Smackdown, the A-Show, FU haters, is one week removed from Summerfest, where their ICC match got interfered with and the only other noteworthy news is that Undertaker is back. Nothing witty to say cause Fat Jesus is tired from building a bed frame. So let's get the lowdown on Smackdown!
We start with Rey thanking everyone for support through out his vicious, tiring match with Kane. Rey spews that we all know who attacked Kane when Truthman himself Alberto Del Rio interrupts. He says it's an honor to meet Rey, and that while they're both from Mexico. But Del Rio is rich and that Rey is just a commoner. Rey rags on his nice clothes, and says just cause of his houses and nice things, that we don't have to respect him. That around here, he has to earn respect. Del Rio said if he can't earn respect, then he'll make us respect him. Rey says they aren't friends, and Del Rio call him a cockroach. Rey then challenges Del Rio to a match, Del Rio says he will when he's good and ready. Rey slapped Del Rio and then gave him a 619 for good measure.
OH OHHHHHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! And another grooming tip, where "Dashing" Cody eliminates all the ugly, wrinkled, and cracked skin of the WWE Universe!
Kofi Kingston beat Dolph Ziggler (Intercontinental Champion) w/"Emo" Vicky Guerrero vs "Mr. Identity Confused" in a singles match for the Intercontinental Championship via DQ: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Well at Summerfest about 9 minutes in to their match The Nexus came in a f**ked them up, so here's a rematch. Naturally. Lol, first Cole taking jabs at us and now Striker. Call the matches and I'll be the critic. You dumbass Striker. Shanghai, Georgia. What moron thinks Georgia when someone says Shanghai? *Rubs eyes* End match, Ziggler throws an armbar on Kofi. Kofi fights up with punches. He get's slung into the corner and Ziggler missed a splash. Kofi rolls him up for a long two. kofi then it's shots to the chest and dropkick, and a Thez press. Ziggler missed another splash in the corner and takes a boot. Kofi goes to the top and Vicky blatantly pushes him down in front of the ref and Kofi gets the DQ win.
Afterward Kofi tries to attack Ziggler but Vicky stopped him. Which allows an ambush from behind on the outside. Leading to a Zig Zag and a Sleeper Hold in the ring, on Kofi by Ziggler. Finally, at the urging of Vicky, he stomped the knocked out Kofi right in the throat.
Uh-oh! Real talk time with Team Lay-Cool. (I'm starting to love them btw) They liked how they looked on NXT (where McTakers boob popped out) or w/e, and they're sick of "Lady WaWa" Melina's crying. I am too, quit being a cry baby OVER EVERYTHING. And that whatever Teddy has planned is FLAW...less. F*** the little show ruiner is back, it was fun while his absence lasted.
Gallows is complaining in the back that Punk walked out on them. Serena said that beating the Big Show and Kelly Kelly, will earn his respect. To which Joey, brilliantly replied, "But you've never been in a match Serena!" Haha like we're supposed to expect that she's never ever wrestled a match before. CM Punk walks up and says he liked what the Nexus did Monday, and if Gallows and Serena lose, they're out of the Straight Edge Society.
Luke Gallows/Serena w/Joseph Mercury beat Big Show/Kelly in a mix tag team match via pinfall, If Gallows/Serena lose they're out of SES: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
My her hair looks nice tonight...Serena's not Kelly's. Kelly's looks like it has dried sperm in it. End match Kelly hits a sit down facebuster on Serena, which Gallows breaks up. Big show steamrolls Gallows and fights him on the outside. Meanwhile, in the ring Kelly goes for the K2, Serena counters and then hits her finisher, the gutbuster for the 1-2-3.
Rofl, I love the miscue with the track and Kane laughing about 5 seconds after the camera was put on him. He says of the Seven Deadly Sins, pride is his favorite. As it let Undertaker return to soon allowing Kane to drop him on his head. My favorites? Gluttony and sloth obviously. He goes a huge spiel, on how all his years Undertakers "powers" have been dwindling, and how he's jealous of him. I'm impressed that Kane memorizes all this s***, but damn it's boring as hell. Apparently, he's been hatching the plan of VENGEANCE for the last ten years and now the plans happened and Kanes in the spotlight, while Undertaker laying in the shadows. for the last 15 years he's waited to be called upon..The Devils Favorite (and most boring) Subject.
Christian beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match via pinfall: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I still love Drew entrance. OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! Outta nowhere "Dashing" Cody Rhodes comes out and joins us at commentary. "I smell dashing", amazing. cody isn't half bad on commentary either. End match, Christians arm has been focused on the whole time in case you've been sleeping. (Thanks for posting Vince McMahon) Christian hits a huge counter DDT, for a long two on Drew. Clothesline from Christian, and then he takes and beats on Drew in the corner. Christian hits a baseball slide and then a missile dropkick on Drew for yet another long two. Drew misses in the corner and takes a boot. But Drew ducks a flying elbow, and hits Christian's arm with a knee crasher. Christian goes for the Killswitch, but Drew taks him into the corner. Drew carries Christian into the middle of the ring, but Christian counters into a crucifix for the pinfall.
After the match. "Dashing" and Drew beat on Christian. Matt Hardy comes out for the save, and even hits the Side Effect. But he's no match for the numbers game and Drew gives him the Future Shock DDT and gets Cross Rhodes from Cody.
Swagger, the first ever lisp champion, is complaining to Rosa. I'd be staring at her tit bouncing up and down TBH. MVP comes up, and says no one is doubting his credentials. Swagger makes a challenge. A match, if he wins, he hosts the VIP Lounge, and if MVP wins he throws a block party and Swagger has to pick up the tab. I wouldn't take that bet ever.
RAW Rebound, it was solid. Irony hits had Darren Young wrestles the best match out of all of them. Too bad it's against Cena, he loses and bombed from the group.
Teddy called Kane to see him. I think he needs some of Grisham's q-tips. Teddy informs him that his brother, The Undertaker is gonna be back next week. Kane says that it'll be hell on earth.
"Truthman" Alberto Del Rio beat Rey Mysterio in a singles match via submission: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
HE'S LIKE A SPANISH JBL! YES! WITH ORTON'S OLD GOLD WATERFALL!! He doesn't look bad in the early going to be honest, I like his smashmouth style. Not many are like that anymore. End match, Del Rio slams Rey's hand on the steel steps, stands on it for awhile, and then kicks it. He rolls him back in the ring for a two count. Rio misses a boot and takes a hit. He then hits an insiguri into the arm, he body slammed Rey and goes to the top rope and misses the senton. Rey's up first and kicks Rio, and finally a huge one for a long time two. Rey goes to the apron and hits the West Coast pop and a springboard crossbody for a long two. Rio rushed in and gets drop toe held into the second rope. Rio caught the 619, and the counters Rey off the second rope in the corner. Rey goes to the top and Rio knocked him down. Rio kicks Rey in the gut and takes him down with a legs corckscrew into the arm-bar! Rey tapped out to it, and Alberto Del Rio wins his debut match!
Smackdown Rating: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
A lot of good on SD! this week, even with the in-ring action was short. But, short for Smackdown is 9 minute matches. Which were all fairly good. SES with Punk as their dictator now is nice, I expect Gallows to leave first. I'm really glad they're putting Serena in matches too, cause SD! (Really all the WWE) is bad in the divas category. Sorry, Eve, I love ya, but I need moar good women's action. I don't like Swagger being misused, have him cut a promo on how good he is and have him in matches each week. Kane's promo was, good but way overdone. But that how all his speeches are. I'm meh to it now. I like how the young guns in Drew/Rhodes are taking out the old vetrans in Hardy/Christan and this could be a nice little tag team feud. Finally hit the best part of the night, Alberto Del Rio. Honestly I wasn't expecting much, but they gave him main event with Rey and he ran with it. He's got good ring psychology, he looks comfortable, and has one helluva finisher. Kudos to a great debut from Albertoooooooooooooooo Del Rioooooo and great SD! to watch! More grooming tips please.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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Friday, August 20, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 8/16/2010
Off of a Summerfest that initially pissed me off, but then it grew on me. Where Miz had a Promo of the Year nod, if there was one, Daniel Brayn came back as well as Undertaker, and Cena Superman'd up harder than ever before, we have RAW. This could be one to remember and time for hopefully an upper after a Summerslam that was such a downer. Let's lay down the Raw.
We start out with Nexus saying even in loss their still united and have become stronger due to the loss. Then Cena comes out and makes a bunch of bad jokes and uses a bad British accent too much. AND I QUOTE @8:11 CDT! The GM sets up singles matches between Team RAW and Team Nexus members for tonight. Barret add that if any of the Nexus member lose they'll be butt-f***ed and then kicked out of Nexus. Well maybe not the sex part. But they'll still be kicked out.
Wade Barrett beat Chris Jericho in a singles match via pinfall, if Barret loses he is out of The Nexus: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match Barrett hits a bit boot after getting out of the Walls of Jericho. Jericho kicked out at 2. Jericho hits a step up insiguri for a long two. Jericho then goes for a Codebreaker, but Barrett counters it into the Barrett Bomb (can use "Bomb" now that Batista left) for the 1-2-3.
The Hart Dynasty with Natalya's Boobs come out due to the Guest Hosts. The GM IM'd Cole. AND I QUOTE @8:32 CDT! He said that Bret Hart has the new tag team title, and now their to be called the WWE Tag Team titles. I like them they're gold and look like the old WWF Championship belt. Barret comes on the tron (hehe) and says that Hart's opponent will be "Mr. Flamboyant" Justin Gabriel.
Michael Tarver beat Daniel Bryan in a singles match via pinfall, if Tarver loses he is out of The Nexus: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
End match Daniel Bryan hits a missile dropkick for a long two. Then all hell breaks loose. Miz and Alex Riley run down, but Bryan saw them. They yell at each other. Tarver get's up and rolls Bryan up in school-boy for the win. Afterward, Daniel Bryan suicide dove through the ropes onto Miz. But then the 3-on-1 beat down of Bryan begin, ending with The Miz giving the Skull Crushing Finale to Bryan on his Money in the Bank briefcase.
Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews catches Miz and Riley in the back and asks him why he attacked Bryan. Miz said it was because everyone thinks he was better than him since the beginning, but now look at him, and that Alex Riley, is the new WWE NXT breakout star.
Justin Gabriel beat Randy Orton in a singles match via countout, if Gabriel loses he is out of the Nexus: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
AND I QUOTE! @8:56 CDT! The GM says that he's never liked Bret and never and wants to see Bret wrestle on RAW again. He found a suitable opponent. It's RKO himslef. The Voices told Randy to come out, and as always he obliges them. End match Orton hits a snap powerslam (I hate you so much for being thick skulled enough to still call it a f***ing 'scoopslam' Mo\ichael Cole!) and then a DDT off the second rope, that gets a VINTAGE! @9:01 CDT! At this point Sheamus comes out and they brawl at ring side in the crowd. Randy gets counted out. When he realizes it, he jumps back in the ring and RKO'd Gabriel. Then went back to work on Sheamus and ragged on him with a steel chair, ending with an RKO on the floor.
Skip Sheffield/David Otunga beat John Morrison/R-Truth in a tag team match, if Sheffield/Otunga lose they're out of The Nexus: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww yeah The Good an The Bad are back together! "Mr. Narcissistic" comes out and sings his stupid theme as usual. End match Morrison gets the hot tag and goes to work on Sheffield. During an exchange Skip blind tags Outunga. Clubs Morrison, he takes Truth out who tried to come in. Skip then hits Morrison with the Clothesline from Texas for the win.
Maryse/Alica Fox/Jillian Hall beat Eve Torres/Melina (Divas Champion)/Gail Kim in a 3-on-3 divas tag match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match Eve hits two dropkicks and then a nice little springborad kick on Jillian. She climbs to the top rope to go for a moonsault, but Jillian takes her down in a powerbomb like move for the three count. TBH this was the best Divas action on RAW in months upon months.
"Goofy Smile" is in the back and his guest is The Rated R Superstar, Edge. They talk about last night when Slater comes up and says he models his hear and lifestyle after Edge. And it'd be cool if Edge just, didn't show up. Edge said, ordinarily he might but he doesn't wanna get "beaten" by a cheap ginger version of himself. As Edge is walking away Slater clubs him in the back.
Heath "Wendy" Slater beat Edge in a singles match via countout, if Slater loses he is out of The Nexus: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
End match Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for a two. He then hits a running shoulder block in the corner and Heath rolls to the outside. He side steps a baseball slide by Edge. But then he took a big boot and Edge sets up for a spear on the outside. Heath stumbles up and rolls in the ring as the ref get's to a 10 count and wins the match. Niceness I must admit, cause I didn't even notice the count haha.
Oh look bad comedy with the guest hosts, Kahli and The Bella Whores...I mean Twins...I don't care. At all.
John Cena beat Darren Young "Black Cena" in a singles match via submission, if Young loses he is out The Nexus: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Here's what could Match of the Year in "Black Cena" vs "White Cena"! Nexus comes out and watches the match from the stage. A "Let's Go Cena/Cena sucks" chant breaks out while Young has a submission on Cena. Damn, Young is throwing the whole wrestling book at Cena and has been quite impressive. VINTAGE CENA @10:01 CDT! End match, Cena lamely Superman'd up, hits the shoulder blocks, back suplex, 5 Knuckle Shuffle, goes for the Attitude Adjustment, Young fights out, but gets caught in the STF and taps out. Actually a very decent match until Cena Superman'd up.
Afterward Nexus circles up and beat down Young. Giving him the Clothesline from Texas, The Barrett Bomb, and finally the 450 Splash as we close out RAW with one less Nexus member.
RAW Rating 5.5/10 or 2.75/5 Stars
Last Week: NR
It was a nice watch to me. Stuck between giving it a 5 or 6, so I met in the middle. The countout matches were lame, but the Edge one had good action and the Orton one furthered storyline. Not to mention Orton's gone nuts. I like Cole STILL ragging on Daniel Bryan and all the heel heat (he'll get more now) that Miz is getting for hating Daniel Bryan. I like Nexus weeding out the weak, but based off tonight I'd much rather have had Tarver go, cause he was bad, and actually Young looked the best in-ring tonight. Cena "Superman'ing" up is really getting annoying and bad. But, hey at least he sell a lot of that stupid oran-...err now purple crap.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
We start out with Nexus saying even in loss their still united and have become stronger due to the loss. Then Cena comes out and makes a bunch of bad jokes and uses a bad British accent too much. AND I QUOTE @8:11 CDT! The GM sets up singles matches between Team RAW and Team Nexus members for tonight. Barret add that if any of the Nexus member lose they'll be butt-f***ed and then kicked out of Nexus. Well maybe not the sex part. But they'll still be kicked out.
Wade Barrett beat Chris Jericho in a singles match via pinfall, if Barret loses he is out of The Nexus: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match Barrett hits a bit boot after getting out of the Walls of Jericho. Jericho kicked out at 2. Jericho hits a step up insiguri for a long two. Jericho then goes for a Codebreaker, but Barrett counters it into the Barrett Bomb (can use "Bomb" now that Batista left) for the 1-2-3.
The Hart Dynasty with Natalya's Boobs come out due to the Guest Hosts. The GM IM'd Cole. AND I QUOTE @8:32 CDT! He said that Bret Hart has the new tag team title, and now their to be called the WWE Tag Team titles. I like them they're gold and look like the old WWF Championship belt. Barret comes on the tron (hehe) and says that Hart's opponent will be "Mr. Flamboyant" Justin Gabriel.
Michael Tarver beat Daniel Bryan in a singles match via pinfall, if Tarver loses he is out of The Nexus: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
End match Daniel Bryan hits a missile dropkick for a long two. Then all hell breaks loose. Miz and Alex Riley run down, but Bryan saw them. They yell at each other. Tarver get's up and rolls Bryan up in school-boy for the win. Afterward, Daniel Bryan suicide dove through the ropes onto Miz. But then the 3-on-1 beat down of Bryan begin, ending with The Miz giving the Skull Crushing Finale to Bryan on his Money in the Bank briefcase.
Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews catches Miz and Riley in the back and asks him why he attacked Bryan. Miz said it was because everyone thinks he was better than him since the beginning, but now look at him, and that Alex Riley, is the new WWE NXT breakout star.
Justin Gabriel beat Randy Orton in a singles match via countout, if Gabriel loses he is out of the Nexus: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
AND I QUOTE! @8:56 CDT! The GM says that he's never liked Bret and never and wants to see Bret wrestle on RAW again. He found a suitable opponent. It's RKO himslef. The Voices told Randy to come out, and as always he obliges them. End match Orton hits a snap powerslam (I hate you so much for being thick skulled enough to still call it a f***ing 'scoopslam' Mo\ichael Cole!) and then a DDT off the second rope, that gets a VINTAGE! @9:01 CDT! At this point Sheamus comes out and they brawl at ring side in the crowd. Randy gets counted out. When he realizes it, he jumps back in the ring and RKO'd Gabriel. Then went back to work on Sheamus and ragged on him with a steel chair, ending with an RKO on the floor.
Skip Sheffield/David Otunga beat John Morrison/R-Truth in a tag team match, if Sheffield/Otunga lose they're out of The Nexus: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww yeah The Good an The Bad are back together! "Mr. Narcissistic" comes out and sings his stupid theme as usual. End match Morrison gets the hot tag and goes to work on Sheffield. During an exchange Skip blind tags Outunga. Clubs Morrison, he takes Truth out who tried to come in. Skip then hits Morrison with the Clothesline from Texas for the win.
Maryse/Alica Fox/Jillian Hall beat Eve Torres/Melina (Divas Champion)/Gail Kim in a 3-on-3 divas tag match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
End match Eve hits two dropkicks and then a nice little springborad kick on Jillian. She climbs to the top rope to go for a moonsault, but Jillian takes her down in a powerbomb like move for the three count. TBH this was the best Divas action on RAW in months upon months.
"Goofy Smile" is in the back and his guest is The Rated R Superstar, Edge. They talk about last night when Slater comes up and says he models his hear and lifestyle after Edge. And it'd be cool if Edge just, didn't show up. Edge said, ordinarily he might but he doesn't wanna get "beaten" by a cheap ginger version of himself. As Edge is walking away Slater clubs him in the back.
Heath "Wendy" Slater beat Edge in a singles match via countout, if Slater loses he is out of The Nexus: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
End match Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for a two. He then hits a running shoulder block in the corner and Heath rolls to the outside. He side steps a baseball slide by Edge. But then he took a big boot and Edge sets up for a spear on the outside. Heath stumbles up and rolls in the ring as the ref get's to a 10 count and wins the match. Niceness I must admit, cause I didn't even notice the count haha.
Oh look bad comedy with the guest hosts, Kahli and The Bella Whores...I mean Twins...I don't care. At all.
John Cena beat Darren Young "Black Cena" in a singles match via submission, if Young loses he is out The Nexus: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Here's what could Match of the Year in "Black Cena" vs "White Cena"! Nexus comes out and watches the match from the stage. A "Let's Go Cena/Cena sucks" chant breaks out while Young has a submission on Cena. Damn, Young is throwing the whole wrestling book at Cena and has been quite impressive. VINTAGE CENA @10:01 CDT! End match, Cena lamely Superman'd up, hits the shoulder blocks, back suplex, 5 Knuckle Shuffle, goes for the Attitude Adjustment, Young fights out, but gets caught in the STF and taps out. Actually a very decent match until Cena Superman'd up.
Afterward Nexus circles up and beat down Young. Giving him the Clothesline from Texas, The Barrett Bomb, and finally the 450 Splash as we close out RAW with one less Nexus member.
RAW Rating 5.5/10 or 2.75/5 Stars
Last Week: NR
It was a nice watch to me. Stuck between giving it a 5 or 6, so I met in the middle. The countout matches were lame, but the Edge one had good action and the Orton one furthered storyline. Not to mention Orton's gone nuts. I like Cole STILL ragging on Daniel Bryan and all the heel heat (he'll get more now) that Miz is getting for hating Daniel Bryan. I like Nexus weeding out the weak, but based off tonight I'd much rather have had Tarver go, cause he was bad, and actually Young looked the best in-ring tonight. Cena "Superman'ing" up is really getting annoying and bad. But, hey at least he sell a lot of that stupid oran-...err now purple crap.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown! 8/6/2010
Unh yeah let me kick a little rhyme, ya'll know what's on cause it's Smackdown time! After last weeks swim with the superstars edition of Smackdown, we come to the Smackdown before the last Smackdown before Summerfest! I know we'll have Rey/Kane in something I'm sure, where Kane will try and get vengeance, CM Punk will be awesome as always, Team Lay-Cool will have to tell us who is the Womens Champion, and Ziggler/Kofi will battle for the Intercontinental Championship.
We start out with Rey, the number one contender, and he's mad at Kane for chokeslamming him into the Gulf of Mexico last week, he says he doesn't like caskets and only God can judge him (Thanks for posting Tupac). Rey says he knows who really took out Mr. Vegetable, but as he's about to say who, The Chosen One's awesome theme hits and out comes Drew McIntyre. Drew says back home they call mask wearin' people like Rey, criminals. He says Rey's pulled the wool over all our eyes for the last 10 years, and asks why he stood idly by as CM Punks arm was screwed up and Swagger father's was put in the hospital. McIntyre says that he wanted to be the one who took out 'Taker, and then says Teddy set up a match between them if he chooses to accept. Drew says he wants to do the same thing to Rey, that Rey did to Undertaker, and dares him to accept the challenge. Rey yells something in Spanish, pushes Drew, and says he accepts as we go to commercial.
"Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Wow, I can't believe Matt's still getting big pops. Too bad Vince isn't awake to hear them. Go Jobberwalkie #1, Go! Mirror, mirror in the wall, I'd better get a grooming tip tonight after all. End match, Cody hits the spring board kick for a two and then slaps on a modified cross-face. Matt gets up and sunset flips Cody for a two. Both men up again and Hardy puts on an inside cradle for another two. Cody hits a face-buster on Hardy and slaps on the cross-face again. Hardy fights up, but Cody uses his hair to take him down. Cody worked over Matt in the corner and then get's scoop-slammed for a two. Back to the cross-face again. Matt fights up and gets a back elbow into a neckbreaker, clothelines, elbow drops and finally the Side Effect for a two. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate and Cody counters with a roll up for a two. Cody hits a side Russian leg sweep for another two, but misses a leg drop. Matt clothelines Cody in the corner and puts him on the top rope. Cody counters and goes for the Alabama Slam but Matt hangs on. Cody counters the counter and drops Hardy on the turnbuckle and then Cross Rhodes for the win. OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS!
Blah blah, the Hallmark movie channel feature with the WWE called Legendary. I'd rather watch the one about wrestling that has Kurt Angle starring in it...cause he really can ya know, wrestle.
Truthman (Alberto Del Rio) is here! The protector of Honest City and we are all mentally constipated. That's all I got outta this, I guess I need to pull some brain farts.
Teddy's oogling Rosa in the back. Lay-Cool call her fat. Teddy, like a black man steals one of their titles, and then they unrealistically break it in half. Teddy is dumbfounded as they leave.
Dolf Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) in a singles match for the Intercontinental Championship: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
We get the "Excuse Me" from the Beluga whale and it with Ziggler heads to the ring as they go to commercial. Mr. Identity Confused, the champ head to the ring and the match is underway. End match Kofi and Ziggler slug it out and Ziggler ends with an arm stunner for a two. Ziggler right back on the attack with stomps. Ziggler talks with Vickie and takes a Trouble in Paradise. Vickie jump in the ring and distracts ref, while Ziggler gets up and hits the Zig Zag on Kofi for the 1-2-3. And we have a new champ! New champ! OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOK-..wait wrong person.
Afterward Kofi beats on Ziggler and scoop slams him on the announce table and commits a hate crime against Ziggler by bashing his head into the steel steps repeatedly and finally throws Ziggler into the steps like a lawn dart before the ref stops him.
Yes! The Straight Edge Society, the show can finally be saved promo wise by our WWE Pastor, CM Punk! CM Punk says that he's done more than all of us, like being sober and winning the world title three times, and winning back to back money in the Bank matches at Wrestlemania. He then shows us the footage of last week where the SES holds Big Show down and stomps on his hand and I assume breaks it. Punk asks if everyone is happy, and they are. But Punk isn't and tells them to get in their slave-like knees. Punk says when they're happy they let him down and that they slip and fall of the wagon. CM Punk doesn't tolerate their weakness or falling off the wagon, and if they do, they're out like blowing on a candle. He tells them that they'll be better than everyone and will be happy when CM Punk says they can be happy.
CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Joey Mercury w/Serena vs JTG/Chris Masters/MVP in a 3-on-3 tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Haha at SES being the new Freebirds haha awesomeness. End match MVP hits Gallows in the throat and give him a facebuster. MVP get's momentum off the ropes where he got kicked in the back of the head by Punk and Gallows with a boot to the face is enough for the pinfall and the win.
OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! This weeks tip is browscaping! You'll just need ot get come tweezers and an eye brown comb. "Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes is saving everyone from bad faces, one week at a time.
We have a RAW Rebound, not a bad RAW this week, and then a rundown of Summerfest which is next Sunday.
Kane lit scented candles for this promo and basically says that he says he saw the fear is Reys eyes at the Gulf last week and that the darkness will consume Rey when he stuffs him in the casket at Summerfest!
Rey Mysterio beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'm sure that this will end in a no contest or a DQ. Also I still love Drew's entrance, it's awesome sauce. This match is pretty blah the me. Drew said count him out after he got thrown on the announce table. I agree, I hope it ends now, this is boring. End mathc Drew slaps on a modified sitting ab stretch on Rry, but Rey fights out. Rey kicks Drew, but Drew countersthe bulldog into a modified wheel barrow slam. Nice Drew with a fireman's carry into the gut buster for a long time two. He then stomps on Rey after yelling at the ref. Drew works over Reys chest and abdomen, and slaps on a submission. But Rey fights out and hits a counter DDT on Drew. Rey climbs to the apron and hits the West Coast Pop and the springboard cross body for a long two on Drew. Both men are up and Drew ends the exchange with a Tilt-O-Whirl backbreaker that gets another near fall. Drew throws Rey into the corner and gives him a bunch of shoulder blocks and drags Rey into the middle of the ring. He sets up for the Future Shock, but Rey slips out, drop toe held Drew into the ropes, and almost hits the 619. Drew then catches Rey on his shoulder after a springboard. Rey 360'd off of them and and rolls up Drew for the three count.
Afterward they gave Rey a mic and said he has news in Spanish. Kanes music hits and pryo goes off and Kane wheels a casket down to ring side, opens it and gets in the ring. As Kane gets in the ring, Drew took out Rey. Kane stalked Rey and as Rey skedaddled he almost jumps in the casket. Rey said it wasn't him that took out Undertaker it was Kane. Kane get's pissed in the ring and I guess swears vengeance on himself now. Ooooo, shocker *yawn*
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: Didn't cover it
It was a very meh Smackdown. The singles matches were only ok, the commentary was good, CM Punk and the SES was the only good promo, and no divas match? I need mt Friday night Tiffany fix. Though Team Lay-Cool are really growing on me. Where is Swagger his one of the best in-ring and you leave him off the show? What's up with that? Also I could care less about Rey/Kane/Undertaker love triangle at Summerfest, and while I love SES their three on one handicap match with the Big Show doesn't intrest me at all either. Anywho in closing, I'm not very excited about Summerslam save for whatever Nexus and Miz do and Orton/Sheamus. Good job screwing up the end of my summer WWE.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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We start out with Rey, the number one contender, and he's mad at Kane for chokeslamming him into the Gulf of Mexico last week, he says he doesn't like caskets and only God can judge him (Thanks for posting Tupac). Rey says he knows who really took out Mr. Vegetable, but as he's about to say who, The Chosen One's awesome theme hits and out comes Drew McIntyre. Drew says back home they call mask wearin' people like Rey, criminals. He says Rey's pulled the wool over all our eyes for the last 10 years, and asks why he stood idly by as CM Punks arm was screwed up and Swagger father's was put in the hospital. McIntyre says that he wanted to be the one who took out 'Taker, and then says Teddy set up a match between them if he chooses to accept. Drew says he wants to do the same thing to Rey, that Rey did to Undertaker, and dares him to accept the challenge. Rey yells something in Spanish, pushes Drew, and says he accepts as we go to commercial.
"Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Wow, I can't believe Matt's still getting big pops. Too bad Vince isn't awake to hear them. Go Jobberwalkie #1, Go! Mirror, mirror in the wall, I'd better get a grooming tip tonight after all. End match, Cody hits the spring board kick for a two and then slaps on a modified cross-face. Matt gets up and sunset flips Cody for a two. Both men up again and Hardy puts on an inside cradle for another two. Cody hits a face-buster on Hardy and slaps on the cross-face again. Hardy fights up, but Cody uses his hair to take him down. Cody worked over Matt in the corner and then get's scoop-slammed for a two. Back to the cross-face again. Matt fights up and gets a back elbow into a neckbreaker, clothelines, elbow drops and finally the Side Effect for a two. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate and Cody counters with a roll up for a two. Cody hits a side Russian leg sweep for another two, but misses a leg drop. Matt clothelines Cody in the corner and puts him on the top rope. Cody counters and goes for the Alabama Slam but Matt hangs on. Cody counters the counter and drops Hardy on the turnbuckle and then Cross Rhodes for the win. OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS!
Blah blah, the Hallmark movie channel feature with the WWE called Legendary. I'd rather watch the one about wrestling that has Kurt Angle starring in it...cause he really can ya know, wrestle.
Truthman (Alberto Del Rio) is here! The protector of Honest City and we are all mentally constipated. That's all I got outta this, I guess I need to pull some brain farts.
Teddy's oogling Rosa in the back. Lay-Cool call her fat. Teddy, like a black man steals one of their titles, and then they unrealistically break it in half. Teddy is dumbfounded as they leave.
Dolf Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) in a singles match for the Intercontinental Championship: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
We get the "Excuse Me" from the Beluga whale and it with Ziggler heads to the ring as they go to commercial. Mr. Identity Confused, the champ head to the ring and the match is underway. End match Kofi and Ziggler slug it out and Ziggler ends with an arm stunner for a two. Ziggler right back on the attack with stomps. Ziggler talks with Vickie and takes a Trouble in Paradise. Vickie jump in the ring and distracts ref, while Ziggler gets up and hits the Zig Zag on Kofi for the 1-2-3. And we have a new champ! New champ! OH OH YOU'RE ONLY SMOK-..wait wrong person.
Afterward Kofi beats on Ziggler and scoop slams him on the announce table and commits a hate crime against Ziggler by bashing his head into the steel steps repeatedly and finally throws Ziggler into the steps like a lawn dart before the ref stops him.
Yes! The Straight Edge Society, the show can finally be saved promo wise by our WWE Pastor, CM Punk! CM Punk says that he's done more than all of us, like being sober and winning the world title three times, and winning back to back money in the Bank matches at Wrestlemania. He then shows us the footage of last week where the SES holds Big Show down and stomps on his hand and I assume breaks it. Punk asks if everyone is happy, and they are. But Punk isn't and tells them to get in their slave-like knees. Punk says when they're happy they let him down and that they slip and fall of the wagon. CM Punk doesn't tolerate their weakness or falling off the wagon, and if they do, they're out like blowing on a candle. He tells them that they'll be better than everyone and will be happy when CM Punk says they can be happy.
CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Joey Mercury w/Serena vs JTG/Chris Masters/MVP in a 3-on-3 tag team match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
Haha at SES being the new Freebirds haha awesomeness. End match MVP hits Gallows in the throat and give him a facebuster. MVP get's momentum off the ropes where he got kicked in the back of the head by Punk and Gallows with a boot to the face is enough for the pinfall and the win.
OH OHHH YOU'RE ONLY SMOKE AND MIRRORS! This weeks tip is browscaping! You'll just need ot get come tweezers and an eye brown comb. "Mr. Lisp" Cody Rhodes is saving everyone from bad faces, one week at a time.
We have a RAW Rebound, not a bad RAW this week, and then a rundown of Summerfest which is next Sunday.
Kane lit scented candles for this promo and basically says that he says he saw the fear is Reys eyes at the Gulf last week and that the darkness will consume Rey when he stuffs him in the casket at Summerfest!
Rey Mysterio beat "The Chosen One" Drew McIntyre in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'm sure that this will end in a no contest or a DQ. Also I still love Drew's entrance, it's awesome sauce. This match is pretty blah the me. Drew said count him out after he got thrown on the announce table. I agree, I hope it ends now, this is boring. End mathc Drew slaps on a modified sitting ab stretch on Rry, but Rey fights out. Rey kicks Drew, but Drew countersthe bulldog into a modified wheel barrow slam. Nice Drew with a fireman's carry into the gut buster for a long time two. He then stomps on Rey after yelling at the ref. Drew works over Reys chest and abdomen, and slaps on a submission. But Rey fights out and hits a counter DDT on Drew. Rey climbs to the apron and hits the West Coast Pop and the springboard cross body for a long two on Drew. Both men are up and Drew ends the exchange with a Tilt-O-Whirl backbreaker that gets another near fall. Drew throws Rey into the corner and gives him a bunch of shoulder blocks and drags Rey into the middle of the ring. He sets up for the Future Shock, but Rey slips out, drop toe held Drew into the ropes, and almost hits the 619. Drew then catches Rey on his shoulder after a springboard. Rey 360'd off of them and and rolls up Drew for the three count.
Afterward they gave Rey a mic and said he has news in Spanish. Kanes music hits and pryo goes off and Kane wheels a casket down to ring side, opens it and gets in the ring. As Kane gets in the ring, Drew took out Rey. Kane stalked Rey and as Rey skedaddled he almost jumps in the casket. Rey said it wasn't him that took out Undertaker it was Kane. Kane get's pissed in the ring and I guess swears vengeance on himself now. Ooooo, shocker *yawn*
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Last Week: Didn't cover it
It was a very meh Smackdown. The singles matches were only ok, the commentary was good, CM Punk and the SES was the only good promo, and no divas match? I need mt Friday night Tiffany fix. Though Team Lay-Cool are really growing on me. Where is Swagger his one of the best in-ring and you leave him off the show? What's up with that? Also I could care less about Rey/Kane/Undertaker love triangle at Summerfest, and while I love SES their three on one handicap match with the Big Show doesn't intrest me at all either. Anywho in closing, I'm not very excited about Summerslam save for whatever Nexus and Miz do and Orton/Sheamus. Good job screwing up the end of my summer WWE.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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Monday, August 2, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 8/2/10
We're a couple weeks away from Summerfest, and I haven't watched wrestling since, what was a huge travesty, a terrible NXT last Tuesday. Shocking I know. Now I'm looking for terrible skits, and six 3-minute matches to fuel my need for this great form of entertainment. Hey, Markie Mark and the ever awesome Will Ferrell are rumored to be featured tonight. Also what could be a pretty great match between Orton/Miz and the lovely Melina I hear is back as well! Anywho before I lmfao at The Other Guys Thursday at midnight, let's lay down the Raw.
Oh joy, yet another recap of the forming of The Superfriends. Jesus, like we've forgotten by now. Cut to last week where The Legion of Doom (Nexus), killed the team from the Island of Misfit Toys and The Superfriends are cracking up more than Mae Youngs face skin.
LMFAO "the highly anticipated trailer" for Extraordinary hahahaha. Cole you suck. Cue my boy, The Ultimate Opportunist, Edge! Edge says that he needs to listen to one person, himself. Cause like when he came back at the Royal Rumble, he listened to us and failed. He said he doesn't respect Cena, trust Y2J, or care about anyone else. He says he's gonna challenge Wade Barret and doesn't want anyone to get in his business. Cue "Mr. Narcissistic" himself, R-Truth ignoring the promo. He says that he will listen to Truth and that Nexus is bigger than Barret himself. Truth asks how many times he has to fight for everything, and tell him their fighting for what they do and love. He then says they have to fight together or Nexis wins. Edge says that Truths version is dumb and that the only way to kill Nexus is to take Barret out. Edge then said he'll spear Truth, which get's us an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @8:11CDT! Blah blah, Edge gets his way and Edge/Barret will be happening next.
Edge and Wade "The Botanist" Barret in a singles match ends in a no contest: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Should be a decent match if no one really interferes, and they get like 10 minutes. Of course this is RAW so it'll be 3-6 minutess and have a crappy ending. A "Let's Go Edge" chant breaks out about 3-4 minutes into the match. End match, both men go for a clothesline and they succeed. At at about 5 both men are up and throwing bombs. Edge hits a flying clothesline and another, then an Edge-O-Matic for a long two. Edge goes to the top, but Barret cuts him off and sets him up for the Planter Box. Edge counter into and impaler DDT. Edge sets up for the spear, but Barret rolls outta the ring and takes him time getting back in the ring. But instead of getting back in, he calls in the brigade and Edge high-tails it. I'm guess this ends in a No Contest. I don't mind, it had some nice back and forth action, and furthered the storyline.
Edge is in the back looking for Cena, and finds him rather quickly. He asked where Cena was when he was fighting for my life, and Cena mocks him saying that he was listening to him. So Edge has and enough and quits. Cena sucks. Jericho comes up and says that his team will be better if Cena quits the team altogether. He then says that he wants Jericho/Cena in a "Loser leaves Summerfest match" match. God I hate Cole, Bret's training in Calgary, hahaha.
Mr. Perfect/Bret Hart from Summerfest 1991 is the flashback, and boy is that a great match.
Hey look the two possibly worst talkers cut a promo and then Tarver and Otunga come up.They say they didn't attack him cause they respect him, and that it's rumored that Cena will replace him if he loses to DiBiase later. Don't worry, Kalhi's gonna think over joining Nexus. I hope me makes the right decision.
Alicia Fox (Divas Champion)/Tamena/Jillian beat Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natayla in a 6-Diva Tag match: 3/10 or 1.5/5
Oh man, I agree with King. My God my Eve is gorgeous. Very very nice Northern Lights suplex by Alicia. Nattie didn't do a Northern Lights you dumbf*** Cole. Everything goes to hell with Natayla and Alicia in the ring. Nattie hits a spine-buster and goes for the sharpshooter when Tamena breaks it up. Natayla throws her outta the ring and Alicia hits the scissors kick (for the 4th week in a row) on the opponents back, not head. Alicia then says she's beaten everyone on the roster. Cue Melina's return, Cole and King act overly shocked and Melina hits the splits leg drop she does on Alicia.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) beat Goldust in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We're back with the WWE Champion, The Pale White Yonder, Sheamus! Wow vintage WWECW, and actually these guys have had some good matches. This could be ok. End match, Sheamus hits the Blarney Stone on him and then hits the Blarney Boot @8:52 CDT! Finally he hits "High Cross" (God all his move names suck ass) for the 1-2-3. Afterward he talks about how he doesn't need the Money in the Bank or to be a third gen superstar. And that just like Triple H, he'll end Orton's career at Summerfest. He's on top of the world people, look out.
John Cena beat Chris Jericho in a singles match, loser is banished from The Superfriends: 6/20 or 3/5 Stars
Oh nooooooooooooo the dog was in the way of the tv and I missed Cena run down to the ring in his stupid orange crap. I'm sure Bret is working about as hard at training up in Canada, as hard Big Daddy V did when he was around. Oh my, Cena Superman'd up for the first time by getting back in the ring at a 9 count. Cena Superman'd up for a second time, but fails. ASK HIM @9:05 CDT! End match Cena hits the shoulders blocks, the back suplex, BUT Jericho hits the Codebreaker outta nowhere! Cena falls outta the ring. By the time Jericho gets him back in and covers him he only gets a two, and we go to commercial. YOU ARE A STUPID MAN! End match, Jericho hits a bad Lionsault on Cena for a long two. Jericho sets Cena up on the top rope and goes up with him. Cena fights out of the Superplex and knocks Y2J down. Cena hits the flying leg drop, but can't cover him. He finally gets to the cover and gets a two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho counters into Walls of Jericho. Cena Superman'd up a third time and counters into the STF. But before Cena can lock in it, Jericho taps.
After Cena says that Jericho is the best in the world at what he does and can go to to toe with anyone and doesn't want him to leave the team. He says he can rejoin the Superfriends and save the day, or quit and let down everyone and himself. Of course Jericho scowls at Cena and leaves. He is outta hereeeeeeee!
My two guys, Edge and Jericho are in the back. Edge says that he respects Jericho and vice-versa. Jericho says they were doing just fine before Nexus. Edge then says they could rule this place. The Edge and Jericho form Rated Y2J again! YES! Then we get an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @9:25 CDT! Next week it'll be Rated Y2J vs Cena/Bret in a tag team match with Nexus as lumberjacks. They should call it a handicap match haha.
Good ol' Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is in the back and he has Orton. Orton says that he took out Triple H with a punt, and that he's inviting Sheamus to watch his match with Miz ring-side. Then after he's done with Miz this week, he'll turn his attention to Sheamus at Summerfest.
Haha Cena's new movie looks like it belongs on Lifetime or Hallmark. My Lord, it looks worse than The Marine and 12 Rounds. And I didn't think it could get worse than those.
The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" beat Ted DiBiase w/Maryse in a singles match via submission: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Oh man Maryse looks good. Wow this sucks. Maryse show him your tits then Teddy can roll him up! Barret and Skip come out and distracts Ted, allowing Kalhi to hit the axe and the put on the Kalhi Vice-Grip for the win. Least Maryse looks great as always.
Look The Bella Twins are still employed and hitting on Will Ferrell cause his character from The Other Guys is a chick magnet. "We give great foot massages", "I'm sure you don't, I go to a pediatrist for that!" <--Full of win.
Randy Orton beat The Miz (Mr. Money in the Bank/United States Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
All that needs to be said is that Orton needs to get it straight cause The Miz will be the next WWE Champion, cause he's The Miz, and he's AWESOOOOOOOOOOME! And the voices told Orton to head out and he obliged them. VINTAGE Orton @9:51 CDT! Oh snap, that was a huge boot by Miz! Another Vintage Orton @9:59 CDT! End match Miz hits his clothesline in the corner and gets a two. He then works over Orton with punches. Orton explodes back with an uppercut, but Miz takes Orton down again. Orton fights back with a clothesline and a huge snap powerslam and Orton is feeling it. Miz is set up for the second rope DDT, but Miz steps through and back body drops Orton over the top rope. Nice. Miz throws Orton back into the ring and hits a backbreaker to the knee into a neckbreaker and gets him a long time two. Niceness. Miz wait for Orton to get up and charges him, Orton sidesteps him and as Miz bounces off the ropes Orton hits the RKO outta nowhere for the 1-2-3! Afterward Shamus runs to the apron but stops cause Orton is taunting him with the RKO as we go off-air.
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Great Raw, and a huge step up from the last two weeks. Edge/Y2J no longer in the stupid Summerfest match AND are a tag team again, Cena is losing it, Cena/Y2J and Orton/Miz had great tv matches, Edge/Barret was alright, the promos were solid, and Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg promoting The Other Guys was really funny. Also Cole didn't piss me off as much as he usually does, so that's a plus too. BTW this is about the time Shawn usually comes back from his summer hiatus, not anymore. I miss that fella A LOT.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Oh joy, yet another recap of the forming of The Superfriends. Jesus, like we've forgotten by now. Cut to last week where The Legion of Doom (Nexus), killed the team from the Island of Misfit Toys and The Superfriends are cracking up more than Mae Youngs face skin.
LMFAO "the highly anticipated trailer" for Extraordinary hahahaha. Cole you suck. Cue my boy, The Ultimate Opportunist, Edge! Edge says that he needs to listen to one person, himself. Cause like when he came back at the Royal Rumble, he listened to us and failed. He said he doesn't respect Cena, trust Y2J, or care about anyone else. He says he's gonna challenge Wade Barret and doesn't want anyone to get in his business. Cue "Mr. Narcissistic" himself, R-Truth ignoring the promo. He says that he will listen to Truth and that Nexus is bigger than Barret himself. Truth asks how many times he has to fight for everything, and tell him their fighting for what they do and love. He then says they have to fight together or Nexis wins. Edge says that Truths version is dumb and that the only way to kill Nexus is to take Barret out. Edge then said he'll spear Truth, which get's us an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @8:11CDT! Blah blah, Edge gets his way and Edge/Barret will be happening next.
Edge and Wade "The Botanist" Barret in a singles match ends in a no contest: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Should be a decent match if no one really interferes, and they get like 10 minutes. Of course this is RAW so it'll be 3-6 minutess and have a crappy ending. A "Let's Go Edge" chant breaks out about 3-4 minutes into the match. End match, both men go for a clothesline and they succeed. At at about 5 both men are up and throwing bombs. Edge hits a flying clothesline and another, then an Edge-O-Matic for a long two. Edge goes to the top, but Barret cuts him off and sets him up for the Planter Box. Edge counter into and impaler DDT. Edge sets up for the spear, but Barret rolls outta the ring and takes him time getting back in the ring. But instead of getting back in, he calls in the brigade and Edge high-tails it. I'm guess this ends in a No Contest. I don't mind, it had some nice back and forth action, and furthered the storyline.
Edge is in the back looking for Cena, and finds him rather quickly. He asked where Cena was when he was fighting for my life, and Cena mocks him saying that he was listening to him. So Edge has and enough and quits. Cena sucks. Jericho comes up and says that his team will be better if Cena quits the team altogether. He then says that he wants Jericho/Cena in a "Loser leaves Summerfest match" match. God I hate Cole, Bret's training in Calgary, hahaha.
Mr. Perfect/Bret Hart from Summerfest 1991 is the flashback, and boy is that a great match.
Hey look the two possibly worst talkers cut a promo and then Tarver and Otunga come up.They say they didn't attack him cause they respect him, and that it's rumored that Cena will replace him if he loses to DiBiase later. Don't worry, Kalhi's gonna think over joining Nexus. I hope me makes the right decision.
Alicia Fox (Divas Champion)/Tamena/Jillian beat Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natayla in a 6-Diva Tag match: 3/10 or 1.5/5
Oh man, I agree with King. My God my Eve is gorgeous. Very very nice Northern Lights suplex by Alicia. Nattie didn't do a Northern Lights you dumbf*** Cole. Everything goes to hell with Natayla and Alicia in the ring. Nattie hits a spine-buster and goes for the sharpshooter when Tamena breaks it up. Natayla throws her outta the ring and Alicia hits the scissors kick (for the 4th week in a row) on the opponents back, not head. Alicia then says she's beaten everyone on the roster. Cue Melina's return, Cole and King act overly shocked and Melina hits the splits leg drop she does on Alicia.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) beat Goldust in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
We're back with the WWE Champion, The Pale White Yonder, Sheamus! Wow vintage WWECW, and actually these guys have had some good matches. This could be ok. End match, Sheamus hits the Blarney Stone on him and then hits the Blarney Boot @8:52 CDT! Finally he hits "High Cross" (God all his move names suck ass) for the 1-2-3. Afterward he talks about how he doesn't need the Money in the Bank or to be a third gen superstar. And that just like Triple H, he'll end Orton's career at Summerfest. He's on top of the world people, look out.
John Cena beat Chris Jericho in a singles match, loser is banished from The Superfriends: 6/20 or 3/5 Stars
Oh nooooooooooooo the dog was in the way of the tv and I missed Cena run down to the ring in his stupid orange crap. I'm sure Bret is working about as hard at training up in Canada, as hard Big Daddy V did when he was around. Oh my, Cena Superman'd up for the first time by getting back in the ring at a 9 count. Cena Superman'd up for a second time, but fails. ASK HIM @9:05 CDT! End match Cena hits the shoulders blocks, the back suplex, BUT Jericho hits the Codebreaker outta nowhere! Cena falls outta the ring. By the time Jericho gets him back in and covers him he only gets a two, and we go to commercial. YOU ARE A STUPID MAN! End match, Jericho hits a bad Lionsault on Cena for a long two. Jericho sets Cena up on the top rope and goes up with him. Cena fights out of the Superplex and knocks Y2J down. Cena hits the flying leg drop, but can't cover him. He finally gets to the cover and gets a two. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho counters into Walls of Jericho. Cena Superman'd up a third time and counters into the STF. But before Cena can lock in it, Jericho taps.
After Cena says that Jericho is the best in the world at what he does and can go to to toe with anyone and doesn't want him to leave the team. He says he can rejoin the Superfriends and save the day, or quit and let down everyone and himself. Of course Jericho scowls at Cena and leaves. He is outta hereeeeeeee!
My two guys, Edge and Jericho are in the back. Edge says that he respects Jericho and vice-versa. Jericho says they were doing just fine before Nexus. Edge then says they could rule this place. The Edge and Jericho form Rated Y2J again! YES! Then we get an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @9:25 CDT! Next week it'll be Rated Y2J vs Cena/Bret in a tag team match with Nexus as lumberjacks. They should call it a handicap match haha.
Good ol' Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews is in the back and he has Orton. Orton says that he took out Triple H with a punt, and that he's inviting Sheamus to watch his match with Miz ring-side. Then after he's done with Miz this week, he'll turn his attention to Sheamus at Summerfest.
Haha Cena's new movie looks like it belongs on Lifetime or Hallmark. My Lord, it looks worse than The Marine and 12 Rounds. And I didn't think it could get worse than those.
The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" beat Ted DiBiase w/Maryse in a singles match via submission: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Oh man Maryse looks good. Wow this sucks. Maryse show him your tits then Teddy can roll him up! Barret and Skip come out and distracts Ted, allowing Kalhi to hit the axe and the put on the Kalhi Vice-Grip for the win. Least Maryse looks great as always.
Look The Bella Twins are still employed and hitting on Will Ferrell cause his character from The Other Guys is a chick magnet. "We give great foot massages", "I'm sure you don't, I go to a pediatrist for that!" <--Full of win.
Randy Orton beat The Miz (Mr. Money in the Bank/United States Champion) in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
All that needs to be said is that Orton needs to get it straight cause The Miz will be the next WWE Champion, cause he's The Miz, and he's AWESOOOOOOOOOOME! And the voices told Orton to head out and he obliged them. VINTAGE Orton @9:51 CDT! Oh snap, that was a huge boot by Miz! Another Vintage Orton @9:59 CDT! End match Miz hits his clothesline in the corner and gets a two. He then works over Orton with punches. Orton explodes back with an uppercut, but Miz takes Orton down again. Orton fights back with a clothesline and a huge snap powerslam and Orton is feeling it. Miz is set up for the second rope DDT, but Miz steps through and back body drops Orton over the top rope. Nice. Miz throws Orton back into the ring and hits a backbreaker to the knee into a neckbreaker and gets him a long time two. Niceness. Miz wait for Orton to get up and charges him, Orton sidesteps him and as Miz bounces off the ropes Orton hits the RKO outta nowhere for the 1-2-3! Afterward Shamus runs to the apron but stops cause Orton is taunting him with the RKO as we go off-air.
Raw: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Great Raw, and a huge step up from the last two weeks. Edge/Y2J no longer in the stupid Summerfest match AND are a tag team again, Cena is losing it, Cena/Y2J and Orton/Miz had great tv matches, Edge/Barret was alright, the promos were solid, and Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg promoting The Other Guys was really funny. Also Cole didn't piss me off as much as he usually does, so that's a plus too. BTW this is about the time Shawn usually comes back from his summer hiatus, not anymore. I miss that fella A LOT.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Monday, July 26, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 7/26/10
La de da de da nothing clever to say except SummerSlam is looking quite lackluster to me, at least on paper. Maybe a promo where Cena yells at us can get me excited. Got a pm telling me WWE said that JR is the GM. He's not, Stone Cold isn't, Piper isn't, it Abe Washington. Get over it. Anywho on that sour note by me, let's lay down the Raw.
We start out with Cena cutting a basic face promo about how The Super Friends will win at Summerfest and how he has a photoshopped picture of The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman costume. He would. Jericho comes out and calls us "paracitic hypocrites" and says this is his name. John Cena gives the team to Jericho and says it's not about them, it's about the business. Quite a leap, I guess it's still real to him, dammit! Jericho them says after Summerfest, he's gonna turn to the other thing killing the WWE, The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman outfit...err I mean John Cena. They get in each others face on que we have an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @ 8:15 CDT! The The Super Friends vs The Legion of Doom at Summerfest will be an elimination style match, and that Cena/Jericho will be in a tag match later tonight against opponents of his choosing. And if your not down that, we've got two words for ya. OMG IT MUST BE DX AS THE GM GfeghrehrehfhtwrHFrehfEs!
Randy Orton vs Jay Uso in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
"The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus, comes out to scout and do commentary. Before he can even get there, the voices told Orton to come out and make glare at him. I QUOTE @8:23 CDT! Haha The Usos are already jobbing. End match Jay covers Orton for a two. He puts him in a head lock and Orton fights up. They trade blows, and Orton delivers two clothelines and a SNAP POWERSLAM (Cole is mentally ill). He takes out Jimmy on the apron and DDTs Jay off the ropes. Randy the beats the mat and then delivers the RKO for the win. Afterward Jimmy Uso beats down Orton. Orton throws Jimmy out and RKO's Sheamus outta nowhere. The Miz comes running down with a ref looking to cash in his Money in the Bank contract. As Sheamus was getting up, before the bell rang, Orton RKO'd The Miz and yet again Miz can't cash in. I like how they're doing MitB with Miz, it keeps me excited that he could cash in at any time.
Edge can't wait for Summerslam, and wishes Teddy was on the team instead of Kalhi, cause he's clumsy, uncoordinated and stupid. Maryse is looking pretty and is yet again wearing a very non-PG dress. Ted says he's gonna beat Morrison later tonight, and Edge says if Cena doesn't see the error in his way he'll have to take out Kalhi himself.
The Miz and Sheamus are arguing in the ring, when the email sends a GM..oh wait that's how Cole screws it up. Anywho, AND I QUOTE (for a third time!!!) @8:36 CDT!, and The Miz/Sheamus will face Cena/Jericho later tonight.
Edge is on the phone when "Wonder Kalhi" storms in like a rat out of India, saying blah de blah blah blah and that Edge is a ninconpoop. He challenges Edge to a match and Edge accepts saying that if Kalhi loses (God forbid, he the future of the WWE) he;s out of The Super Friends.
Edge vs The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" in a singles match: NR
Cole is alone on commentary? My God it's like letting a mentally challenged drive a car down the LA Expressway. Cole stop calling them Team WWE, that's lamer than you babbling on commentary. End of what the Raw Writing Team calls a match, Kalhi missed a leg drop and The Nexus storms the ring. Edge high tails it, and they surround Kalhi in the ring. But they let him leave, God I wish they'd take Cole out already. I mean hell, this time he was alone!
Nexus stays in the ring as their 7 man tag is next against Team Raw. They are; Lawler, Goldust, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Bourne, The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya's Boobs. My Lord it's like they shipped straight from the Island of Misfit Toys.
Team Raw vs The Nexus in a 7-on-7 Elimination Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Screw trying to do a play by play, so Imma be different and just list out the eliminations as they happen. God I'm lazy.
1. Yoshi Tatsu eliminated by Michael Tarver after a Inverted Snap Powerslam
Vintage @8:55 CDT!
2. Jerry "The King" Lawler eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag
3. David Hart Smith eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag (Man Dolf might be getting a push)
4. Goldust eliminated by David Otunga after his spine buster
5. Mark Henry eliminated by Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield after his running clothesline
6. Tyson Kidd eliminated by Darren Young after the full Nelson into a flapjack
7. Evan Bourne eliminated by Wade Barret after the fireman's carrying into the dump over the front
Afterward they took out Bourne with Sheffield's clothesline and Gabriel's cool 450 Splash. Wade says afterward that Cenas...err Jericho's team isn't unified and that the cracks already showing in the team. Skip then says that The Super Friends are only looking out for themselves, while The Legion of Doom is willing to sacrifice for each other. Tarver closes by saying they are going to tear into the meat that is Team WWE. I'd much rather say that the WWE team is meat and that Nexus is gonna beat it. Hehe, I went there.
Sheamus and Miz are in the back and Sheamus tells Miz that now he's tried to cash in twice now. But it didn't happen and he tells Miz to name the time and place. Miz says maybe he'll cash in after he wins their tag match. After he throws Sheamus back in and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on him and Jericho slaps on the Walls. And Sheamus is yelling how he wants to quit. Fella x2 @9:12 CDT!! Sheamus hits the briefcase out of Miz's hand and they get in each others face as we go to commercial.
Alica Fox (Divas Champion) beat Brie "Whore #1" Bella w/Nikki "Whore #2" Bella in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Haha they haven't been on Raw in like weeks so now they get thrown into a match with the champ to make her look stronger. WWE can't fire them (The Bellas) either cause the Raw will be lacking Divas. The Bella try to pull a switcheroo but Jillan (WTF?) stops them from doing it. Brie trys to roll Alica up, but only get's a two. Alica them hits the scissors kick to Brie (on the back again...) for the 1-2-3. Then Jillian wants to sing for her, but Alica gets the scissors kick (for a third time in a row) to the back. Good job, give her a move she can to right.
Ted DiBise w/Maryse beat John Morrison in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
R-Truth comes out and does his terrible rapping and yelling "What's Up." He's on commentary. This match was set up after Morrison came out and saved the ref after the blown call during the Maryse/Eve match last week. Shut up please! It's like 3 toddlers arguing about finger paints in kindergarten. End match Morrison hits a back heel kick, and the a Pele kick in the corner on DiBiase. Maryse distracts Morrison, Truth distracts Ted, who drop toe holds Morrison into Truth. Then DiBiase rolls him up for the three count. Afterward I think we might have a heel turn by Morrison and they're both arguing all the way up the ramp. Cena is watching in the back and he's melting like the Wicked Witch of the East after water is thrown on her. Haha.
Recap of the recap they showed earlier on what happened when The Super Friends were formed last week. God we know, why waste time with these f***ing things when Ted/Morrison (great workers) get a 3 minute match. You baffle and piss me off Raw Writing Team.
Cole and King put on their concerned voices at how The Super Friends were busting at the seams. LMFAO Josh "Goofy Smile Matthews' "very special guest" is 'The Viper' Randy Orton. God Cole it's an interview not a Goddamn Red Carpet at the Oscars. Orton says that his message was that whoever he faced at Summerslam would lose to the RKO.
Sheamus (WWE Champion)/The Miz (Money in the Bank/United States Champion) beat John Cena/Chris Jericho in a tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Really Raw and Summerslam are sponsored by 7-11, God I never would've guessed. The Miz out first, and next out is his partner Sheamus. Third out is the best in the world at what he does and the emperor of the WWE, Chris Jericho himself. Of course Cena is out last. Never mind he's not MitB winner or a current champion, he sells a lot of t-shirts and gets a good pop. Miz starts with Cena, too bad his cheap shot didn't work. A third "Y2J" chant erupts from the crowd after he's tagged in. Jericho sends Sheamus over the top rope and chases Miz off the apron as we cut to yet another freaking commercial. There has been waaayyy to many tonight. AND I QUOTE @9:56 CDT! A 4th time in one night, I'm over loading! End match Jericho fights out of a submission by Sheamus but gets The Blarney Stone instead. It only gets Sheamus a two. Shemaus and Jericho start dropping bombs, but Sheamus makes the tag to Miz. Miz works over Jericho. Jericho kicks Miz in the chin and this hit a missile dropkick on Miz. Y2J doesn't make it to Cena due to Sheamus coming in off the tag. Sheamus puts him in a submission, but Jericho fights up, but Sheamus drags him to his corner and tags Miz in. Miz stomps and punches Jericho in the corner and misses his clothesline into the corner. Y2J tags in Cena and miz tags on Sheamus. Cena with the shoulder blocks and the back suplex into the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Vintage Cena @10:01 CDT! Sheamus distracts the ref afterward and the outta nowhere Jericho give Cena a Codebreaker and Miz covers him for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Jericho slaps the Wall of Jericho on Cena. Cena reverses it into the STF onto Jericho. Kalhi comes out to mediate but gets speared by Edge. Morrison and Truth come out now. Kalhi then axe handles Truth and Morrison to close out Raw.
Raw rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'll keep this short. I liked Nexus dominating, I liked Orton cause he's on fire, I like all the Miz/Sheamus interactions, Jericho as always, and the crowd was hot. Everything else was crap! Coles more retarded than ever, there was like 20 commercial breaks, the matches were all short, bad, or unentertaining. And bah God after Cena takes the Codebreaker, loses the match and has the Wall of Jericho slapped on him he still has to Superman up (he doesn't tap at all) and reverse it into the STF and Jericho taps within seconds. Maye it just me being pissy but this Raw was on par with last week, some good that was really good, but the rest was bad. Not the worst ever, but far far from the best.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
We start out with Cena cutting a basic face promo about how The Super Friends will win at Summerfest and how he has a photoshopped picture of The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman costume. He would. Jericho comes out and calls us "paracitic hypocrites" and says this is his name. John Cena gives the team to Jericho and says it's not about them, it's about the business. Quite a leap, I guess it's still real to him, dammit! Jericho them says after Summerfest, he's gonna turn to the other thing killing the WWE, The Great Kalhi in the Wonder Woman outfit...err I mean John Cena. They get in each others face on que we have an IM from the GM. AND I QUOTE @ 8:15 CDT! The The Super Friends vs The Legion of Doom at Summerfest will be an elimination style match, and that Cena/Jericho will be in a tag match later tonight against opponents of his choosing. And if your not down that, we've got two words for ya. OMG IT MUST BE DX AS THE GM GfeghrehrehfhtwrHFrehfEs!
Randy Orton vs Jay Uso in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
"The Pale White Yonder" Sheamus, comes out to scout and do commentary. Before he can even get there, the voices told Orton to come out and make glare at him. I QUOTE @8:23 CDT! Haha The Usos are already jobbing. End match Jay covers Orton for a two. He puts him in a head lock and Orton fights up. They trade blows, and Orton delivers two clothelines and a SNAP POWERSLAM (Cole is mentally ill). He takes out Jimmy on the apron and DDTs Jay off the ropes. Randy the beats the mat and then delivers the RKO for the win. Afterward Jimmy Uso beats down Orton. Orton throws Jimmy out and RKO's Sheamus outta nowhere. The Miz comes running down with a ref looking to cash in his Money in the Bank contract. As Sheamus was getting up, before the bell rang, Orton RKO'd The Miz and yet again Miz can't cash in. I like how they're doing MitB with Miz, it keeps me excited that he could cash in at any time.
Edge can't wait for Summerslam, and wishes Teddy was on the team instead of Kalhi, cause he's clumsy, uncoordinated and stupid. Maryse is looking pretty and is yet again wearing a very non-PG dress. Ted says he's gonna beat Morrison later tonight, and Edge says if Cena doesn't see the error in his way he'll have to take out Kalhi himself.
The Miz and Sheamus are arguing in the ring, when the email sends a GM..oh wait that's how Cole screws it up. Anywho, AND I QUOTE (for a third time!!!) @8:36 CDT!, and The Miz/Sheamus will face Cena/Jericho later tonight.
Edge is on the phone when "Wonder Kalhi" storms in like a rat out of India, saying blah de blah blah blah and that Edge is a ninconpoop. He challenges Edge to a match and Edge accepts saying that if Kalhi loses (God forbid, he the future of the WWE) he;s out of The Super Friends.
Edge vs The Great Kalhi "Jobberwalkie #2" in a singles match: NR
Cole is alone on commentary? My God it's like letting a mentally challenged drive a car down the LA Expressway. Cole stop calling them Team WWE, that's lamer than you babbling on commentary. End of what the Raw Writing Team calls a match, Kalhi missed a leg drop and The Nexus storms the ring. Edge high tails it, and they surround Kalhi in the ring. But they let him leave, God I wish they'd take Cole out already. I mean hell, this time he was alone!
Nexus stays in the ring as their 7 man tag is next against Team Raw. They are; Lawler, Goldust, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Bourne, The Hart Dynasty w/Natalya's Boobs. My Lord it's like they shipped straight from the Island of Misfit Toys.
Team Raw vs The Nexus in a 7-on-7 Elimination Tag Team match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Screw trying to do a play by play, so Imma be different and just list out the eliminations as they happen. God I'm lazy.
1. Yoshi Tatsu eliminated by Michael Tarver after a Inverted Snap Powerslam
Vintage @8:55 CDT!
2. Jerry "The King" Lawler eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag
3. David Hart Smith eliminated by Heath Slater after The Zig Zag (Man Dolf might be getting a push)
4. Goldust eliminated by David Otunga after his spine buster
5. Mark Henry eliminated by Skip "To My Lou" Sheffield after his running clothesline
6. Tyson Kidd eliminated by Darren Young after the full Nelson into a flapjack
7. Evan Bourne eliminated by Wade Barret after the fireman's carrying into the dump over the front
Afterward they took out Bourne with Sheffield's clothesline and Gabriel's cool 450 Splash. Wade says afterward that Cenas...err Jericho's team isn't unified and that the cracks already showing in the team. Skip then says that The Super Friends are only looking out for themselves, while The Legion of Doom is willing to sacrifice for each other. Tarver closes by saying they are going to tear into the meat that is Team WWE. I'd much rather say that the WWE team is meat and that Nexus is gonna beat it. Hehe, I went there.
Sheamus and Miz are in the back and Sheamus tells Miz that now he's tried to cash in twice now. But it didn't happen and he tells Miz to name the time and place. Miz says maybe he'll cash in after he wins their tag match. After he throws Sheamus back in and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on him and Jericho slaps on the Walls. And Sheamus is yelling how he wants to quit. Fella x2 @9:12 CDT!! Sheamus hits the briefcase out of Miz's hand and they get in each others face as we go to commercial.
Alica Fox (Divas Champion) beat Brie "Whore #1" Bella w/Nikki "Whore #2" Bella in a singles match: 1/10 or 0.5/5 Stars
Haha they haven't been on Raw in like weeks so now they get thrown into a match with the champ to make her look stronger. WWE can't fire them (The Bellas) either cause the Raw will be lacking Divas. The Bella try to pull a switcheroo but Jillan (WTF?) stops them from doing it. Brie trys to roll Alica up, but only get's a two. Alica them hits the scissors kick to Brie (on the back again...) for the 1-2-3. Then Jillian wants to sing for her, but Alica gets the scissors kick (for a third time in a row) to the back. Good job, give her a move she can to right.
Ted DiBise w/Maryse beat John Morrison in a singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
R-Truth comes out and does his terrible rapping and yelling "What's Up." He's on commentary. This match was set up after Morrison came out and saved the ref after the blown call during the Maryse/Eve match last week. Shut up please! It's like 3 toddlers arguing about finger paints in kindergarten. End match Morrison hits a back heel kick, and the a Pele kick in the corner on DiBiase. Maryse distracts Morrison, Truth distracts Ted, who drop toe holds Morrison into Truth. Then DiBiase rolls him up for the three count. Afterward I think we might have a heel turn by Morrison and they're both arguing all the way up the ramp. Cena is watching in the back and he's melting like the Wicked Witch of the East after water is thrown on her. Haha.
Recap of the recap they showed earlier on what happened when The Super Friends were formed last week. God we know, why waste time with these f***ing things when Ted/Morrison (great workers) get a 3 minute match. You baffle and piss me off Raw Writing Team.
Cole and King put on their concerned voices at how The Super Friends were busting at the seams. LMFAO Josh "Goofy Smile Matthews' "very special guest" is 'The Viper' Randy Orton. God Cole it's an interview not a Goddamn Red Carpet at the Oscars. Orton says that his message was that whoever he faced at Summerslam would lose to the RKO.
Sheamus (WWE Champion)/The Miz (Money in the Bank/United States Champion) beat John Cena/Chris Jericho in a tag team match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Really Raw and Summerslam are sponsored by 7-11, God I never would've guessed. The Miz out first, and next out is his partner Sheamus. Third out is the best in the world at what he does and the emperor of the WWE, Chris Jericho himself. Of course Cena is out last. Never mind he's not MitB winner or a current champion, he sells a lot of t-shirts and gets a good pop. Miz starts with Cena, too bad his cheap shot didn't work. A third "Y2J" chant erupts from the crowd after he's tagged in. Jericho sends Sheamus over the top rope and chases Miz off the apron as we cut to yet another freaking commercial. There has been waaayyy to many tonight. AND I QUOTE @9:56 CDT! A 4th time in one night, I'm over loading! End match Jericho fights out of a submission by Sheamus but gets The Blarney Stone instead. It only gets Sheamus a two. Shemaus and Jericho start dropping bombs, but Sheamus makes the tag to Miz. Miz works over Jericho. Jericho kicks Miz in the chin and this hit a missile dropkick on Miz. Y2J doesn't make it to Cena due to Sheamus coming in off the tag. Sheamus puts him in a submission, but Jericho fights up, but Sheamus drags him to his corner and tags Miz in. Miz stomps and punches Jericho in the corner and misses his clothesline into the corner. Y2J tags in Cena and miz tags on Sheamus. Cena with the shoulder blocks and the back suplex into the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Vintage Cena @10:01 CDT! Sheamus distracts the ref afterward and the outta nowhere Jericho give Cena a Codebreaker and Miz covers him for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Jericho slaps the Wall of Jericho on Cena. Cena reverses it into the STF onto Jericho. Kalhi comes out to mediate but gets speared by Edge. Morrison and Truth come out now. Kalhi then axe handles Truth and Morrison to close out Raw.
Raw rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Last week: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I'll keep this short. I liked Nexus dominating, I liked Orton cause he's on fire, I like all the Miz/Sheamus interactions, Jericho as always, and the crowd was hot. Everything else was crap! Coles more retarded than ever, there was like 20 commercial breaks, the matches were all short, bad, or unentertaining. And bah God after Cena takes the Codebreaker, loses the match and has the Wall of Jericho slapped on him he still has to Superman up (he doesn't tap at all) and reverse it into the STF and Jericho taps within seconds. Maye it just me being pissy but this Raw was on par with last week, some good that was really good, but the rest was bad. Not the worst ever, but far far from the best.
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Monday, July 19, 2010
Layin' Down the Raw 7/19/10
RAW is war...or not anymore. But it is one night after a solid money in the Bank PPV, Kane is the new World Champ on Smackdown, The Miz is Raw's Mr. Money in the Bank, and Sheamus is still WWE Champ! all in all it was a good PPV, and judging from Henry/Barret later tonight this could be the best Raw ever!
Randy Orton beat Edge/Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Can I just say..YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Imma bask in the glory of this awesomeness. Viper @8:06 CDT! Nice double DDT by Orton, that's a cool spot. Vintage @8:10 CDT! I should stop now and give Raw a 10/10 for Cole saying "Vintage" in the first ten minutes. We get ASK HIM from Jericho with Orton in a chin lock. Orton fights up and hits a powerslam for a long to. Orton then works on Edge and hits his inverted backbreaker on Edge for another two. Orton goes for the DDT on Jericho and he counters into the walls. Edge breaks it up after a long time and hits Edgecution for a long two. Edge sets up for the spear, but Y2J ducks it and turns it into Wall, but Edge gets to the ropes and sends Jericho outside. Orton goes for the RKO but gets the Edge-O-Matic for a two. Edge goes for a spear but Y2J intercepts it. Orton rolls up Y2J for a two, then Edge rolls up Orton for a two. Everyone hits a clothesline on each other, and Edge gets thrown out of the ring. Orton goes for the RKO on Jericho, but it countered and Jericho goes for a Lionsault but Orton moves. Jericho landed on his feet, but gets RKO'd then Edge bum rushes in and gets RKO'd as he does. Orton covers Edge, gets the 1-2-3 and becomes No.1 contender for Sheamus' title at Summerfest!
Edge is going berserk in the ring calling for Chris Jercho cause he wants to end the "thing" they've had going for the last 11 years. And they both claim that their the reason why Nexus has gone this far. Que Nexus and they circled Edge and said they could take him out for good, before they took him out. They then turn on Jericho as well. I wonder if all the heels are still on their side.
Barret has an interview where he yells "Bloody" and makes Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews piss himself and John Cena is sick of The Nexus beating everyone and says no one can beat them, and that later in the ring he wants them to talk with him. He closes by saying "If you can't beat 'em."
Eve Torres beat Maryse in a singles match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww my sweet summer's Eve, and I'm sad her push may be over. But it's not! An inept ref lets Eve become the No.1 Contender for the Divas title! Yeah!
Ted gets in and trys to get him to reverse the call to no avail. He should've paid him off. Morrison came out to the ring, shirtless for no reason, and took out Teddy as they go to commercial.
Ah, the good old Pale White Yonder, our WWE Champion Seamus wants to talk and we all shall listen. He says he's been Cena three times now, and it's dominance, and that he looked Barret in the eye and kissed him on the mouth.....I mean made a truce with Nexus. The Miz comes out and says he can cash it in against him or Orton or whoever, wherever and wherever he wants. "And I quote" @9:04 CDT! The GM said Miz needs to stay close to ringside cause Bourne has a match with Sheamus now.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) vs Evan Bourne in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Vintage someone not being ready for a match. End match Sheamus works on Evan in the corner and wraps him around the ring-post. Sheamus then takes Evan to the middle of the ring and rags on him, but Bourne fights up. Evan throws a kick but then gets hit with a massive powerslam only giving Sheamus a two. Sheamus goes back to the potential submission but Evan fights up again. He get out and kicks Sheamus in the hamstrings, but gets thrown in the corner and Bourne starts throwing kicks and knees. Evan then rolls him up for a long two. Sheamus is in position for for the Shooting Star Press but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. He kicks Evan as he was getting in the ring and gave him the Blarney Boot @9:17 CDT for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Miz takes Sheamus out and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the briefcase and wants to cash it in, but Sheamus never got to his feet. While Sheamus was laid out R-Truth came out and Miz bailed, and since the match never started he still has Money in the Bank.
Miz and "Goofy Smile" is in the back and he's pissed that R-Truth came out and ruined his title shot, but that he'll have till July 17, 2011 to cash in.
Sheamus is walking in the back and decides to yell and random jobber Divas, before he runs into Orton saying at Summerfest Sheamus will have a bullzeye for his RKO to find. But not like an arrow or bullet. Not like those.
Sheamus/Vladimir Kozlof beat William Regal/Zack Ryder in a a tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
All that needs to be said it that Santino gets the win off Zack after The People Headbutt, and yes I'm so calling ti that from now on.
Wade "The Botanist" Barret beat Mark Henry in singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
The Kool-Aid is cherry flavored tonight, DON'T SPILL IT! End match Herny hits a powerslam on Wade for a looonng two. Henry drags him to the side and goes to the second rope. Nexus walks up onto the stage and Henry got distracted. Barret kicked him the face and then hit The Planter Box (it was impressive to me) for the 1-2-3.
Nexus is in the ring and Tarver tells Cena that resistance is futile. Cena comes out and says he's only had two (he's had three) WWE Championship matches that Nexus has cost him. Barret says he's not interested in have a truce with Cena but he wants him to join them. Cena, surprisingly, says no. Barret says that now, he can either leave with his tail between his legs, or get the worst beating yet. But wait! Cena has formed the Justice Friend, that consists of himself, Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Kahli, Chris Jericho, and Bret Hart. Amazing the Punjabi Jobber, a 50+ year old Legend, and the Injured R-Truth...The Super Friends will beat The Legion of Doom for the sole fact that Cena and Hart are on the team. Once again WWE has stabbed me in the gut, twisted the knife and raised the blade in my gut.
Raw Rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I didn't write a lot cause I spent for time cracking jokes and trying to tell my friend who thinks all heels are bad and all faces are great, that all of it's fake, and WWE like wrestlers and that if they go heel or face or do whatever they do is ok'd by WWE and is actually in the best interests of everyone or for storyline. He's been a fan for about as long as me -_-. Anywho, the triple threat to start the show was great, and then it was all a meh blur until the end which showed promise until Cena formed the Super Friends to counteract Barrets Legion of Doom. That's right, someone spilt the Kool Aid. WHAT IS THEIR MALFUNCTION?!?!
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
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I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Randy Orton beat Edge/Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Championship: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Can I just say..YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Imma bask in the glory of this awesomeness. Viper @8:06 CDT! Nice double DDT by Orton, that's a cool spot. Vintage @8:10 CDT! I should stop now and give Raw a 10/10 for Cole saying "Vintage" in the first ten minutes. We get ASK HIM from Jericho with Orton in a chin lock. Orton fights up and hits a powerslam for a long to. Orton then works on Edge and hits his inverted backbreaker on Edge for another two. Orton goes for the DDT on Jericho and he counters into the walls. Edge breaks it up after a long time and hits Edgecution for a long two. Edge sets up for the spear, but Y2J ducks it and turns it into Wall, but Edge gets to the ropes and sends Jericho outside. Orton goes for the RKO but gets the Edge-O-Matic for a two. Edge goes for a spear but Y2J intercepts it. Orton rolls up Y2J for a two, then Edge rolls up Orton for a two. Everyone hits a clothesline on each other, and Edge gets thrown out of the ring. Orton goes for the RKO on Jericho, but it countered and Jericho goes for a Lionsault but Orton moves. Jericho landed on his feet, but gets RKO'd then Edge bum rushes in and gets RKO'd as he does. Orton covers Edge, gets the 1-2-3 and becomes No.1 contender for Sheamus' title at Summerfest!
Edge is going berserk in the ring calling for Chris Jercho cause he wants to end the "thing" they've had going for the last 11 years. And they both claim that their the reason why Nexus has gone this far. Que Nexus and they circled Edge and said they could take him out for good, before they took him out. They then turn on Jericho as well. I wonder if all the heels are still on their side.
Barret has an interview where he yells "Bloody" and makes Josh "Goofy Smile" Matthews piss himself and John Cena is sick of The Nexus beating everyone and says no one can beat them, and that later in the ring he wants them to talk with him. He closes by saying "If you can't beat 'em."
Eve Torres beat Maryse in a singles match to be No.1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Aww my sweet summer's Eve, and I'm sad her push may be over. But it's not! An inept ref lets Eve become the No.1 Contender for the Divas title! Yeah!
Ted gets in and trys to get him to reverse the call to no avail. He should've paid him off. Morrison came out to the ring, shirtless for no reason, and took out Teddy as they go to commercial.
Ah, the good old Pale White Yonder, our WWE Champion Seamus wants to talk and we all shall listen. He says he's been Cena three times now, and it's dominance, and that he looked Barret in the eye and kissed him on the mouth.....I mean made a truce with Nexus. The Miz comes out and says he can cash it in against him or Orton or whoever, wherever and wherever he wants. "And I quote" @9:04 CDT! The GM said Miz needs to stay close to ringside cause Bourne has a match with Sheamus now.
Sheamus (WWE Champion) vs Evan Bourne in a singles match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Vintage someone not being ready for a match. End match Sheamus works on Evan in the corner and wraps him around the ring-post. Sheamus then takes Evan to the middle of the ring and rags on him, but Bourne fights up. Evan throws a kick but then gets hit with a massive powerslam only giving Sheamus a two. Sheamus goes back to the potential submission but Evan fights up again. He get out and kicks Sheamus in the hamstrings, but gets thrown in the corner and Bourne starts throwing kicks and knees. Evan then rolls him up for a long two. Sheamus is in position for for the Shooting Star Press but Sheamus rolls out of the ring. He kicks Evan as he was getting in the ring and gave him the Blarney Boot @9:17 CDT for the 1-2-3!
Afterward Miz takes Sheamus out and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the briefcase and wants to cash it in, but Sheamus never got to his feet. While Sheamus was laid out R-Truth came out and Miz bailed, and since the match never started he still has Money in the Bank.
Miz and "Goofy Smile" is in the back and he's pissed that R-Truth came out and ruined his title shot, but that he'll have till July 17, 2011 to cash in.
Sheamus is walking in the back and decides to yell and random jobber Divas, before he runs into Orton saying at Summerfest Sheamus will have a bullzeye for his RKO to find. But not like an arrow or bullet. Not like those.
Sheamus/Vladimir Kozlof beat William Regal/Zack Ryder in a a tag team match via pinfall: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
All that needs to be said it that Santino gets the win off Zack after The People Headbutt, and yes I'm so calling ti that from now on.
Wade "The Botanist" Barret beat Mark Henry in singles match: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
The Kool-Aid is cherry flavored tonight, DON'T SPILL IT! End match Herny hits a powerslam on Wade for a looonng two. Henry drags him to the side and goes to the second rope. Nexus walks up onto the stage and Henry got distracted. Barret kicked him the face and then hit The Planter Box (it was impressive to me) for the 1-2-3.
Nexus is in the ring and Tarver tells Cena that resistance is futile. Cena comes out and says he's only had two (he's had three) WWE Championship matches that Nexus has cost him. Barret says he's not interested in have a truce with Cena but he wants him to join them. Cena, surprisingly, says no. Barret says that now, he can either leave with his tail between his legs, or get the worst beating yet. But wait! Cena has formed the Justice Friend, that consists of himself, Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Kahli, Chris Jericho, and Bret Hart. Amazing the Punjabi Jobber, a 50+ year old Legend, and the Injured R-Truth...The Super Friends will beat The Legion of Doom for the sole fact that Cena and Hart are on the team. Once again WWE has stabbed me in the gut, twisted the knife and raised the blade in my gut.
Raw Rating: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
I didn't write a lot cause I spent for time cracking jokes and trying to tell my friend who thinks all heels are bad and all faces are great, that all of it's fake, and WWE like wrestlers and that if they go heel or face or do whatever they do is ok'd by WWE and is actually in the best interests of everyone or for storyline. He's been a fan for about as long as me -_-. Anywho, the triple threat to start the show was great, and then it was all a meh blur until the end which showed promise until Cena formed the Super Friends to counteract Barrets Legion of Doom. That's right, someone spilt the Kool Aid. WHAT IS THEIR MALFUNCTION?!?!
That's it for Layin' Down the Raw. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Smackdown Lowdown! 7/16/2010
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack, and Fat Jesus is itching to do the Lowdown, and my predictions for Money in the Bank this Sunday! I've got a new laptop, it's running faster than the Divas from Batista, and the Nexus and their awesome shirt I want are reeking awesomeness havoc all over everything. Anywho here comes the review of Smackdown that has only been ok the past month or so. Anywho, without further adieu, lets us Smacketh down the lowdown!
We open with the new opening with them now saying Classlie Freddie Blassie, and Jericho pics. Along with Vince replacing Good Old JR with Michael "I Wanna Rip My Ears Off" Cole. All cause JR was on-camera at UFC116 when Lesnar made that great comeback against Carwin to win the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship. Vince is going a tad senile in my mind, I and wouldn't mind if someone who was more lenient and aware of the trends would take over.
We get a recap of Big Show and Swagger last week, where Big Show was gonna avenge Rey, like Kane is trying to do Undertaker? I smell a tag team forming. Swagger was beat up to the stage when he kicked Show in the knee, and the did a Knee DDT to close out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)beat "Lisping" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via DQ: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I really like the mirror thing they have Cody doing when he comes out. And when he hung Cody up and kciked him before the commercial looked nasty. End match Cody hits a second rope bulldog that gets only a two. Cody charges the corner but takes a boot. They go to the top where it looks like Cody is gonna superplex Kofi. Kofi knocks Cody off and hits a huge high crossbody on Rhodes.
Then all hell breaks loose cause Kane bum rushes the ring and takes out Rhodes and Kingstion. He yells that there's gonna be a bludgeoning tonight and that there will be VENGEANCE @7:17 CDT!
We get a package of Swagger taking out Rey's knee over the past weeks, leading into Rey getting his ankle taped up by the trainer. Rey said he's gonna go out later tonight and forfeit the title to Jack......not (Vintage Borat). He said that the title and the fans are what's gonna give him the strength and blah blah blah LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP! Anywho cut to Swagger who obviously on the phone with his dad who's on his way to the arena to help Swagger with his alibi. "Traffic, in Kentucky? They don't have anywhere to go" <-Swagger has come up with some pretty great one liners.
Drew "Mr. Chosen Himself" McIntyre beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Drew entrance theme is still awesome BTW. Holy crap fast and furious star, a really nice back and forth-fest till Drew took over. A "Let's Go Christian" chant breaks out. Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Drew pushes him off the top rope and it looked like Christian took a hard spill going down as we cut to commercial break. End match Christan hits said tornado DDT, but it only get's a two count. He works over Drew, Drew catches him, but Christan turns it into and inverted DDT for a two. Christan then hits a missile dropkick which gets yet another two. Christan then goes to the well one to many times and gets booted in the gut going for a crossbody. Drew only gets a two out of it. Christan goes for the sunset flip off the ropes, but he;s stopped and Drew goes for a second rope German, but Christan hits the sunset flip for the two. Christan then hits a flying upper-cut, and sets up for the Killswitch, but Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, it's countered into the Killswitch, but Drew gets to the ropes. While the ref is breaking it up, Drew throws a thumb to the eye and slung Christan into the ropes allowing him to hit the Future Shock for the pinfall.
Albertio Del Rio is the man who doesn't lie and he's a scholar too. He tells us he didn't squander his education away like all of us, and apparently his butler, did. He didn't talk with his hands this week, if he doesn't in his next promo Imma riot.
Yes! The Straight Edge Savior, The Pastor of Purity, El Luchador de Savoir is in the ring and he wants to preach to us. He tells us that despite all the rumors there is no cracks or real crack in the ranks of the SES. Que the Big Show and he does a promo on how how SES is boring to him and puts America alseep. CM Punk says he wants to see his 450lbs babble down off a ladder to the center of the earth and Big Show asks why he's gotta be hurtful. Big Show breaks a couple of ladders trying to climb them, he then brings out the cuedegra of ladder, that is dipped in gold and can support 2000 lbs. CM Punk says if he were in the match he'd win for a third time. Then The Masked Avenger and Gallows take Show down and Punks climbs the stairway to heaven. But Show gets up and throws Gallows/Avenger outta the ring and the climbs up and unmasks CM Punk allowing the sweet glare of the lights off his head. It's not a shock to me cause they put a video of Punk bald on the Over the Limit dvd and I've already seen him bald. Not a bad promo at all, I laughed probably too much haha.
Sidenote: I got the Satan's Prison: Elimination Chamber Anthology dvd set and there's a mini-movie poster of Big Show's movie coming out in the fall, "Knucklehead" and I wanna see it.
Another nice one liner by Swagger as he said there's only two roads in Kentucky, how'd they get lost. He also needs to call JG Wentworth, cause he wants his evidence and he wants it now.
Kelly Kelly/Chris "Titty Dance" Masters beat Layla (Womens Champion)/Trent Baretta w/Caylen Croft in a mixed tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Wow it was short match noone got tagged, Rosa came out and inadvertently distracted The Dudebusters and Layla. Masters took them out on the outside, allowing Kelly to hit her K2 (Like the F5?) for the win.
They ran down the main card for the Money in the Bank PPV this Sunday. God Raw MitB match looked so good until they added Mark Henry.
Dolf "The Emo Magnet" Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero "The Emo Whale" beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As Matt walks down to the ring, he says if he wins, he gonna cash it that night on whoever is World Heavyweight Champ and he'll walk out of Money in the Ban as "Matt Hardy, World Heavyweight Champion". That is much too much cleveage from Vickie to boot, it's like looking down into a endless pit. We go to commercial with everyone but the ref outside the ring. And that's exactly how you go to commercial. End match
Dolf hits a blcokbuster, that get's him a two count. Haha "Dolfins". Dolf chokes Matt in the ropes and walks all over him ,but Hardy fights back, and hits clothelines into a flapjack on Ziggler for a two. Matt drops the elbow which gets a two. Ziggler blocks the side effect, but Matt hits a huge powerbomb for a long two. But Matt missed the moonsault crashing nad burning. Dolf rolls him up for another uber long two count. Hardy finally hits the Side Effect but Dolf gets two fingers on the bottom rope. Dolf slapped on the sleeper outta nowhere, but Matt Hardy slung him into to the turnbuckles. Vickie gets on the apron at this point as Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Dolf almost pushes him into Vickie allowing, Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Hardy for the 1-2-3.
(Happened right before the Ziggler/Hardy match started)Alberto Del Rio with another promo, god dammit man TALK WITH YOUR HANDS! YES! You haven't failed me you statue talking to, spitting in the eyes Truthman! Alberto, you have been hurt, you have been hurt, who did this, who did this?
Swagger's dad gets here with his alibi, and they head out to the ring so Jack doesn't get raped in the red room by Kane. AWWW YEAH, I gotcha where I want ya....I'm bored, don't judge. He says being on a pedestal, lets you forget that you have friends, family, etc. But he focused on getting back he title. Exhibit A, you're a workout junkie. Exhibit B, your fish for sport in your spare time...awesome. Exhibit C, he went Kobiashi, redneck style. And Kane is sick of all the exhibits and such apparently. Big surprise, Kane doesn't believe a word Swagger said and goes to chokeslam him. He hits Kane with the mic and slaps on the ankle lock for awhile. Rey saves the day and Kane has both Swagger read for a choke slam. Jack gets out but Kane chokeslams Father Swagger and then tombstones the 70+ year old man. If Vince were awake he'd be pissed.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
It was amazing, but it wasn't great. The Big Show/CM Punk promo was good and the Swagger Family one at the end was ok. The Rhodes, Hardy and Christian matches were also good watches, so it was pleases. Money in the Bank looks to be a solid PPV and Smackdown did a good job promoting it and getting us ready for it. Bravo.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
We open with the new opening with them now saying Classlie Freddie Blassie, and Jericho pics. Along with Vince replacing Good Old JR with Michael "I Wanna Rip My Ears Off" Cole. All cause JR was on-camera at UFC116 when Lesnar made that great comeback against Carwin to win the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship. Vince is going a tad senile in my mind, I and wouldn't mind if someone who was more lenient and aware of the trends would take over.
We get a recap of Big Show and Swagger last week, where Big Show was gonna avenge Rey, like Kane is trying to do Undertaker? I smell a tag team forming. Swagger was beat up to the stage when he kicked Show in the knee, and the did a Knee DDT to close out.
"Mr. Identity Confused" Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)beat "Lisping" Cody Rhodes in a singles match via DQ: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
I really like the mirror thing they have Cody doing when he comes out. And when he hung Cody up and kciked him before the commercial looked nasty. End match Cody hits a second rope bulldog that gets only a two. Cody charges the corner but takes a boot. They go to the top where it looks like Cody is gonna superplex Kofi. Kofi knocks Cody off and hits a huge high crossbody on Rhodes.
Then all hell breaks loose cause Kane bum rushes the ring and takes out Rhodes and Kingstion. He yells that there's gonna be a bludgeoning tonight and that there will be VENGEANCE @7:17 CDT!
We get a package of Swagger taking out Rey's knee over the past weeks, leading into Rey getting his ankle taped up by the trainer. Rey said he's gonna go out later tonight and forfeit the title to Jack......not (Vintage Borat). He said that the title and the fans are what's gonna give him the strength and blah blah blah LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRIENDSHIP! Anywho cut to Swagger who obviously on the phone with his dad who's on his way to the arena to help Swagger with his alibi. "Traffic, in Kentucky? They don't have anywhere to go" <-Swagger has come up with some pretty great one liners.
Drew "Mr. Chosen Himself" McIntyre beat Christian in a singles match via pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Drew entrance theme is still awesome BTW. Holy crap fast and furious star, a really nice back and forth-fest till Drew took over. A "Let's Go Christian" chant breaks out. Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Drew pushes him off the top rope and it looked like Christian took a hard spill going down as we cut to commercial break. End match Christan hits said tornado DDT, but it only get's a two count. He works over Drew, Drew catches him, but Christan turns it into and inverted DDT for a two. Christan then hits a missile dropkick which gets yet another two. Christan then goes to the well one to many times and gets booted in the gut going for a crossbody. Drew only gets a two out of it. Christan goes for the sunset flip off the ropes, but he;s stopped and Drew goes for a second rope German, but Christan hits the sunset flip for the two. Christan then hits a flying upper-cut, and sets up for the Killswitch, but Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, it's countered into the Killswitch, but Drew gets to the ropes. While the ref is breaking it up, Drew throws a thumb to the eye and slung Christan into the ropes allowing him to hit the Future Shock for the pinfall.
Albertio Del Rio is the man who doesn't lie and he's a scholar too. He tells us he didn't squander his education away like all of us, and apparently his butler, did. He didn't talk with his hands this week, if he doesn't in his next promo Imma riot.
Yes! The Straight Edge Savior, The Pastor of Purity, El Luchador de Savoir is in the ring and he wants to preach to us. He tells us that despite all the rumors there is no cracks or real crack in the ranks of the SES. Que the Big Show and he does a promo on how how SES is boring to him and puts America alseep. CM Punk says he wants to see his 450lbs babble down off a ladder to the center of the earth and Big Show asks why he's gotta be hurtful. Big Show breaks a couple of ladders trying to climb them, he then brings out the cuedegra of ladder, that is dipped in gold and can support 2000 lbs. CM Punk says if he were in the match he'd win for a third time. Then The Masked Avenger and Gallows take Show down and Punks climbs the stairway to heaven. But Show gets up and throws Gallows/Avenger outta the ring and the climbs up and unmasks CM Punk allowing the sweet glare of the lights off his head. It's not a shock to me cause they put a video of Punk bald on the Over the Limit dvd and I've already seen him bald. Not a bad promo at all, I laughed probably too much haha.
Sidenote: I got the Satan's Prison: Elimination Chamber Anthology dvd set and there's a mini-movie poster of Big Show's movie coming out in the fall, "Knucklehead" and I wanna see it.
Another nice one liner by Swagger as he said there's only two roads in Kentucky, how'd they get lost. He also needs to call JG Wentworth, cause he wants his evidence and he wants it now.
Kelly Kelly/Chris "Titty Dance" Masters beat Layla (Womens Champion)/Trent Baretta w/Caylen Croft in a mixed tag team match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Wow it was short match noone got tagged, Rosa came out and inadvertently distracted The Dudebusters and Layla. Masters took them out on the outside, allowing Kelly to hit her K2 (Like the F5?) for the win.
They ran down the main card for the Money in the Bank PPV this Sunday. God Raw MitB match looked so good until they added Mark Henry.
Dolf "The Emo Magnet" Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero "The Emo Whale" beat Matt Hardy in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
As Matt walks down to the ring, he says if he wins, he gonna cash it that night on whoever is World Heavyweight Champ and he'll walk out of Money in the Ban as "Matt Hardy, World Heavyweight Champion". That is much too much cleveage from Vickie to boot, it's like looking down into a endless pit. We go to commercial with everyone but the ref outside the ring. And that's exactly how you go to commercial. End match
Dolf hits a blcokbuster, that get's him a two count. Haha "Dolfins". Dolf chokes Matt in the ropes and walks all over him ,but Hardy fights back, and hits clothelines into a flapjack on Ziggler for a two. Matt drops the elbow which gets a two. Ziggler blocks the side effect, but Matt hits a huge powerbomb for a long two. But Matt missed the moonsault crashing nad burning. Dolf rolls him up for another uber long two count. Hardy finally hits the Side Effect but Dolf gets two fingers on the bottom rope. Dolf slapped on the sleeper outta nowhere, but Matt Hardy slung him into to the turnbuckles. Vickie gets on the apron at this point as Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Dolf almost pushes him into Vickie allowing, Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Hardy for the 1-2-3.
(Happened right before the Ziggler/Hardy match started)Alberto Del Rio with another promo, god dammit man TALK WITH YOUR HANDS! YES! You haven't failed me you statue talking to, spitting in the eyes Truthman! Alberto, you have been hurt, you have been hurt, who did this, who did this?
Swagger's dad gets here with his alibi, and they head out to the ring so Jack doesn't get raped in the red room by Kane. AWWW YEAH, I gotcha where I want ya....I'm bored, don't judge. He says being on a pedestal, lets you forget that you have friends, family, etc. But he focused on getting back he title. Exhibit A, you're a workout junkie. Exhibit B, your fish for sport in your spare time...awesome. Exhibit C, he went Kobiashi, redneck style. And Kane is sick of all the exhibits and such apparently. Big surprise, Kane doesn't believe a word Swagger said and goes to chokeslam him. He hits Kane with the mic and slaps on the ankle lock for awhile. Rey saves the day and Kane has both Swagger read for a choke slam. Jack gets out but Kane chokeslams Father Swagger and then tombstones the 70+ year old man. If Vince were awake he'd be pissed.
Smackdown Rating: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
It was amazing, but it wasn't great. The Big Show/CM Punk promo was good and the Swagger Family one at the end was ok. The Rhodes, Hardy and Christian matches were also good watches, so it was pleases. Money in the Bank looks to be a solid PPV and Smackdown did a good job promoting it and getting us ready for it. Bravo.
That's it for The Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. Also if you wanna add me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, please do so. Really I don't mind.
http://www.facebook.com/matthewmday
http://www.twitter.com/matthewmday
I'm Matt Day and thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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