We open the show with a video package chronicling the Edge/"Best in the World at What He Does" World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho.
Say hello to best announce team in the WWE, and just an FYI we have Edge vs one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, the Big Show. Mr. KTFO himself! Cue Edge and we start of in-ring with a Rated-R promo. Oh no! Edge is concerned, not for him self though, it's for his opponent, Y2J. He's told him the last couple of weeks he told him he's the best in the world and he's gonna hurt him, but all that's happened is him getting speared. It'll keep happening till Wrestlemania, which starts him off on a "Spear" chant. Here's comes the Big Show and I'm sure he has something to say about his old partner. It's a depressing surprise, and guess what Big Paulie is gonna get speared. Show tells us ShowMiz is there cause the No.1 Contenders for the UTTC is being crowed tonight. The Big Show tell him he eats little craps like him for breakfast. Edge asks him why he does that and it explains a lot. HALITOSIS! Big Show tries to eat him...I mean get Edge, but he dumps him over the top rope.
Cut to the back where Teddy is looking at the new HBK DVD. At least DX isn't plugging it every 10 seconds. Enter the chosen one, and as it turns out McMahon had last weeks loss ex-sponged from his record so he's still undefeated. Epic. And Kane is in Money in the Bank, as we all know. Next Drew has a chance to get in in a second chance Money in the Bank qualifier against one half of the Jobberwalkies, Matt Hardy.
Jobberwalkie #1, Matt Hardy w/"Mr. Flamboyant" Justin Gabriel beat Drew McIntyre (ICC) via pinfall in a Money in the Bank qualifier: 4/10 or 2/5 Stars
Here comes the undefeated, Intercontinental Champion with the amazing entrance. I like the McMahon and him have a tight relationship backstory. They show Justin's 450 Splash, it was pretty cool. (Thanks for posting Carlito.) What the hell, WWE inverted the commercial break spot, as Hardy jumps back into the ring as we cut to commercial. Fine by me, just don't get used to doing that WWE. End match out of it. McIntyre/Hardy on the top rope. Hardy headbutts McIntyre off the ropes and the hits an elbow to the back of the neck. Hardy the goes for a Twist of Fate, McIntyre counters into a Future Shock DDT, but Hardy back body drops him. Hardy goes for a second Twist of Fate, but McIntyre turns it into a jack-knife cover and Hardy counters the counter into a roll up for the 1-2-3! Oh my God (thanks for posting Joey Styles) one of the Jobberwalkies won a match! It's a Fat Jesus miracle!
Cut to the back where JoMo, and soon to be future endeavored Slam Masta J said something about the parkour Morrison does. Enter "Mr. Narcissistic" R-Truth and his rookie, you'd better Google him, David Otunga. They say the have a match against two other teams to go to Wrestlemania to face ShowMiz. They say some team names and then R-Truth leaves after three of his fails. I got one, The Good And The Bad. Anywho, Rey Mysterio vs the guy he pulled off the apron last week, Luke Gallows tonight.
Shelton Benjamin vs Dolph Ziggler in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Nothing witty to say about either of these guys except for the wicked head knock last week of the apron had to screw up Ziggler for the week. Ziggler goes for a sleeper early, but Shelton jawbreakers out of it. Ziggler hit a nice dropkick on Shelton shortly after. End match Benjamin counters a monkey flip and hits a backbreaker. Couple of knockdowns by Benjamin, and hits a nice German suplex for a two. But Ziggler counters a move and slaps on a sleeper which Benjamin throws him out of. Ziggler goes for a Zig-Zag, but Benjamin catches him and catapults him into the turnbuckle, Ziggle turns around dazed, and the botches his half of Shelton's Pay Dirt by falling backward instead of forward. Ziggler stays down for the three anywho.
Shawn Micheals, My Story DVD commercial is shown. Michael Cole is hosting! Maybe we'll get some Vintage's on WWE DVD in 2010!
The Good And The Bad vs Cryme Tyme vs The Heart Dynasty later tonight and the winners will face ShowMiz at Wrestlemania 26 for the Unified Tag Team Championships.
Ezekiel Jackson beat Jimmy Wang Yang via pinfall in a singles match: 2/10 or 1/5 Stars
Early match the Asian Redneck pisses off the beast early. Sure the little guy got some offense in, but Big Zeke hits The Book of Ezekiel and JMY is out like Hiroshima and Nagasaki for the three count. Now I can't say it was a squash cause the dumba** Asian got offense in, so I'm giving it one star, cause I'm a Big Zeke fan and that there is what we call domination.
Cut to the back where Rey is in the back with his daughter Alleyah. Look Tiffany's on SD!, My Network tv might get her to finally taker her top off! That or she'll become McIntyre's valet sooner or later. I assume Rey/Gallows is next. Have fun babysitting like you did when you were 16 Tiff.
Rey Mysterio beat Luke Gallows w/CM Punk and Serena via pinfall in a singles match: 6/10 or 3/5 Stars
Enter Straight Edge Society. Let CM Punk talk and he tells us Rey's popularity is stemmed for the fact that all parents who let their kids cheer for Rey and let him wear Rey merch. That kid say "Oh s***" on camera needs to be given a medal. Oh wait I'm Straight Edge, scorn the motherf***er! Luke's been moping about costing CM Punk his third Money in the Bank win, but he's forgiven and he's fighting for all of straight edge! Cue Rey to a huge pop as always, he gives his top mask to a kid and tells him to meet him in the back after the show, so Punk can confront the parents for being bad I assume. Look "Unh Se, Unh Se, Unh Se" Darren Young is watching in the back, and I like the fact Luke brought back a version of the Flying Biscuit. Rey get's the big man over the ropes and we going into commercial, as WWE should. See nd their already back on their game. End match Gallows hits a belly to belly suplex of Rey for a two. Rey battles out of a submission and takes a fallaway slam and kicks out at two. Luke then throws a bear hug on Rey, the throws Rey into the corner and takes a shoulder block. Rey jumps over a second, hits a West Coast Pop and get a two off it. Later, Rey throws a Dragon Sleeper on Luke, but he get's to the ropes. Rey drop toe-holds Gallows into the ropes and sets up for a 619, but Serena jumps in the way and Punk distracts Rey on the other side of the ring. Luke looks like he's going for a powerbomb, but Rey shifts his weight and get Gallows for the pinfall. After the match Punk goes for the GTA, Rey slips out, kicks Punk and high-tails it.
Backstage we have a Jerishow encounter and Jericho wants Show to chokeslam Edge through the ring for him. Big Show tells him their not a tag team anymore and he owes nothing to Mr. One Way Jericho. (Thanks for posting any random traffic cop) Big Show leaves to a good luck wish by his smiling former partner.
RAW Rebound is up now and they show the Shawn Michaels promo where everyone thinks he's crazy, Triple H comes out and believes in him (Awwww cute), that he set up DX vs ShowMiz for the Unified Tag Team Championships and then DX losing in a heartbreaking match due to 'Taker being on the titan-tron. Here's the link to Layin' Down the Raw. http://matthewmday.blogspot.com/2010/03/layin-down-raw-3110.html
The Good and The Bad (John Morrison/R-Truth) vs The Hart Dynasty vs Cryme Tyme in a No.1 Contenders, triple threat tag team match for the Unified Tag Team Championships:
After the NXT video I could resist saying the line of that night. "And order was restored." They cut to commercial after Shad hit a spine-like-buster on Morrison. My God Smackdown editors have gone to commercial three different ways tonight. My head is spinning. End match Smith and Morrison have a meeting of the minds. Smith tags in Charlie Brown. Kidd takes out Cryme Tyme while Morrison tags in Truth. Offense is hit and Kidd his a springboard dropkick for a long two. Kidd takes a Lie Detector for the 1-2-3. And The Good and The Bad are the new No.1 Contenders. Yay Miz/Morrison in the ring once again!
Simply Annoying and "Piggy" Vicky Guerrero are squealing about 4 minutes when The Glamazon comes up and wants to know when the most Dominate Diva is gonna get her Women's Championship match. And I forgot what happened cause it was a worthless segment. Get Beth/McCool in the ring. And see you at Wrestlemania, Mickie, get well soon.
Edge beat Big Show (Unified Tag Team Champion) via pinfall in a singles match: 5/10 or 2.5/5 Stars
Formerly known as "The Big Slow" makes it down to the ring faster than Undertaker and Randy Orton. Just something to ponder as your reading this. Edge comes out to another huge pop like Rey. Mr. Halatosis heatbutts him to start out the match. And runs him over mid-match like a car hitting a dog. End match Show scoopslams Edge and stalks Edge. Show mushes Edge's head and neck against the rope, pulls the body off and headbutts Edge once again. Big Show slaps a dreaded rear chin lock on Edge, he ets out of it with a jawbreaker. Big Show buries the knee and scoopslams Edge in the corner of the ring. Show goes for a second rope splash, but Edge rolls out of the way. Edge hits a boot in the corner, and hits a DDT for a two. Show slings Edge, but as he gets DDT'd out of his chokeslam which sets up Edge to spear Show for the win. After the match Y2J tried a sneak attack, but takes a guess what? Spear! Spear chants abound as Y2J staggers up the ramps and Edge points at the WM26 sign.
Smackdown!: 7/10
Last week: 7/10
I think it was on par with last weeks. Only ok promos, though Edge/Y2J I'm thoroughly enjoying. Subpar matches, but much better than what RAW dishes out. I think the next two weeks both show will pick up heading in Wrestlemania 26 and since RAW has TNA to deal with on Mondays now, they have to step up to SD! levels quickly.
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I was hoping to pick up Commentfest for Smackdown! since John Canton doesn't wanna do it anymore, but there is just no interest. So for one night only, Fat Jesus himself presents COMMENT-PARADE!
SPEAR, SPEAR, SPEAR, it's like a less affective, GORE, GORE, GORE. (How about, "HALITOSIS, HALITOSIS, HALITOSIS!")
So now that smackdowns commentfest is dead I guess there's no reason for me 2 officially claim vickie guererro. (She's yours. So Fat Jesus commands, so the commandment is)
Is unified the hardest word for a wrestler to say. No one can seem to say Unified Tag Team Champs. Even the Champs?!?!?! (He is the stupid half of both teams he's been on)
Jesus the writers are mailing it in tonight.... Nothing like a PG paraphrase of Happy Gilmore to start WWE's best show. C'mon fellas, this ain't Raw, quit trying to fuck it up! (Bob Barker's "Go For It" begs to differ)
I wish I was Vince's kid. Id be burying talent like nobody's business. Id be world champion right now! (I wish I was Vince's kid right now just for the fact one of his alias' is "The Genetic Jackhammer")
Reys kids almost as tall as him (You should see Dominick now, Rey thought he was Kalhi one morning)
Festus gallows looks pretty damn good in his match (Masked Impostor Kane sure has come a long way hasn't he?)
Why does Shawn michials always look confused (Because he has the RAW writing team writing his lines)
So pissed. Smackdown is pre empted in chicago for girls high school basketball...now I have to watch tna. (Thanks for posting Herbert from Family Guy)
I can see why some people call him fat hardy, Hes gotten a gut. (Fat beat out Immigrant in the WWE now)
So, was that little girl Rey was talking to another one of Eddie's biological children that Rey just so happen to raise? (Only if Eddie comes back to life and we get Casket match out of it (RIP Eddie))
I wonder what morrisons hidious coat is made of 100 percent rat ass! (Hey the costume people in the back took days bedazzling that thing!)
The commentfest should be called "Matt, Matt & Matthew" hahaha (Would "Triple Matt's Comment-Parade" work?)
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That's it for the Smackdown Lowdown. As always suggest to me stuff you'd like me to write on n' shizz. And thanks to the five or six people who commented for Comment-Parade. Let me know if you want to let it die or live.
Thanks for reading Fat Jesus Disciples!
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