Here we go, our once a year extravaganza where the WWE Superstars, Divas, and possibly even Adam the tech guy are plucked from the show their used to and thrown into a possible future filled with jobberdom. Also most likely my precious Smackdown, which has been almost Godly the past year, will be split up, torn apart and thrown into utter chaos. Anywho live from where ever they were let's lay down the Raw..for three hours.
The Hart Dynasty beat ShowMiz (The Miz [United States Champion]/Big Show) in a tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships via submission: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Miz comes out and recaps the fact ShowMiz had three matches in a row last night and The Hart Dynasty won giving them this title match tonight. He says that Bret still needs to come out and declare ShowMiz the greatest tag team of all time. Bret comes out and declares ShowMiz the greatest tag team ever, the Mountie as the greatest Intercontinental Champion ever, and David Arquette the greatest World Champ ever. Hart then says he can say what he wants and that The Hart Dynasty will be declared the new Unified Tag Team Champions. We start the match with Miz and Tyson, they did a nice back and forth with technical moves. And sitting down into the back flip outta the arm wrench was crazy. DH Smith comes it and hits about a 15 second delayed vertical suplex on Miz ala British Bulldog. Nice. End match Miz hits a neckbreaker on Kidd for a two. Into the dreaded rear chinlock. Kidd gets out and throws kicks, missed and insiguri and Kidd tags in DH for a clothesline fest. Later Miz goes for pin and uses the ropes and Bret pushes his legs off. It went downhill from there. Kidd takes out Big Show, and DH tags Tyson in ad they hit the Hart Attack on him. Then, in honor of Bret, Tyson slaps on The Sharpshooter and Miz taps. New tag team champs, new tag team champs! Nice, I like the feud so far, and they put on quite a great Raw match. Glad to see THD is getting a push and I want ShowMiz to stay together. (I wrote this before the commercial break haha)
During the commercial Big Show and Miz broke up and I'm a little mad about it. Big Show and Miz were fuming in the ring and The Miz got KNOCKED THE F*** OUT! We then see Sheamus hit Triple H with five Blarney Boots as he killed him. We cut to Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews and he's with Jack Swagger who is still World Heavyweight Champion. He says he the best natural champion ever, and that he's also an academic champion, and if he were running Wall Street we wouldn't be in debt. Enter Edge who beat Jericho in the Steel Cage last night. He tells Swagger not to worry about his 4.0 GPA, cause in about 4 days he's losing that title to Edge. Bazinga!
Team Smackdown, LayCool aka Michelle McCool/Layla beat Team Raw, Eve Torres-Day (Divas Champion)/Maryse vs in a tag team match vis pinfall for a Divas Draft Pick:
A "We Want Mickie" chant erupts. Layla hits a low dropkick getting a two, after Eve and Maryse brawled outside. In comes McCool who goes to town on Eve. All shes really does is toy with Eve after coming in. McCool slaps a Dragon Sleeper. Eve goes up and over into a reverse DDT which gets a two. Nice two dropkicks actually hits by Eve, into and neckbreaker which gets a two. Maryse tags herself him and Eve isn't happy. Maryse runs her mouth at Eve and turns around into McCools straight kick for the 1-2-3. And Smackdown gets the first draft pick of the night and it is Kelly Kelly. Matt Striker was praying it wasn't Mae Young and King said he died. Epic win.
CM Punk w/Luke Gallows/Serena/Hooded Justice beat Evan Bourne in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
WE have the Flying Jobber, Evan Bourne vs his WWE Messiah, CM Punk. Haha Evan played limbo with Punks legs, nice. End match, Evan Bourne hit a running knee on Punk in the corner. Evan goes for Air Bourne but The Hooded Justice stops him, and CM Punk hits the GTS, for the win. I liked it, albeit it was short, I'd like to see a 10-minute awesome fest from these tow in the future. And Smackdown gets The Big Show as it's second draft pick. Not surprising as we knew Miz or Show would change shows. Nothing too shocking to ruin my SD roster....yet.
The Pale White Yonder is here and he wants to tell us something that we can barely understand in a broken Irish/American accent. He says that Triple H's career after last night at Extreme Rules and he wants Cena's WWE Championship. Cue the voices telling Orton to come cut a promo and we get a Viper @9:02 CDT! Orton tells Sheamus that he's had his problems with HHH in past, but at least he faced him head-on instead of attacking him from behind. Cue Cena and he tried to bring out the guest host, but it didn't work. He got a call from WWE Global, that why he wrestles in jean shorts (HA!) and there isn't a guest host. Sheamus IS that pale, like mayo and ketchup, the jokes are overwhelming! Cena then says that he was the one to declare the number one contender to the WWE Championship. Orton and Sheamus had better pray they don't get drafted to Smackdown cause they have the No.1 Contenders match later tonight.
MVP/Mark Henry/Yoshi Tatsu/Santino/Ted DiBiase vs Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Champion)/Rey Mysterio/Kane/R "Mr. Narcissistic" Truth/Shad "With a Y" Gaspard in a 10-man Battle Royal for 3 Draft Picks: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Santino is the Raw team leader and buffs up against Rey, and gets uppercut by Kane, haha here we go. The Chosen One goes first and the Tatsu right after. Nothing happened go into the commercial break. We need an out to the floor spot already. MVP gets axed. Santino eliminated to SD stars. Mark Henry gets eliminated and then Kane. And then there were three. Rey, DiBiase and Santino. Rey and DiBise have a nice apron battle and Santino/DiBiase win the battle Royal for Raw. John Morrison is the first pick and my SD is crumbling. Second pick is Mr. Narcissistic R-Truth himself. And my Smackdown of 2009-2010 is practically gone with Edge going back to Raw. I shed a tear for one of the best SD years ever. So what top faces are left on SD, exactly, Orton is heading over.
Chris Jericho vs Christian in a singles match for a Draft Pick: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Jericho says he wants the deranged Edge to be fined and suspended by Teddy, Raw guest host, or the WWE Brain Trusts. He says it's partly his fault for losing to the no-name, red headed freak Heath Slater. Heath comes down to the ring, and says he's sorry that he lost to Edge and him, and he won't win against Christian. Cue the infamous "Goooooo" and enter Christian. I can see him going to SD too, to fill the face gap Morrison/Truth/Edge leaving made. End match Jericho misses the Loinsault. Christian hits some clothelines and misses The Killswitch. Then a slap from the outside and a missle dropkick into a Walls but it's counter into a roll-up for a two. Y2J hits a step-up insiguri which gets another two. Jericho works over Christan and goes for a modified bulldog which gets counter by Christian into a reverse DDT for a two. Jericho goes for the walls, it's countered. Christian gets a springboard sunset flip for a 2 into the Walls yet again. Christian gets to the ropes and slaps Y2J. Christian goes to the top, but take a missive Codebreaker coming off the top rope. Afterward he attack Slater and gives him a Codebreaker for good measure. And Smackdown as a result gets Kofi Kingston, as expected. He runs down to the ring and uses his controlled frenzy to hit the Trouble in Paradise.
Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Champion) vs John Morrison in a single match for a Draft Pick: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
The newly Raw superstar, John Morrion, who The Lisp Champion has had two great matches with, is here for the rubber match and its obviously for a draft pick. Both of their others are three stars matches, this should be good. Morrison hits a corkscrew plancha on Swagger and throws him back in the ring for a two. Swagger shoulder blocks Morrison in the corner and slips out and hits his shoulders on the apron as we go to commercial. End match Swagger throws the good ol' abdominal stretch on Morrison in the ropes and the drive-bys him in the face. Swagger works over JoMo some more and we have a small exchange. Swagger sets Morrison on the top rope, he get thrown but lands on his feet. Morrison hits a back-heel kick and a standing SSP on Swagger for a two. Swagger hip-tosses Morriosn across the ring, and lands on his after a double jump splash, Jo Mo launches him into the turnbuckle into a roll up for two. Morrison then hits the flying chuck and a running knee for another two count. On the outside Sawgger gets thrown into the barricade. Back in the ring Swagger goes for the gut-wrench powerbomb but Morrison counters into a side Russian Leg Sweep. Morrison the goes for Starship Pain, but Sawgger stops it and hits the Gut-wrench for the win. Smackdown gets Christian. Nice, I was a pick off, wanna fight about it? I'm giving it 4/5 too, this was a very, very good match, it was on TV (Raw no less), and they did a great job. They made Morrison look strong while keeping Swagger winning.
We have a run-down of the draftees so far. Raw got John Morrison, Edge, R-Truth. While Smackdown has been awarded Big Show, Kelly Kelly, Christian, and Kofi Kingston. Not bad so far. Edge, Christian, and Morrison are biggens so far.
We have Teddy Jr. in the back try to get a Virgil like his dad. He tell Truth he'll pay him a ton of money. But Truth don't play like that he bitch slaps him to close out the segment.
It's armed forces appreciation month, next month, and we have a John Cena video package. I may not like his character, but he does so much for the military and Make A Wish and such you gotta give him props for being and genuinely good person.
Hornswoggle beat Dolf Ziggler in a singles match vis count-outfor the final Draft Pick: 0/10 or 0/5 Stars
This f***ing terrible. Just bad, the ref should've restarted the count every time 'Swoggle interfered with Ziggler getting in the ring. This Raw was quite good so far too. Raw gets Chris Jericho? WTF they've killed Smackdown, my lord. I'm quite angry about this as there's only really three top guys on Smackdown (Swagger/Orton/Big Show) and all the good Smackdown had going is going to be pushed aside on Raw for bad unfunny skit, and the guest hosts. F*** you WWE.
Sheamus vs Batista vs Randy Orton in a Triple Threat match to become the No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Batista storm out and is yelling about he's the number one contender and than the duct-tape and match was a joke (I agree), and he's not leaving until he gets a match. Out comes Sheamus saying Batista is just like Orton, a loser. Cue Orton and he sick of Batista's whining. Out comes the guest host..er match maker, Cena and makes it a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the WWEC. Vintage Orton @9:45 CDT! WTF is this? Right as Batista is going for a Batista Bomb cause the confidence is flowing like the steroids in his blood stream, a freaking commercial block hit's us OUTTA NOWHERE. Adam man, if you cue commercials to, we need some warning next time. End match Sheamus hits The Blarney Stone on Orton for a two. He then slaps a submission on Orton to wear him down. Orton fights them off and ends the scrap with a POWERSLAM (F YOU COLE) on Sheamus. Orton gets thrown out, and Batista hits a back suplex on Sheamus, Batista gets a two, and then so does Orton. Orton now hits a DDT off the ropes and sets up the RKO for Batista. Seamus clubs him from behind though. Sheamus wants to hit Pale Justice but takes a massive spear from Batista for a two. Orton hits an inverted backbreaker on Batista and then Batista takes a Blarney Boot right after. Sheamus then misses a Blarney Boot on Orton, and Sheamus gets hit with the RKO. BUT EDGE SPEARS ORTON, allowing Batista to get the cover for the win. We also get an Outta Nowhere @10:02 CDT!
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
It was a great wrestling show. Storyline wise, Smackdown is cut to shreds IMO. Sure we got Kingston, but he'll be thrown back into mid card I'd suspect. We have an active Rey, Punk, Christian, and Swagger, with Undertaker out for now in the world title picture. And Ziggler, Hardy, McIntyre, Kingston mid-card. I like THD having the tag titles, but the only other team left in the WWE is The dude Busters, Trent Baretta/Calen Croft. I don't know why WWE would break ShowMiz up before establishing THD more. Arghhh, a lot of wrong, but in-ring was a nice three hour watch. Batista/Orton/Sheamus was good (didn't see Batista winning), Swagger/Morrison 3 was a four star match, Christian/Y2J was alright as was ShowMiz/THD. Then we have the divas tag, which saw my girl Eve actually hit two dropkicks and Punk/Bourne which were ok. Bottom line, great matches, bad drafting IMO. We'll see how they proceed with the Supplemental Draft tomorrow too. I like Edge already getting involved in the title picture too.
Here's the draft picks for each brand so far too.
Smackdown: Christian, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, and Kelly Kelly
Raw: Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, and R-Truth
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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