After Smackdown was pillaged by Raw in the WWE Draft, we have WWEs Friday night show. We have to build up the likes of MVP, Kofi and Cody, while keeping Big Show, Swagger, 'Taker and Christian at the top of the pile. Anywho taped from Hersey (mmm) Penn, lets start the Lowdown de Smackdown.
We start out with a video package showing how Edge, John Morrison, and R-Truth were drafted to Smackdown and how Edge speared Orton in his triple threat match to himself in the WWE Championship picture.
Kofi "Mr. Identity Confused" Kingston beat Chris Jericho in a singles match vis pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
ASK HIM @7:13 CDT! from Chris Jericho. I call him Mr. Identity Confused cause he has a Boston accent, Jamaican theme, and he billed from Africa. I know right? End match Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise and Y2J catches it and turns it into the Walls of Jericho. Kofi gets to the ropes though. Kofi hit a dropkick, and misses another Boom Drop. But then Jericho hits a Codebreaker OUTTA NOWHERE and fall outside of the ring. After Y2J throws him back in he covers him for a two. Jericho works over, and mocks Kingston. Jericho then gets a head of steam and takes the Trouble in Paradise for the pinfall. Good match, hope we see more of these two...oh wait.
Random Fact night with "The Lisp champion" Jack Swagger starts with Fact #1. After the 2002 Rose Bowl, he was invited to the White House to meet the great American President ever, George W. Bush.
Jericho gets killed by Big Show. Or KNOCKED THE F*** OUT! I get them confused at times.
We have Chavo in the ring and heeees back. Now him and his Aunt Vickie are back and they're like this. He then says to clap for him. Kane's set off word must be "clap" cause he storms to the ring and get's choke-slammed. Kane then said, just after my dad did, "Welcome back Chavo."
It's Shad's tyme. With a Y. The Y makes this heel turn work. Look what it did for Triple H back in the day.
Cody "Mr. Lisp #2" Rhodes beat John Morrison in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
I'm debating calling Rhodes "Chicken Legs" too. But solid match so far, that drop toe-hold and him floating over into the side headlock was quite nice. Cody hits a back kick off the steel steps on the outside to Morrison takes us to commercial. Oh snap, what a freaking nice moonsault from Rhodes during a very nice match! End match, Morrison hits his Pele-Kick and Rhodes slump over on the ropes. As Morrison goes for a move Rhodes counters it and hits Cross Rhodes for the 1-2-3. Very, very nice match that I hope we see again soon...dammit I did it again. I also like both guys using a combination of Triple H, John Cena, and even Hardcore Holly moves. Awesome.
Random Fact Night with "The Lisp Champion" Jack Swagger continues with Fact #2! Apparently he led his wrestling team in Oklahoma to 3 National Championships. Neato.
Cue Fridays Rated-R superstar who is sadly taking his profane image and "Spear" chants back to Monday Night Raw. Edge says he got drafted to Raw, and honestly he doesn't wanna go. So he wanted to come out and say a proper goodbye to Smackdown and that he loves us all. Cue Christian and I got a little shiver down my spine. I'm giddy right now as Christan walks to the ring. He says that E&C and Edge and Christian had a great run, and he goes through their life of growing up with each other. Christian then says he knows Edge better than he does himself and that what he just said was full of s***. He says that he used the fans, and possibly that he even used him to get to the top. Edge says all that true and then tells us he's a 9 time World Champ and that he made us dance with the "spear" chants like puppets. Christian says that he has been world champ (in WWE) yet, and he'll do it his way without stepping of people heads. He also says he's been asked since he came back, when will E&C get back together. Christian doesn't want Edge and Christian anymore though. He wants Edge versus Christian right now. Edge fakes leaving hit him from behind and give him the Big Boot. Edge sets Christian up for the spear but Christian gets hit boot and a gives him a double leg take down and they brawl on the mat. Edge bails and Christan has a new chant, "Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, Goodbye!"
We come back from commercial and Big Show kills Edge in the back.
Beth Phoinex (Womens Champion)/Kelly Kelly beat Michelle McCool/Layla in a divas tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Kelly Kelly is the definition of charisma is it her first match. She ok, but she like not ready yet. Vickie thought she saw a box of Twinkies on the apron and took KK out on the outside mid match. Haha. End match, Beth hits a slingshot suplex on Layla and tags Kelly in so she could hit her step-up leg drop for the win.
Random Fact Night with "The Lisp Champion" Jack Swagger continues with Fact #3. When he was a junior in high school he turned down offers from the University of Miami, Univeristy of Texas, Stanford and USC. Riveting.
Smackdown as been Tittyfied by Chris Masters, amazing.
Dolf Ziggler comes out and cuts a promo saying taking out Hornswoggle with the sleeper on Monday. I say it's the best moment in DZ's career so far too.
We see a video of Matt Hardy aka "The Lone Jobberwalike" getting his head smashed into the steel steps last week and him not being able to continue the match. Cut to the back where Matt has an interview with Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews where is says he come back like he always does. Drew, The Chosen One, takes out Hardy. And as the refs who have no power but in the ring implore him not to, McIntyre killed Matt Hardy in the back. There sure is a lot of death tonight.
JTG is Mr. Young Fresh, Fly, Funky, and whatever else asks where he's gonna go now Smackdown. I say mid-card if he's lucky or more likely jobberdom.
Finally CM Punk, Serena, Luke Gallows have come out to save our minds and bodies from the evils of this world. MVP comes out and talks all the way down to the ring about how Punks talking is bad. I don't get it either. They brawl and Rey comes out to save the day. And Gallows saves Punk from MVP and Rey. As we got to commercial we see a nice Serea cleavage shot. FJ wants more of these.
Rey Mysterio/MVP "The Kool-Aid Packet" vs CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/"Ms. Cleavage" in a tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Decent match a MVP branched out from poppa Kool-Aid. End match MVP hits the Ballin' Elbow in Gallows which is broken up my Punk. Punk the takes a West Coast Pop (My Lord, someone remembered the name of that move). MVP throws Punk into the ropes behind the refs back and Rey hits the 619 while MVP hits a very familiar looking move on Gallows for the win in the tag team match. Afterward The Hooded Justice (Joey Mercury) and takes out Rey.
Random Fact night with "The Lisp champion" Jack Swagger continues with fact #4! He graduated University Oklahoma with a perfect 4.0 (Nope it was a 3.0+) and was invited back there to give the 2010 Commencement Speech. Amazing insight.
Swagger wants to come out and give a live Q&A but the crowd isn't having any of it and we can barely hear it. At two his dad told him he'd be a world champ. By 5 he was tall as s***, by 12 his balls has dropped, by 18 he was still a virgin going into college, by 20 he graduated (somehow) at the top of his class, and then at 24 (I really don't remember), and his daddy told him in the back, apparently, he told him so. Anywho Teddy comes out and informs us that Big Show is the No.1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Big Show asks what the doctor said the day he was born, it was "Holy crap look at the size of him!" (I lol'd hard) The then listed off Swagger accomplishments before killing Jack Swagger in the ring. Lets count the deaths tonight. Chris Jericho, Edge, and Jack Swagger via Big Show KNOCK THE F*** OUT punch. And Matt Hardy via Future Shock DDT by Drew McIntyre. Let's all mourn for a second.
Smackdown: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I really like this promo heavy Raw. Big Show killed three people. McIntyre killed one. We had a E&C promo, where a feud was teased. We also has a great match between Morrison and Cody, and two ok matches between Kofi/Jericho and Rey/MVP and SES. The Womens tag match was alright too. Also I really loved the Jack Swagger Facts and the end promo where he got massive heel heat just for them. Anywho I like the show and we'll see how they proceed with out Edge, Morrison, and Jericho on the show next week.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 4/26/10 [WWE Draft 2010]
Here we go, our once a year extravaganza where the WWE Superstars, Divas, and possibly even Adam the tech guy are plucked from the show their used to and thrown into a possible future filled with jobberdom. Also most likely my precious Smackdown, which has been almost Godly the past year, will be split up, torn apart and thrown into utter chaos. Anywho live from where ever they were let's lay down the Raw..for three hours.
The Hart Dynasty beat ShowMiz (The Miz [United States Champion]/Big Show) in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships via submission: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Miz comes out and recaps the fact ShowMiz had three matches in a row last night and The Hart Dynasty won giving them this title match tonight. He says that Bret still needs to come out and declare ShowMiz the greatest tag team of all time. Bret comes out and declares ShowMiz the greatest tag team ever, the Mountie as the greatest Intercontinental Champion ever, and David Arquette the greatest World Champ ever. Hart then says he can say what he wants and that The Hart Dynasty will be declared the new Unified Tag Team Champions. We start the match with Miz and Tyson, they did a nice back and forth with technical moves. And sitting down into the back flip outta the arm wrench was crazy. DH Smith comes it and hits about a 15 second delayed vertical suplex on Miz ala British Bulldog. Nice. End match Miz hits a neckbreaker on Kidd for a two. Into the dreaded rear chinlock. Kidd gets out and throws kicks, missed and insiguri and Kidd tags in DH for a clothesline fest. Later Miz goes for pin and uses the ropes and Bret pushes his legs off. It went downhill from there. Kidd takes out Big Show, and DH tags Tyson in ad they hit the Hart Attack on him. Then, in honor of Bret, Tyson slaps on The Sharpshooter and Miz taps. New tag team champs, new tag team champs! Nice, I like the feud so far, and they put on quite a great Raw match. Glad to see THD is getting a push and I want ShowMiz to stay together. (I wrote this before the commercial break haha)
During the commercial Big Show and Miz broke up and I'm a little mad about it. Big Show and Miz were fuming in the ring and The Miz got KNOCKED THE F*** OUT! We then see Sheamus hit Triple H with five Blarney Boots as he killed him. We cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he's with Jack Swagger who is still World Heavyweight Champion. He says he the best natural champion ever, and that he's also an academic champion, and if he were running Wall Street we wouldn't be in debt. Enter Edge who beat Jericho in the Steel Cage last night. He tells Swagger not to worry about his 4.0 GPA, cause in about 4 days he's losing that title to Edge. Bazinga!
Team Smackdown, LayCool aka Michelle McCool/Layla beat Team Raw, Eve Torres-Day (Divas Champion)/Maryse vs in a tag team match vis pinfall for a Divas Draft Pick:
A "We Want Mickie" chant erupts. Layla hits a low dropkick getting a two, after Eve and Maryse brawled outside. In comes McCool who goes to town on Eve. All shes really does is toy with Eve after coming in. McCool slaps a Dragon Sleeper. Eve goes up and over into a reverse DDT which gets a two. Nice two dropkicks actually hits by Eve, into and neckbreaker which gets a two. Maryse tags herself him and Eve isn't happy. Maryse runs her mouth at Eve and turns around into McCools straight kick for the 1-2-3. And Smackdown gets the first draft pick of the night and it is Kelly Kelly. Matt Striker was praying it wasn't Mae Young and King said he died. Epic win.
CM Punk w/Luke Gallows/Serena/Hooded Justice beat Evan Bourne in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
WE have the Flying Jobber, Evan Bourne vs his WWE Messiah, CM Punk. Haha Evan played limbo with Punks legs, nice. End match, Evan Bourne hit a running knee on Punk in the corner. Evan goes for Air Bourne but The Hooded Justice stops him, and CM Punk hits the GTS, for the win. I liked it, albeit it was short, I'd like to see a 10-minute awesome fest from these tow in the future. And Smackdown gets The Big Show as it's second draft pick. Not surprising as we knew Miz or Show would change shows. Nothing too shocking to ruin my SD roster....yet.
The Pale White Yonder is here and he wants to tell us something that we can barely understand in a broken Irish/American accent. He says that Triple H's career after last night at Extreme Rules and he wants Cena's WWE Championship. Cue the voices telling Orton to come cut a promo and we get a Viper @9:02 CDT! Orton tells Sheamus that he's had his problems with HHH in past, but at least he faced him head-on instead of attacking him from behind. Cue Cena and he tried to bring out the guest host, but it didn't work. He got a call from WWE Global, that why he wrestles in jean shorts (HA!) and there isn't a guest host. Sheamus IS that pale, like mayo and ketchup, the jokes are overwhelming! Cena then says that he was the one to declare the number one contender to the WWE Championship. Orton and Sheamus had better pray they don't get drafted to Smackdown cause they have the No.1 Contenders match later tonight.
MVP/Mark Henry/Yoshi Tatsu/Santino/Ted DiBiase vs Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion)/Rey Mysterio/Kane/R "Mr. Narcissistic" Truth/Shad "With a Y" Gaspard in a 10-man Battle Royal for 3 Draft Picks: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Santino is the Raw team leader and buffs up against Rey, and gets uppercut by Kane, haha here we go. The Chosen One goes first and the Tatsu right after. Nothing happened go into the commercial break. We need an out to the floor spot already. MVP gets axed. Santino eliminated to SD stars. Mark Henry gets eliminated and then Kane. And then there were three. Rey, DiBiase and Santino. Rey and DiBise have a nice apron battle and Santino/DiBiase win the battle Royal for Raw. John Morrison is the first pick and my SD is crumbling. Second pick is Mr. Narcissistic R-Truth himself. And my Smackdown of 2009-2010 is practically gone with Edge going back to Raw. I shed a tear for one of the best SD years ever. So what top faces are left on SD, exactly, Orton is heading over.
Chris Jericho vs Christian in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Jericho says he wants the deranged Edge to be fined and suspended by Teddy, Raw guest host, or the WWE Brain Trusts. He says it's partly his fault for losing to the no-name, red headed freak Heath Slater. Heath comes down to the ring, and says he's sorry that he lost to Edge and him, and he won't win against Christian. Cue the infamous "Goooooo" and enter Christian. I can see him going to SD too, to fill the face gap Morrison/Truth/Edge leaving made. End match Jericho misses the Loinsault. Christian hits some clothelines and misses The Killswitch. Then a slap from the outside and a missle dropkick into a Walls but it's counter into a roll-up for a two. Y2J hits a step-up insiguri which gets another two. Jericho works over Christan and goes for a modified bulldog which gets counter by Christian into a reverse DDT for a two. Jericho goes for the walls, it's countered. Christian gets a springboard sunset flip for a 2 into the Walls yet again. Christian gets to the ropes and slaps Y2J. Christian goes to the top, but take a missive Codebreaker coming off the top rope. Afterward he attack Slater and gives him a Codebreaker for good measure. And Smackdown as a result gets Kofi Kingston, as expected. He runs down to the ring and uses his controlled frenzy to hit the Trouble in Paradise.
Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) vs John Morrison in a single match for a Draft Pick: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
The newly Raw superstar, John Morrion, who The Lisp Champion has had two great matches with, is here for the rubber match and its obviously for a draft pick. Both of their others are three stars matches, this should be good. Morrison hits a corkscrew plancha on Swagger and throws him back in the ring for a two. Swagger shoulder blocks Morrison in the corner and slips out and hits his shoulders on the apron as we go to commercial. End match Swagger throws the good ol' abdominal stretch on Morrison in the ropes and the drive-bys him in the face. Swagger works over JoMo some more and we have a small exchange. Swagger sets Morrison on the top rope, he get thrown but lands on his feet. Morrison hits a back-heel kick and a standing SSP on Swagger for a two. Swagger hip-tosses Morriosn across the ring, and lands on his after a double jump splash, Jo Mo launches him into the turnbuckle into a roll up for two. Morrison then hits the flying chuck and a running knee for another two count. On the outside Sawgger gets thrown into the barricade. Back in the ring Swagger goes for the gut-wrench powerbomb but Morrison counters into a side Russian Leg Sweep. Morrison the goes for Starship Pain, but Sawgger stops it and hits the Gut-wrench for the win. Smackdown gets Christian. Nice, I was a pick off, wanna fight about it? I'm giving it 4/5 too, this was a very, very good match, it was on TV (Raw no less), and they did a great job. They made Morrison look strong while keeping Swagger winning.
We have a run-down of the draftees so far. Raw got John Morrison, Edge, R-Truth. While Smackdown has been awarded Big Show, Kelly Kelly, Christian, and Kofi Kingston. Not bad so far. Edge, Christian, and Morrison are biggens so far.
We have Teddy Jr. in the back try to get a Virgil like his dad. He tell Truth he'll pay him a ton of money. But Truth don't play like that he bitch slaps him to close out the segment.
It's armed forces appreciation month, next month, and we have a John Cena video package. I may not like his character, but he does so much for the military and Make A Wish and such you gotta give him props for being and genuinely good person.
Hornswoggle beat Dolf Ziggler in a singles match vis count-outfor the final Draft Pick: 0/10 or 0/5 Stars
This f***ing terrible. Just bad, the ref should've restarted the count every time 'Swoggle interfered with Ziggler getting in the ring. This Raw was quite good so far too. Raw gets Chris Jericho? WTF they've killed Smackdown, my lord. I'm quite angry about this as there's only really three top guys on Smackdown (Swagger/Orton/Big Show) and all the good Smackdown had going is going to be pushed aside on Raw for bad unfunny skit, and the guest hosts. F*** you WWE.
Sheamus vs Batista vs Randy Orton in a Triple Threat match to become the No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Batista storm out and is yelling about he's the number one contender and than the duct-tape and match was a joke (I agree), and he's not leaving until he gets a match. Out comes Sheamus saying Batista is just like Orton, a loser. Cue Orton and he sick of Batista's whining. Out comes the guest host..er match maker, Cena and makes it a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the WWEC. Vintage Orton @9:45 CDT! WTF is this? Right as Batista is going for a Batista Bomb cause the confidence is flowing like the steroids in his blood stream, a freaking commercial block hit's us OUTTA NOWHERE. Adam man, if you cue commercials to, we need some warning next time. End match Sheamus hits The Blarney Stone on Orton for a two. He then slaps a submission on Orton to wear him down. Orton fights them off and ends the scrap with a POWERSLAM (F YOU COLE) on Sheamus. Orton gets thrown out, and Batista hits a back suplex on Sheamus, Batista gets a two, and then so does Orton. Orton now hits a DDT off the ropes and sets up the RKO for Batista. Seamus clubs him from behind though. Sheamus wants to hit Pale Justice but takes a massive spear from Batista for a two. Orton hits an inverted backbreaker on Batista and then Batista takes a Blarney Boot right after. Sheamus then misses a Blarney Boot on Orton, and Sheamus gets hit with the RKO. BUT EDGE SPEARS ORTON, allowing Batista to get the cover for the win. We also get an Outta Nowhere @10:02 CDT!
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
It was a great wrestling show. Storyline wise, Smackdown is cut to shreds IMO. Sure we got Kingston, but he'll be thrown back into mid card I'd suspect. We have an active Rey, Punk, Christian, and Swagger, with Undertaker out for now in the world title picture. And Ziggler, Hardy, McIntyre, Kingston mid-card. I like THD having the tag titles, but the only other team left in the WWE is The dude Busters, Trent Baretta/Calen Croft. I don't know why WWE would break ShowMiz up before establishing THD more. Arghhh, a lot of wrong, but in-ring was a nice three hour watch. Batista/Orton/Sheamus was good (didn't see Batista winning), Swagger/Morrison 3 was a four star match, Christian/Y2J was alright as was ShowMiz/THD. Then we have the divas tag, which saw my girl Eve actually hit two dropkicks and Punk/Bourne which were ok. Bottom line, great matches, bad drafting IMO. We'll see how they proceed with the Supplemental Draft tomorrow too. I like Edge already getting involved in the title picture too.
Here's the draft picks for each brand so far too.
Smackdown: Christian, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, and Kelly Kelly
Raw: Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, and R-Truth
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
The Hart Dynasty beat ShowMiz (The Miz [United States Champion]/Big Show) in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships via submission: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Miz comes out and recaps the fact ShowMiz had three matches in a row last night and The Hart Dynasty won giving them this title match tonight. He says that Bret still needs to come out and declare ShowMiz the greatest tag team of all time. Bret comes out and declares ShowMiz the greatest tag team ever, the Mountie as the greatest Intercontinental Champion ever, and David Arquette the greatest World Champ ever. Hart then says he can say what he wants and that The Hart Dynasty will be declared the new Unified Tag Team Champions. We start the match with Miz and Tyson, they did a nice back and forth with technical moves. And sitting down into the back flip outta the arm wrench was crazy. DH Smith comes it and hits about a 15 second delayed vertical suplex on Miz ala British Bulldog. Nice. End match Miz hits a neckbreaker on Kidd for a two. Into the dreaded rear chinlock. Kidd gets out and throws kicks, missed and insiguri and Kidd tags in DH for a clothesline fest. Later Miz goes for pin and uses the ropes and Bret pushes his legs off. It went downhill from there. Kidd takes out Big Show, and DH tags Tyson in ad they hit the Hart Attack on him. Then, in honor of Bret, Tyson slaps on The Sharpshooter and Miz taps. New tag team champs, new tag team champs! Nice, I like the feud so far, and they put on quite a great Raw match. Glad to see THD is getting a push and I want ShowMiz to stay together. (I wrote this before the commercial break haha)
During the commercial Big Show and Miz broke up and I'm a little mad about it. Big Show and Miz were fuming in the ring and The Miz got KNOCKED THE F*** OUT! We then see Sheamus hit Triple H with five Blarney Boots as he killed him. We cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he's with Jack Swagger who is still World Heavyweight Champion. He says he the best natural champion ever, and that he's also an academic champion, and if he were running Wall Street we wouldn't be in debt. Enter Edge who beat Jericho in the Steel Cage last night. He tells Swagger not to worry about his 4.0 GPA, cause in about 4 days he's losing that title to Edge. Bazinga!
Team Smackdown, LayCool aka Michelle McCool/Layla beat Team Raw, Eve Torres-Day (Divas Champion)/Maryse vs in a tag team match vis pinfall for a Divas Draft Pick:
A "We Want Mickie" chant erupts. Layla hits a low dropkick getting a two, after Eve and Maryse brawled outside. In comes McCool who goes to town on Eve. All shes really does is toy with Eve after coming in. McCool slaps a Dragon Sleeper. Eve goes up and over into a reverse DDT which gets a two. Nice two dropkicks actually hits by Eve, into and neckbreaker which gets a two. Maryse tags herself him and Eve isn't happy. Maryse runs her mouth at Eve and turns around into McCools straight kick for the 1-2-3. And Smackdown gets the first draft pick of the night and it is Kelly Kelly. Matt Striker was praying it wasn't Mae Young and King said he died. Epic win.
CM Punk w/Luke Gallows/Serena/Hooded Justice beat Evan Bourne in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
WE have the Flying Jobber, Evan Bourne vs his WWE Messiah, CM Punk. Haha Evan played limbo with Punks legs, nice. End match, Evan Bourne hit a running knee on Punk in the corner. Evan goes for Air Bourne but The Hooded Justice stops him, and CM Punk hits the GTS, for the win. I liked it, albeit it was short, I'd like to see a 10-minute awesome fest from these tow in the future. And Smackdown gets The Big Show as it's second draft pick. Not surprising as we knew Miz or Show would change shows. Nothing too shocking to ruin my SD roster....yet.
The Pale White Yonder is here and he wants to tell us something that we can barely understand in a broken Irish/American accent. He says that Triple H's career after last night at Extreme Rules and he wants Cena's WWE Championship. Cue the voices telling Orton to come cut a promo and we get a Viper @9:02 CDT! Orton tells Sheamus that he's had his problems with HHH in past, but at least he faced him head-on instead of attacking him from behind. Cue Cena and he tried to bring out the guest host, but it didn't work. He got a call from WWE Global, that why he wrestles in jean shorts (HA!) and there isn't a guest host. Sheamus IS that pale, like mayo and ketchup, the jokes are overwhelming! Cena then says that he was the one to declare the number one contender to the WWE Championship. Orton and Sheamus had better pray they don't get drafted to Smackdown cause they have the No.1 Contenders match later tonight.
MVP/Mark Henry/Yoshi Tatsu/Santino/Ted DiBiase vs Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion)/Rey Mysterio/Kane/R "Mr. Narcissistic" Truth/Shad "With a Y" Gaspard in a 10-man Battle Royal for 3 Draft Picks: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Santino is the Raw team leader and buffs up against Rey, and gets uppercut by Kane, haha here we go. The Chosen One goes first and the Tatsu right after. Nothing happened go into the commercial break. We need an out to the floor spot already. MVP gets axed. Santino eliminated to SD stars. Mark Henry gets eliminated and then Kane. And then there were three. Rey, DiBiase and Santino. Rey and DiBise have a nice apron battle and Santino/DiBiase win the battle Royal for Raw. John Morrison is the first pick and my SD is crumbling. Second pick is Mr. Narcissistic R-Truth himself. And my Smackdown of 2009-2010 is practically gone with Edge going back to Raw. I shed a tear for one of the best SD years ever. So what top faces are left on SD, exactly, Orton is heading over.
Chris Jericho vs Christian in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Jericho says he wants the deranged Edge to be fined and suspended by Teddy, Raw guest host, or the WWE Brain Trusts. He says it's partly his fault for losing to the no-name, red headed freak Heath Slater. Heath comes down to the ring, and says he's sorry that he lost to Edge and him, and he won't win against Christian. Cue the infamous "Goooooo" and enter Christian. I can see him going to SD too, to fill the face gap Morrison/Truth/Edge leaving made. End match Jericho misses the Loinsault. Christian hits some clothelines and misses The Killswitch. Then a slap from the outside and a missle dropkick into a Walls but it's counter into a roll-up for a two. Y2J hits a step-up insiguri which gets another two. Jericho works over Christan and goes for a modified bulldog which gets counter by Christian into a reverse DDT for a two. Jericho goes for the walls, it's countered. Christian gets a springboard sunset flip for a 2 into the Walls yet again. Christian gets to the ropes and slaps Y2J. Christian goes to the top, but take a missive Codebreaker coming off the top rope. Afterward he attack Slater and gives him a Codebreaker for good measure. And Smackdown as a result gets Kofi Kingston, as expected. He runs down to the ring and uses his controlled frenzy to hit the Trouble in Paradise.
Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) vs John Morrison in a single match for a Draft Pick: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
The newly Raw superstar, John Morrion, who The Lisp Champion has had two great matches with, is here for the rubber match and its obviously for a draft pick. Both of their others are three stars matches, this should be good. Morrison hits a corkscrew plancha on Swagger and throws him back in the ring for a two. Swagger shoulder blocks Morrison in the corner and slips out and hits his shoulders on the apron as we go to commercial. End match Swagger throws the good ol' abdominal stretch on Morrison in the ropes and the drive-bys him in the face. Swagger works over JoMo some more and we have a small exchange. Swagger sets Morrison on the top rope, he get thrown but lands on his feet. Morrison hits a back-heel kick and a standing SSP on Swagger for a two. Swagger hip-tosses Morriosn across the ring, and lands on his after a double jump splash, Jo Mo launches him into the turnbuckle into a roll up for two. Morrison then hits the flying chuck and a running knee for another two count. On the outside Sawgger gets thrown into the barricade. Back in the ring Swagger goes for the gut-wrench powerbomb but Morrison counters into a side Russian Leg Sweep. Morrison the goes for Starship Pain, but Sawgger stops it and hits the Gut-wrench for the win. Smackdown gets Christian. Nice, I was a pick off, wanna fight about it? I'm giving it 4/5 too, this was a very, very good match, it was on TV (Raw no less), and they did a great job. They made Morrison look strong while keeping Swagger winning.
We have a run-down of the draftees so far. Raw got John Morrison, Edge, R-Truth. While Smackdown has been awarded Big Show, Kelly Kelly, Christian, and Kofi Kingston. Not bad so far. Edge, Christian, and Morrison are biggens so far.
We have Teddy Jr. in the back try to get a Virgil like his dad. He tell Truth he'll pay him a ton of money. But Truth don't play like that he bitch slaps him to close out the segment.
It's armed forces appreciation month, next month, and we have a John Cena video package. I may not like his character, but he does so much for the military and Make A Wish and such you gotta give him props for being and genuinely good person.
Hornswoggle beat Dolf Ziggler in a singles match vis count-outfor the final Draft Pick: 0/10 or 0/5 Stars
This f***ing terrible. Just bad, the ref should've restarted the count every time 'Swoggle interfered with Ziggler getting in the ring. This Raw was quite good so far too. Raw gets Chris Jericho? WTF they've killed Smackdown, my lord. I'm quite angry about this as there's only really three top guys on Smackdown (Swagger/Orton/Big Show) and all the good Smackdown had going is going to be pushed aside on Raw for bad unfunny skit, and the guest hosts. F*** you WWE.
Sheamus vs Batista vs Randy Orton in a Triple Threat match to become the No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Batista storm out and is yelling about he's the number one contender and than the duct-tape and match was a joke (I agree), and he's not leaving until he gets a match. Out comes Sheamus saying Batista is just like Orton, a loser. Cue Orton and he sick of Batista's whining. Out comes the guest host..er match maker, Cena and makes it a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the WWEC. Vintage Orton @9:45 CDT! WTF is this? Right as Batista is going for a Batista Bomb cause the confidence is flowing like the steroids in his blood stream, a freaking commercial block hit's us OUTTA NOWHERE. Adam man, if you cue commercials to, we need some warning next time. End match Sheamus hits The Blarney Stone on Orton for a two. He then slaps a submission on Orton to wear him down. Orton fights them off and ends the scrap with a POWERSLAM (F YOU COLE) on Sheamus. Orton gets thrown out, and Batista hits a back suplex on Sheamus, Batista gets a two, and then so does Orton. Orton now hits a DDT off the ropes and sets up the RKO for Batista. Seamus clubs him from behind though. Sheamus wants to hit Pale Justice but takes a massive spear from Batista for a two. Orton hits an inverted backbreaker on Batista and then Batista takes a Blarney Boot right after. Sheamus then misses a Blarney Boot on Orton, and Sheamus gets hit with the RKO. BUT EDGE SPEARS ORTON, allowing Batista to get the cover for the win. We also get an Outta Nowhere @10:02 CDT!
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
It was a great wrestling show. Storyline wise, Smackdown is cut to shreds IMO. Sure we got Kingston, but he'll be thrown back into mid card I'd suspect. We have an active Rey, Punk, Christian, and Swagger, with Undertaker out for now in the world title picture. And Ziggler, Hardy, McIntyre, Kingston mid-card. I like THD having the tag titles, but the only other team left in the WWE is The dude Busters, Trent Baretta/Calen Croft. I don't know why WWE would break ShowMiz up before establishing THD more. Arghhh, a lot of wrong, but in-ring was a nice three hour watch. Batista/Orton/Sheamus was good (didn't see Batista winning), Swagger/Morrison 3 was a four star match, Christian/Y2J was alright as was ShowMiz/THD. Then we have the divas tag, which saw my girl Eve actually hit two dropkicks and Punk/Bourne which were ok. Bottom line, great matches, bad drafting IMO. We'll see how they proceed with the Supplemental Draft tomorrow too. I like Edge already getting involved in the title picture too.
Here's the draft picks for each brand so far too.
Smackdown: Christian, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, and Kelly Kelly
Raw: Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, and R-Truth
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
WWE Extreme Rules 2010 Picks
I'll keep it short and sweet. Watching it live online (crappy stream or not) but I'm not doing a live thing. Too much work Haha. Most of the picks are self explanatory too, so no need for me to go into detail. Here we go!
Jack Swagger (c) Vs. Randy Orton in an Extreme Rules match for World Heavyweight Championship
Winner: Jack Swagger
John Cena (c) Vs. Batista in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship
Winner: John Cena
Edge Vs. Chris Jericho in a Steel Cage Match:
Winner: Edge
Triple HHH Vs. Sheamus in a Street Fight:
Winner: Sheamus
Rey Mysterio Vs. CM Punk in an Extreme Rules match, If Punk loses, he gets his head shaved
Winner: CM Punk
Michelle McCool (c) Vs. Beth Phoenix in Womans Championship, Extreme Makeover Match:
Winner: Michelle McCool
JTG Vs. Shad Gaspard in a Strap Match:
Winner: Shad Gaspard
There it is, I think it should be a solid, non-shocking PPV. The only big surprise for me is if Batista wins against Cena. Other-wise it's an ok looking card and should be good. Wouldn't mind if a US Championship or IC Championship match as added. Hell even The Hart Dynasty v ShowMiz would be more than welcome.
As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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Jack Swagger (c) Vs. Randy Orton in an Extreme Rules match for World Heavyweight Championship
Winner: Jack Swagger
John Cena (c) Vs. Batista in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship
Winner: John Cena
Edge Vs. Chris Jericho in a Steel Cage Match:
Winner: Edge
Triple HHH Vs. Sheamus in a Street Fight:
Winner: Sheamus
Rey Mysterio Vs. CM Punk in an Extreme Rules match, If Punk loses, he gets his head shaved
Winner: CM Punk
Michelle McCool (c) Vs. Beth Phoenix in Womans Championship, Extreme Makeover Match:
Winner: Michelle McCool
JTG Vs. Shad Gaspard in a Strap Match:
Winner: Shad Gaspard
There it is, I think it should be a solid, non-shocking PPV. The only big surprise for me is if Batista wins against Cena. Other-wise it's an ok looking card and should be good. Wouldn't mind if a US Championship or IC Championship match as added. Hell even The Hart Dynasty v ShowMiz would be more than welcome.
As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
10 Earth Day Tips: Follow Them or the Planet Will Implode
1. Don't waste stuff. Unless you have to pour some out for your homie.
2. Turn off the lights. I mean your comp screen gives off light and sets the mood for late night shenanigans.
3. Save gas. Don't fart cause it causes global warming. Oh yeah drive as little as possible, make everyone come to you.
4. Just be quiet. I mean your body decomposes, but I don't wanna have to dig a hole and deal with blood/dead body stench.
5. Plant a tree. Cause nothing says "Go Earth", like a tree you'll never see grow to be a full adult.
6. Don't litter. Unless it's paper, evidence, or fruit. Even cops litter all that stuff.
7. Burn your trash. Cause a filthy ozone layer is much better than horrible landfills.
8. Conserve water. Unless you wanna take a 15 minute hot shower, while someone is doing the dishes and a the washing machine is going. Cause doing it all at once saves time.
9. Eat good. Unless you pass a Domino's, Burger King and Sonic on the way home. That way you can get a burger, pizza, and shake in one trip. Sure you'll contribute to #3, but you'll be saving #3 too.
10. Recycle. Unless you wanna make a bottle fort, or make the trash people very angry.
There you have it, 10 tips on how to keep the earth happy. From Fat-Jesus' insane thoughts to your memory banks. Now go fart less, discard key evidence, and buy a burger, you'll help save the planet.
As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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2. Turn off the lights. I mean your comp screen gives off light and sets the mood for late night shenanigans.
3. Save gas. Don't fart cause it causes global warming. Oh yeah drive as little as possible, make everyone come to you.
4. Just be quiet. I mean your body decomposes, but I don't wanna have to dig a hole and deal with blood/dead body stench.
5. Plant a tree. Cause nothing says "Go Earth", like a tree you'll never see grow to be a full adult.
6. Don't litter. Unless it's paper, evidence, or fruit. Even cops litter all that stuff.
7. Burn your trash. Cause a filthy ozone layer is much better than horrible landfills.
8. Conserve water. Unless you wanna take a 15 minute hot shower, while someone is doing the dishes and a the washing machine is going. Cause doing it all at once saves time.
9. Eat good. Unless you pass a Domino's, Burger King and Sonic on the way home. That way you can get a burger, pizza, and shake in one trip. Sure you'll contribute to #3, but you'll be saving #3 too.
10. Recycle. Unless you wanna make a bottle fort, or make the trash people very angry.
There you have it, 10 tips on how to keep the earth happy. From Fat-Jesus' insane thoughts to your memory banks. Now go fart less, discard key evidence, and buy a burger, you'll help save the planet.
As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 4/19/10 [Smackdown Edition]
As most all of Raw is stuck in Europe due to the volcanic eruption, we have Smackdown invading Raw, unfortunately Cole and King made it back, to host Raw from the iZod center in, ewww, New Jersey. Anywho time to lay down the Raw, Smackdown style.
Triple H informs us, with hit0and0miss jokes that Raw was stuck in Europe and that him and Frank the audio guy will have 2-hour Iron Man match. Just kidding, he plugs his match at EC with Sheamus. He'll be him any other color than white. Hehe. Cue our a savior, CM Punk and in tow is Serena and Gallows. But not even he can save this train wreck of an opener. It leading to Triple H making a gay joke and showing us Lilian is here for one night only. CM Punk tells Triple H he wasn't asking him to join and SES jumps Triple H. Rey comes out to save him as Punk and his clippers...I mean razor (Cole's a dumb-f***). Then Rey shaves a piece of Punks hair of and SES gets outta dodge. All the while Cole and King are laughing too hard for no reason what-so-ever.
Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion) beat Matt Hardy in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Look The Lone Jobberwalkie is squaring off with The Chosen One. A "Let's go Drew/Hardy sucks" chant erupts as Matt hits a side effect for a two. Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT and Hardy back dropped him out and go for a Twist of Fate, which is also countered. They knock heads and Hardy is up first. He goes for his elbow for the second rope and Drew sweeps the legs and Hardy lands on his head. Drew gets the pin fall off this. Well a decent match on Smackdown is neutered by Raw down to three minutes...crap.
We go live to Cena is Belfast for LIve Taped Taxi Cab Confession Pt.1! But Cole f'ed the timing up and made it even more obvious that this was taped. Another good job by Cole. Cena tells us that all the WWE Stars are ok and that he'd be at Extreme Rules for his Last Man Standing match between him and Batista. Even if it meant him swimming across the Atlantic Ocean. Haha really, that line, Raw is very poor so far. Sadly the champ will still be here next Monday at the 2010 WWE Draft.
When we come back Vladmir Kozlof is in the ring. He has Jerry read a statement that he sick of the ways guest hosts treat them. Blah blah. MacGruber comes out and says some of the best people are from New Jersey, such as Paul Blart Mall Cop. Vlad tells him to stop saying bad stuff about him and such. He then asks how do you say "You're a big pile of suck" in Russian. MacGruber comes back with a Yo Mamma joke. "Based on your appearance, that the most cold, cobweb filled place isn't New Jersey, but his mom's uterus." A 'You can't say that' even erupted (bad choice of words?) from the crowd. Awesome. MacGruber informs him that he'll be facing R-Truth and if he tries to leave the place is rigged to blow up. It end up blowing r-Truth up, F***ING YES! Will he miss, tv time? I doubt it, but if he does I'm not complaining. Vlad remakes him versus MacGruber later tonight joy.
We come back to MacGruber trying to run. Triple H comes on and asks why he pissed in his pants. He says he such a good friend, switched his pants with someone else who pissed their pants. Kane walks up and MacGruber says he's the guy who he switched pants with and then split. Turns out peeing wasn't the only thing he did in the pants. And it's not what all you pervs are thinking....although it might be, ya never know.
Cue our Live Taped Taxi Cab Confessions with Randy Orton. Short and sweet as he says he's going to end up where ever the World Heavyweight Championship is. Nice. Long entrance, short interviews. He must not have kick started the voices tonight...or whenever they taped that.
Lillian introduces the one and only Mr. Lisp Champion, Jack Swagger, and I assume he has a match or he's gonna talk to us. That cause there's no cage with a canary in the ring. He says words are cheap when you 3000 miles away. He also asked for a ref and challenges anyone who is in the back to come out and beat him. Cue the Deadman and he's working Monday's again, probably for a nice bonus. All the while Cole and King bust their nuts and suck 'Takers **** to get their cut of the bonus (Sorry for the vulgarity...well those of you that aren't chuckling). I'd rather just watch the the crowd noise.
The Undertaker vs Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
ITS NOT A ****ING SCOOP-SLAM COLE YOU TERRIBLE MORON ANNOUNCER! ITS A DAMN POWERSLAM! Undertaker hits the leg drop on the apron for a VINTAGE Undertaker @9:06 CDT! He hits a suplex on Swagger for a two. He throws a dreaded rear-chinlock on Swagger and covers him for a two as we go into commercial. No out to the floor spot, bad Raw. Decent match so far though. End match Swagger wraps 'Taker knee around the post which garners a two count. They have a slug-fest in the middle of the ring. Swagger kicks the knee though. Then he Irish Whips the Undertaker only to get hit with a DTT resulting in a two count. Undertaker hits Snake-Eyes the big boot and the leg drop for a two. Undertaker calls for his classic chokeslam but it wasn't to be as Swagger hits a DDT of his own for a two. He then sets Undertaker up for his double jump splash. But Undertaker catches him OUTTA NOWHERE and hit a chokeslam, then the Tombstone for the 1-2-3. And lol at Cole for botching his Jimmy Hoffa joke. Idiot. Viper @ 9:18 CDT too!
We come back to Jericho telling SES to do as he says cause he's beaten Rey, Triple H, and Edge more times than he can count. He then runs into MacGruber and Vicky in the back. He says he's getting early Best Man nominations for his role and that he's in line to star in his own sequel "Jer-I-Co", I'd see it. MacGruber asks for advice in his match with Kozlof next. Jericho says to extend his hand, can then he can even turn his tongue into Jell-O, amazing.
McaGruber/Kahluberw/Vicky St. Elmo/Ryan Phillipe beat Vladimir Kozlof in a handicap match via countout: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
King botched Jericho's awesome joke and Kozlof goes for The Iron Curtain, as Ryan Phillipe comes out and MacGruber is now in a handicap match and his partner is MacGrugbers half brother, Kahluber. Idgaf what you all think, epic. Kahluber chases Kozlof off giving Macgrubers team the win. He then plus Shrek 4 instead of his own movie, I chuckled.
Triple H/Rey Mysterio/Edge beat Chris Jericho/CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/Serena in a 3-on-3 tag team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Look our third Live Taped Taxi Cab Confession from the Pale White Yonder. He hits a BLARNEY BOOT on a tech guy @9:47 CDT and stomps on him. Boy that sure showed him. Did King just call Rey one of the best young stars in the WWE? HAHA I think the writing teams need to actually be told who is and isn't young talent. Lmao. And about a minute in the heel team got taken out by a launched Rey to take us to commercial. 1/2 for the night isn't bad, you tired Raw. End match Edge and Gallows come in and Edge gives Gallows the boot. Then Edge sets up for a spear, but Serena/Y2J gets involved and kicks him in the heel. In comes Cm Punk and does some damage, and Y2J back in. He works the crowd before stomping on his ankle again. unk back in and works Edges whole leg now as he grapevines it. Gallows is and he even works the leg, but Edge hits a flying clothesline. Triple H gets the tag with CM Punk. He hits the high knee, the facebuster and a clotheline on Punk for a two ocunt. Vintage Triple H @10:05 CDT off the spinebuster. Gallows comes in but gets taken out by Rey, Y2J get's tossed outside. Edge drop toe holds Punk into the ropes. Rey hits the 619 and then Triple H hits the Pedigree for the 1-2-3. Solid match to end a corny joke-filled Raw.
Raw: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I know people though last week was crap, and those people are stupid. They had 5 matches, none of which were under five minutes, and Hasselhoff did an ok job Hosting. Not to mention Swagger/Orton was great. This week is bleh. I like MacGruber on SNL (The guys a friggin' genius) and the skits were alright. But the limited in-ring action and the misuse of the awesome Smackdown crew by Raw made it only a so-so show. Swagger yet again had another great match and I'm astonished Raw misused him so badly and the main event was good too. Watch if you like SNL and all their corny jokes and skits and catch the two matches I listed. Not terrible, just lacking. And someone please get Cole/King in check they're terrible at announcing, hell split them at the draft next week. It's just a bad pairing week in and week out now. From and 8/10 SD to a 5/10 Raw. I might be cause the roster was missing so I'll give them a freebie, but they could've done way better with the A-Shows Superstars.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Triple H informs us, with hit0and0miss jokes that Raw was stuck in Europe and that him and Frank the audio guy will have 2-hour Iron Man match. Just kidding, he plugs his match at EC with Sheamus. He'll be him any other color than white. Hehe. Cue our a savior, CM Punk and in tow is Serena and Gallows. But not even he can save this train wreck of an opener. It leading to Triple H making a gay joke and showing us Lilian is here for one night only. CM Punk tells Triple H he wasn't asking him to join and SES jumps Triple H. Rey comes out to save him as Punk and his clippers...I mean razor (Cole's a dumb-f***). Then Rey shaves a piece of Punks hair of and SES gets outta dodge. All the while Cole and King are laughing too hard for no reason what-so-ever.
Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion) beat Matt Hardy in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Look The Lone Jobberwalkie is squaring off with The Chosen One. A "Let's go Drew/Hardy sucks" chant erupts as Matt hits a side effect for a two. Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT and Hardy back dropped him out and go for a Twist of Fate, which is also countered. They knock heads and Hardy is up first. He goes for his elbow for the second rope and Drew sweeps the legs and Hardy lands on his head. Drew gets the pin fall off this. Well a decent match on Smackdown is neutered by Raw down to three minutes...crap.
We go live to Cena is Belfast for LIve Taped Taxi Cab Confession Pt.1! But Cole f'ed the timing up and made it even more obvious that this was taped. Another good job by Cole. Cena tells us that all the WWE Stars are ok and that he'd be at Extreme Rules for his Last Man Standing match between him and Batista. Even if it meant him swimming across the Atlantic Ocean. Haha really, that line, Raw is very poor so far. Sadly the champ will still be here next Monday at the 2010 WWE Draft.
When we come back Vladmir Kozlof is in the ring. He has Jerry read a statement that he sick of the ways guest hosts treat them. Blah blah. MacGruber comes out and says some of the best people are from New Jersey, such as Paul Blart Mall Cop. Vlad tells him to stop saying bad stuff about him and such. He then asks how do you say "You're a big pile of suck" in Russian. MacGruber comes back with a Yo Mamma joke. "Based on your appearance, that the most cold, cobweb filled place isn't New Jersey, but his mom's uterus." A 'You can't say that' even erupted (bad choice of words?) from the crowd. Awesome. MacGruber informs him that he'll be facing R-Truth and if he tries to leave the place is rigged to blow up. It end up blowing r-Truth up, F***ING YES! Will he miss, tv time? I doubt it, but if he does I'm not complaining. Vlad remakes him versus MacGruber later tonight joy.
We come back to MacGruber trying to run. Triple H comes on and asks why he pissed in his pants. He says he such a good friend, switched his pants with someone else who pissed their pants. Kane walks up and MacGruber says he's the guy who he switched pants with and then split. Turns out peeing wasn't the only thing he did in the pants. And it's not what all you pervs are thinking....although it might be, ya never know.
Cue our Live Taped Taxi Cab Confessions with Randy Orton. Short and sweet as he says he's going to end up where ever the World Heavyweight Championship is. Nice. Long entrance, short interviews. He must not have kick started the voices tonight...or whenever they taped that.
Lillian introduces the one and only Mr. Lisp Champion, Jack Swagger, and I assume he has a match or he's gonna talk to us. That cause there's no cage with a canary in the ring. He says words are cheap when you 3000 miles away. He also asked for a ref and challenges anyone who is in the back to come out and beat him. Cue the Deadman and he's working Monday's again, probably for a nice bonus. All the while Cole and King bust their nuts and suck 'Takers **** to get their cut of the bonus (Sorry for the vulgarity...well those of you that aren't chuckling). I'd rather just watch the the crowd noise.
The Undertaker vs Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
ITS NOT A ****ING SCOOP-SLAM COLE YOU TERRIBLE MORON ANNOUNCER! ITS A DAMN POWERSLAM! Undertaker hits the leg drop on the apron for a VINTAGE Undertaker @9:06 CDT! He hits a suplex on Swagger for a two. He throws a dreaded rear-chinlock on Swagger and covers him for a two as we go into commercial. No out to the floor spot, bad Raw. Decent match so far though. End match Swagger wraps 'Taker knee around the post which garners a two count. They have a slug-fest in the middle of the ring. Swagger kicks the knee though. Then he Irish Whips the Undertaker only to get hit with a DTT resulting in a two count. Undertaker hits Snake-Eyes the big boot and the leg drop for a two. Undertaker calls for his classic chokeslam but it wasn't to be as Swagger hits a DDT of his own for a two. He then sets Undertaker up for his double jump splash. But Undertaker catches him OUTTA NOWHERE and hit a chokeslam, then the Tombstone for the 1-2-3. And lol at Cole for botching his Jimmy Hoffa joke. Idiot. Viper @ 9:18 CDT too!
We come back to Jericho telling SES to do as he says cause he's beaten Rey, Triple H, and Edge more times than he can count. He then runs into MacGruber and Vicky in the back. He says he's getting early Best Man nominations for his role and that he's in line to star in his own sequel "Jer-I-Co", I'd see it. MacGruber asks for advice in his match with Kozlof next. Jericho says to extend his hand, can then he can even turn his tongue into Jell-O, amazing.
McaGruber/Kahluberw/Vicky St. Elmo/Ryan Phillipe beat Vladimir Kozlof in a handicap match via countout: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
King botched Jericho's awesome joke and Kozlof goes for The Iron Curtain, as Ryan Phillipe comes out and MacGruber is now in a handicap match and his partner is MacGrugbers half brother, Kahluber. Idgaf what you all think, epic. Kahluber chases Kozlof off giving Macgrubers team the win. He then plus Shrek 4 instead of his own movie, I chuckled.
Triple H/Rey Mysterio/Edge beat Chris Jericho/CM Punk/Luke Gallows w/Serena in a 3-on-3 tag team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Look our third Live Taped Taxi Cab Confession from the Pale White Yonder. He hits a BLARNEY BOOT on a tech guy @9:47 CDT and stomps on him. Boy that sure showed him. Did King just call Rey one of the best young stars in the WWE? HAHA I think the writing teams need to actually be told who is and isn't young talent. Lmao. And about a minute in the heel team got taken out by a launched Rey to take us to commercial. 1/2 for the night isn't bad, you tired Raw. End match Edge and Gallows come in and Edge gives Gallows the boot. Then Edge sets up for a spear, but Serena/Y2J gets involved and kicks him in the heel. In comes Cm Punk and does some damage, and Y2J back in. He works the crowd before stomping on his ankle again. unk back in and works Edges whole leg now as he grapevines it. Gallows is and he even works the leg, but Edge hits a flying clothesline. Triple H gets the tag with CM Punk. He hits the high knee, the facebuster and a clotheline on Punk for a two ocunt. Vintage Triple H @10:05 CDT off the spinebuster. Gallows comes in but gets taken out by Rey, Y2J get's tossed outside. Edge drop toe holds Punk into the ropes. Rey hits the 619 and then Triple H hits the Pedigree for the 1-2-3. Solid match to end a corny joke-filled Raw.
Raw: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
I know people though last week was crap, and those people are stupid. They had 5 matches, none of which were under five minutes, and Hasselhoff did an ok job Hosting. Not to mention Swagger/Orton was great. This week is bleh. I like MacGruber on SNL (The guys a friggin' genius) and the skits were alright. But the limited in-ring action and the misuse of the awesome Smackdown crew by Raw made it only a so-so show. Swagger yet again had another great match and I'm astonished Raw misused him so badly and the main event was good too. Watch if you like SNL and all their corny jokes and skits and catch the two matches I listed. Not terrible, just lacking. And someone please get Cole/King in check they're terrible at announcing, hell split them at the draft next week. It's just a bad pairing week in and week out now. From and 8/10 SD to a 5/10 Raw. I might be cause the roster was missing so I'll give them a freebie, but they could've done way better with the A-Shows Superstars.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown 4/16/10
We're still in England and in mere months Smackdown will be moving to Syfy, so enjoy it while you can. Still in England this week so let's join those limey Brits that were there for the taping as I give you the Smackdown lowdown!
I'll hit the main point, Chris Jericho, the best in the world at what he does, comes out, calls us hypocrites, and demands Teddy job and his rematch. I wonder if Teddy Long is still on probation? Anywho Edge also thinks the WHC needs to stay on Smackdown, but he's the one to bring it back. Cue Teddy "The Former Ref" Long who doesn't, need to be hatin' on, playa. To which Y2J replies, "Well if you did your job I wouldn't be hating, player." This leads to Teddy making a World Heavyweight Championship triple threat match between Jack Swagger, Chris Jericho, and Edge.
Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion) beat Kane in a singles match via DQ: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Enter Drew McIntyre and his awesome entrance, and he wants to address us. He tells us that we don't like him, maybe because of his looks, age, or championship. Well, Drew hates us right back. Nice. End match Kane hits his boot, clothesline in the corner, sidewalk slam, and flying clothesline. McIntyre go sick of the match at this point and tries to walk off. Out comes The Lone Jobberwalkie, Matt Hardy, and throws Drew back in this ring. This constitutes a DQ now apparently, and gives Drew the win. Kane isn't happy and choke-slams Hardy for his troubles.
Swagger, "The Lisp Champion", confronts Teddy in the back, too bad he didn't say any lispy words. He tells Teddy that this is his most unfair ruling ever, he obviously hasn't been watching Smackdown for long cause he's made far worse. Teddy says he'd better learn to like them cause as long as he's on SD he'll have to live with his rulings.
Dolf Zigger beat R-Truth in a singles match via submission: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We see video of Dolf choking out "Goofy Smile" Matthews last week and Teddy makes him apologize. Haha, he did like I did in 3rd grade when I threw stuff. Cue Mr. Narcissistic, cause we need our black, rapper, and bad catch-phrase. Truth hits hit move-set, and goes for the Lie Detector and misses. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold on R-Truth ad gets the win. Where's the three arm drops? Whatever, they're putting over the sleeper in 2010, crazy stuff.
"Mrs. Necrophilia" Michelle McCool (Womens Champion) w/Layla/Vicky Guerrero beat Mickie James-Canton in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Great match, it was long for a womens match, and there was even time for a power sift or two. Glad Mickie's back and in good form. End match Mickie hits the hurricanrana and McCool ducks out the ring. And Mickie hits a seated-senton from the barricade, and then a Thez press on Layla. They get back in the ring and Layla get's on the apron and Mickie kicks her into the rings. Allowing McCool to hit that straight kick or the win. Afterward Beth Phoenix comes out and clears ringside as McCool was wailing on Mickie after the match. Looks like Mickie and Beth are on the same page, nice.
Rey Mysterio/Tyson Kidd/David Hart Smith w/Natalya beat CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Darren "Unh Se, Unh Se, Unh Se" Young via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
The Miz, our Unified Tag Team Champion and United States Champion is on commentary. And he's boasting about beating DH Smith in his daddy's home town on Raw, and rightfully so. We get an out ot the floor commercial spot as Rey goes for a 619 as Punk slips under the top rope to get a breather. Oh, yeah Grisham's questions are stupid, and I'm siding with Miz. Also Matt has toned it down and is doing good again on commentary. End match Young hits a swinging neckbreaker on Kidd for a two count. In comes Punk and hits a backbreaker on Kidd which yields a two. He then slaps a head scissors on Kidd, he gets out and rolls up Punk for a two. Dareen is tagged in and misses a flying leg drop. Punk back in and stops Rey from tagging in and DH Smith is tagged in. DH Smith gets rolled up and counter for a two. CM Punk takes advantage and hits Smith with s high-kick, which gets a two. Punk gets drop toe held into the turnbuckle. It lets Rey use the steel post to hit a 619. DH then hits his running powerslam for the 1-2-3. Miz was good on commentary, and the action was good. Smackdown is doing great so far tonight.
Cut to the back where Chris Jericho is with his NXT Rookie Wade "The Botanist" Barret in the back telling him soon he can be the best in the world at what he does. He also says this will be his lucky number seven, as he wins a world title for the 7th time.
JTG vs Caylen Croft w/Trent Baretta in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Star
The Dudebusters have to split up for the night as Croft has to take on the freshly single JTG. Shad walks down the isle as the match is going. End match JTG rolls up Croft for a two. Croft throws two knees to the head to get a two. JTG goes for a swinging neckbreaker, Croft tires for one of his own, and JTG counters that and hits the 'breaker. JTG gets his boot up on Croft in the corner. Then JTG hits a go around inverted bulldog for the three count. Immediately Shad kills JTG with a clothesline. Yelling that JTG will never be anything. JTG though hits the falling facebuster and dropkick to Shad. Grisham said he's not gonna take it, not he's not gonna take it, JTGs not gonna take it anymore.
We have a MacGruber plug, and I like that style of comedy. "Can you defuse it?" .. "You kidding? This many wires, I'm more of a three wire guy." Haha RAW is gonna be full of corny jokes that I'm sure I'm going to laugh at.
Jack Swagger vs Chris Jericho vs Edge in a Triple Threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
Nice its starting at 8:40 so we'll have a 15+ minute match, and 10+ on tv. Why this wasn't at Extreme Rules, or Edge/Y2J added to the Orton/Swagger match, I'll never know, but this should be good. End match Swagger hits the double jump splash on Edge in the corner. Swagger works Edges back and midsection and tosses him out of the ring. He follows Edge out and gets thrown into the announce table, while Y2J takes out Edge. Y2J throws Edge back in the ring and hits a back suplex for a two. We get an Ask Him spot with the dreaded rear chin lock. Edge get's out and throws Y2J in the corner and then get's picked up by Sawgger only to throw him into Chris i the corner. Edge then hits a double clothesline and boots, leading to a Jericho roll-up for two. Y2J goes for a Lionsault that's turned into a sit-down powerslam. Y2J muffs the bulldog and Edge sets up for the spear. Edge counters it into a roll-up into the Wall of Jericho. Sawgger breaks up the Walls and gets one of his own. Edge breaks it up and hits Edgecution. Swagger goes for the gut wrench powerbomb but it's countered into another Edgecution. Jericho pounces Edge and covers him for two as hes going for the spear. Swagger with an Oklahoma roll on y2J for a two. Then a codebreaker on Swagger. y2J goes for the spear on Edge. He leap frogs it and hits the spear on Y2J. Edge get's pulled off at two and Swagger picks up the scraps for the pinfall. Afterward Sawgger threw Edge back in the ring and hit the Gut wrench powerbomb on Edge. Yeah he's still our champ, I don't mind, he's done good so far. Now Y2J goes to work on Edges torn Achilles heel. He stomps on it, and pins it between the ring post/steel steps and gives it a boot, as we close out Smackdown. I'm giving this match 4 stars, that's right 4 stars. Great great match.
Smackdown: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I loved this show, the first to matches were meh but the opening segment made up for them. Then we had a nice little Ziggler squash and the very above average divas match. We're rollin' now. We hit the 6-man tag match which was a nice watch with some good spots and announcing. Finally we end the show with the epic triple threat between Swagger/Edge/Y2J, and I'm a very happy WWE fan. And I'm glad they didn't give up on the idea of a triple threat between the three. Meh to good matches, good story-line movement, and Striker wasn't annoying. I won't say he's back, but he's getting there. This is a Smackdown to most definitely catch.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
I'll hit the main point, Chris Jericho, the best in the world at what he does, comes out, calls us hypocrites, and demands Teddy job and his rematch. I wonder if Teddy Long is still on probation? Anywho Edge also thinks the WHC needs to stay on Smackdown, but he's the one to bring it back. Cue Teddy "The Former Ref" Long who doesn't, need to be hatin' on, playa. To which Y2J replies, "Well if you did your job I wouldn't be hating, player." This leads to Teddy making a World Heavyweight Championship triple threat match between Jack Swagger, Chris Jericho, and Edge.
Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion) beat Kane in a singles match via DQ: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Enter Drew McIntyre and his awesome entrance, and he wants to address us. He tells us that we don't like him, maybe because of his looks, age, or championship. Well, Drew hates us right back. Nice. End match Kane hits his boot, clothesline in the corner, sidewalk slam, and flying clothesline. McIntyre go sick of the match at this point and tries to walk off. Out comes The Lone Jobberwalkie, Matt Hardy, and throws Drew back in this ring. This constitutes a DQ now apparently, and gives Drew the win. Kane isn't happy and choke-slams Hardy for his troubles.
Swagger, "The Lisp Champion", confronts Teddy in the back, too bad he didn't say any lispy words. He tells Teddy that this is his most unfair ruling ever, he obviously hasn't been watching Smackdown for long cause he's made far worse. Teddy says he'd better learn to like them cause as long as he's on SD he'll have to live with his rulings.
Dolf Zigger beat R-Truth in a singles match via submission: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We see video of Dolf choking out "Goofy Smile" Matthews last week and Teddy makes him apologize. Haha, he did like I did in 3rd grade when I threw stuff. Cue Mr. Narcissistic, cause we need our black, rapper, and bad catch-phrase. Truth hits hit move-set, and goes for the Lie Detector and misses. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold on R-Truth ad gets the win. Where's the three arm drops? Whatever, they're putting over the sleeper in 2010, crazy stuff.
"Mrs. Necrophilia" Michelle McCool (Womens Champion) w/Layla/Vicky Guerrero beat Mickie James-Canton in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Great match, it was long for a womens match, and there was even time for a power sift or two. Glad Mickie's back and in good form. End match Mickie hits the hurricanrana and McCool ducks out the ring. And Mickie hits a seated-senton from the barricade, and then a Thez press on Layla. They get back in the ring and Layla get's on the apron and Mickie kicks her into the rings. Allowing McCool to hit that straight kick or the win. Afterward Beth Phoenix comes out and clears ringside as McCool was wailing on Mickie after the match. Looks like Mickie and Beth are on the same page, nice.
Rey Mysterio/Tyson Kidd/David Hart Smith w/Natalya beat CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Darren "Unh Se, Unh Se, Unh Se" Young via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
The Miz, our Unified Tag Team Champion and United States Champion is on commentary. And he's boasting about beating DH Smith in his daddy's home town on Raw, and rightfully so. We get an out ot the floor commercial spot as Rey goes for a 619 as Punk slips under the top rope to get a breather. Oh, yeah Grisham's questions are stupid, and I'm siding with Miz. Also Matt has toned it down and is doing good again on commentary. End match Young hits a swinging neckbreaker on Kidd for a two count. In comes Punk and hits a backbreaker on Kidd which yields a two. He then slaps a head scissors on Kidd, he gets out and rolls up Punk for a two. Dareen is tagged in and misses a flying leg drop. Punk back in and stops Rey from tagging in and DH Smith is tagged in. DH Smith gets rolled up and counter for a two. CM Punk takes advantage and hits Smith with s high-kick, which gets a two. Punk gets drop toe held into the turnbuckle. It lets Rey use the steel post to hit a 619. DH then hits his running powerslam for the 1-2-3. Miz was good on commentary, and the action was good. Smackdown is doing great so far tonight.
Cut to the back where Chris Jericho is with his NXT Rookie Wade "The Botanist" Barret in the back telling him soon he can be the best in the world at what he does. He also says this will be his lucky number seven, as he wins a world title for the 7th time.
JTG vs Caylen Croft w/Trent Baretta in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Star
The Dudebusters have to split up for the night as Croft has to take on the freshly single JTG. Shad walks down the isle as the match is going. End match JTG rolls up Croft for a two. Croft throws two knees to the head to get a two. JTG goes for a swinging neckbreaker, Croft tires for one of his own, and JTG counters that and hits the 'breaker. JTG gets his boot up on Croft in the corner. Then JTG hits a go around inverted bulldog for the three count. Immediately Shad kills JTG with a clothesline. Yelling that JTG will never be anything. JTG though hits the falling facebuster and dropkick to Shad. Grisham said he's not gonna take it, not he's not gonna take it, JTGs not gonna take it anymore.
We have a MacGruber plug, and I like that style of comedy. "Can you defuse it?" .. "You kidding? This many wires, I'm more of a three wire guy." Haha RAW is gonna be full of corny jokes that I'm sure I'm going to laugh at.
Jack Swagger vs Chris Jericho vs Edge in a Triple Threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
Nice its starting at 8:40 so we'll have a 15+ minute match, and 10+ on tv. Why this wasn't at Extreme Rules, or Edge/Y2J added to the Orton/Swagger match, I'll never know, but this should be good. End match Swagger hits the double jump splash on Edge in the corner. Swagger works Edges back and midsection and tosses him out of the ring. He follows Edge out and gets thrown into the announce table, while Y2J takes out Edge. Y2J throws Edge back in the ring and hits a back suplex for a two. We get an Ask Him spot with the dreaded rear chin lock. Edge get's out and throws Y2J in the corner and then get's picked up by Sawgger only to throw him into Chris i the corner. Edge then hits a double clothesline and boots, leading to a Jericho roll-up for two. Y2J goes for a Lionsault that's turned into a sit-down powerslam. Y2J muffs the bulldog and Edge sets up for the spear. Edge counters it into a roll-up into the Wall of Jericho. Sawgger breaks up the Walls and gets one of his own. Edge breaks it up and hits Edgecution. Swagger goes for the gut wrench powerbomb but it's countered into another Edgecution. Jericho pounces Edge and covers him for two as hes going for the spear. Swagger with an Oklahoma roll on y2J for a two. Then a codebreaker on Swagger. y2J goes for the spear on Edge. He leap frogs it and hits the spear on Y2J. Edge get's pulled off at two and Swagger picks up the scraps for the pinfall. Afterward Sawgger threw Edge back in the ring and hit the Gut wrench powerbomb on Edge. Yeah he's still our champ, I don't mind, he's done good so far. Now Y2J goes to work on Edges torn Achilles heel. He stomps on it, and pins it between the ring post/steel steps and gives it a boot, as we close out Smackdown. I'm giving this match 4 stars, that's right 4 stars. Great great match.
Smackdown: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I loved this show, the first to matches were meh but the opening segment made up for them. Then we had a nice little Ziggler squash and the very above average divas match. We're rollin' now. We hit the 6-man tag match which was a nice watch with some good spots and announcing. Finally we end the show with the epic triple threat between Swagger/Edge/Y2J, and I'm a very happy WWE fan. And I'm glad they didn't give up on the idea of a triple threat between the three. Meh to good matches, good story-line movement, and Striker wasn't annoying. I won't say he's back, but he's getting there. This is a Smackdown to most definitely catch.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The NXT Notes 4/13/10
We're in England all week and Smackdown is Syfy bound. But before we get there this fall, we have the rookies who carry kegs in action battling not to get eliminated from contention to become the next WWE Superstar.
We open with all eight rookies in a Talk the Talk Challenge and the winner gets to make their own entrance at WWE HQ. You get 30 seconds and Stryker gives them and random word they picked out of a hat. Once you know your word you have to talk for said 30 second on the word, and the audiences cheers determine the winner. What this has to do with wrestling I have no idea, mic skills development I guess. Well Wade "The Botanist" Barret and Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield we're the final two. Maybe we get a match to determine the winner, oh wait this is WWE, so goodbye logic. Instead of a match we have a talk off one more time. Well we are in England so naturally Wade wins. Nice Wade is one of the 4 I like. Also please shut the announcers mics off during promos, I'm sick of Coles terrible out of control announcing and least Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews chucked at something funny. I think was all completely
Christian w/Heath Slater beat Wade "The Botanist" Barret w/Chris Jericho in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Early on Barrett hits a nice springboard backbreaker on Christian. And we also get a out to the floor let's go to commercial break. Nice. As we comeback Barret hits a nice Tilt O' Whirl backbreaker on Christian. End match Christian hits a flying reverse elbow on Barret. Y2J gets involved and helps Barret sets Christian up for The Flower Shop but Slater gets involved. It lets Christian slip out the back (no homo) and hits the Killswitch for the 1-2-3. Solid match with good action from one of the better Rookies in-ring.
We have Miz harping on Daniel for only coming up with "I love England" earlier tonight and calling him the Susuan Boyle of the WWE (Thanks for posting Britain's Got Talent) and that he needs to go out in his match next and make himself star power-fied.
William Regal w/Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield beat Daniel Bryan w/The Miz (United States/Unified Tag Team Champion)in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
End match Bryan puts a Guillotine Sleeper on Regal which is countered into a suplex. Then good old Bill hits the knee trembler on Bryan for the pinfall. After the match Miz takes out Regal and then gives Daniel Bryan the Skull Crushing Finale. I hate Cole on NXT with his higher than almighty, douchebag character. Someone tell him if he's gonna be a heel announcer he has to hate everyone who is a face not just the one guy he doesn't like cause he got big online rather than being with the WWE for 20 years.
Darren "Unh Se, Unh Se, Unh Se" Young beat Luke Gallows w/CM Punk/Serena in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
If Darren loses he gets his head shaved publicly, but if Darren beats Gallows his transgressions from last week will be forgiven. Oh no Darren didn't get an entrance, that doesn't bode well for good ol' black John Cena. End match Gallows goes for a second fall-a-way slam but Darren counters into a school boy for the win.
NXT: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.6/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
My thoughts. Rookie challenge- bad, SES promo- ok, first match (30 dagum minutes in)- good, Miz promo- ok, second match- meh, third match- meh, and Coles announcing is TERRIBLE! That's the show, it wasn't good at all. What keg-carrying and debate club have to do with becoming a WWE Superstar I'll never know. But at least they're bringing in the ratings....oh wait.
That's it for The NXT Notes. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We open with all eight rookies in a Talk the Talk Challenge and the winner gets to make their own entrance at WWE HQ. You get 30 seconds and Stryker gives them and random word they picked out of a hat. Once you know your word you have to talk for said 30 second on the word, and the audiences cheers determine the winner. What this has to do with wrestling I have no idea, mic skills development I guess. Well Wade "The Botanist" Barret and Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield we're the final two. Maybe we get a match to determine the winner, oh wait this is WWE, so goodbye logic. Instead of a match we have a talk off one more time. Well we are in England so naturally Wade wins. Nice Wade is one of the 4 I like. Also please shut the announcers mics off during promos, I'm sick of Coles terrible out of control announcing and least Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews chucked at something funny. I think was all completely
Christian w/Heath Slater beat Wade "The Botanist" Barret w/Chris Jericho in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Early on Barrett hits a nice springboard backbreaker on Christian. And we also get a out to the floor let's go to commercial break. Nice. As we comeback Barret hits a nice Tilt O' Whirl backbreaker on Christian. End match Christian hits a flying reverse elbow on Barret. Y2J gets involved and helps Barret sets Christian up for The Flower Shop but Slater gets involved. It lets Christian slip out the back (no homo) and hits the Killswitch for the 1-2-3. Solid match with good action from one of the better Rookies in-ring.
We have Miz harping on Daniel for only coming up with "I love England" earlier tonight and calling him the Susuan Boyle of the WWE (Thanks for posting Britain's Got Talent) and that he needs to go out in his match next and make himself star power-fied.
William Regal w/Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield beat Daniel Bryan w/The Miz (United States/Unified Tag Team Champion)in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
End match Bryan puts a Guillotine Sleeper on Regal which is countered into a suplex. Then good old Bill hits the knee trembler on Bryan for the pinfall. After the match Miz takes out Regal and then gives Daniel Bryan the Skull Crushing Finale. I hate Cole on NXT with his higher than almighty, douchebag character. Someone tell him if he's gonna be a heel announcer he has to hate everyone who is a face not just the one guy he doesn't like cause he got big online rather than being with the WWE for 20 years.
Darren "Unh Se, Unh Se, Unh Se" Young beat Luke Gallows w/CM Punk/Serena in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
If Darren loses he gets his head shaved publicly, but if Darren beats Gallows his transgressions from last week will be forgiven. Oh no Darren didn't get an entrance, that doesn't bode well for good ol' black John Cena. End match Gallows goes for a second fall-a-way slam but Darren counters into a school boy for the win.
NXT: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.6/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
My thoughts. Rookie challenge- bad, SES promo- ok, first match (30 dagum minutes in)- good, Miz promo- ok, second match- meh, third match- meh, and Coles announcing is TERRIBLE! That's the show, it wasn't good at all. What keg-carrying and debate club have to do with becoming a WWE Superstar I'll never know. But at least they're bringing in the ratings....oh wait.
That's it for The NXT Notes. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 4/12/10
We're across the pond and not live this week for Raw. We have two matches announced for tonight and the guy whose old car is more popular than him, David Hasslehof, is hosting. So taped from our mother country, let's lay down the Raw!
We start off with David Hasselhoff, and we hear about 50 "Hoff" puns. But the real news is Hasselhoff setting up Orton vs Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules. Yes, I smell Fatal Four-Way as I been skeptical about the last two weeks. Or possibly it just stays single and Orton moves to Smackdown. Either way I'm fine with it, good opening. Cue the Divas Championship match!
Eve Torres beat Maryse (Divas Champion) in a singles match for the Divas Championship via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
And we have an new Divas Champion and it's my main girl Eve Torres-Day! Eve looks good as usual, and Maryse is cleavage-tastic. Eve is getting much better in-ring and hopefully she'll get better with more ring time as champ. End match Eve sets up Maryse in the corner and misses a nice looking moonsault. Maryse slaps around Eve and Eve blocks the French Kiss DDT and rolls-through into a bridged pin for the 1-2-3! I'm truly happy as I've always though she was good in-ring and it's been a constant improvement in my eyes.
ShowMiz comes out and they have an earth-shattering announcement. No the Big Show isn't gonna start jumping up and down. The Miz is astonished that Big Show doesn't have a bigger ego and declares ShowMiz the greatest tag team in WWE History. And Bret Hart begs to differ. I smell The Hart Dynasty coming out in a bit. Bret wants a Kit-Kat and names The Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs as better than ShowMiz. Miz hurls insults at the British crowd and Show tells Bret, for the last time, to leave. Oh look, my nose was right, here comes the Hart Dynasty. "Bulldog" chants start as David Hart Smith challenges Miz to a 1-on-1 match. If he wins we have THD vs ShowMiz at Extreme Rules. On one condition, if D.H. Smith loses then next week Bret will have to declare that ShowMiz is the greatest of all time.
The Miz (United States/Unified Tag Team Champion) w/Big Show (Unified Tag Team Champion) beat David Hart Smith w/Tyson Kidd/Natyala in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Like I said above the stipulations are still in effect. D.H. Smith hits a truly vintage British Bulldog delayed vertical suplex. Very nice. (Thanks for posting Borat) End match DH counters a bulldog and hits three clotheslines. DH Smith then hits a POWERSLAM for a two. Miz rolls him and DH kicks out at two. DH with a belly to belly suplex which gets a two. Miz hits the cool clothesline in the corner. Miz goes off the top rope and takes a boot. DH slaps on the Sharpshooter but Big Show gets involved. Which ends up with DH getting his kidney KNOCKED THE F*** OUT and is plastered with the Skull Crushing Finale. Bret has to eat his words, to bad the Mr. McMahon character is retired now, or he'd relish in this. Solid match and good ring action for RAW so far, I like, I like a lot.
Video package, made by Andy of course, of last Mondays Raw. Cut to the back where Mr. Google Me himself Otunga is sucking up to Batista. He decides to go get them coffee when he runs into The Hoff. Another bad Hoff pun and the Bella whores are back as arm candy, they were missed. He informs Otunga that Cena and him with be in a match. Hoff asks Kit (the aforementioned car) how long it'll take Cena to put him away. Kit says 22 seconds. Hopefully we get a decent match, but it Raw, and even though we know Cena is "Superman" they'll book Cena to win fast and clean.
Evan Bourne beat Carltio in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
My God two jobbers in a match? What? Who is going to win and climb the jobber ladder? Me and my dad want a WWE Jobbers Championship. Oh the match is still going, my Lord Raw is different. End match Bourne hit Carltio with a massive running knee which gets a two. Carltio throws Evan into the corner with a hit-toss which garners a two. Carltio then sets Bourne up on the top ropes and misses a Backstabber which lets Evan Bourne hit the very, very pretty shooting star press. They got a longer than normal 6ish minutes and did well with it, I liked the match. Raw is doing good tonight.
John "Superman" Cena beat David "Google Me" Otunga in a singles match via tapout: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Oh look, as Cena is in the ring Cole reminds us this is the longest running show on television. Really? I mean it's not like we don't know, even though it been this way and you've been saying it for two years know. I get it, its for the new watchers, and even they don't care. Good God in heaven Cena is actually doing wrestling moves not in his repertoire in the early-going. The end matches come quick and sudden, as Cena hits a massive clothesline as he calls for Batista to come down to the ring. He then slaps the STF on Otunga and he taps out. I actually liked as Cena actually shows he knows wrestling moves rather than his same old 5 move set. It wasn't 22 seconds, but it wasn't a 10 minute clinic. Just a solid short squash.
It's the good ol' Pale Blue Yonder and he dress to compete yet he's only talking to us, strange hunh? And this is why us pro wrestling fans gets harped on. While normal "sports" talks with clothes on, we have a ghost that ate a bag of Cheetos talking in his tights. Sheamuns informs us that Triple H has shown his hand and the fact that he is scared of Sheamus. AND that at Extreme Rules Triple H and him will be in a Street Fight. Cue the Identity Confused Kofi Kingston. And we have a match, outta nowhere, between Kofi and Sheamus.
Kofi Kingston beat Sheamus in a singles match via DQ: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
End match, Sheamus hits a flipping running powerslam on Kofi which gets a two. They battle on the apron and they both get back in the ring. Kofi Kingston continues his Kickfest and hits a second pretty dropkick. The Boom Drop connects and he also hits the Trouble in Paradise after Sheamus misses the Blarney Boot. But Sheamus grabs the bottom rope at two. They brawl on the outside and Sheamus hits Kofi with a monitor and the beat down begins. He throws Kofi back-first into the ring post and ends with a Nameless Razors Edge into said ring-post telling us all this is what he's gonna do to Triple H at Extreme Rules. I liked this match good action, I like both guys in the ring and they were given the chance to do good on a good Raw and they delivered. Raw has really impressed me tonight.
A weird segment with Carlito wanting to be listened to more and if he doesn't go to Smackdown he'll quit. And that next week if Vladimir Kozlof is ignored he'll take it out this MacGruber.
Run-down of the Extreme Rules card and head into an interview with Orton by Josh Matthews. Orton informs us that extreme rules = no rules. Thanks, I didn't know. Orton tells us that he's taken out everyone including Vince McMahon, and that extreme rules with Swagger it's business, but with Batista later tonight, it's personal.
The Bella Twins (Nikki/Brie) beat Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim & Rosa Mendez/Jillian in a Baywatch Babe (Oh God am I really typing this) triple threat tag team match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
David Hasselhoff is the Lifeguard..for some reason for this match. I'll give him props this Raw has been mighty good by my taste. Oh snap Kelly Kelly and Gail stealing JoMo's slow-mo as they run down to the ring Baywatch opening style. I chuckled, but not as much as "Old Perv" Jerry Lawler or "Vintage Nerd" Michael Cole. We come back as The Bella Whores as running to the ring. Hahaha Santino is the guest ref and he ran in slow motion too! We get a "Santino" chant to start the match. Kelly Kelly with a nice whirlie bird head scissors, and the Jillian with the nice Samoan drop on one of the Bellas. Haha at Santino being shocked at Kelly back-flip too. Jillan and Gail Kim come in for some reason. The Bellas switch out and then the other one gets Rosa in an inside cradle for the pin. I do like The Bellas, but more as eye relief than wrestlers. Jillian pushes a whistle down Santino's throat which lead to the smallest, most annoying Raw superstar is called to tadpole splash it out. It was alright till Hornswoggle, but one little bad part out of and hour and forty-five minutes doesn't ruin this show for me.
The cast of MacGruber is hosting next week. It's one of the current SNL that makes me laugh every time the do it. Hope its fun and wrestling oriented, rather than a big bad skit show. We see a video package of WWE European tour, looks fun, WWE stars a truly lucky to get to travel around the world and entertain us.
Randy Orton beat Batista in a singles match via DQ: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
The voices reminded Randy is back in the main event, and it's not with Cena or Triple H, so he gladly comes out. Batista's music hits as he and Phil (his nose ring) call for the spotlight. I love the ego-heel Batista has going, wish he wasn't leaving over the summer cause he's on fire. We have an Evolution match too, and I'm glad Cole/King acknowledged it. And this match started at about 9:48 so it should be a nice, longer than normal, main event for whats been a pleasurable Raw. Vintage and Viper in the same sentence off the inverted backbreaker from Orton @9:52 CDT! I'm flustered now. They go to commercial, but it's not an out to the floor spot. It's all good I just got Vintage and Viper'd, I'm overloaded with consistency. About seven minutes in now and Batista looks like he sick of this match. Batista cleans off the table, but it backfires as Orton counters. I guess not, as he looks for a Edge-like spear on Orton. Orton counters with a kick and throws Dave into the ring-post as an "RKO" chant erupts. Good crowd, adds to the show. Orton hits three clotheslines and then a POWERSLAM (God someone tell Cole he's stupid and wrong!) and sets up for the RKO, and shifts into a punt which Batista gets ot of the way of. But Batista is caught getting in the ring he takes a second rope DDT which garners a two. And not Orton wants an RKO. But Batista counters it into a spinebuster! Batista sets up for the Batista Bomb and Orton counters and hits a RKO on Batista OUTTA NOWHERE @10:02 CDT! But, Swagger comes in to hit the Gut-wrench Powerbomb on Randy, and Cena then comes an slaps the STF on Batista. And we close the show with Cena counting the 10 to a sprawled out Batista.
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Raw has been good the last three weeks, and was actually a very good watch tonight. Minus the end of the Baywatch match. New Divas Champ in Eve Torres-Day *squeals*, Miz/DH Smith was good, Evan/Carltio had a solid match, Cena shows that he has something than his standard 5 move-set, Sheamus/Kofi was good, and Orton/Batista was great. Couple that with good storyline movement by Batista, Orton, and Sheamus, and it was a great watch. Now if only Raw were in England every week. Also still hard to believe HBK is gone, maybe they're stepping up their game in tribute to him, I dunno, I just want it to keep going.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We start off with David Hasselhoff, and we hear about 50 "Hoff" puns. But the real news is Hasselhoff setting up Orton vs Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules. Yes, I smell Fatal Four-Way as I been skeptical about the last two weeks. Or possibly it just stays single and Orton moves to Smackdown. Either way I'm fine with it, good opening. Cue the Divas Championship match!
Eve Torres beat Maryse (Divas Champion) in a singles match for the Divas Championship via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
And we have an new Divas Champion and it's my main girl Eve Torres-Day! Eve looks good as usual, and Maryse is cleavage-tastic. Eve is getting much better in-ring and hopefully she'll get better with more ring time as champ. End match Eve sets up Maryse in the corner and misses a nice looking moonsault. Maryse slaps around Eve and Eve blocks the French Kiss DDT and rolls-through into a bridged pin for the 1-2-3! I'm truly happy as I've always though she was good in-ring and it's been a constant improvement in my eyes.
ShowMiz comes out and they have an earth-shattering announcement. No the Big Show isn't gonna start jumping up and down. The Miz is astonished that Big Show doesn't have a bigger ego and declares ShowMiz the greatest tag team in WWE History. And Bret Hart begs to differ. I smell The Hart Dynasty coming out in a bit. Bret wants a Kit-Kat and names The Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs as better than ShowMiz. Miz hurls insults at the British crowd and Show tells Bret, for the last time, to leave. Oh look, my nose was right, here comes the Hart Dynasty. "Bulldog" chants start as David Hart Smith challenges Miz to a 1-on-1 match. If he wins we have THD vs ShowMiz at Extreme Rules. On one condition, if D.H. Smith loses then next week Bret will have to declare that ShowMiz is the greatest of all time.
The Miz (United States/Unified Tag Team Champion) w/Big Show (Unified Tag Team Champion) beat David Hart Smith w/Tyson Kidd/Natyala in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Like I said above the stipulations are still in effect. D.H. Smith hits a truly vintage British Bulldog delayed vertical suplex. Very nice. (Thanks for posting Borat) End match DH counters a bulldog and hits three clotheslines. DH Smith then hits a POWERSLAM for a two. Miz rolls him and DH kicks out at two. DH with a belly to belly suplex which gets a two. Miz hits the cool clothesline in the corner. Miz goes off the top rope and takes a boot. DH slaps on the Sharpshooter but Big Show gets involved. Which ends up with DH getting his kidney KNOCKED THE F*** OUT and is plastered with the Skull Crushing Finale. Bret has to eat his words, to bad the Mr. McMahon character is retired now, or he'd relish in this. Solid match and good ring action for RAW so far, I like, I like a lot.
Video package, made by Andy of course, of last Mondays Raw. Cut to the back where Mr. Google Me himself Otunga is sucking up to Batista. He decides to go get them coffee when he runs into The Hoff. Another bad Hoff pun and the Bella whores are back as arm candy, they were missed. He informs Otunga that Cena and him with be in a match. Hoff asks Kit (the aforementioned car) how long it'll take Cena to put him away. Kit says 22 seconds. Hopefully we get a decent match, but it Raw, and even though we know Cena is "Superman" they'll book Cena to win fast and clean.
Evan Bourne beat Carltio in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
My God two jobbers in a match? What? Who is going to win and climb the jobber ladder? Me and my dad want a WWE Jobbers Championship. Oh the match is still going, my Lord Raw is different. End match Bourne hit Carltio with a massive running knee which gets a two. Carltio throws Evan into the corner with a hit-toss which garners a two. Carltio then sets Bourne up on the top ropes and misses a Backstabber which lets Evan Bourne hit the very, very pretty shooting star press. They got a longer than normal 6ish minutes and did well with it, I liked the match. Raw is doing good tonight.
John "Superman" Cena beat David "Google Me" Otunga in a singles match via tapout: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Oh look, as Cena is in the ring Cole reminds us this is the longest running show on television. Really? I mean it's not like we don't know, even though it been this way and you've been saying it for two years know. I get it, its for the new watchers, and even they don't care. Good God in heaven Cena is actually doing wrestling moves not in his repertoire in the early-going. The end matches come quick and sudden, as Cena hits a massive clothesline as he calls for Batista to come down to the ring. He then slaps the STF on Otunga and he taps out. I actually liked as Cena actually shows he knows wrestling moves rather than his same old 5 move set. It wasn't 22 seconds, but it wasn't a 10 minute clinic. Just a solid short squash.
It's the good ol' Pale Blue Yonder and he dress to compete yet he's only talking to us, strange hunh? And this is why us pro wrestling fans gets harped on. While normal "sports" talks with clothes on, we have a ghost that ate a bag of Cheetos talking in his tights. Sheamuns informs us that Triple H has shown his hand and the fact that he is scared of Sheamus. AND that at Extreme Rules Triple H and him will be in a Street Fight. Cue the Identity Confused Kofi Kingston. And we have a match, outta nowhere, between Kofi and Sheamus.
Kofi Kingston beat Sheamus in a singles match via DQ: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
End match, Sheamus hits a flipping running powerslam on Kofi which gets a two. They battle on the apron and they both get back in the ring. Kofi Kingston continues his Kickfest and hits a second pretty dropkick. The Boom Drop connects and he also hits the Trouble in Paradise after Sheamus misses the Blarney Boot. But Sheamus grabs the bottom rope at two. They brawl on the outside and Sheamus hits Kofi with a monitor and the beat down begins. He throws Kofi back-first into the ring post and ends with a Nameless Razors Edge into said ring-post telling us all this is what he's gonna do to Triple H at Extreme Rules. I liked this match good action, I like both guys in the ring and they were given the chance to do good on a good Raw and they delivered. Raw has really impressed me tonight.
A weird segment with Carlito wanting to be listened to more and if he doesn't go to Smackdown he'll quit. And that next week if Vladimir Kozlof is ignored he'll take it out this MacGruber.
Run-down of the Extreme Rules card and head into an interview with Orton by Josh Matthews. Orton informs us that extreme rules = no rules. Thanks, I didn't know. Orton tells us that he's taken out everyone including Vince McMahon, and that extreme rules with Swagger it's business, but with Batista later tonight, it's personal.
The Bella Twins (Nikki/Brie) beat Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim & Rosa Mendez/Jillian in a Baywatch Babe (Oh God am I really typing this) triple threat tag team match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
David Hasselhoff is the Lifeguard..for some reason for this match. I'll give him props this Raw has been mighty good by my taste. Oh snap Kelly Kelly and Gail stealing JoMo's slow-mo as they run down to the ring Baywatch opening style. I chuckled, but not as much as "Old Perv" Jerry Lawler or "Vintage Nerd" Michael Cole. We come back as The Bella Whores as running to the ring. Hahaha Santino is the guest ref and he ran in slow motion too! We get a "Santino" chant to start the match. Kelly Kelly with a nice whirlie bird head scissors, and the Jillian with the nice Samoan drop on one of the Bellas. Haha at Santino being shocked at Kelly back-flip too. Jillan and Gail Kim come in for some reason. The Bellas switch out and then the other one gets Rosa in an inside cradle for the pin. I do like The Bellas, but more as eye relief than wrestlers. Jillian pushes a whistle down Santino's throat which lead to the smallest, most annoying Raw superstar is called to tadpole splash it out. It was alright till Hornswoggle, but one little bad part out of and hour and forty-five minutes doesn't ruin this show for me.
The cast of MacGruber is hosting next week. It's one of the current SNL that makes me laugh every time the do it. Hope its fun and wrestling oriented, rather than a big bad skit show. We see a video package of WWE European tour, looks fun, WWE stars a truly lucky to get to travel around the world and entertain us.
Randy Orton beat Batista in a singles match via DQ: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
The voices reminded Randy is back in the main event, and it's not with Cena or Triple H, so he gladly comes out. Batista's music hits as he and Phil (his nose ring) call for the spotlight. I love the ego-heel Batista has going, wish he wasn't leaving over the summer cause he's on fire. We have an Evolution match too, and I'm glad Cole/King acknowledged it. And this match started at about 9:48 so it should be a nice, longer than normal, main event for whats been a pleasurable Raw. Vintage and Viper in the same sentence off the inverted backbreaker from Orton @9:52 CDT! I'm flustered now. They go to commercial, but it's not an out to the floor spot. It's all good I just got Vintage and Viper'd, I'm overloaded with consistency. About seven minutes in now and Batista looks like he sick of this match. Batista cleans off the table, but it backfires as Orton counters. I guess not, as he looks for a Edge-like spear on Orton. Orton counters with a kick and throws Dave into the ring-post as an "RKO" chant erupts. Good crowd, adds to the show. Orton hits three clotheslines and then a POWERSLAM (God someone tell Cole he's stupid and wrong!) and sets up for the RKO, and shifts into a punt which Batista gets ot of the way of. But Batista is caught getting in the ring he takes a second rope DDT which garners a two. And not Orton wants an RKO. But Batista counters it into a spinebuster! Batista sets up for the Batista Bomb and Orton counters and hits a RKO on Batista OUTTA NOWHERE @10:02 CDT! But, Swagger comes in to hit the Gut-wrench Powerbomb on Randy, and Cena then comes an slaps the STF on Batista. And we close the show with Cena counting the 10 to a sprawled out Batista.
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Raw has been good the last three weeks, and was actually a very good watch tonight. Minus the end of the Baywatch match. New Divas Champ in Eve Torres-Day *squeals*, Miz/DH Smith was good, Evan/Carltio had a solid match, Cena shows that he has something than his standard 5 move-set, Sheamus/Kofi was good, and Orton/Batista was great. Couple that with good storyline movement by Batista, Orton, and Sheamus, and it was a great watch. Now if only Raw were in England every week. Also still hard to believe HBK is gone, maybe they're stepping up their game in tribute to him, I dunno, I just want it to keep going.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 4/5/10
Hey everyone I took last week off from writing about the shows so I could do my HBK piece, and finally getting around to Layin' Down the Raw today. Busy week, and Raw wasn't half bad. So live from, Lordy, where ever they were, haha, let's lay down the raw!
If you didn't know, "Mr Lisp #2" Jack Swagger, successfully cashed in his Money in the Bank opportunity Friday Night on a very agitated and sore ribbed Chris Jericho. Can I call him "Mr. Lisp Champion" Jack Swagger now? It doesn't matter, I am. Swagger says he's going to Thmackdown cause he thought he taw a putty tat, I mean there's no worthy opponents for him on Raw. Here's where Cena comes out, all decked in that God-awful orange merch, and begs to differ. He says someone in the ring is wearing orange and he begs to differ. Cena wants a farewell match with Swagger and he'll even put his WWE Championship on the line. At this point the voices in Randy Orton's head tell him to come out to the ring, and rather than suppress them, he obliges them. That can't be healthy. Orton says his last match should be with him, because he pinned him last week and it's only fair he sends him off properly. Cue Raws best talker and his human giant destroyer aka ShowMiz and they have something to say, although I don't quite know why. Miz tells Cena and Orton they're trying to take the spotlight to start out Raw, as usual, and that the focus should be on the Unified Tag Team Champions. Cue the NXT Rookie, "Mr. Google Me" himself, David Otunga, and he already wielding power and making matches cause he's the Guest Host this week. He sets up Swagger v Orton, and also ShowMiz vs Cena/Batista for the UTTCs. After he's done Orton tried to RKO Cena, Cena pushes him off and hits Swagger with it instead.
"The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus beat "Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Solid, short, typical three minute Raw match. We even get Cole busting out with a "Controlled Frenzy" reference. End match though Sheamus hits two Blarney Boots and a his nameless crucifix powerbomb on Kofi in what's sure to turn out as a Hate Crime. Oh yeah he get's the pinfall too. Remember when Kofi was getting that big push? Neither do I. Afterward Sheamus addresses the fact he took out the pathetic Triple H last week. He also said that HBK was smart to get outta of the WWE before he got destroyed by him, and that Triple H would be wise to do the same. Out comes Triple H, and grabs a Sledgehammer. He uses it to block another steel pipe shot, and then destroys a monitor instead of Sheamus' face.
Eve Torres-Day won the Dress to Impress Divas Battle Royal to become No.1 Contender for the Divas Championship: 3/10 of 1.5/5 Stars
Maryse, the champ, was on commentary as Eve, The Bellas, Kim, Fox, Mendez, Kelly, Lea, and Jillian battled it out in the match. Jillian and Alicia were the last to left with Eve so naturally they worked together, only to be thwarted by Eve and she wins by eliminating Jillian last. Yeah, my favorite Diva for the past couple years gets an actual No.1 contenders match this time around. What happened to both The Bellas getting title shot? I guess it didn't pan out. Fine by me and the top two Raw divas should have a solid title match.
ShowMiz (Unified Tag Team Champions) beat John Cena/Batista in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championship via count-out: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Batista doesn't wanna be there and about three minutes in we see why. Cena was going it alone against the tandem of Miz and Big Show. He counters Miz' clothesline in the corner and goes to tag in Batista, but he leaves. Cena follows him up the ramp and beats on him (no homo) to try and get him back to the ring to no avail. And as all this is going on the ref counts Cena out and ShowMiz retains. Mr. Google Me s and announces that the match is not going to end like that. So later tonight ShowMiz is defending the titles again but this time it'll be against Cena and the guest host himself David Otunga. Shocker.
Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
They got five-six minutes, and it felt longer to me. They had a very fast pace though and could've been a nice ten minute match but I'm sure RAW said "Have it over in 5." End match Christian goes for Killswitch, Ted counters and goes for Dream Street, Christian counters it but gets thrown into the ring-post, which finally lets Ted hit Dream Street for the win. I assume the rubber match will be next week or at Extreme Rules. I like them in-ring, they just more time to get me into the match.
Randy Orton beat "Mr. Champion Lisp" Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I really liked this match, and it think since coming to Raw, ironically, this was his best match. Orton is massive over with the crowd. I'm glad some other than Cena, you know someone that wrestle, can get a massive pop like he gets. Swagger get's a lot of offense in including two of those nice running splashes. End match Swagger goes for his Gut-wrench powerbomb, Orton slips out the back and hits an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE and gets the 1-2-3.
ShowMiz (Unified Tag Team Champions) beat John Cena/David "Google Me" Otunga in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We have a pretty much identical predicament as earlier. Cena get's worked over by Miz and Show as usual. Miz hits the clothesline in the corner this time. I like that move for some reason. Anywho end match, Cena is crawling to tag in Otunga, but as he gets there he gets double-crossed and Otunga leaves ringside. :O Cena turns around and gets KNOCKED THE F*** OUT and ShowMiz wins twice in one night. Awesome.
Batista, Phil (his nose-ring), and his spotlight hit the ring and give Cena some more punishment with a Batista Bomb. And we end the show with Batista standing over Cena after we learn that Batista is invoking his rematch clause at Extreme Rules and it'll be in a Last Man Standing match. Brutal, especially considering no more chair shots to the head or blood in the WWE.
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I liked it this week, not too many skits, Otunga is a great talker, Cena lost twice, ShowMiz won twice, Eve Torres-Day is the No.1 Contender for the Divas title, Christian and Teddy had a nice little match and I enjoyed Swagger/Orton a lot. Now if we can cut out non-needed talking and give the 5-10 extra minutes to matches throughout the night we'll have good Raw each week. Too bad the Raw Writing Team will never allow that.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
If you didn't know, "Mr Lisp #2" Jack Swagger, successfully cashed in his Money in the Bank opportunity Friday Night on a very agitated and sore ribbed Chris Jericho. Can I call him "Mr. Lisp Champion" Jack Swagger now? It doesn't matter, I am. Swagger says he's going to Thmackdown cause he thought he taw a putty tat, I mean there's no worthy opponents for him on Raw. Here's where Cena comes out, all decked in that God-awful orange merch, and begs to differ. He says someone in the ring is wearing orange and he begs to differ. Cena wants a farewell match with Swagger and he'll even put his WWE Championship on the line. At this point the voices in Randy Orton's head tell him to come out to the ring, and rather than suppress them, he obliges them. That can't be healthy. Orton says his last match should be with him, because he pinned him last week and it's only fair he sends him off properly. Cue Raws best talker and his human giant destroyer aka ShowMiz and they have something to say, although I don't quite know why. Miz tells Cena and Orton they're trying to take the spotlight to start out Raw, as usual, and that the focus should be on the Unified Tag Team Champions. Cue the NXT Rookie, "Mr. Google Me" himself, David Otunga, and he already wielding power and making matches cause he's the Guest Host this week. He sets up Swagger v Orton, and also ShowMiz vs Cena/Batista for the UTTCs. After he's done Orton tried to RKO Cena, Cena pushes him off and hits Swagger with it instead.
"The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus beat "Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston in a singles match via pinfall: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Solid, short, typical three minute Raw match. We even get Cole busting out with a "Controlled Frenzy" reference. End match though Sheamus hits two Blarney Boots and a his nameless crucifix powerbomb on Kofi in what's sure to turn out as a Hate Crime. Oh yeah he get's the pinfall too. Remember when Kofi was getting that big push? Neither do I. Afterward Sheamus addresses the fact he took out the pathetic Triple H last week. He also said that HBK was smart to get outta of the WWE before he got destroyed by him, and that Triple H would be wise to do the same. Out comes Triple H, and grabs a Sledgehammer. He uses it to block another steel pipe shot, and then destroys a monitor instead of Sheamus' face.
Eve Torres-Day won the Dress to Impress Divas Battle Royal to become No.1 Contender for the Divas Championship: 3/10 of 1.5/5 Stars
Maryse, the champ, was on commentary as Eve, The Bellas, Kim, Fox, Mendez, Kelly, Lea, and Jillian battled it out in the match. Jillian and Alicia were the last to left with Eve so naturally they worked together, only to be thwarted by Eve and she wins by eliminating Jillian last. Yeah, my favorite Diva for the past couple years gets an actual No.1 contenders match this time around. What happened to both The Bellas getting title shot? I guess it didn't pan out. Fine by me and the top two Raw divas should have a solid title match.
ShowMiz (Unified Tag Team Champions) beat John Cena/Batista in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championship via count-out: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Batista doesn't wanna be there and about three minutes in we see why. Cena was going it alone against the tandem of Miz and Big Show. He counters Miz' clothesline in the corner and goes to tag in Batista, but he leaves. Cena follows him up the ramp and beats on him (no homo) to try and get him back to the ring to no avail. And as all this is going on the ref counts Cena out and ShowMiz retains. Mr. Google Me s and announces that the match is not going to end like that. So later tonight ShowMiz is defending the titles again but this time it'll be against Cena and the guest host himself David Otunga. Shocker.
Ted DiBiase (Million Dollar Champion) beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
They got five-six minutes, and it felt longer to me. They had a very fast pace though and could've been a nice ten minute match but I'm sure RAW said "Have it over in 5." End match Christian goes for Killswitch, Ted counters and goes for Dream Street, Christian counters it but gets thrown into the ring-post, which finally lets Ted hit Dream Street for the win. I assume the rubber match will be next week or at Extreme Rules. I like them in-ring, they just more time to get me into the match.
Randy Orton beat "Mr. Champion Lisp" Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I really liked this match, and it think since coming to Raw, ironically, this was his best match. Orton is massive over with the crowd. I'm glad some other than Cena, you know someone that wrestle, can get a massive pop like he gets. Swagger get's a lot of offense in including two of those nice running splashes. End match Swagger goes for his Gut-wrench powerbomb, Orton slips out the back and hits an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE and gets the 1-2-3.
ShowMiz (Unified Tag Team Champions) beat John Cena/David "Google Me" Otunga in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We have a pretty much identical predicament as earlier. Cena get's worked over by Miz and Show as usual. Miz hits the clothesline in the corner this time. I like that move for some reason. Anywho end match, Cena is crawling to tag in Otunga, but as he gets there he gets double-crossed and Otunga leaves ringside. :O Cena turns around and gets KNOCKED THE F*** OUT and ShowMiz wins twice in one night. Awesome.
Batista, Phil (his nose-ring), and his spotlight hit the ring and give Cena some more punishment with a Batista Bomb. And we end the show with Batista standing over Cena after we learn that Batista is invoking his rematch clause at Extreme Rules and it'll be in a Last Man Standing match. Brutal, especially considering no more chair shots to the head or blood in the WWE.
Raw: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I liked it this week, not too many skits, Otunga is a great talker, Cena lost twice, ShowMiz won twice, Eve Torres-Day is the No.1 Contender for the Divas title, Christian and Teddy had a nice little match and I enjoyed Swagger/Orton a lot. Now if we can cut out non-needed talking and give the 5-10 extra minutes to matches throughout the night we'll have good Raw each week. Too bad the Raw Writing Team will never allow that.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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