Unh yeah let me kick a little rhyme, ya'll know what's on cause it's Smackdown time! After last weeks swim with the superstars edition of Smackdown, we come to the Smackdown before the last Smackdown before Summerfest! I know we'll have Rey/Kane in something I'm sure, where Kane will try and get vengeance, CM Punk will be awesome as always, Team Lay-Cool will have to tell us who is the Womens Champion, and Ziggler/Kofi will battle for the Intercontinental Championship.
We start out with Rey, the number one contender, and he's mad at Kane for chokeslamming him into the Gulf of Mexico last week, he says he doesn't like caskets and only God can judge him (Thanks for posting Tupac). Rey says he knows who really took out Mr. Vegetable, but as he's about to say who, The Chosen One's awesome theme hits and out comes Drew McIntyre. Drew says back home they call mask wearin' people like Rey, criminals. He says Rey's pulled the wool over all our eyes for the last 10 years, and asks why he stood idly by as CM Punks arm was screwed up and Swagger father's was put in the hospital. McIntyre says that he wanted to be the one who took out 'Taker, and then says Teddy set up a match between them if he chooses to accept. Drew says he wants to do the same thing to Rey, that Rey did to Undertaker, and dares him to accept the challenge. Rey yells something in Spanish, pushes Drew, and says he accepts as we go to commercial.
"Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Wow, I can't believe Matt's still getting big pops. Too bad Vince isn't awake to hear them. Go Jobberwalkie #1, Go! Mirror, mirror in the wall, I'd better get a grooming tip tonight after all. End match, Cody hits the spring board kick for a two and then slaps on a modified cross-face. Matt gets up and sunset flips Cody for a two. Both men up again and Hardy puts on an inside cradle for another two. Cody hits a face-buster on Hardy and slaps on the cross-face again. Hardy fights up, but Cody uses his hair to take him down. Cody worked over Matt in the corner and then get's scoop-slammed for a two. Back to the cross-face again. Matt fights up and gets a back elbow into a neckbreaker, clothelines, elbow drops and finally the Side Effect for a two. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate and Cody counters with a roll up for a two. Cody hits a side Russian leg sweep for another two, but misses a leg drop. Matt clothelines Cody in the corner and puts him on the top rope. Cody counters and goes for the Alabama Slam but Matt hangs on. Cody counters the counter and drops Hardy on the turnbuckle and then Cross Rhodes for the win. OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS!
Blah blah, the Hallmark movie channel feature with the WWE called Legendary. I'd rather watch the one about wrestling that has Kurt Angle starring in it...cause he really can ya know, wrestle.
Truthman (Alberto Del Rio) is here! The protector of Honest City and we are all mentally constipated. That's all I got outta this, I guess I need to pull some brain farts.
Teddy's oogling Rosa in the back. Lay-Cool call her fat. Teddy, like a black man steals one of their titles, and then they unrealistically break it in half. Teddy is dumbfounded as they leave.
Dolf Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) in a singles match for the Intercontinental Championship: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
We get the "Excuse Me" from the Beluga whale and it with Ziggler heads to the ring as they go to commercial. Mr. Identity Confused, the champ head to the ring and the match is underway. End match Kofi and Ziggler slug it out and Ziggler ends with an arm stunner for a two. Ziggler right back on the attack with stomps. Ziggler talks with Vickie and takes a Trouble in Paradise. Vickie jump in the ring and distracts ref, while Ziggler gets up and hits the Zig Zag on Kofi for the 1-2-3. And we have a new champ! New champ! OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOK-..wait wrong person.
Afterward Kofi beats on Ziggler and scoop slams him on the announce table and commits a hate crime against Ziggler by bashing his head into the steel steps repeatedly and finally throws Ziggler into the steps like a lawn dart before the ref stops him.
Yes! The Straight Edge Society, the show can finally be saved promo wise by our WWE Pastor, CM Punk! CM Punk says that he's done more than all of us, like being sober and winning the world title three times, and winning back to back money in the Bank matches at Wrestlemania. He then shows us the footage of last week where the SES holds Big Show down and stomps on his hand and I assume breaks it. Punk asks if everyone is happy, and they are. But Punk isn't and tells them to get in their slave-like knees. Punk says when they're happy they let him down and that they slip and fall of the wagon. CM Punk doesn't tolerate their weakness or falling off the wagon, and if they do, they're out like blowing on a candle. He tells them that they'll be better than everyone and will be happy when CM Punk says they can be happy.
CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Joey Mercury w/Serena vs JTG/Chris Masters/MVP in a 3-on-3 tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Haha at SES being the new Freebirds haha awesomeness. End match MVP hits Gallows in the throat and give him a facebuster. MVP get's momentum off the ropes where he got kicked in the back of the head by Punk and Gallows with a boot to the face is enough for the pinfall and the win.
OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! This weeks tip is browscaping! You'll just need ot get come tweezers and an eye brown comb. "Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes is saving everyone from bad faces, one week at a time.
We have a RAW Rebound, not a bad RAW this week, and then a rundown of Summerfest which is next Sunday.
Kane lit scented candles for this promo and basically says that he says he saw the fear is Reys eyes at the Gulf last week and that the darkness will consume Rey when he stuffs him in the casket at Summerfest!
Rey Mysterio beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'm sure that this will end in a no contest or a DQ. Also I still love Drew's entrance, it's awesome sauce. This match is pretty blah the me. Drew said count him out after he got thrown on the announce table. I agree, I hope it ends now, this is boring. End mathc Drew slaps on a modified sitting ab stretch on Rry, but Rey fights out. Rey kicks Drew, but Drew countersthe bulldog into a modified wheel barrow slam. Nice Drew with a fireman's carry into the gut buster for a long time two. He then stomps on Rey after yelling at the ref. Drew works over Reys chest and abdomen, and slaps on a submission. But Rey fights out and hits a counter DDT on Drew. Rey climbs to the apron and hits the West Coast Pop and the springboard cross body for a long two on Drew. Both men are up and Drew ends the exchange with a Tilt-O-Whirl backbreaker that gets another near fall. Drew throws Rey into the corner and gives him a bunch of shoulder blocks and drags Rey into the middle of the ring. He sets up for the Future Shock, but Rey slips out, drop toe held Drew into the ropes, and almost hits the 619. Drew then catches Rey on his shoulder after a springboard. Rey 360'd off of them and and rolls up Drew for the three count.
Afterward they gave Rey a mic and said he has news in Spanish. Kanes music hits and pryo goes off and Kane wheels a casket down to ring side, opens it and gets in the ring. As Kane gets in the ring, Drew took out Rey. Kane stalked Rey and as Rey skedaddled he almost jumps in the casket. Rey said it wasn't him that took out Undertaker it was Kane. Kane get's pissed in the ring and I guess swears vengeance on himself now. Ooooo, shocker *yawn*
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: Didn't cover it
It was a very meh Smackdown. The singles matches were only ok, the commentary was good, CM Punk and the SES was the only good promo, and no divas match? I need mt Friday night Tiffany fix. Though Team Lay-Cool are really growing on me. Where is Swagger his one of the best in-ring and you leave him off the show? What's up with that? Also I could care less about Rey/Kane/Undertaker love triangle at Summerfest, and while I love SES their three on one handicap match with the Big Show doesn't intrest me at all either. Anywho in closing, I'm not very excited about Summerslam save for whatever Nexus and Miz do and Orton/Sheamus. Good job screwing up the end of my summer WWE.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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