Finally! After a week long hiatus, The Smackdown Lowdown has come back to Fat Jesus' blog! Get ready for MVP/Swagger, Kofi/Drew, a battle Royal, and the best bad soap opera promo (from Kane) in a long long while. Anywho, I'm not gonna keep you waiting, it's time for me to give ya the lowdown on Smackdown!
We start out with Teddy, hehe, telling us, hehehe, that Undertakers brother Kane, haha, found him in a vegetative state, hahahahahahahaha. And "Buckle Up" Teddy wants to know who committed this heinous crime. After the theme we're informed Smackdown is in Dallas (Boo-ya!) and the Undertakers druids (which are no doubt superstars), wheel a casket with nothing in it down to the ring. Whata waste of effort for it to be empty. Kane is apparently giving a eugely. He says he's one of the most respected superstars and now he doesn't walk among us anymore. He talks about how Undertakers gone from the WWE and so are the bond of brotherhood between them. No more sitting up in matches apparently cause he'll rise no more. Gone is the Undertaker, but soon the monsters that did this will be sent to the depths of hell and he'll personally prosecute/persecute and there will be VENGANCE on his attacker(s) Kane screams as he does 'Takers closing match pose and crawls to the empty casket. And cut! My Lord that was the most theatrics I've seen in the WWE for a long while. Kane deserves a Oscar, or Emmy or whatever they give out for sports people. I'm for sure he'll get a Slammy come this December.
WWE plugs the three hour Raw this Monday where it's Viewers Choice with Bradly Cooper, Rampage Jackson and some other dude hosting Raw.
Jack "The Lisp Champion" Swagger beat MVP in a singles match via pinfall: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
WE have Jack coming out in his Sooner jersey getting a rise out of the Texas crowd. He'd get more of a reaction more south in Texas. Here in DFW it's not too bad with the Sooner hating. Anywho here we go. I like the start with Jack wrestling amateur-style and then MVP throwing an elbow and Swagger got mad. MVP connects with the big boot send Swagger to the outside as we go to commercial. As going to commercial should happen. I love how Stiker is calling the moves by their technical names ala The Plancha. End match Swagger throws MVP into the ring-post. And the does it again for good measure. The ref starts counting and gets to 9 before MVP jumps in the ring. But Swagger takes him down and drives his knee into the injured should. He then puts a key-lock on MVPs arm. MVP fights out, but takes a big boot by Swagger which gets a two. "Let's go Swagger" chants erupt as Swagger beats on MVP in the corner. Swagger then works over MVP with what looks like a standing arm-bar. Swagger Irish whips MVP but sets to early and kick him. Swagger then missed a splash in the corner and takes two clotheslines. But he catches MVP into a powerslam and Vader Bomb, both for two counts. He then puts that key-lock back on MVPs arm. MVP fights up, but is taken back down, still with the key-lock on. MVP gets up again and fights out and hits the drive-by on Swagger in the corner. Both men down as the ref starts his count and both men get up. MVP throws elbows and punches, and clotheslines. He then hits the facebuster, an over heard throw, and the Ballin' Elobw for a two count. He goes for The Play of the Day, Swagger counters but misses the boot, and MVP hits a fisherman's suplex into the bridge for a two. Nice! Swagger hits a jawbreaker into a belly to belly for a two. He goes to the well again for a Vader Bomb but MVP moves and sweeps the legs. MVP goes for another drive-by in the corner, but Swagger moves and rolls MVP for the three. I though it was a very very good match.
Post match Curt Hawkins and Dallas' own (Yeah!) Vance Archer jump MVP and Archer gives him the DDT.
We cut to Vickie and Teddy in the back. Vickie tries to get Dolf Ziggler in the vacant spot for the World Heavyweight Championship match at Fatal Four Way. It gives Teddy the idea to have a Smackdown battle royal with the rest of the roster for the vacant spot. I'd bet my testies that Rey wins.
We come back and Striker compares Dallas to a bunch of JBLs walking around. I lol'd hard. They cut to NXT season 1 finale that happened Tuesday, that Wade Barrett won. I said they'd put him in his PPV match against Truth/Kofi for their respective titles. It makes the most sense.
We cut to the back where CM Punk is putting on his awesome mask. Kane storms the room and shakes down CM Punk. Punk says he understands how Kane feel and offers the assistance of the SES in the hunt for the perp. Reminds me of the APA haha. Look another JBL reference. Damn.
We have the clip of McIntyre having Teddy read Vince note where he suspends Matt Hardy as Drew mocks him on his way out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) beat Drew "Chosen One" McIntyre in a singles match for the Intercontinental Championship vis pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Whew long description for this match. And Drew still has one of the best entrances in the WWE. Also I really think he Kofi needs a new catchphrase. Cause walking around yelling "Boom boom boom" is stupid. We go to commercial as Matt Hardy walks to the front row, though banned, Hardy has a ticket. Oh-ho man, he's sure got the one up on all of us didn't he. Silly Matt Hardy. End match, Drw/Kofi are on the outside and he runs Kofi kidney first into the steel steps and the gives him a snap suplex on the outside. McIntyre rolls Kofi back in the ring, but only gets a two. Drew works over Kofis back, but Kofi fights out. Kofi throws some forearms and then Drew buries the knee off an Irish whip. Drew gives him a couple of clotheslines in the corner and he then give Kofi a short-arm clothesline. Kofi fights back with a couple of moves and both men are on the mat. Kofi hits Drew with something, haha and then rolls him up with a Crucifix for a two. He then hits a cross-body for the long two count. Drew hits a backbreaker into the knee and gets a two outta Kofi. He clotheslines Drew from behind and hits the Boom Drop on Drew and sets up for TiP, but Drew rolled outta the ring, and then Kofi flew outta the ring and missed Drew. Haha a Drew back handing a fan. I wish WWE would do that for real haha. Drew rolls Kofi back in the ring and gets caught with the SOS, aka The Whirling Dervish of Doom for the 1-2-3. Another good match, and I think one of my favorites I've seen Drew in. You can tell he's improving in the ring too.
After the match Matt give security the slip, and gave a Twist of Fate to Drew and runs outta the ring. It's like he watched Tom and Jerry before the SD tapings. Striker said that security aren't the brightest bulbs in the box haha.
We have a WWE Rewind, showing us the MVP/Swagger match from earlier tonight. Good, cause I almost forgot what happened during and after the match. The Gatekeepers, catchy name.
We cut to Swagger, smiling, in the back and he's gonna talk to us. He says that we don't believe his accomplishments. Next he rags on University of Texas. So in honor of all this, he's gonna sing the Sooners fight song. Epic. LMFAO Sing-a-long with Jackie! Kane interrupts and Swagger shits his tights.
Kelly Kelly beat Rosa Mendes in a singles match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
We cut to Rosa Mendes, who might actually have her first match on SD this time around. Vintage Neil Pert reference by Striker. Oh look, it's the diva full of charisma, this could be diva match of the year. I'll just cover the match. Kelly hits a neckbreker for a two. Rosa uses the hair ad takes Kelly down for a two. Rosa whips Kelly into the corner and uses the ropes to work over Kelly. Rose hits a suplex and floats over into the cover for a two. Rosa slaps on a head scissors and Kelly fights out. Thez press from Kelly Kelly (Thanks for posting Mickie James), then a clothesline. Kelly kicks Rosa in the boobs and hits a flying cross-body for a two. Kelly then hits the step-up leg drop, apparently the K2, on Rosa for the three count. Lay-Cool came out and I didn't even notice, I wonder why?
We have the Junkyard Dog package by WWE Classics, going over what he was all about. He died like 10 years ago in a car accident. RIP.
We have the Big Show and the Midget Wrestling reject, Hornswoggle, playing cards in the back when Kane storms in. He tries to shake down Show, but it didn't work. So he kicked the little table. Whata dick move.
We have run down of Fatal Four Way. Could be a decent. PPV, but we need more matches on the card. Kane or Rey winning the Battle Royal BTW.
Recap of Kanes best (or worst) promo in years that happened earlier tonight. My Lord, unless all the watchers are getting plastered, all the rewinds to earlier tonight are pointless.
Rey Mysterio won the Smackdown Battle Royal for the Vacant Spot in the World Heavyweight Championship Match at Fatal Four Way: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Imma call Kane as my #2 pick with Christian as my Darkhorse (F*** You Nickelback and your terrible Raw theme song). I mean if he's always a favorite for the Royal Rumble, this should be a cake walk. Rey out first to a good pop from the Texas crowd. Rey's huge in Texas still. Remember when JBL went down to the border and kicked the Mexican family back across. Good times, and look another JBL reference. Finlay sighting @8:42 CDT! It's like a small tag team/jobberfest in the ring and I expect them to go first. Rey jumps through the second rope and tried to unmask CM Punk and then takes out Gallows on the outside. I'm sure at least 5 people will go during the commercial break. We come back and I guess no one went, or at least no one important. Calen Croft, Trent Baretta, Chris "Titty Dance" Masters, and JTG all get axed. Kofi and Drewy Mac go at the same time. Look a sleeper by Ziggler on Finaly, Striker says it's smart, I think it's stupid. Ziggler gets axed by Christian and then Christan gets dumped over. One more commercial. 8 are left in-ring and my #1/2 picks are still in it. No one eliminated. Rey takes Chavo Guerrero out. Then there were 7. Dallas; own Archer goes next, then MVP right behind. My Lord Hawkins made the final 4. The final three left in Kane, Gallows and Rey. The Hooded Avenger and Gallows almost takes out Kane but to no avail. Gallows is eliminated. Rey sets up for the 619, but gets blasted with a clothesline. Kane works over Rey in the corner. Rey gets hung up on the tops rope, and then hangs on for dear life. Kane stops Rey's momentum after the West Coast Pop. Rey shifts the weight and hits Kane with a reverse DDT. Rey hangs Kane up and hits the 619. But Rey gets caught going for the splash. Kane goes for the chokeslam but, Rey slips out and head scissors Kane over the top rope for the win. Pretty decent, albiet typical, battle royal.
Smackdown: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars (Unofficial FJ Rating)
I like the show. Kanes promo was just over the top enough to be awesome. Swagger/MVP was quite a great match, and Kofi/Drew for the ICC match was good as well. The battle royal was decent, all the promos and announcing throughout the night were good as well. Viva La Texas, I think we're one of the states that WWE always steps up it's shows in. Side note, I like Vance Archer in WWECW, and I'm gald they kept him around.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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