We're a couple weeks away from Summerfest, and I haven't watched wrestling since, what was a huge travesty, a terrible NXT last Tuesday. Shocking I know. Now I'm looking for terrible skits, and six 3-minute matches to fuel my need for this great form of entertainment. Hey, Markie Mark and the ever awesome Will Ferrell are rumored to be featured tonight. Also what could be a pretty great match between Orton/Miz and the lovely Melina I hear is back as well! Anywho before I lmfao at The Other Guys Thursday at midnight, let's lay down the Raw.
Oh joy, yet another recap of the forming of The Superfriends. Jesus, like we've forgotten by now. Cut to last week where The Legion of Doom (Nexus), killed the team from the Island of Misfit Toys and The Superfriends are cracking up more than Mae Youngs face skin.
LMFAO "the highly anticipated trailer" for Extraordinary hahahaha. Cole you suck. Cue my boy, The Ultimate Opportunist, Edge! Edge says that he needs to listen to one person, himself. Cause like when he came back at the Royal Rumble, he listened to us and failed. He said he doesn't respect Cena, trust Y2J, or care about anyone else. He says he's gonna challenge Wade Barret and doesn't want anyone to get in his business. Cue "Mr. Narcissistic" himself, R-Truth ignoring the promo. He says that he will listen to Truth and that Nexus is bigger than Barret himself. Truth asks how many times he has to fight for everything, and tell him their fighting for what they do and love. He then says they have to fight together or Nexis wins. Edge says that Truths version is dumb and that the only way to kill Nexus is to take Barret out. Edge then said he'll spear Truth, which get's us an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @8:11CDT! Blah blah, Edge gets his way and Edge/Barret will be happening next.
Edge and Wade "The Botanist" Barret in a singles match ends in a no contest: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Should be a decent match if no one really interferes, and they get like 10 minutes. Of course this is RAW so it'll be 3-6 minutess and have a crappy ending. A "Let's Go Edge" chant breaks out about 3-4 minutes into the match. End match, both men go for a clothesline and they succeed. At at about 5 both men are up and throwing bombs. Edge hits a flying clothesline and another, then an Edge-O-Matic for a long two. Edge goes to the top, but Barret cuts him off and sets him up for the Planter Box. Edge counter into and impaler DDT. Edge sets up for the spear, but Barret rolls outta the ring and takes him time getting back in the ring. But instead of getting back in, he calls in the brigade and Edge high-tails it. I'm guess this ends in a No Contest. I don't mind, it had some nice back and forth action, and furthered the storyline.
Edge is in the back looking for Cena, and finds him rather quickly. He asked where Cena was when he was fighting for my life, and Cena mocks him saying that he was listening to him. So Edge has and enough and quits. Cena sucks. Jericho comes up and says that his team will be better if Cena quits the team altogether. He then says that he wants Jericho/Cena in a "Loser leaves Summerfest match" match. God I hate Cole, Bret's training in Calgary, hahaha.
Mr. Perfect/Bret Hart from Summerfest 1991 is the flashback, and boy is that a great match.
Hey look the two possibly worst talkers cut a promo and then Tarver and Otunga come up.They say they didn't attack him cause they respect him, and that it's rumored that Cena will replace him if he loses to DiBiase later. Don't worry, Kalhi's gonna think over joining Nexus. I hope me makes the right decision.
Alicia Fox (Divas Champion)/Tamena/Jillian beat Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natayla in a 6-Diva Tag match: 3/10 or 1.5/5
Oh man, I agree with King. My God my Eve is gorgeous. Very very nice Northern Lights suplex by Alicia. Nattie didn't do a Northern Lights you dumbf*** Cole. Everything goes to hell with Natayla and Alicia in the ring. Nattie hits a spine-buster and goes for the sharpshooter when Tamena breaks it up. Natayla throws her outta the ring and Alicia hits the scissors kick (for the 4th week in a row) on the opponents back, not head. Alicia then says she's beaten everyone on the roster. Cue Melina's return, Cole and King act overly shocked and Melina hits the splits leg drop she does on Alicia.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) beat Goldust in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We're back with the WWE Champion, The Pale White Yonder, Sheamus! Wow vintage WWECW, and actually these guys have had some good matches. This could be ok. End match, Sheamus hits the Blarney Stone on him and then hits the Blarney Boot @8:52 CDT! Finally he hits "High Cross" (God all his move names suck ass) for the 1-2-3. Afterward he talks about how he doesn't need the Money in the Bank or to be a third gen superstar. And that just like Triple H, he'll end Orton's career at Summerfest. He's on top of the world people, look out.
John Cena beat Chris Jericho in a singles match, loser is banished from The Superfriends: 6/20 or 3/5 Stars
Oh nooooooooooooo the dog was in the way of the tv and I missed Cena run down to the ring in his stupid orange crap. I'm sure Bret is working about as hard at training up in Canada, as hard Big Daddy V did when he was around. Oh my, Cena Superman'd up for the first time by getting back in the ring at a 9 count. Cena Superman'd up for a second time, but fails. ASK HIM @9:05 CDT! End match Cena hits the shoulders blocks, the back suplex, BUT Jericho hits the Codebreaker outta nowhere! Cena falls outta the ring. By the time Jericho gets him back in and covers him he only gets a two, and we go to commercial. YOU ARE A STUPID MAN! End match, Jericho hits a bad Lionsault on Cena for a long two. Jericho sets Cena up on the top rope and goes up with him. Cena fights out of the Superplex and knocks Y2J down. Cena hits the flying leg drop, but can't cover him. He finally gets to the cover and gets a two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho counters into Walls of Jericho. Cena Superman'd up a third time and counters into the STF. But before Cena can lock in it, Jericho taps.
After Cena says that Jericho is the best in the world at what he does and can go to to toe with anyone and doesn't want him to leave the team. He says he can rejoin the Superfriends and save the day, or quit and let down everyone and himself. Of course Jericho scowls at Cena and leaves. He is outta hereeeeeeee!
My two guys, Edge and Jericho are in the back. Edge says that he respects Jericho and vice-versa. Jericho says they were doing just fine before Nexus. Edge then says they could rule this place. The Edge and Jericho form Rated Y2J again! YES! Then we get an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @9:25 CDT! Next week it'll be Rated Y2J vs Cena/Bret in a tag team match with Nexus as lumberjacks. They should call it a handicap match haha.
Good ol' Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is in the back and he has Orton. Orton says that he took out Triple H with a punt, and that he's inviting Sheamus to watch his match with Miz ring-side. Then after he's done with Miz this week, he'll turn his attention to Sheamus at Summerfest.
Haha Cena's new movie looks like it belongs on Lifetime or Hallmark. My Lord, it looks worse than The Marine and 12 Rounds. And I didn't think it could get worse than those.
The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" beat Ted DiBiase w/Maryse in a singles match via submission: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Oh man Maryse looks good. Wow this sucks. Maryse show him your tits then Teddy can roll him up! Barret and Skip come out and distracts Ted, allowing Kalhi to hit the axe and the put on the Kalhi Vice-Grip for the win. Least Maryse looks great as always.
Look The Bella Twins are still employed and hitting on Will Ferrell cause his character from The Other Guys is a chick magnet. "We give great foot massages", "I'm sure you don't, I go to a pediatrist for that!" <--Full of win.
Randy Orton beat The Miz (Mr. Money in the Bank/United States Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
All that needs to be said is that Orton needs to get it straight cause The Miz will be the next WWE Champion, cause he's The Miz, and he's AWESOOOOOOOOOOME! And the voices told Orton to head out and he obliged them. VINTAGE Orton @9:51 CDT! Oh snap, that was a huge boot by Miz! Another Vintage Orton @9:59 CDT! End match Miz hits his clothesline in the corner and gets a two. He then works over Orton with punches. Orton explodes back with an uppercut, but Miz takes Orton down again. Orton fights back with a clothesline and a huge snap powerslam and Orton is feeling it. Miz is set up for the second rope DDT, but Miz steps through and back body drops Orton over the top rope. Nice. Miz throws Orton back into the ring and hits a backbreaker to the knee into a neckbreaker and gets him a long time two. Niceness. Miz wait for Orton to get up and charges him, Orton sidesteps him and as Miz bounces off the ropes Orton hits the RKO outta nowhere for the 1-2-3! Afterward Shamus runs to the apron but stops cause Orton is taunting him with the RKO as we go off-air.
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Great Raw, and a huge step up from the last two weeks. Edge/Y2J no longer in the stupid Summerfest match AND are a tag team again, Cena is losing it, Cena/Y2J and Orton/Miz had great tv matches, Edge/Barret was alright, the promos were solid, and Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg promoting The Other Guys was really funny. Also Cole didn't piss me off as much as he usually does, so that's a plus too. BTW this is about the time Shawn usually comes back from his summer hiatus, not anymore. I miss that fella A LOT.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
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