Song of the Day #99

I remember listening to this just before the release TBP3. Thought it was the weaker of the two Kanye features on the album. Now I adore this simple little song. Short, to the point, and I can just pop it on if I need to calm down some. "And I made myself so easy to love."

Jay-Z feat. Kanye West- "Hate" from The Blueprint 3

"[Kanye West]

How much they hate it? very!

Kiss girls like Katy Perry

I am never sprung, but I Spring 'er, Jerry

Don’t try this at home: results may vary

King like T.I., but in the Chi, Larry...

[Jay-Z]

Hoover, Hova

Both are American Gangsters

You choose who's colder

Rappers get nasty in the booth but I'm grosser

I can’t even stomach myself, ulcer!

More realer cause I’m closer

Had girlies in girdles weighing more than they supposed to

Poser, no sir

My hustle, so Russell

I stretch work, yoga

You know I got it down, dog

Al Roker, I used to knock pounds off

It ain’t nothing for me to knock some nouns off

At these MC’s praying for my downfall

They just haters, I wave at you

I’m so player

I’ll never be done, I’m so rare

[Kanye West]

We killing the game, it's not fair

You muthafuckers stay right there

Cause we too high up in the air

We blasting off just like a laser

Nigga, pee-une, pee-une, pee-une

Get back, gimme room room room

DB9 like vroom, vroom, vroom

Young Hov, what we doin, doin, doin?

[Jay-Z]

We ballin', bitches

Eating ya'll food leaving dishes

Why these niggas always talking Lear talk, 'Ye?

Why I never see em at the Clearport, 'Ye?

Why always hear they at the airport?

While I fly daily like I’m in the Air Force?

Therefore, please stop talking my ears off

Millionaire talk

You haters, you mad at me cause your paper

Need to get its motherfucking weight up

Hold up

Wait up, I ain’t done

Name one thing I ain’t done

It hurts when you say that I ain't the one

You haters

How do I gain your favor

I need to know cause I care

I need you to love me, I swear, look here!

See 'Ye is running the Chi like Gale Sayers

I'm running New York, I got the mayor on my pager

You can’t fade us, you haters

I need you, stay there

I breathe you like air

Yeah-yuh, yeah-yeah-yeah yeah-yuh"

Song of the Day #98

Took me a couple of listens, but now I'm huge into J. Cole's freshman album, Cole World: The Sideline Story. The beats are amazing, the lyrics are good, and everything just sounds good. Hell this song is a bonus track.

J. Cole- "Nothing Lasts Forever" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

"[Hook x2]

I tried, you tried, we tried

All of the times that we had together

We should have known nothing last forever

(Can't say we didn't try tho, can't say we didn't try)

[Verse 1: J. Cole]

When this shit end, man it's gon get ugly

Real real ugly, your grandmama love me

And your mama love me, little sister hugs me

Even got a few homegirls that wanna fuck me

Soon as this shit end, forget about it

You been stayin' in my crib, you gotta get up out it

Cause if you layin' in my bed, let's admit about it

One time fuckin' and we no longer upset about it

Cause when this shit ends it's either all or nothin'

I thought you loved me, how the hell you gon call ya cousin?

You know the diesel ass, half slow, evil ass

Nigga in that Honda showin' up with that drama

On my mama, we been through it all

From the goods to the bads, rise to the fall

You done seen me at my best, seen me at my worst

So when this shit ends, know it's gon hurt

[Hook x2]

[Verse 2: J. Cole]

They say we won't last

I know you suspicious, but you don't ask

And I don't tell, that's where we both fell

A good nigga gone bad

Good chick, alone, mad as fuck, she done had enough

I be, out here tryna raise my status up

But success bring bitches, and they bad as fuck

Ass fat as fuck, with a little ol' waist

I ain't want the whole meal, just a little ol' taste

Should have looked both ways fore I crossed you

I guess I never thought I could have ever have lost you

Now I'm out stuntin' with this bitch, who ain't about nothin'

While some nigga learnin' all the shit I taught you

Damn, guess you deserve that, a new start

But deep down you know we grew apart

Long before I broke your heart, if I lost your respect

I'm just hopin' you don't look at me as you somethin' you regret

[Hook x2]

[Verse 3: J. Cole]

I got your message I been meanin' to respond, know it's been awhile

Apologies, I ain't been around

I wanna kick it, but I know that shit is different now

And times have changed

Let me know if I'm out of bounds, are the lines the same ?

I mean ya, lookin' good, yeah you still got it

Been reminiscin' and I'm not sure how I feel about it

Now we can say that all good things come to an end

But we know each other way too well to pretend

We went from friends to somethin' much more

To breakin' up to makin' up and fuckin' once more

Second chances, we gave enough to finally

We gave it up, but some days I be wakin' up and wantin' one more

But what for ? maybe it's just the weather

We break each others heart's, so maybe it's for the better

Holler whenever, cause you always got a friend in me

And nothin' lasts forever, least we got these memories

[Hook x2]"

Song of the Day #97

Still remember the first time I listened to this astounding track. The lovely piano, the smooth voice of Cudi, the amazing chorus and MGMT/Ratatat accompanying? Perfect.

Kid Cudi feat. MGMT & Ratatat- "Pursuit of Happiness" from Man on the Moon: The End of Day

"[VERSE 1:]

Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit

Feelin’ lit feelin’ light, 2 am summer night.

I don't care, hand on the wheel, drivin drunk, I'm doin’ my thing

Rollin the Midwest side and out livin’ my life getting’ out dreams

People told me slow my roll I'm screaming out "Fuck that"

Imma do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back

if I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest

if I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets

[CHORUS]

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold

I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

[x2]

[VERSE 2:]

Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’

you don't really know about nothin’ nothin’

tell me what you know about them night terrors every night

5 am, cold sweats wakin’ up to the skies

tell me what you know about dreams, dreams

tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin’

you don't really care about the trials of tomorrow

rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow

[CHORUS:]

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold

I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good

[x2]

[Guitar Solo]

[CHORUS:]

I'm on the pursuit of happiness.

I know everything that shines ain't always gold

I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good

I'm on the pursuit of happiness

And I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold, hey

I'll be fine once I get it, yeah

I'll be good

Pursuit of happiness, yeah

I don’t get it, I’ll be good"

Song of the Day #96

Popped on the radio as I was driving earlier. Fantastic song, great pace, nice chords/piano and an awesome chorus.

Blink-182- "Adam's Song" from Enema of the State

"I never thought I'd die alone

I laughed the loudest who'd have known?

I trace the cord back to the wall

No wonder it was never plugged in at all

I took my time, I hurried up

The choice was mine I didn't think enough

I'm too depressed to go on

You'll be sorry when I'm gone

[Chorus:]

I never conquered, rarely came

16 just held such better days

Days when I still felt alive

We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try

The tour was over we'd survived

I couldn't wait till I got home

To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone

Another six months I'll be unknown

Give all my things to all my friends

You'll never step foot in my room again

You'll close it off, board it up

Remember the time that I spilled the cup

Of apple juice in the hall

Please tell mom this is not her fault

[Chorus:]

I never conquered, rarely came

16 just held such better days

Days when I still felt alive

We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try

The tour was over we'd survived

I couldn't wait till I got home

To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came

But tomorrow holds such better days

Days when I can still feel alive

When I can't wait to get outside

The world is wide, the time goes by

The tour is over, I've survived

I can't wait till I get home

To pass the time in my room alone"

Song of the Day #95

Fun. feat. Janelle Monae- "We Are Young" from Some Nights

Song of the Day #94

Watched The Muppets twice in the past 24 hours and listened to this song well over 6 times today. I love it.

Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Walter- "Life's A Happy Song" from The Muppets OST

"Everything is great
Everything is grand
I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand
Everything is perfect
It’s falling into place
I can’t seem to wipe this smile off my face
Life’s a happy song, when there’s someone by my side to sing along


When you’re alone, life can be a little low
It makes you feel like you’re 3 foot tall
When it’s just you – well, times can be tough
When there’s no one there to catch your fall


Everything is great
Everything is grand
I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand
Everything is perfect
It’s falling into place
I can’t seem to wipe this smile off my face


Life smells like a rose
With someone to paint
And someone to pose
Life’s like a piece of cake
With someone to pedal
And someone to break
Life is full of glee
With someone to saw
And someone to see
Life’s a happy song, when there’s someone by my side to sing along


I’ve got everything that I need – right in front of me
Nothing’s stopping me
Nothing that I can’t be
With you right here next to me


Life’s a piece of cake
With someone to give
And someone to take
Life’s a piece of pie
With someone to wash
And someone to dry
Life’s an easy road
With someone beside you to share the load
Life is full of highs
With someone to stir
And someone to fry
Life’s a leg of lamb
With someone there to lend a hand
Life’s a bunch of flowers
With someone to while away the hours
Life’s a filet of fish, eh!
… Yes, it is
Life’s a happy song, when there’s someone by your side to sing along


I’ve got everything that I need – right in front of me
Nothing’s stopping me
Nothing that I can’t be
With you right here next to me


I’ve got everything that I need
… Right in front of me


[Talking]
"Sorry, super excited."


"Oh, this is the most romantic thing ever,
I’ve always dreamt of seeing Los Angeles."


"I know, Walter can’t wait either.
You don’t mind that he’s coming, right?"


"Oh, no. No, of course not.
As long as we can spend our anniversary dinner together,
That’s all I ask."


"OK, let me check on Walter."


Everything is great
Everything is grand
Except Gary’s always off with his friend
It’s never me and him
It’s always me and him and him
I wonder when it’s going to end?
But I guess that’s OK
‘Cause maybe someday
I know just how it’s going to be
He’ll ride up on a steed
And get down on one knee
And say, “Mary, will you marry meee… please?”


I’ve got everything that I need – right in front of me
Nothing’s stopping me
Nothing that I can’t be
With you right here next to me


You’ve got everything that you need – right in front of you
Nothing’s stopping you
Nothing that you can’t do you
That the world can throw at you


Life’s a happy song
When there’s someone by your side to sing
Life’s a happy song
When there’s someone by your side to sing
Life’s a happy song
When there’s someone by your side to sing along"

Song of the Day #93

Just watched The Muppets with Maggie, Reaper, Ahmed, and a lurking Awoozl. It just reinforces that it is my movie of the year from last year. Teared up a bit and got some chills just like I did in the theaters. Fantastic.

Jason Segel and Walter- "Man Or Muppet" from The Muppets OST

Song of the Day #92

If you knew my thoughts right now, you'd chuckle at the irony of this. Finding the lyrics and listening to this song has calmed me down SO MUCH. I'm the asshole, you and anyone else who reads this knows. Do I give shits about people? Yes. Am I still an asshole? You bet. A lost art I've mastered I guess. Would I lead someone on and give them relationship hope? Nope. Title and chorus FTW.

"Everyone is selfish and the quicker you realize you're alone in life, the easier it becomes."

~A Very Wise Friend (At Least I Hope He Is) Of Mine~

Simple Plan- "You Suck At Love" from Get Your Heart On!

"We started off incredible

Connection undeniable

I swear I thought you were the one forever

But your love was like a loaded gun

You shot me down like everyone

'Cause everyone's replaceable

When you're just so incapable

Of getting past skin deep

[Chorus:]

Guess what, another game over

I got burned, but you're the real loser

I don't know why I've wasted my time with you

You're bad news, a history repeater

You can't trust a serial cheater

You're good at hooking up but you suck at love

You played me like an amateur

Then stabbed me like a murderer

I'm left for dead, another one of your victims

It's not like you're unpredictable

But your act is so believable

I know it's nothing personal, it's just business as usual

You're good at what you do

[Chorus]

Now I kinda feel bad for you

You're never gonna know

what it's like to have someone to turn to

Another day, another bed

It's just a game inside your head

[Chorus x2]

You've messed this whole thing up

Well you were such an awesome fuck

But you suck at love, you suck at love"

Song of the Day #91

 Love this. Haha. >.< <3

Tales of Graces F Opening

A Day In Music #6

Been listening to old school in Kanye West and new school in J. Cole the past two days. I love good rap and love when people say there's no good rappers anymore. Me listening to a ton of rap, big surprise huh?

"We are all here for a reason on a particular path

You don't need a curriculum to know that you are part of the math

Cats think I'm delirious, but I'm so damn serious

That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world

I'm trying to make it better for these little boys and girls

I'm not just another individual, my spirit is a part of this

That's why I get spiritual, but I get my hymns from Him

So it's not me, it's He that's lyrical

I'm not a miracle, I'm a heaven-sent instrument

My rhythmatic regimen navigates melodic notes for your soul and your mental

That's why I'm instrumental

Vibrations is what I'm into

Yeah, I need my loot by rent day

But that is not what gives me the heart of Kunte Kinte

I'm tryina give us "us free" like Cinque

I can't stop, that's why I'm hot

Determination, dedication, motivation

I'm talking to you, my many inspirations

When I say I can't, let you or self down

If I were of the highest cliff, on the highest riff

And you slipped off the side and clinched on to your life in my grip

I would never, ever let you down

And when these words are found

Let it been known that God's penmanship has been signed with a language called love

That's why my breath is felt by the deaf

And why my words are heard and confined to the ears of the blind

I, too, dream in color and in rhyme

So I guess I'm one of a kind in a full house

Cuz whenever I open my heart, my soul, or my mouth

A touch of God reigns out"

~J. Ivy, from "Never Let Me Down"~

"But we know each other way too well to pretend, We went from friends to somethin' much more"

"Holla whenever, cause you always got a friend in me, And nothin' lasts forever, least we got these memories" 

~J. Cole, from "Nothing Lasts Forever"~

"I got a Hublot, I call it Tebow, I strap that bitch with a gator band, Y'all niggas ball halftime, y'all niggas like the Gator band"

~Jay-Z, from "Mr. Nice Watch"~

Kanye West feat GLC and Consequence- "Spaceship" from The College Dropout

Kanye West- "Jesus Walks" from The College Dropout

Kanye West feat. Jay-Z & J. Ivy- "Never Let Me Down" from The College Dropout

Kanye West feat. Talib Kweli & Common -"Get 'Em High" from The College Dropout

Kanye West- "The New Workout Plan" from The College Dropout

J. Cole- "Dollar and a Dream III" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

J. Cole- "Lights Please" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

J. Cole feat. Jay-Z- "Mr. Nice Watch" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

J. Cole- "Work Out" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

J. Cole- "Nothing Lasts Forever" from Cole World: The Sideline Story

Song of the Day #90

Childish Gambino- "Be Alone" from EP

Song of the Day #89

Owl City- "Fireflies" from Ocean Eyes

Song of the Day #88

This is how you make music. Phenomenal. <3

Bon Iver- "Holocene" from Bon Iver

""Someway, baby, it's part of me, apart from me."

You're laying waste to Halloween

You fucked it friend, it's on it's head, it struck the street

You're in Milwaukee, off your feet

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent

Strayed above the highway aisle

Jagged vacant, thick without us

I could see for miles, miles, miles

3rd and Lake it burnt away, the hallway

Was where we learned to celebrate

Automatic bought the years you'd talk for me

That night you played me ʻLip Paradeʼ

Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree

Saying nothing, that's enough for me

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent

Hulled far from the highway aisle

(Jagged, vacance, thick with ice)

I could see for miles, miles, miles

Christmas night, it clutched the light, the hallow bright

Above my brother, I entangled spines

We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be

Now to know it in my memory:

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent

High above the highway aisle

(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)

I could see for miles, miles, miles"

Song of the Day #87

Not even kidding when I say this song of the day was fully gonna be Blue October. Then I hopped on a Skype call with Tommy and Ryan (if you're reading this you probably know them as ItsSimplyTee and Crumps2) and they helped me get my HD PVR working. I then proceeded to eat dinner and watch the Mavericks beat the Knicks and watch New Girl. Ending with actual game-play, online and a Skype call for WWE 12 on cast which actually looked decent and my internet never dropped. All in all I wanna keep this feeling until I fall asleep cause God knows what will happen I'm I let myself start thinking tonight.

WWE Superstar Dolph Ziggler's Theme- "Here to Show the World"

Song of the Day #86

Lupe Fiasco feat. MDMA- "Beautiful Lasers (2 Ways)" from L.A.S.E.R.S.

"[Hook: MDMA]

There's only 2 ways out of here

You'll be too late, you'll be trapped here forever

There's only 2 ways out of here

One's through the door, the other's through me

[Verse 1: Lupe Fiasco]

Sometimes living in a world like this

It's pretty hard not to go insane

Not pretty if you don't comply

Pretty easy if you don't complain

Stand there like you don't feel pain

No tears in the face of defeat

Pretend til the end that you don't feel change

Don't admit that your faith is weak

Don't say that you feel like dying

Life's hard and it feels like diamonds

Your home's just far too gone

Much too late to even feel like trying

Can't understand what I'm saying

Can't figure out what I'm implying

If you feel you don't wanna be alive

You feel just how I am

I'm on the dark side

And you can't come find him

How when it's light all around you

Yeah, But it's dark all inside him

No winners when it's me against me

One of us just ain't gonna survive

My heart been broke for a while

Your's been the one keepin' me alive

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Lupe Fiasco]

This world is such a fucked up place

My mind's such a fucked up shape

Everything down here sucks

Maybe what's up there is great

We all gotta go one day

I just wanna cut to the chase

I wanna stop these nightmares

I just wanna touch her face

All you see is all my feats (feets)

All you see is all my flaws

All I hear is all my demons

Even through your applause

All you see is all my flights

Well all I see is all my falls

All you see is all my rights

All I see is all my wrongs

Door, keep telling me to fight

Gun on my table telling me to come home

Telling me to to put him inside my hand

Then put it up right next to my dome

Door keep telling me to find a reason

Anything to keep me from squeezing

Simplest things, yea you really like summer

You really like music, you really like reading love

I can't win if it's me against me

One of us ain't gonna survive

And my heart been broke for a while

Your's been the one keepin' me alive

Your's been the one keepin' me alive

Your's been the one keepin' me alive

[Hook]"

Song of the Day #85

WZRD (KiD CuDi and Dot da Genius)- "Love Hard" from WZRD

(Intro)

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Yeah

(Verse 1)

What you gon' say to me?? Hmm??

You want to tell me something??

Let it please be true

Now what you want from me??

Never mind don't say a thing to me

I want to see what's in your eyes

See they never lie

Hmm, well I'll be satisfied. Will you complete my life??

The blueprint of peace, the solution to love. I found you now will you be true??

(Hook)

Oh, if you love soft, then you already lost

But oh, if you love hard

You should let down your guard and follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

(Verse 2)

Now w-what you say to me??

Girl if you get mad at me and we lost our groove

Would you build me up, oh just to break me down

I need me some stability

I need consistency

The way you promise me I promise I'll upgrade your life

It's the blueprint of peace and the solution to love

I can protect you if you protect me too

(Hook)

Oh, if you love soft, then you already lost

But oh, if you love hard

You should let down your guard and follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

Yeah. Do you love me?? No wait, tell me do you love me?? Yeah

Love hard

Love hard

Oh if you love hard

Oh if you love hard

(Hook)

Oh, if you love soft, then you already lost

But oh, if you love hard

You should let down your guard and follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

Follow your heart

Song of the Day #84

Kanye West- "Addiction" from Late Registration

"[Chorus]

[Kanye (Female Voice)]

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good?

Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would

Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could

But (You make me smile)

What's your addiction? Is it money? Is it girls? Is it weed?

I've been afflicted by not one, not two, but all three

She's got the same thing, about me, but more, about us

She's coming over, so I guess, that means, I'm on drugs

Just let me peek now, I mean damn, I'm so curious

She's got a lover, so the lies, and the lust, is a rush

Time's of the essence, I need, you to be, spontaneous

Roll up the doge, henny and c-c-c-cola, then I'm co coming over

Cuz its ne-never over

[Chorus]

[Kanye (Female Voice)]

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good

Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would

Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could

But (You make me smile)

I see the emotion in your eyes, that you, try not to show

We get the closest when you high, or you drunk, or you blow

So I pour the potion, so we could both get high, as we could go

Then I'll get the lotion, and do something to me, when your thighs is exposed

There's no turning back now, I mean I don't mean to impose

Not now but right now, I need you to undress, and then pose

I'm into that now, catch a vibe, when the doors, get closed

Roll up the doge, henny and c-c-c-cola, and I keep co coming over

Cuz its ne-never over

[Chorus]

[Female Voice (Female Voice)]

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good

Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would

Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could

But... (You Make Me Smile)

(You make me smile with my heart)

[INSTRUMENTAL]

[Chorus]

[Kanye (Female Voice)]

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good

Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would

Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could

But... (You make me smile, With my heart)

I just wanted to ask you

Just wanted to um

Let how would I put this uhh

Let's say all your friends

Remember the one

You said if you ever she would be the one

Ok, Ok, Ok (You make me smile with my heart)

I was thinking, hypothetically

I mean don't take this seriously

Don't take me: I mean just

Uhh not credibly

I'm feeling incredibly

I mean let it be

Just let it be

I mean you, her and me (You make me smile with my heart)

I mean you, her and me

Maybe, Baby, Baby

You know I was just kidding

Unless you gon' do it

(You make me smile...)"

Song of the Day #83

Fun. feat. Janelle Monae- "We Are Young (Acoustic)" from Some Nights

"Give me a second I,

I need to get my story straight

My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State

My lover she’s waiting for me just across the bar

My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking bout a scar, and

I know I gave it to you months ago

I know you’re trying to forget

But between the drinks and subtle things

The holes in my apologies, you know

I’m trying hard to take it back

So if by the time the bar closes

And you feel like falling down

I’ll carry you home

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

Now I know that I’m not

All that you got

I guess that I, I just thought

Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart

But our friends are back

So let’s raise a cup

‘Cause I found someone to carry me home

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)

Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)

Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)

Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)

The moon is on my side

I have no reason to run

So will someone come and carry me home tonight

The angels never arrived

But I can hear the choir

So will someone come and carry me home

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight

We are young

So let’s set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

So if by the time the bar closes

And you feel like falling down

I’ll carry you home tonight"

Song of the Day #82

"Lately I really, feel like I'm rolling for Delph like Philly

I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely

I apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining

But life keeps on complicating, and

I'm debating on leaving this world this evening

Even my girls can see I'm grieving, I try and hide it

But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty

When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help

I can't do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs

Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying

Around with the idea, of ending the shit right here

I'm hatin my reflection, I walk around the house trying to fight mirrors

I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care?

I give a fuck, only thing I fear, is Hailie

I'm afraid if I close my eyes I might see her

Shit"

Eminem- "Going Through Changes" from Recovery

Going Through Changes

"If I could make up for by apologizing, I'd apologize as much as it took..But that's not how things are. Even if I tried to make up for it, I'd never be able to..So I'm going to start with what I can do. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm serious. I want to change..I won't ask you to trust me right away..I may not do a good job right away. I may make mistakes. But I'm going to change.."

~Luke, Tales of the Abyss~

I don't know what more to add to this. I love this so much and wish I could be as strong as a fictional character in a video game. I hate that I want this so bad, but I'll probably just keep messing up and hurting the people I truly love. 

Is There Anyone Out There? (Cliche I Know...)

As I sit here watching Parks and Recreation waiting for The Office, the last four days have been hell for me. Between thoughts about my dad, thoughts about not being able to be with a person, and failing at life in general, it's spurred terrible thoughts in my head. I miss my dad, I can't be with one the person I want to be with (probably will never reach them, yeah I'm still on this) and I feel like I'm failing them. And even though it's not true, that no one wants anything to do with me. I've been crying, depressed and ultimately more than a bit suicidal (admittedly for the first time). I've talked with people and opened up more than ever apologized yet again for the stupid stuff I do. Last night I went out for a late drive and went around to all the houses and apartments I've been living in since coming to Texas. Fully intent to do something stupid once I got done. It ends up that I got call and a text at the same time, I don't know why but it stopped me. The downward spiral continues in my mind, no matter how much comedy I watch or video games I play, and I don't know where it's going to lead me. But even with everyone talking to me and telling me they're going be there, the fact that they can't be here is what scares me. That even though they want to be no one can save me if they're not here. I'm sorry if I'm worrying anyone,but I think I needed this.

Song of the Day #81

"This beat deserves Hennessey, a bad bitch

And a bag of weed; the Holy Trinity

In the mirror where I see my only enemy

Your life’s cursed, well mine’s an obscenity"

This beat is divine was well.

Kanye West & Jay-Z feat Curtis Mayfield- "The Joy" from Watch the Throne