These past four months have taught me a few things. They've taught me that nothing good can come out of your life. They've taught me that after a bad part in your life, it just keeps piling on. They've taught me that even after your best and happiest days you end up alone. They've taught me that people, despite their best intentions, will always let you down.
Don't get me wrong I've had plenty of good times since September. Like when I went through all those Halloween movies in October. Playing games with all my friends online. Casting for everyone who came to any of my casts. Watching great television shows and movies. But these past two weeks since Christmas reminded me why this all still sucks.
I'm new to all this showing emotions and letting life get me down. Because frankly I had a pretty easy go of things till last year. 2011 was a year full of shit. My aunt died. I screwed up really big with people. Can't get over things. I'm holding pointless (and just plain bad) thoughts in my head that will never come to fruition. My dad died. And all in all I, you guessed it, ended up alone. Yeah yeah I know, boo-freakin-hoo.
If you've stuck with me and read all this, thank you. Also I wanna thank the people who have been there for me. Like I said before, just hanging out with me on Skype playing Minecraft or while I cast. Getting me gifts on Steam and even sending me t-shirts and stuff, etc. Seriously, there's not enough praise I can give you. I love you for it.
I wish I could end this nonsense of a post saying that things will get better. But I'm not, and I'm not gonna hold my breath. I've been holding on to all this for a week now, waiting for the chance to vent that never came. Maybe it's cause I got my hopes up, maybe it's my own delusion, maybe they're just busy with their own shit or maybe it's cause they just don't care anymore. Don't know, don't really ever wanna know.
But I'm scared. With moving to a new house. Starting up a new semester in school. Not being in the right mind mentally. Missing people I can't be with and yearning to be with others that I can't be with either. I'm just plain scared. I know people are gonna talk. People are going to assume it about this that and the other. And it probably is.
Gossip, analyze me, call me emo, ostracize me, whatever. I don't care. I just had to get all this off my chest. I don't even know yet if it's helped. Despite all this though there's still that hope buried down somewhere in me I'm sure. Just right now, it's hard to even attempt to try and dig it up.
tl;dr
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