Buckle Up" Teddy Long as he announce the Intercontinental Championship match himself. And "Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston is out first. Next we have the leader of the Peepultaion, Cristian, the veteran, the favorite. Haha Kofi got monkey flipped, how racist of you WWE. But the Hip-toss, counter into the blocked hip-toss into the monkey flip was nice. Christian does his flying springboard splash on Kofi on the outside as we go to commercial. End match Kofi hits the Boom Drop and then sets up for Trouble in Paradise. Christian counters into the Reverse DDT for a two. Christian works over Kifo until he hits the Whirling Dervish of Doom for a two. Kofi leaps into the corner and wails on Christian. Het hits a flying uppercut on Kofi and sets up for The Killswitch. Kofi counters and pushes him into the corner. Christian hits him with a back kick and goes for a sunset flip into the cover which Kofi rolls out of. Both men get up and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise OUTTA NOWHERE @7:18 for the pinfall and our New Intercontinental Champion is Kofi Kingston. But only for the moment. "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre comes out and hands Teddy an note, and Teddy takes the TCC title from Kofi and returns it ti it's rightful owner Drewy Mac.
We come back and Matt Striker reads the note that says Teddy Longs actions were moronic and Vince McMahon overrules Teddys commandment and Drew Mac is still the ICC.
We see "The Lisp Champion" and his moving crew were unloading boxes. I bet he just bought out an estate sale and wants to show off his new junk.
Shad "Time with a 'Y'" Gaspard beat Jessie "The Baby Blue Jobber" Gavyer in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Your basic WWE squash, but the difference is the 'Y' in "Shad's Tyme". It's a game changer. Shad hits the STO, One-man high-low, for the win about 2 minutes in.
MVP/JTG beat Trent Baretta/Calen Croft "The Dude Busters" in a tag team match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
"The Kool-Aid Packet" and "The Lone Money Money" are like Kanye and Jay-Z, sure...but not really. Nice try on the analogy though. The Busters work over JTG, the smaller, lamer of the team, with nice offense and quick, frequent tags. Looks like SD! may be trying to build a Tag Team division, I like it. End match MVP hits the facebuster and the Ballin' Elbow and Croft lands on Baretta. MVP throws Croft outta the ring while JTG hangs Baretta up on the rope into MVPs Play of the Day which gets them the win. Nice little tag match, I like tag matches, we need more good one in 2010 WWE.
Well it turns out there were a bunch of old trophies in these boxes Swagger was unloading in the back. I guess he got a really great deal at the estate sale.
The camera pans around the ring full of trophies and even a jacket and Scrabble Board as we come back from commercial and Jack Swaggers music hits and the All All American American Jack Jack comes comes down down to to the the ring ring. The push ups are back @7:52 CDT! He had the people he bought all the stuff at the estate sale bring it to the area so he could share it all with us, but more importantly the Big Show. We go to commercial mid-sentence and I'm sure he'll be talking when we come back live. Oh look he still talking, I'm like a psychic or something. He unveils a picture of him as a kid, and proceeds to say at 5 he was better than everyone's children. He gloats about being the best Eagle Scout ever and poses for the camera. Haha greatness was his neighbor and success was his best friend, and they hung out a lot. Swagger was the king of his HS and has a crown to prove it, and even took a stone cold 10, a 32-year old brain surgeon. He could dance and even lead his HS football team to their 1st state champion, and stayed true to Oklahoma State. JR would be proud. He's a swim instructor, has his own sandwich, and he's even a National Scrabble Champion. A wow-wo-we-wow, no one compares either. But Big Show begs to differ. Man whoever lived at that estate sale did a lot of great things and they had a price. (Thanks for posting Million Dollar Man) Big Show says he only out there to marvel, as he picks up the Scrabble trophy. Swagger tells him to get fat Vienna sausage fingers off his stuff. Big Show retorts with the fact his fingers are husky, and maybe big boned, but not fat. He then proceeds to break another trophy dancing with it as if he were on Dancing with the Stars. Swagger then attacks Big Show, who throws him out of the ring and the trashes all the trophies he bought. All I could think is, "There goes that $200, Jackie boy spent at the estate sale."
Layala beat Beth Phoenix/Michelle McCool in a tornado 2-on-1 handicap match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
My Lord Rosa is actually working a match this is some crazy stuff. Beth gets a huge pop from her hometown Buffalo as she goes to the ring. Now Beth tore her ACL, so this is likely the last match from her for awhile. And look Rosa isn't in a match after all, cause McCool is cashing in her rematch clause. But it's a 2-on-1 handicap match. Tornado style rules McCool/Layla vs Beth. Midway through Beth picks up both of her opponents into a double Samoan drop, epic. End match Beth and Michelle knock noggins and Layla covers Beth for the win. And we have the first ever British born Womens Champion, Strikers "Lil English Muffin", in Layla. Congrats...don't f*** it up.
Kane beat Chavo Guerrero in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
From beauties to the beast. Kane is his usual chipper self and Chavo talks the trash as usual as the match starts. Short match Chavo role played being a fly in this match and about 3 minutes in Kane hits the good ol' choke slam for the 1-2-3. This was one of the best matches I've seen all year. No joke......ok I'm joking.
We come back and Teddy Long gives Drew McIntyre a present. A match next week. His opponent you ask? The Big Show. A nice little warm up for him.
A run down of the Over the Limit card. It doesn't look bad at all. Should be a solid PPV.
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk in a singles match:
Rey is out first, the crowd goes nuts, the pryo goes off, and the kiddies get free swag. Out comes CM Punk, wipes the floor, checks his watch, yells and heads to the ring. And this should be a nice little match if they give 'em 7-9 minutes. We go to commercial as Rey misses a seated senton on the outside and Punk clotheslines him right into the barricade. End match CM Punk hits the spring board clothesline for a long two. He works over Rey with a submission. Rey fights out and hits the lucha libre bulldog. The ref count beings as well. Both men up at 3, and Punk takes a boot in the corner. Rey hits the West Coast Pop, but takes a back heel kick from Punk for the two. Rey throws Punk into the ropes but Gallows stops 619 try #1. Rey gets back on track hits the 619 and the splash, only to have The Masked Menace hop in the ring. Rey is about to attack him, but it turns out to be Serena. The real Masked Menace though attacks him from behind and gives him a massive Swinging Neckbreaker. Then Gallows gives Rey the Gallows Poll, and finally CM Punk gives him the GTS. The knocked out Re is forced to pledge the SESs motto as Smackdown closes out this week.
Smackdown: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week (Unofficial FJ Rating): 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I love Smackdown. It always has a lot of in-ring action, it has great promos, and the commentary is 100000000000000000000xs better than Raw. This Smackdown is no different. Not the greatest action but Kofi/Christ was very very good, the tag match was ok, the Womens title match was a bit of a swerve, the Swagger/Big Show promo was long, but I like Swagger he was funny and kept me alert. And when Show hit the ring he didn't deter from the promo. Also we closed with a nice little match from arguably the two hardest workers on Smackdown in Punk/Rey with an ok ending. All in all, good promos, good matches, make for a nice watch. Keep it up Smackdown.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We have the recap we've been seeing all week where Drew kicks the hell outta Matt Hardy and got suspended/stripped/fired. What no will the tyrant Teddy Long do this week?
Kofi Kingston beat Christian in a singles match for the vacant Intercontinental Championship via: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
We start with "Buckle Up" Teddy Long as he announce the Intercontinental Championship match himself. And "Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston is out first. Next we have the leader of the Peepultaion, Cristian, the veteran, the favorite. Haha Kofi got monkey flipped, how racist of you WWE. But the Hip-toss, counter into the blocked hip-toss into the monkey flip was nice. Christian does his flying springboard splash on Kofi on the outside as we go to commercial. End match Kofi hits the Boom Drop and then sets up for Trouble in Paradise. Christian counters into the Reverse DDT for a two. Christian works over Kifo until he hits the Whirling Dervish of Doom for a two. Kofi leaps into the corner and wails on Christian. Het hits a flying uppercut on Kofi and sets up for The Killswitch. Kofi counters and pushes him into the corner. Christian hits him with a back kick and goes for a sunset flip into the cover which Kofi rolls out of. Both men get up and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise OUTTA NOWHERE @7:18 for the pinfall and our New Intercontinental Champion is Kofi Kingston. But only for the moment. "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre comes out and hands Teddy an note, and Teddy takes the TCC title from Kofi and returns it ti it's rightful owner Drewy Mac.
We come back and Matt Striker reads the note that says Teddy Longs actions were moronic and Vince McMahon overrules Teddys commandment and Drew Mac is still the ICC.
We see "The Lisp Champion" and his moving crew were unloading boxes. I bet he just bought out an estate sale and wants to show off his new junk.
Shad "Time with a 'Y'" Gaspard beat Jessie "The Baby Blue Jobber" Gavyer in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Your basic WWE squash, but the difference is the 'Y' in "Shad's Tyme". It's a game changer. Shad hits the STO, One-man high-low, for the win about 2 minutes in.
MVP/JTG beat Trent Baretta/Calen Croft "The Dude Busters" in a tag team match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
"The Kool-Aid Packet" and "The Lone Money Money" are like Kanye and Jay-Z, sure...but not really. Nice try on the analogy though. The Busters work over JTG, the smaller, lamer of the team, with nice offense and quick, frequent tags. Looks like SD! may be trying to build a Tag Team division, I like it. End match MVP hits the facebuster and the Ballin' Elbow and Croft lands on Baretta. MVP throws Croft outta the ring while JTG hangs Baretta up on the rope into MVPs Play of the Day which gets them the win. Nice little tag match, I like tag matches, we need more good one in 2010 WWE.
Well it turns out there were a bunch of old trophies in these boxes Swagger was unloading in the back. I guess he got a really great deal at the estate sale.
The camera pans around the ring full of trophies and even a jacket and Scrabble Board as we come back from commercial and Jack Swaggers music hits and the All All American American Jack Jack comes comes down down to to the the ring ring. The push ups are back @7:52 CDT! He had the people he bought all the stuff at the estate sale bring it to the area so he could share it all with us, but more importantly the Big Show. We go to commercial mid-sentence and I'm sure he'll be talking when we come back live. Oh look he still talking, I'm like a psychic or something. He unveils a picture of him as a kid, and proceeds to say at 5 he was better than everyone's children. He gloats about being the best Eagle Scout ever and poses for the camera. Haha greatness was his neighbor and success was his best friend, and they hung out a lot. Swagger was the king of his HS and has a crown to prove it, and even took a stone cold 10, a 32-year old brain surgeon. He could dance and even lead his HS football team to their 1st state champion, and stayed true to Oklahoma State. JR would be proud. He's a swim instructor, has his own sandwich, and he's even a National Scrabble Champion. A wow-wo-we-wow, no one compares either. But Big Show begs to differ. Man whoever lived at that estate sale did a lot of great things and they had a price. (Thanks for posting Million Dollar Man) Big Show says he only out there to marvel, as he picks up the Scrabble trophy. Swagger tells him to get fat Vienna sausage fingers off his stuff. Big Show retorts with the fact his fingers are husky, and maybe big boned, but not fat. He then proceeds to break another trophy dancing with it as if he were on Dancing with the Stars. Swagger then attacks Big Show, who throws him out of the ring and the trashes all the trophies he bought. All I could think is, "There goes that $200, Jackie boy spent at the estate sale."
Layala beat Beth Phoenix/Michelle McCool in a tornado 2-on-1 handicap match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
My Lord Rosa is actually working a match this is some crazy stuff. Beth gets a huge pop from her hometown Buffalo as she goes to the ring. Now Beth tore her ACL, so this is likely the last match from her for awhile. And look Rosa isn't in a match after all, cause McCool is cashing in her rematch clause. But it's a 2-on-1 handicap match. Tornado style rules McCool/Layla vs Beth. Midway through Beth picks up both of her opponents into a double Samoan drop, epic. End match Beth and Michelle knock noggins and Layla covers Beth for the win. And we have the first ever British born Womens Champion, Strikers "Lil English Muffin", in Layla. Congrats...don't f*** it up.
Kane beat Chavo Guerrero in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
From beauties to the beast. Kane is his usual chipper self and Chavo talks the trash as usual as the match starts. Short match Chavo role played being a fly in this match and about 3 minutes in Kane hits the good ol' choke slam for the 1-2-3. This was one of the best matches I've seen all year. No joke......ok I'm joking.
We come back and Teddy Long gives Drew McIntyre a present. A match next week. His opponent you ask? The Big Show. A nice little warm up for him.
A run down of the Over the Limit card. It doesn't look bad at all. Should be a solid PPV.
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk in a singles match:
Rey is out first, the crowd goes nuts, the pryo goes off, and the kiddies get free swag. Out comes CM Punk, wipes the floor, checks his watch, yells and heads to the ring. And this should be a nice little match if they give 'em 7-9 minutes. We go to commercial as Rey misses a seated senton on the outside and Punk clotheslines him right into the barricade. End match CM Punk hits the spring board clothesline for a long two. He works over Rey with a submission. Rey fights out and hits the lucha libre bulldog. The ref count beings as well. Both men up at 3, and Punk takes a boot in the corner. Rey hits the West Coast Pop, but takes a back heel kick from Punk for the two. Rey throws Punk into the ropes but Gallows stops 619 try #1. Rey gets back on track hits the 619 and the splash, only to have The Masked Menace hop in the ring. Rey is about to attack him, but it turns out to be Serena. The real Masked Menace though attacks him from behind and gives him a massive Swinging Neckbreaker. Then Gallows gives Rey the Gallows Poll, and finally CM Punk gives him the GTS. The knocked out Re is forced to pledge the SESs motto as Smackdown closes out this week.
Smackdown: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week (Unofficial FJ Rating): 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I love Smackdown. It always has a lot of in-ring action, it has great promos, and the commentary is 100000000000000000000xs better than Raw. This Smackdown is no different. Not the greatest action but Kofi/Christ was very very good, the tag match was ok, the Womens title match was a bit of a swerve, the Swagger/Big Show promo was long, but I like Swagger he was funny and kept me alert. And when Show hit the ring he didn't deter from the promo. Also we closed with a nice little match from arguably the two hardest workers on Smackdown in Punk/Rey with an ok ending. All in all, good promos, good matches, make for a nice watch. Keep it up Smackdown.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 5/10/10
Well sorry for no Smackdown Lowdown this week, I was at Iron Man 2 with my mom as her mothers day gift. Awesome, I know. Not it's time for the better than 2009 version of Raw, with one of the rap genres pioneer, the clock wearin', Flava Flav hosts 6 days before Over the Limit. From let's lay down the Raw!
We have a recap of lasts weeks Cutting Edge where Edge reaffirms himself as the most controversial superstar in the WWE, Wayne Brady called himself 'Bob Darker' and took a RKO, and Orton hits a mid-spear RKO to close out the very nice segment.
Well the voices in Randy head told him to kick off Raw, and of course, as always, he obliged them. Well he says Edge really only wants to keep him under raps, as he sees him as a threat on Monday Night Raw. And cue Flava Fl....boy Flav got white and fat over the years. Meatloaf says he has a new theme for Randy and then rambles for about 3 minutes sounding like an old moron in the nursing home and takes a RKO. Cue Edge, now it's really Edge, and he doesn't like the celebrity guest hosts either. So he called WWE Global about it and they tweeted him back that the guest hosts will no longer have real authority on Raw. Also he has them appoint a permanent GM for Raw, and it's The Rock! Just kidding it's "Miss Excuse Me" Vickie Guerrero, and she's (and the WWE higher ups) are sick of Orton taking out celebs. So as a disciplinary measure, Edge and a partner of his choosing will face Orton later tonight in a Handicap match.
Chris Jericho beat David Hart Smith w/Natayla in a singles match, If Y2J wins Mizicho gets a Unifited Tag Team Title match at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
DH Smith starts with a delayed vertical on Jericho in homage to Davy Boy, I'm glad he has that in the move-set. ASK HIM @8:23 CDT! IT'S NOT A GODDAMN SCOOPSLAM YOU INCOMPETENT MORON COLE! IT'S A POWERSLAM! End match Jericho gets out of the sharpshooter. While the ref isn't looking he gives DH a thumb to the eye and the a Codebreaker for the win. Now Mizicho gets a Unified Tag Team Championship match at Over the Limit against The Hart Dynasty.
To the utter shock of the dumbass Cole, Edge is talking to Batista in the back, and the fact that they could be partners gives him the willies. Also Flava Flav is gonna be on a Raw next. I predict Regal, Goldust, Eve, Maryse, or other talent that should be used in the ring, but won't be.
Yeaaaaaaah Boyyyyyyyyyy @8:31 CDT! Of course he comes out with "Mr. Narcissistic" R-truth. I guess, it's hard to tell after all there years, but I think he plugged his show, had the crowd say his name and "Yeah Boy". Truth's match goes awry early as Regal bails as Carltio and Primo aka "The Asses", jump Truth to Flavs disapproval. Flav would jump in if her were 4lbs. heavier. F***ing epic. As it turns out, DiBiase gave them that money money, yeah yeah...wait they broke up.
We come back to a perfect package highlighting Eve Torres-Day, and then a package showing Maryse training and looking good doing it. Apparently she wasn't trying hard enough. So she slapped and kicked her trainer. Cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he asks Orton if he worried about Edge and his mystery partner. He says no, cause there's nothing he can do about it anyway. But, he does want Vickie down at ringside for the match.
Evan Bourne vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We have Zack Ryder, he talks, likes dark meat, and says his catchphrase. End match Zack hits a leg lariat, and neckbreaker for two two counts. He then hits with a kick in the corner, and then knees to the jaw. Even climbs the ropes for Air Bourne, but Alicia Fox tires to get involved. Gail stopped her, and Evan hits the SSP for the 1-2-3. After the match We have an Asian with a white guy, and a African American with a white guy. They'd better be glad this isn't the 60s.
John Cena reveals the stipulation for his WWE Championship match with Batista at Over the Limit with Batista, Phil and Bob in the ring. Well halfway through I realize that my first sentnce was written prematurely. God forbid me thinking whats on the graphic is what's gonna happen. Cena blahs on about advantage, and how hes no a coward. So he makes the stipulation an "I Quit" match. FELLA @9:03 CDT! He calls the Pale White Yonder, and him, and look Batista finally made it, take out Cena with a spear, Blarney Stone, and the BLARNEY BOOT @9:06 CDT! And as Batista is going for the Batista Bomb, Mark Henry hits the ring like he hits the buffet line and takes everything out in sight.
We have Edge and a whale in the back. He begs the mammal to come out to ringside. The whale says it'd be crazy. Edge said it'd be ok, cause the nasty blubber poacher Randy Orton will be beaten down by none other than himself. The whale blew water out of it's blow-hole to show it's happiness as we go to commercial.
Tyson Kidd w/Natayla vs The Miz (United States Champion) in a singles match, if Miz loses....opp it's already done as Kidd wins by a roll-up in homage to Owen Hart. But, he's not facing Tyson Kidd, the baby Bulldog, or Sweet Innocent Nattie. He's facing none other than The Hitman himself, Bret Hart, next week on Raw commercial free episode.
We get another interview with Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthew in the back with Batista. He asks him his thoughts on facing the Kool-Aid Man later tonight and his "I Quit" match with Cena. He said he'll make Cena scream for ice cream, I mean 'I quit', and if you don't believe him, watch what he's gonna do to Henry.
8 NXT Rookies vs 4 Raw Superstars in a handicap tag match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Actually this match is getting at least an extra star for Santinos trumpet in slow motion. End match, JoMo goes for Starship Pain on Slater (Who looked horrible in-ring), but he get's his knees up and tag Daniel Bryan in, as JoMo tags Sntino in. Bryan amps up and catches Santino with an inside cradle for the win.
Oh look it's Flava Flav and The Bella Whores in the back. In comes Vladimir and Santino. Santnio busts a "Don't Believe the Hype" reference, Vlad drops a "Bust a Move" ref, and Regal spits a kickin' rhyme which provokes a Yeeaaaaahhhhh Booyyy from Flava Flav. VINTAGE @9:39 CDT!
Batista vs Mark "Kool-Aid Man" Henry in a singles match never gets going as Batista ambushes him as he gets in the ring, wails on his shoulder with the steel chair, and slaps the Regal Stretch on Henry for like a minute, as the announcers finish the segment in their serious voices. VIPER @9:51 CDT! As they go over how the Edge/Mystery Partner v Orton match came about earlier tonight.
Edge/Ted DiBiase w/Vickie Guerrero vs Randy Orton i a 2-on-1 Handicap match:
for the second time tonight, the voices demand Orton to go out to the ring, and this time they prepare him for a handicap match on the way down. Apparently Teedy got a sizable trust fund that will never run out, since he had his first Wrestlemania match back at 26. VINTAGE ORTON @10:03 CDT! End match Orton goes for the RKO, and DiBiase pushes off and then gets back dropped outta the ring. R-Truth rushes Teddy back into the ring and he gets a RKO for the win. Afterward Orton sees Vickie and the fact Edge is still out on the floor. Vickie pleads with Orton, screams and then resigns. Well that was short lived, and just like that guests hosts are back in control of Raw. Edge takes an RKO, and Vickie runs to the back to be first in line for taco night.
Raw: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars....I just don't care about finishing this week. It's been sitting here since Monday night. It was what it was.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We have a recap of lasts weeks Cutting Edge where Edge reaffirms himself as the most controversial superstar in the WWE, Wayne Brady called himself 'Bob Darker' and took a RKO, and Orton hits a mid-spear RKO to close out the very nice segment.
Well the voices in Randy head told him to kick off Raw, and of course, as always, he obliged them. Well he says Edge really only wants to keep him under raps, as he sees him as a threat on Monday Night Raw. And cue Flava Fl....boy Flav got white and fat over the years. Meatloaf says he has a new theme for Randy and then rambles for about 3 minutes sounding like an old moron in the nursing home and takes a RKO. Cue Edge, now it's really Edge, and he doesn't like the celebrity guest hosts either. So he called WWE Global about it and they tweeted him back that the guest hosts will no longer have real authority on Raw. Also he has them appoint a permanent GM for Raw, and it's The Rock! Just kidding it's "Miss Excuse Me" Vickie Guerrero, and she's (and the WWE higher ups) are sick of Orton taking out celebs. So as a disciplinary measure, Edge and a partner of his choosing will face Orton later tonight in a Handicap match.
Chris Jericho beat David Hart Smith w/Natayla in a singles match, If Y2J wins Mizicho gets a Unifited Tag Team Title match at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
DH Smith starts with a delayed vertical on Jericho in homage to Davy Boy, I'm glad he has that in the move-set. ASK HIM @8:23 CDT! IT'S NOT A GODDAMN SCOOPSLAM YOU INCOMPETENT MORON COLE! IT'S A POWERSLAM! End match Jericho gets out of the sharpshooter. While the ref isn't looking he gives DH a thumb to the eye and the a Codebreaker for the win. Now Mizicho gets a Unified Tag Team Championship match at Over the Limit against The Hart Dynasty.
To the utter shock of the dumbass Cole, Edge is talking to Batista in the back, and the fact that they could be partners gives him the willies. Also Flava Flav is gonna be on a Raw next. I predict Regal, Goldust, Eve, Maryse, or other talent that should be used in the ring, but won't be.
Yeaaaaaaah Boyyyyyyyyyy @8:31 CDT! Of course he comes out with "Mr. Narcissistic" R-truth. I guess, it's hard to tell after all there years, but I think he plugged his show, had the crowd say his name and "Yeah Boy". Truth's match goes awry early as Regal bails as Carltio and Primo aka "The Asses", jump Truth to Flavs disapproval. Flav would jump in if her were 4lbs. heavier. F***ing epic. As it turns out, DiBiase gave them that money money, yeah yeah...wait they broke up.
We come back to a perfect package highlighting Eve Torres-Day, and then a package showing Maryse training and looking good doing it. Apparently she wasn't trying hard enough. So she slapped and kicked her trainer. Cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he asks Orton if he worried about Edge and his mystery partner. He says no, cause there's nothing he can do about it anyway. But, he does want Vickie down at ringside for the match.
Evan Bourne vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We have Zack Ryder, he talks, likes dark meat, and says his catchphrase. End match Zack hits a leg lariat, and neckbreaker for two two counts. He then hits with a kick in the corner, and then knees to the jaw. Even climbs the ropes for Air Bourne, but Alicia Fox tires to get involved. Gail stopped her, and Evan hits the SSP for the 1-2-3. After the match We have an Asian with a white guy, and a African American with a white guy. They'd better be glad this isn't the 60s.
John Cena reveals the stipulation for his WWE Championship match with Batista at Over the Limit with Batista, Phil and Bob in the ring. Well halfway through I realize that my first sentnce was written prematurely. God forbid me thinking whats on the graphic is what's gonna happen. Cena blahs on about advantage, and how hes no a coward. So he makes the stipulation an "I Quit" match. FELLA @9:03 CDT! He calls the Pale White Yonder, and him, and look Batista finally made it, take out Cena with a spear, Blarney Stone, and the BLARNEY BOOT @9:06 CDT! And as Batista is going for the Batista Bomb, Mark Henry hits the ring like he hits the buffet line and takes everything out in sight.
We have Edge and a whale in the back. He begs the mammal to come out to ringside. The whale says it'd be crazy. Edge said it'd be ok, cause the nasty blubber poacher Randy Orton will be beaten down by none other than himself. The whale blew water out of it's blow-hole to show it's happiness as we go to commercial.
Tyson Kidd w/Natayla vs The Miz (United States Champion) in a singles match, if Miz loses....opp it's already done as Kidd wins by a roll-up in homage to Owen Hart. But, he's not facing Tyson Kidd, the baby Bulldog, or Sweet Innocent Nattie. He's facing none other than The Hitman himself, Bret Hart, next week on Raw commercial free episode.
We get another interview with Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthew in the back with Batista. He asks him his thoughts on facing the Kool-Aid Man later tonight and his "I Quit" match with Cena. He said he'll make Cena scream for ice cream, I mean 'I quit', and if you don't believe him, watch what he's gonna do to Henry.
8 NXT Rookies vs 4 Raw Superstars in a handicap tag match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Actually this match is getting at least an extra star for Santinos trumpet in slow motion. End match, JoMo goes for Starship Pain on Slater (Who looked horrible in-ring), but he get's his knees up and tag Daniel Bryan in, as JoMo tags Sntino in. Bryan amps up and catches Santino with an inside cradle for the win.
Oh look it's Flava Flav and The Bella Whores in the back. In comes Vladimir and Santino. Santnio busts a "Don't Believe the Hype" reference, Vlad drops a "Bust a Move" ref, and Regal spits a kickin' rhyme which provokes a Yeeaaaaahhhhh Booyyy from Flava Flav. VINTAGE @9:39 CDT!
Batista vs Mark "Kool-Aid Man" Henry in a singles match never gets going as Batista ambushes him as he gets in the ring, wails on his shoulder with the steel chair, and slaps the Regal Stretch on Henry for like a minute, as the announcers finish the segment in their serious voices. VIPER @9:51 CDT! As they go over how the Edge/Mystery Partner v Orton match came about earlier tonight.
Edge/Ted DiBiase w/Vickie Guerrero vs Randy Orton i a 2-on-1 Handicap match:
for the second time tonight, the voices demand Orton to go out to the ring, and this time they prepare him for a handicap match on the way down. Apparently Teedy got a sizable trust fund that will never run out, since he had his first Wrestlemania match back at 26. VINTAGE ORTON @10:03 CDT! End match Orton goes for the RKO, and DiBiase pushes off and then gets back dropped outta the ring. R-Truth rushes Teddy back into the ring and he gets a RKO for the win. Afterward Orton sees Vickie and the fact Edge is still out on the floor. Vickie pleads with Orton, screams and then resigns. Well that was short lived, and just like that guests hosts are back in control of Raw. Edge takes an RKO, and Vickie runs to the back to be first in line for taco night.
Raw: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars....I just don't care about finishing this week. It's been sitting here since Monday night. It was what it was.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
B.o.B.- B.o.B Presents The Adventures of Bobby Ray [A Fat Jesus Album Review]
This is my first one and I wrote it a couple weeks back, lemme know what you think.
I'll start out by saying he has the KiD CuDi feel for me. Like Kanye and G.O.O.D. have CuDi, but TI and Grand Hustle have B.o.B. He can spit good when he needs to, but more relies on the beats and getting his stories told. Nothing sounded alike on this album a couple were quite melodic, but if different ways with different lyrics.
B.o.B. starts with a nice intro in "Don't Let Me Fail" and sets up his rapping/singing style for the album. We hit the radio hits early, and in "Past My Shades" him and Lupe do a good job about saying sure you know me from my songs, but I'm deeper than the outside appearance, it hits hard bass-wise to boot. Then we totally switch gears and have a nice Southern Rap song with his mentor TI that for you club bangers out there. We hit my favorite pat of the album , you could call this the main course. "Ghost in a Machine" is the melodic tale of how BoB wanders around feeling like a ghost in life. We then hit "The Kid" where he talks about no matter where you are, the kids are gonna end up bad cause of all the bad. It's not a ballad though, it's an up-beat/bassy song that had me grooving. Reminds me of "We Don't Care" by Kanye. Anywho "Magic" with the lead from Weezer is probably my favorite song so far. The beats great, good chorus, B.o.B. spits fire, and really, whose ever rapped about a whole damn magic show before? Next is "Fame" (which may or may not be influenced by Lady Gaga's song), in which B.o.B. tells us that even if the fame in life does take over, doesn't mean we change with it. I like it all so far cause the subject matter is very simple/relate-able. We end with "Lovelier Than You" which incorporates acoustic guitar, a harmonica and freaking bongos and takes me to a chill place that John Mayer does with people. But this is B.o.B. a rapper whose rapping about his baby. A solid Intergalactic ballad with an electric fell was good in "5th Dimension", and I like his verses in the song. We end with the newly released "Airplanes Pt.2" featuring Eminem this time around. He incorporated a 'what-if' rapping life for himself starting back from '98 and a mock story of his rise, and Em closes out the song asking what would've happened if he'd never done all he did for the rap business. Same beat and such as "Airplanes" and Hayley Williams has a nice voice IMO. We have some bonus tracks that are on par with the album, but I'll leave it with the main stuff.
Best Tracks; "Ghost in the Machine", "The Kids", "Magic", "Fame", "Airplanes Pt.1/2", aw hell they're all freaking great.
Best Line:
"The Kids" ft. Janelle Monee:
[i]Now since I was planted at birth
I abandoned my own planet and I landed on earth
As a kid I never understood what I observed
Some of it was strange, but most of it disturbing
Always in detention, for the lack of my attention
You could call it defect, really I just didn't listen
And I was always missin'
The teacher is like, 'Where is Bobby Simmons?'
But, tryin to get a record deal is all I can remember
It's funny, cause looking back on the past that I had
All my days in the streets, tryin' to prove that I was bad
I still elevated to the level to the level I'm at
(I still elevated to the level to the level I'm at)[/i]
8/10 or 4/5 Stars
He did such a good job with this album, and I can understand the hip-hop purists not liking it. But, if you try to get into things from every genre and such this is quite a great album. Each song has it's own style and it's own meaning, which is good if you're new and want to get your name out there in a bunch of genres (like B.o.B.). Also each song had it's own style, beats, and lyricism that you really can't compare tracks too much at all. Get this, good music, good style, and an overall good album.
I'll start out by saying he has the KiD CuDi feel for me. Like Kanye and G.O.O.D. have CuDi, but TI and Grand Hustle have B.o.B. He can spit good when he needs to, but more relies on the beats and getting his stories told. Nothing sounded alike on this album a couple were quite melodic, but if different ways with different lyrics.
B.o.B. starts with a nice intro in "Don't Let Me Fail" and sets up his rapping/singing style for the album. We hit the radio hits early, and in "Past My Shades" him and Lupe do a good job about saying sure you know me from my songs, but I'm deeper than the outside appearance, it hits hard bass-wise to boot. Then we totally switch gears and have a nice Southern Rap song with his mentor TI that for you club bangers out there. We hit my favorite pat of the album , you could call this the main course. "Ghost in a Machine" is the melodic tale of how BoB wanders around feeling like a ghost in life. We then hit "The Kid" where he talks about no matter where you are, the kids are gonna end up bad cause of all the bad. It's not a ballad though, it's an up-beat/bassy song that had me grooving. Reminds me of "We Don't Care" by Kanye. Anywho "Magic" with the lead from Weezer is probably my favorite song so far. The beats great, good chorus, B.o.B. spits fire, and really, whose ever rapped about a whole damn magic show before? Next is "Fame" (which may or may not be influenced by Lady Gaga's song), in which B.o.B. tells us that even if the fame in life does take over, doesn't mean we change with it. I like it all so far cause the subject matter is very simple/relate-able. We end with "Lovelier Than You" which incorporates acoustic guitar, a harmonica and freaking bongos and takes me to a chill place that John Mayer does with people. But this is B.o.B. a rapper whose rapping about his baby. A solid Intergalactic ballad with an electric fell was good in "5th Dimension", and I like his verses in the song. We end with the newly released "Airplanes Pt.2" featuring Eminem this time around. He incorporated a 'what-if' rapping life for himself starting back from '98 and a mock story of his rise, and Em closes out the song asking what would've happened if he'd never done all he did for the rap business. Same beat and such as "Airplanes" and Hayley Williams has a nice voice IMO. We have some bonus tracks that are on par with the album, but I'll leave it with the main stuff.
Best Tracks; "Ghost in the Machine", "The Kids", "Magic", "Fame", "Airplanes Pt.1/2", aw hell they're all freaking great.
Best Line:
"The Kids" ft. Janelle Monee:
[i]Now since I was planted at birth
I abandoned my own planet and I landed on earth
As a kid I never understood what I observed
Some of it was strange, but most of it disturbing
Always in detention, for the lack of my attention
You could call it defect, really I just didn't listen
And I was always missin'
The teacher is like, 'Where is Bobby Simmons?'
But, tryin to get a record deal is all I can remember
It's funny, cause looking back on the past that I had
All my days in the streets, tryin' to prove that I was bad
I still elevated to the level to the level I'm at
(I still elevated to the level to the level I'm at)[/i]
8/10 or 4/5 Stars
He did such a good job with this album, and I can understand the hip-hop purists not liking it. But, if you try to get into things from every genre and such this is quite a great album. Each song has it's own style and it's own meaning, which is good if you're new and want to get your name out there in a bunch of genres (like B.o.B.). Also each song had it's own style, beats, and lyricism that you really can't compare tracks too much at all. Get this, good music, good style, and an overall good album.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 5/3/10
Ahh the first Raw in May and the first Raw in 2010 after the draft. Raw is stacked with JoMo, Edge, and Chris Jericho joining Cena, Orton, Sheamus and Batista on whats now a super-studded Raw. Now we also have The Cutting Edge with special guest the snake-like, voice hearing man himself Randy Orton, now live-taped from Jacksonville, Florida it's time to la down the Raw.
We start out with a recap of the triple threat match that Batista won last Monday to become the No.1 Contender for Cena's WWE Champion. It was a nice chaotic end to the match which even saw Edge spear Orton allowing Batista and Phil to pick up the win.
We open with Batista, his nose-ring Phil and the infamous spotlight, I'll call it Joe. Joe has gotten big as of late hasn't he? He tells us how he won last week, and should be WWE champion. He then asks if we know what a Last Man Standing match is. I'm stumped, good thing he's gonna tell us. It's where you beat your opponent so severely he can't stand up, what Cena did though was the most embarrassing moment of Cenas career, no life. Duck tape, really? That's a Hornswoggle move. (Touche Batista) Ad apparently there a beat the clock challenge to pick the stipulation and Over the Limit. Batista's opponent is The Miz and he wants to destroy him quick. Cue the newly crowned barbaric, Sheamus. He calls Batista a loser and fella like 5 times and asks for a match with Batista tonight. If Sheamus wins he'll get his WWEC match, and if he loses he'll walk away like this never happened. Too bad Batista know Sheamus lost, calls him fella, and wants him outta his ring. Sheamus turns tail and runs, but say this is far from over.
Batista beat Daniel Bryan w/The Miz (United States Champion) in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Match Stipulation at Over the Limit: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Miz come out to the ring, but not in his wrestling attire. He says he'd like to prove why he's the USC and to give Batista the match of his career. But he has a doctor note and he sicks Daniel Bryan on him, as Batista roars in laughter. End match Bryan slaps on a arm-bar with his legs and the cross face, but Batista gets to the ropes. Bryan gets up and gets kicked in the knee. Allowing Batista to hit a spear, then the Batista Bomb for the win at 5:06. After the match Bryan gets killed after two more Batista Bombs.
We also find out that John Cena has to face the best in the world at what he does Chris Jericho in his Beat the Clock Match later tonight. Awesome.
Eve Torres-Day is in the back in a very scantily clad outfit and her title, when Wayne Brady comes up and tells her he's a big fan and congrats on the Divas title. Then Jillian comes up and asks if she can sing his theme song. Wayne chokes the bitch out and then OUTTA NOWHERE Maryse blasts Eve with her Divas title.
John Morrison beat Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match via count-out: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
They show last week when "Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth slapped Teddy and said the epic line "Truth don't play that" He also says Truth is a terrible wannabe rapper with one terrible song. I agree. Springboard 450 Splash which was amazing by Morrison got a "This is awesome" chant from the crowd. But DiBiase is sick of this match and leaves. But this isn't how the Monday Night Delight wants to debut on Raw. So to get DiBiase back we're having another match, but this time, if Morrison loses he'll become Teddys virgil.
John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match. If Morrison loses he has to become DiBiase's Virgil: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match JoMo hits hte Pele kick OUTTA NOWHERE. He works over DiBiase with forearms and clotheslines. He goes for the flying Chuck but gets his leg swept. It got him a two. DiBiase goes for Dream Street and Morrison arm drags him out but takes a POWERSLAM (FU COLE) for a two. DiBiase then follows Morrison into a clothesline for a two. DiBiase go for Dream Streets again but Morrison uses the turnbuckle and flips over DiBiase into the pinfall for the three count. Afterward DiBiase rags on JoMo until Truth comes out to save the day. Apparently Truth don't play that either.
John Cena (WWE Champion) vs Chris Jericho in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Stipulation at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Cena has to beat the time of 5:06 in order to win, and I have a good feeling that he will. Chris comes out in a suit, and I have a feeling Chris might get out of the match. He's pulling himself out (that's what she said) of the match cause Cena bores him. He found another opponent for him to face in front of this PARASITIC TROGLODYTES @9:02 CDT. He then called the crowd hypocrites and sicks Wade "The Botanist" Barret on Cena. Yes, Jericho is even yelling ASK HIM when he's on the apron, epicness! End match Barret hits a backbreaker for a two. A Minute left and Barret is working over Cena. At 40 seconds, Cena Supermans-Up and slaps the STF on Barret and he taps quickly. Cena is about to tell the stipulation when Sheamus comes at him and hits the BLARNEY BOOT @9:09 CDT!
Maryse beat Nikki Bella "Whore #1" w/Brie Bella "Whore #2" in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Boy is Maryse looking good with that attire, and it's a miracle that one of the Bella Whores is actually wrestling, rather than arm candy for Wayne Brady. Nikkie throws a shoulder block on Maryse and climbs to the top rope. Maryse gets there and throws her down and hits the French Kiss DDT for the 1-2-3. Maryse then shows her new sexy photo-shoot with the knocked out Eve Torres (Insert rape joke, yeah I went there). Eve comes down to the ring and the luckiest ref in the world keeps her at bay while Maryse high tails it.
Mark Henry "Kool Aid Man" vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Zack is single and ready to mingle, King wrote down that line cause he's too old to remember it's a 20 year old line. End match Ryder hits the Rough Rider, a leg lariat, and then gets careened until Henry hits The Worlds Strongest Slam for the win. Then Henry leaves with a tall black woman and a tiny Asian. Kinky.
Jericho and Miz are in the back (Freaking yes) talking about how they carried the Big Show for 16 months, how they hated his snoring and country music, and finally a plan on how they can get back at him even though he's on Smackdown.
Cue Kozlof with a MacGruber reference. The Santino comes on dressed as Mike Brady, and Wayne says there's about a hundred reasons why they can't be apart of The Brady Bunch and they all star with 'their not white.' (Haha) Enter Regal calling Santino a bumbling nincompoop which leads to Santino calling Wayne Landou Calrizian (Hahaha). After Regal and Kozlof leave Santino stomps out "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne" and storms off. Random Goldust dressed as Alice freaks us all out to close the promo. Hit a miss, but the hits were AMAZING.
The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya (Unified Tag Team Champions) vs William Regal/Vadimir Kozlof in a Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Chris Jericho and Miz are on commentary and they are both owning Cole. Lmfao as Jericho calls Cole a Jackass for bringing up Twitter, freaking awesome. End match Regal misses the Knee Trembler and DH Smith slaps on the Sharpshooter on Regal for the tapout. Alright match and epic commentary. Afterward DH Smith takes a Codebreaker and Skull Crushing Finale. Nice, if they get together as a tag team it shall be awesome.
Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav is hosting next week. Awesome hip-hop pioneer and all around cool guy.
The Cutting Edge with Special Guest Randy Orton
Cue Edge, and his pyro and he's gonna bring Rated-R back to the WWE, and do whatever he wants out here. Edge proclaims himself the most controversial superstar ever as he comes back to Raw. We don't deserve to hear why he did what he did last week, but he's a nice enough guy to tell us anyway. He was mad and wanted to take his anger out on someone and that happened to be Orton. So cue....Wayne Brady, who doesn't have pyro, haha. Wayne is i front of millions of people and he wants to walk in the footsteps of a superstar. He then rips Cheech and/or Chong and says hes Bob Darker (Yes!) The voices have had enough waiting and Orton comes out mid-promo. WAYNE GOT RKO'D! He's freaking dead! Edge says he won't RKO cause he'd have done the same thing in Ortons shoes, and asks him to remember what happened last time he was one TCE. Well the last time they got together and formed Rated RKO and dominated all. He came back and played the crowd and they were never fully behind him. While old selfish Orton doesn't change and yet the fans chant his name. Right now nothing in fair for Edge and it's eating him up inside. He says Orton will join him or he'll spear him week after week until he's an afterthought on Raw. Randy goes for the RKO but Edge pushes him off and give him a big boot. Edge sets up for the spear but Orton counters it and RKOs Edge mid-spear. Viper @10:08 CDT to close out the show yeah!
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I liked Raw again, mostly due to promo work (Batista, Edge, Orton, Wayne, Santino, Jericho, and Miz), and the matches between JoMo and DiBiase put together were good. I'm looking forward to Batista/Cena, and where they'll throw Sheamus has yet to be decided. The promos were good, the matches were what they needed to be and the comedy was decent to good all night. Good job Raw, a decent run of shows you have going in my humble opinion.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We start out with a recap of the triple threat match that Batista won last Monday to become the No.1 Contender for Cena's WWE Champion. It was a nice chaotic end to the match which even saw Edge spear Orton allowing Batista and Phil to pick up the win.
We open with Batista, his nose-ring Phil and the infamous spotlight, I'll call it Joe. Joe has gotten big as of late hasn't he? He tells us how he won last week, and should be WWE champion. He then asks if we know what a Last Man Standing match is. I'm stumped, good thing he's gonna tell us. It's where you beat your opponent so severely he can't stand up, what Cena did though was the most embarrassing moment of Cenas career, no life. Duck tape, really? That's a Hornswoggle move. (Touche Batista) Ad apparently there a beat the clock challenge to pick the stipulation and Over the Limit. Batista's opponent is The Miz and he wants to destroy him quick. Cue the newly crowned barbaric, Sheamus. He calls Batista a loser and fella like 5 times and asks for a match with Batista tonight. If Sheamus wins he'll get his WWEC match, and if he loses he'll walk away like this never happened. Too bad Batista know Sheamus lost, calls him fella, and wants him outta his ring. Sheamus turns tail and runs, but say this is far from over.
Batista beat Daniel Bryan w/The Miz (United States Champion) in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Match Stipulation at Over the Limit: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Miz come out to the ring, but not in his wrestling attire. He says he'd like to prove why he's the USC and to give Batista the match of his career. But he has a doctor note and he sicks Daniel Bryan on him, as Batista roars in laughter. End match Bryan slaps on a arm-bar with his legs and the cross face, but Batista gets to the ropes. Bryan gets up and gets kicked in the knee. Allowing Batista to hit a spear, then the Batista Bomb for the win at 5:06. After the match Bryan gets killed after two more Batista Bombs.
We also find out that John Cena has to face the best in the world at what he does Chris Jericho in his Beat the Clock Match later tonight. Awesome.
Eve Torres-Day is in the back in a very scantily clad outfit and her title, when Wayne Brady comes up and tells her he's a big fan and congrats on the Divas title. Then Jillian comes up and asks if she can sing his theme song. Wayne chokes the bitch out and then OUTTA NOWHERE Maryse blasts Eve with her Divas title.
John Morrison beat Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match via count-out: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
They show last week when "Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth slapped Teddy and said the epic line "Truth don't play that" He also says Truth is a terrible wannabe rapper with one terrible song. I agree. Springboard 450 Splash which was amazing by Morrison got a "This is awesome" chant from the crowd. But DiBiase is sick of this match and leaves. But this isn't how the Monday Night Delight wants to debut on Raw. So to get DiBiase back we're having another match, but this time, if Morrison loses he'll become Teddys virgil.
John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) in a singles match. If Morrison loses he has to become DiBiase's Virgil: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match JoMo hits hte Pele kick OUTTA NOWHERE. He works over DiBiase with forearms and clotheslines. He goes for the flying Chuck but gets his leg swept. It got him a two. DiBiase goes for Dream Street and Morrison arm drags him out but takes a POWERSLAM (FU COLE) for a two. DiBiase then follows Morrison into a clothesline for a two. DiBiase go for Dream Streets again but Morrison uses the turnbuckle and flips over DiBiase into the pinfall for the three count. Afterward DiBiase rags on JoMo until Truth comes out to save the day. Apparently Truth don't play that either.
John Cena (WWE Champion) vs Chris Jericho in a Beat the Clock Match for the WWE Championship Stipulation at Over the Limit: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Cena has to beat the time of 5:06 in order to win, and I have a good feeling that he will. Chris comes out in a suit, and I have a feeling Chris might get out of the match. He's pulling himself out (that's what she said) of the match cause Cena bores him. He found another opponent for him to face in front of this PARASITIC TROGLODYTES @9:02 CDT. He then called the crowd hypocrites and sicks Wade "The Botanist" Barret on Cena. Yes, Jericho is even yelling ASK HIM when he's on the apron, epicness! End match Barret hits a backbreaker for a two. A Minute left and Barret is working over Cena. At 40 seconds, Cena Supermans-Up and slaps the STF on Barret and he taps quickly. Cena is about to tell the stipulation when Sheamus comes at him and hits the BLARNEY BOOT @9:09 CDT!
Maryse beat Nikki Bella "Whore #1" w/Brie Bella "Whore #2" in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Boy is Maryse looking good with that attire, and it's a miracle that one of the Bella Whores is actually wrestling, rather than arm candy for Wayne Brady. Nikkie throws a shoulder block on Maryse and climbs to the top rope. Maryse gets there and throws her down and hits the French Kiss DDT for the 1-2-3. Maryse then shows her new sexy photo-shoot with the knocked out Eve Torres (Insert rape joke, yeah I went there). Eve comes down to the ring and the luckiest ref in the world keeps her at bay while Maryse high tails it.
Mark Henry "Kool Aid Man" vs Zack Ryder in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Zack is single and ready to mingle, King wrote down that line cause he's too old to remember it's a 20 year old line. End match Ryder hits the Rough Rider, a leg lariat, and then gets careened until Henry hits The Worlds Strongest Slam for the win. Then Henry leaves with a tall black woman and a tiny Asian. Kinky.
Jericho and Miz are in the back (Freaking yes) talking about how they carried the Big Show for 16 months, how they hated his snoring and country music, and finally a plan on how they can get back at him even though he's on Smackdown.
Cue Kozlof with a MacGruber reference. The Santino comes on dressed as Mike Brady, and Wayne says there's about a hundred reasons why they can't be apart of The Brady Bunch and they all star with 'their not white.' (Haha) Enter Regal calling Santino a bumbling nincompoop which leads to Santino calling Wayne Landou Calrizian (Hahaha). After Regal and Kozlof leave Santino stomps out "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne" and storms off. Random Goldust dressed as Alice freaks us all out to close the promo. Hit a miss, but the hits were AMAZING.
The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya (Unified Tag Team Champions) vs William Regal/Vadimir Kozlof in a Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Chris Jericho and Miz are on commentary and they are both owning Cole. Lmfao as Jericho calls Cole a Jackass for bringing up Twitter, freaking awesome. End match Regal misses the Knee Trembler and DH Smith slaps on the Sharpshooter on Regal for the tapout. Alright match and epic commentary. Afterward DH Smith takes a Codebreaker and Skull Crushing Finale. Nice, if they get together as a tag team it shall be awesome.
Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav is hosting next week. Awesome hip-hop pioneer and all around cool guy.
The Cutting Edge with Special Guest Randy Orton
Cue Edge, and his pyro and he's gonna bring Rated-R back to the WWE, and do whatever he wants out here. Edge proclaims himself the most controversial superstar ever as he comes back to Raw. We don't deserve to hear why he did what he did last week, but he's a nice enough guy to tell us anyway. He was mad and wanted to take his anger out on someone and that happened to be Orton. So cue....Wayne Brady, who doesn't have pyro, haha. Wayne is i front of millions of people and he wants to walk in the footsteps of a superstar. He then rips Cheech and/or Chong and says hes Bob Darker (Yes!) The voices have had enough waiting and Orton comes out mid-promo. WAYNE GOT RKO'D! He's freaking dead! Edge says he won't RKO cause he'd have done the same thing in Ortons shoes, and asks him to remember what happened last time he was one TCE. Well the last time they got together and formed Rated RKO and dominated all. He came back and played the crowd and they were never fully behind him. While old selfish Orton doesn't change and yet the fans chant his name. Right now nothing in fair for Edge and it's eating him up inside. He says Orton will join him or he'll spear him week after week until he's an afterthought on Raw. Randy goes for the RKO but Edge pushes him off and give him a big boot. Edge sets up for the spear but Orton counters it and RKOs Edge mid-spear. Viper @10:08 CDT to close out the show yeah!
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I liked Raw again, mostly due to promo work (Batista, Edge, Orton, Wayne, Santino, Jericho, and Miz), and the matches between JoMo and DiBiase put together were good. I'm looking forward to Batista/Cena, and where they'll throw Sheamus has yet to be decided. The promos were good, the matches were what they needed to be and the comedy was decent to good all night. Good job Raw, a decent run of shows you have going in my humble opinion.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Kick-Ass [A Fat Jesus Movie Review]
Kick-Ass oh Kick-Ass, the superhero movie with "Ass" in it's name based of the comic book series. The first big superhero movie of the year, so you know I had to see it. I've been putting it off for two weeks, and since I found a near perfect cam of it I knocked it outta the park, and it did not disappoint.
We open with a superhero on top of a building in New York City and he's going to fly off the top of a building, with the main character, narrating, asking why after all this time no ones tried to be a superhero. The man then jumps on the roof, doesn't fly and land on a taxi, he was mentally ill. The narrators voice is from Dave Lizewski aka Kick-Ass (Aaron Johnston), who turns out to be a geeky, high school, comic book nerd who fantasizes about his English teacher and jerks it in him room whenever he fancies. (Hahaha) On his way home from the comic book store him, and one of his best friends Todd (Evan Peters), get robbed of their money and comic all while a man watches. After that he decides to become a superhero, buying a green wetsuit complete with a mask and everything. Though he looks like one, his first crack at fighting crime ends up with him getting stabbed and hit by a car. But, after his hospital stay and new metal plates he feels rejuvenated and stops a revenge beating between a gang and a person and gains internet fame for his "Kick-Ass" persona. All the while other "superheroes", a man and his daughter, Damon and Mindy MacReady aka Big Daddy and Hit-Girl (Nicholas Cage/Chloë Moretz), are on a war path to kill the biggest crime boss in NYC, Frank D'Amico (Mark Stong). They cross paths with Kick-Ass as he's trying to stop a man from messing with his high school crush, Katie Deauxma (Lyndsy Fonseca), what Kick-Ass doesn't realize that the man is a big dealer of D'Amico. Just as he's about to get his ass handed to him, Hit-Girl swoops in knives, blades, and filthy mouth blazing and slaughters the whole room saving Kick-Ass. Finally enter Chris D'Amico aka Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), D'Amicos son, who offers to become said hero, to help catch Kick-Ass who they assumes been killing all their business. Once he finds out that Kick-Ass isn't doing the killing an almost two-faced hero hints out of him. The rest of the movie is filled with Kick-Ass teaming up with Red Mist, Hit-Girl and Big Daddy slaughtering more of D'Amico's goons, Kick-Ass getting a girlfriend, Hit-Girl killing yet more thugs, Red Mist and his dad capturing Kick-Ass/Big Daddy, Hit-Girls saving them in a night-vision kill scene, and a guy saying "Screw this, I'm going to get the bazooka."
I liked it a lot, sure a lot of people are complaining about the number of bloody kills Hit-Girl made, or even the profanity she used. But that's what you get with a rated R movie based of the comic that chock full of the above said. The premise was simple, boy becomes superhero, boy meets other superheros, boy gets mixed up in their affairs, boy gets girlfriend, and boy and new superhero friends have to save the day. I think Matthew Vaughn did a great job with the flick, and hell it only cost him 30 million for that, which is really low by standards these days. Kick-Ass was played well by Aaron Johnson, he seemed to come off as a comic fan too, so that helped him get over with me. Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Red Mist was quite good, and his lines and role throughout got progressively better. Enter Hit-Girl my, and everyone else favorite character, played by the 11 year old Chloë Moretz. I think she'll be good in Hollywood, but in this, the knife wielding, bad guy slaying, foul mouthed little girl really worked well. Hit Girl is what my daughter will be someday. Don't judge me. Finally I'll touch on Nick Cage as Big Daddy. He was good, I know a lot of people give him s*** for his acting, but the last two movies I've seen him in were good. His wife dies during childbirth while he was in prison cause of D'Amico and all the violence is revenge on his wife. The scene where he takes out all the goons in the lumber warehouse is amazing. Speaking of D'Amico, played by Mark Strong, I think he did alright in his role of drug dealing daddy. Not to mention the comedy through out is great, the Lost line had me lol'ing hard.
Rotten Tomatoes has it 76% Fresh, and Megacritic has it at a 70% too. I really agree with them both. The over the top killing, combined with the relate-able superhero characters, played well by the actors, with the ok plot, good comedy, and nice dialogue made this quite a nice movie to watch. Not to mention death by industrial microwave! Plus I love how it offends people that Hit-Girl said all those "naughty words", yet they don't mention how she slaughtered like 50 people. Lol...world.
"Ass" count in this review: 11
Rating for Kick-Ass: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
We open with a superhero on top of a building in New York City and he's going to fly off the top of a building, with the main character, narrating, asking why after all this time no ones tried to be a superhero. The man then jumps on the roof, doesn't fly and land on a taxi, he was mentally ill. The narrators voice is from Dave Lizewski aka Kick-Ass (Aaron Johnston), who turns out to be a geeky, high school, comic book nerd who fantasizes about his English teacher and jerks it in him room whenever he fancies. (Hahaha) On his way home from the comic book store him, and one of his best friends Todd (Evan Peters), get robbed of their money and comic all while a man watches. After that he decides to become a superhero, buying a green wetsuit complete with a mask and everything. Though he looks like one, his first crack at fighting crime ends up with him getting stabbed and hit by a car. But, after his hospital stay and new metal plates he feels rejuvenated and stops a revenge beating between a gang and a person and gains internet fame for his "Kick-Ass" persona. All the while other "superheroes", a man and his daughter, Damon and Mindy MacReady aka Big Daddy and Hit-Girl (Nicholas Cage/Chloë Moretz), are on a war path to kill the biggest crime boss in NYC, Frank D'Amico (Mark Stong). They cross paths with Kick-Ass as he's trying to stop a man from messing with his high school crush, Katie Deauxma (Lyndsy Fonseca), what Kick-Ass doesn't realize that the man is a big dealer of D'Amico. Just as he's about to get his ass handed to him, Hit-Girl swoops in knives, blades, and filthy mouth blazing and slaughters the whole room saving Kick-Ass. Finally enter Chris D'Amico aka Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), D'Amicos son, who offers to become said hero, to help catch Kick-Ass who they assumes been killing all their business. Once he finds out that Kick-Ass isn't doing the killing an almost two-faced hero hints out of him. The rest of the movie is filled with Kick-Ass teaming up with Red Mist, Hit-Girl and Big Daddy slaughtering more of D'Amico's goons, Kick-Ass getting a girlfriend, Hit-Girl killing yet more thugs, Red Mist and his dad capturing Kick-Ass/Big Daddy, Hit-Girls saving them in a night-vision kill scene, and a guy saying "Screw this, I'm going to get the bazooka."
I liked it a lot, sure a lot of people are complaining about the number of bloody kills Hit-Girl made, or even the profanity she used. But that's what you get with a rated R movie based of the comic that chock full of the above said. The premise was simple, boy becomes superhero, boy meets other superheros, boy gets mixed up in their affairs, boy gets girlfriend, and boy and new superhero friends have to save the day. I think Matthew Vaughn did a great job with the flick, and hell it only cost him 30 million for that, which is really low by standards these days. Kick-Ass was played well by Aaron Johnson, he seemed to come off as a comic fan too, so that helped him get over with me. Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Red Mist was quite good, and his lines and role throughout got progressively better. Enter Hit-Girl my, and everyone else favorite character, played by the 11 year old Chloë Moretz. I think she'll be good in Hollywood, but in this, the knife wielding, bad guy slaying, foul mouthed little girl really worked well. Hit Girl is what my daughter will be someday. Don't judge me. Finally I'll touch on Nick Cage as Big Daddy. He was good, I know a lot of people give him s*** for his acting, but the last two movies I've seen him in were good. His wife dies during childbirth while he was in prison cause of D'Amico and all the violence is revenge on his wife. The scene where he takes out all the goons in the lumber warehouse is amazing. Speaking of D'Amico, played by Mark Strong, I think he did alright in his role of drug dealing daddy. Not to mention the comedy through out is great, the Lost line had me lol'ing hard.
Rotten Tomatoes has it 76% Fresh, and Megacritic has it at a 70% too. I really agree with them both. The over the top killing, combined with the relate-able superhero characters, played well by the actors, with the ok plot, good comedy, and nice dialogue made this quite a nice movie to watch. Not to mention death by industrial microwave! Plus I love how it offends people that Hit-Girl said all those "naughty words", yet they don't mention how she slaughtered like 50 people. Lol...world.
"Ass" count in this review: 11
Rating for Kick-Ass: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
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