Rey Mysterio beat CM Punk via Roll-Up: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
We start out with a match. Oh, yeah this is the wrestling show, Smackdown as Rey Mysterio comes out to a rowsing ovation from the crowd. But what would you expect a guy jumping the barricade asking Rey to build him a fence. Actually that'd be the most epic WWE moment ever. Next comes out the Straight Edge Society. The seductive Serena, the gallant Luke Gallows, and the Preacher of Purism CM Punk! They got damn near 20 cause the SD! writers aren't tied down with long complex storylines that require a lot of talking segments, so they just let them entertain and bot did they. Counters, great athleticism, good story telling. End match, Punk catches Rey into a sick powerslam, that Rey kicks out of at 2. Now it's Rey's turn, after a failed running bulldog, he hits Punk with a low dropkick setting up the 6-1-9. But, Serena gets up on the apron and blocks the move while Gallows can't take advantage of Rey as he hangs Luke up on the top rope. CM Punk charges Rey who drop-toe-holds him into another 6-1-9 predicament which he ducks out up and set's Rey up for the GTS. As he lifts his body up, Rey grabs Punks head with a head scissors and turns him inside out pinning him with a roll-up for the three.
But Rey doesn't get to celebrate for long as Gallows careened him from behind and the SES beat-down begins. Luke punishes Rey with a wicked backbreaker, then splashes him in the corner. Next the lovely Serena shows her fighting side with a kick to Rey's gut with those nasty heels. As Punk yells he'll save Rey, (from building that guys fence I assume) Gallows sets Rey's body on Punks arms for the GTS, in a way crucifying Rey and then BAM! Knee to the face and Rey is out.
Kane and Drew McIntyre are both Counted Out: 3/10 or 1.5/5 Stars
We start out with Drew trying to be the third man in who can walk out to the ring the slowest contest. The other two are Randy Orton, and The Undertaker if you wondering. And yes I think he qualified. Once he got to the ring he went on a spiel about no one being able to beat him and blahdy bleetin' blue. Then Kane's music hits and I'm sure Drew peed his pants a little. Oh wait, you'd only think that if you think all this is real. And WM24 was two years ago! (Almost Y2J) Anywho end match, Kane hits a side...walk...slam for a 2 count on McIntyre. Then follows up with the massive flying clothesline form the top rope! Kane sets up for the chokeslam, Drew counters, but can hook the arms for the Future Shock (Double Underhook DDT). Kane then gets Drew in the air for the chokeslam but Drew shifted his weight, and Kane takes them both over the top rope. During the ten count Drew tries to get back in the ring, but Kane pulls him off the apron into the barricade. Where he proceeds to beat the s*** out of him resulting in a count-out for both of them.
Post match Kane/McIntyre aren't done as they brawl in the ring and McIntyre rolls out to grab his ICC title belt. Drew brings it in the ring and it about f*** Kane up but get's caught and chokeslammed right next to his belt. As Kane celebrates by doing a magic trick AKA making fire he puts the belt across Drew's lifeless body. Yeah I'm good a detail writing. What are you gonna do? What I don't want them to do is Kane/McIntyre for the ICC. Oh well, SD! can't be perfect forever.
My God it took SD! 35 minutes to bust out a talking segment. Hope RAW is watc-oh no they're not Hornswoggle must be doing bar-stool dives, and everyone loves a plastered midget...er ummmm shorty...oh s*** midget...f*** I mean little person. Anywho Mickie James-Canton is eating fruit and Team Lay-Cool must be morons cause they thought it was cookies. They do some fat jokes or w/e and try to feed her rice pudding (I'd like to feed her my rice pudding). Mickie hits the tray backward and of course it lads on the fattest of all fat-a** women in the WWE (Sorry Eddie) Vicky "Excuse Me" Guerrero. Mickie runs (Just like Matt did the night Y2J/Helms got put in the clink), and Vickie is fuming and Layla/Michelle try to clean her up.
Team Lay-Cool (Layla/Michelle McCool) beat WWE Women's Champion Mickie James-Canton in a Handicap Match: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars.
Mickie comes out bouncing like she always does, I just wish she did it in almost no top and that short-short skirt like in the old days. Oh well, I know I'm not the only one who found her bra in all that cleavage twice this match. It started out as a one-on-one match with the "Never Seen Her Win a Singles Match on SD!" Layla vs Mickie James-Canton. Then Vickie comes out early in the match and with a vintage "EXCUSEEEEE ME" is becomes a handicap match between Team Lay-Cool and their new jackets that say their perfect and MJC. Anywho end match, MJC in the corner, throws Layla over the top rope and gives her and elbow. Right as that happens MJC gets a superkick to the jaw from McCool. Then McCool drags MJC's lifeless body (Boy John Canton wishes this could happen to him) to the center of the ring and hits Styles Clash...oh wait Faith Breaker on Mickie James-Canton for the 1-2-3!
Well not it's time for everyone favorite cowboy, here he is Hop-A-Long Batista! And don't forget The Bandit aka Phil, Batista's nose ring that tell him the future! Seriously, who in the f*** had been dressing you the last two weeks on SD!? I swear to God I expect him to come out as an astronaut next week. He's supposed to tell us what he's been doing crazy s*** the last two weeks. He scared Todd away and then aimlessly walked around the ring. Because the 'roids Bothtistaroid has consumed over the years has f***ed him up in both heads. He taunts some f***-tard Cena fan, walked up the ramp, ran down the ramp and got back in the ring and left again. In that time he blew out his knee-cap, broke his index finger, and tore a bicep. Don't worry, we'll see him Monday on RAW.
The Jobberwalkies (Matt Hardy/The Great Kalhi) beat The Heart Dynasty (DH Smith/Tyson Kidd) via Roll-Up: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
The Hardy Jobber, The Punjabi Jobber, and the little scrawny Spit-Fuck (Thanks for posting Tallahassee from Zombieland) make up the Jobberwalkies. At least Matt has the good sense to say "F*** Off" to them still being a sausage-fest and called in the 2009 Diva of the Year. Look everyone, Maria got air-time and helped develop a very shallow feud! Anywho end match Matt Hardy get's tripped up under the rope by Natalya and Maria storms her and give her a Lou Thes press. While everyone is watching the cat fight, Tyson Kidd rolls up Hardy for a two count that Hardy turns into a roll-up of his own for the three.
R-Truth beat John Morrison via Referee Stoppage Due To Injury: No Rating
R-"Narcissistic"-Truth comes out rapping as always, I love it when the white people in the crowd yell "What's Up" into the mic cause they always try to sound black and fail. Haha. Morrison comes out to his usual slow-mo for JoMo entrance and thuse the Friday Delight is ready for action....wait a sec no he's not. About 1 minute into the match he tumbles over Truth's back, lands on his knee wrong and twists it. He can't get up, ref stops the match, serious voices abound from Todd/Matt, and R-Truth is nice enough to help Morrison out of the ring. See their not just in there groping each other til la three count comes. They actually do care for each other. (Thanks for posting 'Am I Fooling Anybody')
As a nice surprise we have the 2010 Royal Rumble winner Edge coming out to talk. I'll always give the Rated R Superstar as listen as he is awesome. He talked about how after the Elimination Chamber PPV he could have two of twelve potential opponents to choose from to face at WM26. Just like after every RAW or SD! Batista has his choice of Divas to slong that night at the hotel. Could pit Team Rated RKO against each other, or even reignite the feud of 2008 between himself and The Undertaker. Y2J comes out, asking why Edge didn't mention him on the list of possible opponents. Jericho tell Edge that he's a bad luck charm, because when Y2J is around Edge get's hurt. Jericho then says when he does win, that Edge needs to pick the winner from the RAW EC. Because he would not wanna face Y2J at WM26 cause Edge will lose, and bad things will happen to Edge along the way. Then tell all us liars to watch what happens as he beats the so called "Deadman" tonight.
Chris "Y2J" Jericho beat World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker in a No DQ via Pinfall: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
The Undertaker takes a whole damn commercial break to get to the ring. If that's not a skill in it's own right I don't know what is. I'd also like to point out when I don't see the Undertaker do his eyes-roll back into his skull thing I feel weird the whole match. F*** you WWE for getting me used to s***, and then when s*** doesn't happen I freak out. Anywho end match, Undertaker goes for a chokeslam but Jericho rolls out to the floor and starts taunting Edge at the announce table. He get's clubbed from behind which then sets off a stare-down between The Undertaker and Edge. I guess it's good though, the wrestlers are practicing looking deeply into each others eyes cause they'll have to do it with their wives/girlfriends on Sunday. Anywho Edge, who is now standing beside the announce table after Undertaker threw Y2J at him, gets a f***ing boot to the head from the Undertaker after he trows Jericho into the ring. I love random violence for no apparent reason and yes the sentence before this is major run-on one. In ring 'Taker kick out at two after a quick Jericho DDT. Then Jericho takes the turnbuckle cover off and rolls-up the Undertaker who powers out, sending Jericho face first into the steel ring holding the ropes. As Jericho turn around he runs into a right and then get's the Last Ride, dropping him from about 7 feet up. BUT WAIT! EDGE WITH A SPEAR! Edge leaves, Taker sits up, Taker get's Jericho up, who hits a Codebreaker that Undertaker NEVER SAW COMING! One! Two! Three! Y2J pins the World Heavyweight Champion! And Smackdown ends on a beautiful note this week!
Smackdown!: 7/10 or 3.5/5 Stars
Last Week: 8/10 or 4/5 Stars
It was a great Smackdown, but the JoMo/R-Truth, and tag team matches felt like it weighed the show down a bit. The main matches that got time were great. Y2J/Taker for a 3 star match from me for about a 9 minute match, and CM Punk/Rey put on one helluva showing tonight. Those are two matches why for the most part SD! >>> RAW. Don't get me wrong, just cause I gave RAW a better rating this week doesn't mean I like it more. RAW had been bad for at least 6 months an it'll be awhile before RAW/SD! are on equal ground in my book.
I'll probably post one of my older writing tomorrow, it won't be on wrestling it'll be on my TV or Movie interests. So stay tuned. Thanks for reading everyone who does!
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